Dating for 1 year - not sure ...long sorry

[sunshine2]

My BF and I have been dating for 1 year now. We are both in our 50's. He has never told me he loves me, and I haven't said it to him either because he seems so cold. He never talks about his feelings for me at all. I am feeling really conflicted lately as Im not sure where this relationship is heading.

 

He broke up with me over text around the third month of dating before 4th of July, and after he did that I went NC and he reached out to get back together 4 days later. His excuse was stupid and I think that is still bothering me. I still wait for the other shoe to drop. We've had one disagreement in a year and that was when I asked if he wanted me to spend the night and he said no and was really rude about it saying he wasn't ready for sleepovers or shacking up. I was really hurt and reacted in a way that he didn't like, and looking back I had a right to be hurt. He just said he was being matter of fact and sorry that I couldn't take that honesty. I think that was when we were dating about 2 months. We do spend that night with each other now, sometimes.

 

On valentines day, I expected nothing from him, and was surprised that he bought me roses, candy and gave me a beautiful card. The first card he ever got me. But he signed it from "Your Man", not Love you or Love. I didn't get him anything because I really didn't think he would do a thing. Which is sad on my part.

 

He is not an affectionate person, at first I thought it was just he wasn't affectionate with me, but its just how he is. He told me once that his X wife complained in therapy that he never hugged her. I wish I said yea, that seems to be a issue for me too, cause it is. When he does hold my hand, I cherish it cause its so rare. He doesn't kiss me goodnight when I spend the night, which is weird to me too. He just goes to sleep.

 

The only way I know he likes me is how he helps me. I went through foot surgery and he helped me a lot with everything around that, including moving my bed downstairs, taking me to surgery, grocery shopping, taking me to his house when I couldn't drive to hang out, etc.

 

We only see each other 2 maybe 3 times a week and that has not changed since we met. Occasionally we go away for a few days and thats great, but then after he seems to withdraw and not want to see me for awhile. We went away for 5 days, and came back on Tuesday. I didn't see him this weekend at all. He can be with me for days and not touch me except kiss and hug me hello and goodbye. Sometimes he holds my hand when we watch tv. There is absolutely no cuddling with him. Its hard not to think its because he is not attracted to me or want to be with me, but why then does he ask me to come over?

 

He has complained about my bed, my dog, my house, my couch. So I don't invite him to my house very often. He seems to be more comfortable at his house with his crappy couch, crappy bed and his old dog.

 

He is generous in other ways, he pays for most everything, opens doors for me, offers to carry things for me, cooks for me. He is a nice guy in general, makes me laugh, can be really silly and generous. But this other stuff is just odd to me. I have never been with man who didn't want to cuddle, have sex or say he misses me, loves me or anything like that by now. Most of my other relationships were more communicative.

 

I have met his family and his mom says she loves me and she is happy Im in her family. I would die for him to say that to me. She is very huggy and lovey so I don't think its something with his family. His father is more cold, so maybe thats it, but who knows.

 

Im so conflicted. I've asked him if he is attracted to me, he says he is. I've talked to him about having sex more often, he says he agrees, but nothing changes. I think his sex drive is pretty low, he is a big man, maybe 300+ lbs and that might have something to do with it, he is also on high blood pressure meds too.

 

I guess Im just not sure what to do. I go from wanting to move on, to thinking he is a good guy, and I can put up with these things. But if that was true I wouldn't be so conflicted. Uggh man has anyone been with a man like this? What if anything did you do to make it better?

[Redhead14]

My BF and I have been dating for 1 year now. We are both in our 50's. He has never told me he loves me, and I haven't said it to him either because he seems so cold. He never talks about his feelings for me at all. I am feeling really conflicted lately as Im not sure where this relationship is heading.

 

He broke up with me over text around the third month of dating before 4th of July, and after he did that I went NC and he reached out to get back together 4 days later. His excuse was stupid and I think that is still bothering me. I still wait for the other shoe to drop. We've had one disagreement in a year and that was when I asked if he wanted me to spend the night and he said no and was really rude about it saying he wasn't ready for sleepovers or shacking up. I was really hurt and reacted in a way that he didn't like, and looking back I had a right to be hurt. He just said he was being matter of fact and sorry that I couldn't take that honesty. I think that was when we were dating about 2 months. We do spend that night with each other now, sometimes.

