Seeyouinberlin Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 Hey everyone. I was in a relationship for four years until my ex felt like our relationship was going nowhere and his feelings for me weren't the same. So we broke up in September last year. I was having a hard time letting go, so I continued to sleep with him for a few months after the break up. When I found out he had also been sleeping with other people (he wouldn't admit to it but I found evidence he was), I told him we had to stop hanging out because it hurt too much. I was (and am) devastated and heartbroken. Anyway, after finding this out and ceasing communication, I decided to start dating again to try and move on with my life. I ended up sleeping with one guy and it made me feel even worse. I then chose not to date anymore because it wasn't helping me feel better about breaking up. A month goes by and my ex and I start talking again. There hasn't been any formal talk about reconciling yet, but we talk casually about it and have been sleeping together again. I know, bad move. Anyway, I found a used condom in his trash recently (not from me) so it's obvious he is still sleeping with others. I brought it up to him but he denied it (used it for masturbating? Lol ok...) and pretended like he had no idea what I was talking about. Since we aren't together I didn't press the issue. He asked if I've been with anyone else, and I told him that I slept with someone else during our break up before we started talking again, and he flipped out. He said I was a whore, wants nothing more to do with me, etc. But, I know he has been with others, and now I feel like I made a mistake telling him about what I've done. I was being honest and I figured he would be forgiving considering he has slept with others too. Anyway, I am sure this is broken beyond repair, but he is saying he never wants to speak to me again and it hurts. I don't think he has a right to be angry. I was hoping we would get back together but I think I ruined it. What do you think?
Satu Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 You've not even begun to get over this (failed) relationship. It sounds like you are dodging the pain that comes with the task of getting over it. You can't be together, but you can let go either. One of you needs to go NC. It would be best for you, if you were to be that person. *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means she might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. 2
Zahara Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 Anyway, I am sure this is broken beyond repair, It was broken and ruined a long time ago. It had to take YOU beating yourself up to a pulp to get to this point. This man was disrespecting you and you still lowered your head and attempted to do whatever you could to get him to validate and accept you. Sex to him was sex. Sex to you was a way to get him back. It backfired. He's not someone you should be pursuing. It's time you opened your eyes and accept the reality of your situation and who he truly is. 1
Mr. Disposable Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 I feel really bad that you're in this spot. I know that you care about this guy. The two posters above me are right. You need to stop talking to this guy. Forget about the hope and the feeling that you're losing out on someone that you're in love with. This guy is adhering to an unfair double standard. You sleep with one other person and he calls you a whore?!?! When he won't commit? Let's look at the facts: 1. He's been sleeping with other people. Guys don't use condoms to jerk off. 2. He felt like the relationship was going nowhere and things weren't the same. Okay. Fair. People are allowed to have a change of heart and honesty is good. But why keep sleeping with you? It's such a bullsh*t move and it shows such disregard for your feelings. 3. Yes, for the time being it's broken without repair. I say this, not to inspire any sense of bullsh*t hope, but rather because I am not omniscient and have no idea what the future holds. In all sincerity, it's completely unlikely and an awful idea. This guy doesn't take you seriously and he doesn't value your emotions the way that you value his. Please, treat yourself like a beautiful, worthwhile human being and let go. It hurts, I know. But it's best for you given the circumstances. 4. "I don't think he has a right to be angry." You said it. His reaction was garbage. Even at my ex's worst moments, I've never called one a whore. It's really disrespectful. There's no love when childish name-calling is involved. Especially pot-kettle-black scenarios. You didn't ruin anything. Your ex did. 1
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