 

On valentines day, I expected nothing from him, and was surprised that he bought me roses, candy and gave me a beautiful card. The first card he ever got me. But he signed it from "Your Man", not Love you or Love. I didn't get him anything because I really didn't think he would do a thing. Which is sad on my part.

 

He is not an affectionate person, at first I thought it was just he wasn't affectionate with me, but its just how he is. He told me once that his X wife complained in therapy that he never hugged her. I wish I said yea, that seems to be a issue for me too, cause it is. When he does hold my hand, I cherish it cause its so rare. He doesn't kiss me goodnight when I spend the night, which is weird to me too. He just goes to sleep.

 

The only way I know he likes me is how he helps me. I went through foot surgery and he helped me a lot with everything around that, including moving my bed downstairs, taking me to surgery, grocery shopping, taking me to his house when I couldn't drive to hang out, etc.

 

We only see each other 2 maybe 3 times a week and that has not changed since we met. Occasionally we go away for a few days and thats great, but then after he seems to withdraw and not want to see me for awhile. We went away for 5 days, and came back on Tuesday. I didn't see him this weekend at all. He can be with me for days and not touch me except kiss and hug me hello and goodbye. Sometimes he holds my hand when we watch tv. There is absolutely no cuddling with him. Its hard not to think its because he is not attracted to me or want to be with me, but why then does he ask me to come over?

 

He has complained about my bed, my dog, my house, my couch. So I don't invite him to my house very often. He seems to be more comfortable at his house with his crappy couch, crappy bed and his old dog.

 

He is generous in other ways, he pays for most everything, opens doors for me, offers to carry things for me, cooks for me. He is a nice guy in general, makes me laugh, can be really silly and generous. But this other stuff is just odd to me. I have never been with man who didn't want to cuddle, have sex or say he misses me, loves me or anything like that by now. Most of my other relationships were more communicative.

 

I have met his family and his mom says she loves me and she is happy Im in her family. I would die for him to say that to me. She is very huggy and lovey so I don't think its something with his family. His father is more cold, so maybe thats it, but who knows.

 

Im so conflicted. I've asked him if he is attracted to me, he says he is. I've talked to him about having sex more often, he says he agrees, but nothing changes. I think his sex drive is pretty low, he is a big man, maybe 300+ lbs and that might have something to do with it, he is also on high blood pressure meds too.

 

I guess Im just not sure what to do. I go from wanting to move on, to thinking he is a good guy, and I can put up with these things. But if that was true I wouldn't be so conflicted. Uggh man has anyone been with a man like this? What if anything did you do to make it better?

 

This man is emotionally unavailable. The "relationship" you have now is the relationship you will always have with him, which is no relationship. It's the same relationship he had with his Ex as well . . . history is repeating itself.

 

Most of my other relationships were more communicative. -- Without quality, mutual communication, there is no relationship.

 

Occasionally we go away for a few days and thats great, but then after he seems to withdraw and not want to see me for awhile-- He gets what he needs, which isn't very much apparently, he just likes the company and when he had his fill, he's fine for a while.

 

He wants and likes company, but he's not willing or able to "invest" himself.

 

He will also push you away in times of stress.

 

What if anything did you do to make it better? -- I don't know what you mean by make it better. The only thing you can do is make things better for yourself and move on.

 

I am concerned about why you would stay with a man for a year who isn't engaged in anyway with you? At best, he's a friend and without benefits. If you just want a buddy to hang out with, he's your guy. But if you want more from him, it ain't gonna happen. I guarantee it. And, if you move on, he will try to pull you back but it's not because he's had some kind of awakening or epiphany or suddenly realizes he's in love with you, it's simply because he was content with the way things were and doesn't want to give that up.

[sunshine2]

This man is emotionally unavailable. The "relationship" you have now is the relationship you will always have with him, which is no relationship. It's the same relationship he had with his Ex as well . . . history is repeating itself.

 

Most of my other relationships were more communicative. -- Without quality, mutual communication, there is no relationship.

 

Occasionally we go away for a few days and thats great, but then after he seems to withdraw and not want to see me for awhile-- He gets what he needs, which isn't very much apparently, he just likes the company and when he had his fill, he's fine for a while.

 

He wants and likes company, but he's not willing or able to "invest" himself.

 

He will also push you away in times of stress.

 

What if anything did you do to make it better? -- I don't know what you mean by make it better. The only thing you can do is make things better for yourself and move on.

 

I am concerned about why you would stay with a man for a year who isn't engaged in anyway with you? At best, he's a friend and without benefits. If you just want a buddy to hang out with, he's your guy. But if you want more from him, it ain't gonna happen. I guarantee it. And, if you move on, he will try to pull you back but it's not because he's had some kind of awakening or epiphany or suddenly realizes he's in love with you, it's simply because he was content with the way things were and doesn't want to give that up.

 

I think what you said is very true - hard to hear, but true.

 

I guess I stayed because I thought it might get better. He treats me really well, pays for my way and is a decent guy. I am not young and my time clock for a decent relationship is ticking, not a great excuse but who wants to be alone? My mind goes back and forth on this because..

 

When I talk to my single friends they are having trouble finding any relationship. They are lonely and alone and thats where Ill be too if I let this one go. Ive dated many men since my divorce and most of them are just looking for FWB or FB and they are in my age range. Im not looking for that and feel it will take me a very long time to find another decent guy that wants a relationship.

 

I also think that I still have some self esteem issues. I know that I deserve better, but will I ever find that? God only knows.

[Redhead14]

I think what you said is very true - hard to hear, but true.

 

I guess I stayed because I thought it might get better. He treats me really well, pays for my way and is a decent guy. I am not young and my time clock for a decent relationship is ticking, not a great excuse but who wants to be alone? My mind goes back and forth on this because..

 

When I talk to my single friends they are having trouble finding any relationship. They are lonely and alone and thats where Ill be too if I let this one go. Ive dated many men since my divorce and most of them are just looking for FWB or FB and they are in my age range. Im not looking for that and feel it will take me a very long time to find another decent guy that wants a relationship.

 

I also think that I still have some self esteem issues. I know that I deserve better, but will I ever find that? God only knows.

 

Listen, Sunshine, sure you may have to make some concessions because at our ages (I'm 56) for various "minor" reasons, but this man is contributing nothing to a relationship at all. You might "give a little" because of the lack of physical intimacy because we all know that as men age their libido, physical abilities start to wane. However, if they are at least emotionally secure in themselves, they will still be loving and attentive and do things to make sure woman is satisfied -- emotionally and physically. Even though they may not get the full enjoyment they'd hope for physically for themselves, they will make the effort to make the woman happy.

 

Overall, this man is not making you happy. At best, you're content and even that's on the weak side. Don't choose to stay with a man because there isn't anything else out there. Date this guy for companionship and nothing else. Date other people. You owe this one nothing. If you are "exclusive" (and I kinda don't know why you would be except that at some point you had been intimate), take it off the table and tell him. Say something like "I've enjoyed the time we're spending together, but the relationship is not developing the way I'd hoped and I want more for myself. I am going to date other people now." Don't entertain any conversation with him in terms of him telling you he'll change, do better, etc. The fact is that he can't. He may make a little more effort, but will revert to the way it's been all along. Be strong and keep moving.

 

I did say date him for companionship, but if you have feelings for him, I'd say end it clean really. If you are sure you can manage your emotions/pack them up and handle the "friendship", go ahead, but think hard about it. It's very hard to be kept at "arm's length", you've been feeling that already.

[Satu]

To speak bluntly, I think he's your 'better than nothing' man.

 

I'm not sure that he is better than nothing.

 

The first step you need to take is just admitting to yourself, that you need and deserve much more than this man is ever likely to give you.

 

He's not a bad person.

 

He's just unavailable, emotionally, and intimacy-wise.

 

 

Take care.

[smackie9]

A friend of mine spent 5 years with a man like this.....she finally gave up and dumped him. He wasn't going to change, nothing was going to progress. We had a few talks during the time when they were dating and yes he was a great guy. She was very torn about it. He treated her well, he was kind, etc. My guess she thought that was the best she could do. IMO she wasted 5 years. 5 years where she could have found the right guy that fulfilled her expectations.

[GenuineAttraction]

I think what you said is very true - hard to hear, but true.

 

I guess I stayed because I thought it might get better. He treats me really well, pays for my way and is a decent guy. I am not young and my time clock for a decent relationship is ticking, not a great excuse but who wants to be alone? My mind goes back and forth on this because..

 

When I talk to my single friends they are having trouble finding any relationship. They are lonely and alone and thats where Ill be too if I let this one go. Ive dated many men since my divorce and most of them are just looking for FWB or FB and they are in my age range. Im not looking for that and feel it will take me a very long time to find another decent guy that wants a relationship.

 

I also think that I still have some self esteem issues. I know that I deserve better, but will I ever find that? God only knows.

 

Yes! You will find that, it is your birthright to find someone who knocks your socks off! He will never be different, and he is controlling you with his behavior. You need to make space in your life for someone you want. With him around you will never allow that to happen.

 

It makes you feel terrible that you are starving for love, and that you'll take any morsel to validate that he loves you. He controls you with that, and he comes and goes as he pleases at your expense. People will only do to you what you allow them to.

 

I feel deeply for your situation, it is hard to see out of it. This will take courage and strength and a huge healthy dose of self love. You will find what you are looking for, but you must make the space in your heart, and in your life for it.

[sunshine2]

I talked to my sister at length about this last night and read all my replies and I have decided to start dating other people. Since I am not committed to him in anyway and only see him maybe 2 times a week I have time to do other things. And I can make other plans to not see him too, again no obligation at all.

 

I have become less and less attached to him and our last trip where he touched me 2 times in 5 days really put me off. Just unbelievable to me really and I bet he has no idea that he is the way he is. Oh well.

[GenuineAttraction]

I talked to my sister at length about this last night and read all my replies and I have decided to start dating other people. Since I am not committed to him in anyway and only see him maybe 2 times a week I have time to do other things. And I can make other plans to not see him too, again no obligation at all.

 

I have become less and less attached to him and our last trip where he touched me 2 times in 5 days really put me off. Just unbelievable to me really and I bet he has no idea that he is the way he is. Oh well.

Woohoo!! Great job! You are awesome!

[Redhead14]

I talked to my sister at length about this last night and read all my replies and I have decided to start dating other people. Since I am not committed to him in anyway and only see him maybe 2 times a week I have time to do other things. And I can make other plans to not see him too, again no obligation at all.

 

I have become less and less attached to him and our last trip where he touched me 2 times in 5 days really put me off. Just unbelievable to me really and I bet he has no idea that he is the way he is. Oh well.

 

I bet he has no idea that he is the way he is -- He knows he is the way he is . . . his ex wife told him while they were in therapy. That says it all. Keep moving

[kendahke]

This guy is a guy who considers acts of service to be expressions of his love, not physical closeness, not buying gifts/cards/etc. He is not going to turn into the man you want him to turn into in order for you to feel loved. You have to feel loved on how he expresses it because that's the only consistent, genuine way he's going to show it. You've seen this all fall out in experience for a year.

 

The question is: are you willing to spend another year of your youth with someone who clearly doesn't make you feel happy and loved in a way that is acceptable to you?

 

Yes blood pressure medication can impact sex drive; yes his weight can also be a factor playing into this. But the bottom line is, even with those two factors at play, the fact that he eschews tenderness in any form is not acceptable to you and you can't continue to ignore that in order to say "I got a man", not if you want to be a happy and content woman in her relationship.

[Satu]

I talked to my sister at length about this last night and read all my replies and I have decided to start dating other people. Since I am not committed to him in anyway and only see him maybe 2 times a week I have time to do other things. And I can make other plans to not see him too, again no obligation at all.

 

I have become less and less attached to him and our last trip where he touched me 2 times in 5 days really put me off. Just unbelievable to me really and I bet he has no idea that he is the way he is. Oh well.

 

That's absolutely the right thing to do.

 

Bravo!

[Redhead14]

There is only one thing worse than being lonely . . . that is being lonely while in a relationship.

[sunshine2]

There is only one thing worse than being lonely . . . that is being lonely while in a relationship.

 

This is exactly what is happening. I feel alone and I have a BF. Doesn't make sense to feel that way when you are in a relationship.

 

He texts me everyday so I don't have a time where he is not contacting me, but I still feel lonely. My last BF was over the top with affection and that would get too much for me at times but even thats better then none at all.

[sunshine2]

Weird how once I typed out my issues here and got responses I didn't want to get, I understood what I was doing.

 

So here is the update:

 

Monday - was pretty normal, he texted me like he always did, happy and all about him and his day - nothing out of the ordinary - except his employee hurt himself on the job, and he does most of the work so that meant that my BF would have to do all the work for the rest of the week while his employee heals

 

Tuesday - I don't hear from him all day or evening like usual. I text him around 8:45pm saying Hi how are you, he is pretty blah, not responding like normal and our conversation is way shorter then usual. He is tired because he is working hard now that his employee is hurt

 

Wednedsday (last night) I don't hear from him again. So again I text him around 6:45pm saying how are you, he talks a little, more normal but still not much. Since I have been with him, he gets in these moods where he is just cold. So text are cold and he acts like he doesn't want to say much. I decide to tell him how I feel about everything that is going on with us, the lack of touch, affection, the way he doesn't seem to want to come over, everything I said in my first post. How I feel hurt that we went away and he only held my hand once, and didn't touch me the rest of the days there. How I help him out a lot with his kids, parties, business blah blah. How he hasn't spent time with my kids or even try to get to know them, its all about his family and his kids.

 

After all that he says, sorry you put so much into this and I didn't, guess I don't feel the way you do. Thats all he says! So I told him I was done and broke up with him.

 

I feel terrible today, like I lost my best friend. I hope I didn't make the biggest mistake of my life, but him saying he doesn't feel the way I do? I never even told him how I feel so he is presuming quite a lot there. Never said I loved him or anything. What a jerk. 1 year and thats all he's got.

 

So yes, he pushed me away because of stress - he is working and tired now that his employee is hurt. Big deal, we all work hard. Yes, he only kept me around to be his buddy. He really had no intention of anything further then what it was obviously. He is exactly as redhead said. Its amazing that I never saw that until now. I am really sad now, didn't sleep last night either. One thing I can say is, I won't ever reach out. I have nothing of his and he has nothing of mine, so there is no need to meet to exchange stuff, which is great.

 

What a jerk!

[Redhead14]

Weird how once I typed out my issues here and got responses I didn't want to get, I understood what I was doing.

 

So here is the update:

 

Monday - was pretty normal, he texted me like he always did, happy and all about him and his day - nothing out of the ordinary - except his employee hurt himself on the job, and he does most of the work so that meant that my BF would have to do all the work for the rest of the week while his employee heals

 

Tuesday - I don't hear from him all day or evening like usual. I text him around 8:45pm saying Hi how are you, he is pretty blah, not responding like normal and our conversation is way shorter then usual. He is tired because he is working hard now that his employee is hurt

 

Wednedsday (last night) I don't hear from him again. So again I text him around 6:45pm saying how are you, he talks a little, more normal but still not much. Since I have been with him, he gets in these moods where he is just cold. So text are cold and he acts like he doesn't want to say much. I decide to tell him how I feel about everything that is going on with us, the lack of touch, affection, the way he doesn't seem to want to come over, everything I said in my first post. How I feel hurt that we went away and he only held my hand once, and didn't touch me the rest of the days there. How I help him out a lot with his kids, parties, business blah blah. How he hasn't spent time with my kids or even try to get to know them, its all about his family and his kids.

 

After all that he says, sorry you put so much into this and I didn't, guess I don't feel the way you do. Thats all he says! So I told him I was done and broke up with him.

 

I feel terrible today, like I lost my best friend. I hope I didn't make the biggest mistake of my life, but him saying he doesn't feel the way I do? I never even told him how I feel so he is presuming quite a lot there. Never said I loved him or anything. What a jerk. 1 year and thats all he's got.

 

So yes, he pushed me away because of stress - he is working and tired now that his employee is hurt. Big deal, we all work hard. Yes, he only kept me around to be his buddy. He really had no intention of anything further then what it was obviously. He is exactly as redhead said. Its amazing that I never saw that until now. I am really sad now, didn't sleep last night either. One thing I can say is, I won't ever reach out. I have nothing of his and he has nothing of mine, so there is no need to meet to exchange stuff, which is great.

 

What a jerk!

 

He's not really a jerk. He was content with the way things were and until now, thought you were too, regardless of the times you've mentioned lack of intimacy, etc. because you didn't do anything about it when he didn't make accommodations for you in anyway, shape or form.

 

guess I don't feel the way you do -- Thats all he says! -- That's all he can say -- it's the truth. And, he's not presuming anything. No, you didn't tell him you loved him, but it's clear that you were more invested now that you've said all this.

 

1 year and thats all he's got. -- He was giving it all he's got, Scotty.

 

How I help him out a lot with his kids, parties, business blah blah -- Never give more than they give. And, if he didn't ask you to do these things, he doesn't value that. In other words, when you do things for "partners", it needs to be things that they need and want from you, not things you THINK they want and need. If you do things without being solicited and they don't reciprocate or at least show you that it's appreciated, you stop doing them. They didn't want you to do those things anyway. You can offer, they can accept but don't expect anything. Observe whether the match your efforts on some level at least.

 

All I'm saying is you need to pack up bitterness toward him on any level because it will affect you going forward into new "relationships". If a guy isn't making you happy after a few months, you either address it with them, give them an opportunity to demonstrate that they want to do more for you with a time limit you set for yourself to observe or you end it then.

[BlueIris]

You did the right thing. He just confirmed it.

 

I understand that odd tug of loss even though you know you don’t want to be together. About 6 weeks ago, I broke up with a BF (early 60’s) for similar reasons. I was in the habit of reaching out to him and now I can’t and don’t. My ex did some little jerky stuff at the end too, stuff that underscored the traits that made me break up with him in the first place. So view his crappy exit as confirmation that the breakup was right. The feeling of loss will fade.

[sunshine2]

This is exactly what is happening. I feel alone and I have a BF. Doesn't make sense to feel that way when you are in a relationship.

 

He texts me everyday so I don't have a time where he is not contacting me, but I still feel lonely. My last BF was over the top with affection and that would get too much for me at times but even thats better then none at all.

 

He's not really a jerk. He was content with the way things were and until now, thought you were too, regardless of the times you've mentioned lack of intimacy, etc. because you didn't do anything about it when he didn't make accommodations for you in anyway, shape or form.

 

guess I don't feel the way you do -- Thats all he says! -- That's all he can say -- it's the truth. And, he's not presuming anything. No, you didn't tell him you loved him, but it's clear that you were more invested now that you've said all this.

 

1 year and thats all he's got. -- He was giving it all he's got, Scotty.

 

How I help him out a lot with his kids, parties, business blah blah -- Never give more than they give. And, if he didn't ask you to do these things, he doesn't value that. In other words, when you do things for "partners", it needs to be things that they need and want from you, not things you THINK they want and need. If you do things without being solicited and they don't reciprocate or at least show you that it's appreciated, you stop doing them. They didn't want you to do those things anyway. You can offer, they can accept but don't expect anything. Observe whether the match your efforts on some level at least.

 

All I'm saying is you need to pack up bitterness toward him on any level because it will affect you going forward into new "relationships". If a guy isn't making you happy after a few months, you either address it with them, give them an opportunity to demonstrate that they want to do more for you with a time limit you set for yourself to observe or you end it then.

 

 

He asked me to help him with this stuff, I didn't volunteer the first couple of times. Then it just became habit, he's having a party, time to decorate, clean etc. He would ask for help with his invoices and I would do it with him, it was fun for me. BUT I will watch for this if I have a relationship again down the road.

 

Yes, I stayed to long without specifically expressing my needs to him. Im sure if I did, I would of been disappointed because he wasn't going to give more then what I got. I guess if he fell in love with me, things would of been different. Uggh not feeling so great right now.

[sunshine2]

You did the right thing. He just confirmed it.

 

I understand that odd tug of loss even though you know you don’t want to be together. About 6 weeks ago, I broke up with a BF (early 60’s) for similar reasons. I was in the habit of reaching out to him and now I can’t and don’t. My ex did some little jerky stuff at the end too, stuff that underscored the traits that made me break up with him in the first place. So view his crappy exit as confirmation that the breakup was right. The feeling of loss will fade.

 

Its good to hear from someone who is around my age. Its so hard to let go of a half decent guy at my age. But thank you. Im sorry this happened to you too, Im looking forward to the feeling of loss fading.

[Redhead14]

He asked me to help him with this stuff, I didn't volunteer the first couple of times. Then it just became habit, he's having a party, time to decorate, clean etc. He would ask for help with his invoices and I would do it with him, it was fun for me. BUT I will watch for this if I have a relationship again down the road.

 

Yes, I stayed to long without specifically expressing my needs to him. Im sure if I did, I would of been disappointed because he wasn't going to give more then what I got. I guess if he fell in love with me, things would of been different. Uggh not feeling so great right now.

 

Im sure if I did, I would of been disappointed -- this is the reason, very often, that women don't address things -- they pretty much already know the answer but don't want to hear it

 

Yeah, you're not going to feel so great for a while. But, keep busy and moving. Block him from everything -- your mind, your phone, social media and most of all your heart. Just be resolved. Take care of yourself. Do nice things for yourself -- even little things like make a cup of tea and sit outside. Buy yourself a nice pair of shoes or a bracelet, a new book to read. Every time you feel like you want to call him, call someone else -- your mom/sister, a friend. Make a car repair appointment you'd been putting off, or a doctor appointment or hair or nail appointment.

[Zahara]

I feel terrible today, like I lost my best friend.

 

I'm sure it's going to feel like a void, a loss in your life. You have an emotional attachment to him. An ending is always painful regardless of the circumstance.

 

I hope I didn't make the biggest mistake of my life, but him saying he doesn't feel the way I do? I never even told him how I feel so he is presuming quite a lot there. Never said I loved him or anything. What a jerk. 1 year and thats all he's got.

 

The biggest mistake would be staying in a relationship that is unfulfilling and cold. I know I couldn't be in a relationship like that and having been in one, it was the emptiest feeling in my soul.

 

You did the right thing.

[Gaeta]

I read your first post and that is so sad that you accepted to be in a relationship where your boyfriend only threw little crumbs at you once in a while. I hope you never accept this type of relationship ever again. I am 50. If I am to be in a relationship at my age it has to be loving, and it has to enhance my life otherwise it's not worth it. At our age we should be done putting up with poor behavior, mediocrity from others.

 

This relationship should have never survived the first 2 months. It survived on life-support, it was not meant to be. You artificially maintained it alive by accepting the unacceptable.

 

Now it's time to make space in your life to let in a real loving man. In the second half of our lives we should not put up with the same BS we did at 20 and 30 and even 40.

[sunshine2]

I read your first post and that is so sad that you accepted to be in a relationship where your boyfriend only threw little crumbs at you once in a while. I hope you never accept this type of relationship ever again. I am 50. If I am to be in a relationship at my age it has to be loving, and it has to enhance my life otherwise it's not worth it. At our age we should be done putting up with poor behavior, mediocrity from others.

 

This relationship should have never survived the first 2 months. It survived on life-support, it was not meant to be. You artificially maintained it alive by accepting the unacceptable.

 

Now it's time to make space in your life to let in a real loving man. In the second half of our lives we should not put up with the same BS we did at 20 and 30 and even 40.

 

You are right. I was dating a lot of jerks when I met him and I felt like he was the most decent of them. He made good money, treated me kindly, asked me out, texted me, made me laugh. Months went by and I guess I kept hoping for more. We did have some good times.

 

I want to be in a loving relationship with a affectionate man who loves me for me and is not a jerk. Im tired of pretending and not getting what I need. This is the first step toward that I hope.