SummerRae Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 Hello all, I need some advice on a situation, or maybe more than anything, I just need to vent what I'm feeling. About 1.5 months ago, I began hanging out/dating someone. We hit it off HUGELY. We would run together all the time, hike, etc... We would make plans on the weekends, etc... it evolved very fast, to the point that I just assumed we were headed to coupledom. Then the moment I revealed my feelings, everything changed. He said he wasn't ready yet to committ, that he was just looking for someone to run with. I was hurt. I just felt like as soon as I told him my feelings, he ran. He was meanwhile telling me he really liked me, that I was the "male him" and that we were def. more than friends (although no indication of b/f-g/f was officially announced.) Now, he has completely stopped calling me, stopped emailing, etc... I'm hurt but I realize that if he's not ready to have something more, the best thing I can do is move on. But it still hurts. I'm fine if I don't see him/talk to him, but the main problem is that I have see him at baseball all the time and his best friend lives across the street from me. How do I respond to him at baseball when inside, I'm crushed, disappointed, etc...?? How do I best heal from this? I would like to be his friend because he is a nice person but I realize that right now, that's not a good idea. I need to get over him. Any similar experiences?? Advice?? thanks.
outdated Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 There's nothing you can do. Complete NC and make him sweat. He'll either come back or he won't. I know you're hurt, but a month and a half isn't too long, so I bet you'll be surprised how quickly you forget about him.
Author SummerRae Posted June 13, 2005 Author Posted June 13, 2005 how am i supposed to have complete NC when I play ball w/ him??
outdated Posted June 14, 2005 Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by SummerRae how am i supposed to have complete NC when I play ball w/ him?? Ignore him, or a friendly smile and move on. Don't engage him.
ConfusedInOC Posted June 14, 2005 Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by SummerRae Hello all, I need some advice on a situation, or maybe more than anything, I just need to vent what I'm feeling. About 1.5 months ago, I began hanging out/dating someone. We hit it off HUGELY. We would run together all the time, hike, etc... We would make plans on the weekends, etc... it evolved very fast, to the point that I just assumed we were headed to coupledom. Then the moment I revealed my feelings, everything changed. He said he wasn't ready yet to committ, that he was just looking for someone to run with. I was hurt. I just felt like as soon as I told him my feelings, he ran. He was meanwhile telling me he really liked me, that I was the "male him" and that we were def. more than friends (although no indication of b/f-g/f was officially announced.) Now, he has completely stopped calling me, stopped emailing, etc... I'm hurt but I realize that if he's not ready to have something more, the best thing I can do is move on. But it still hurts. I'm fine if I don't see him/talk to him, but the main problem is that I have see him at baseball all the time and his best friend lives across the street from me. How do I respond to him at baseball when inside, I'm crushed, disappointed, etc...?? How do I best heal from this? I would like to be his friend because he is a nice person but I realize that right now, that's not a good idea. I need to get over him. Any similar experiences?? Advice?? thanks. Sorry Summer. I know you really liked this guy. Do me a favor and click on the link in my siggy and find the SECOND list I made for the top 16 things you should know when in a relationship. See if you did any of those things. The best thing to do when someone pulls away from you is to pull away yourself. He just wants to know how "free" is he to leave and if you don't give him the space he feels he needs, then he will go away completely, Let me know if I can help.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted June 14, 2005 Posted June 14, 2005 Summer, I know it's hard because you're looking for answers, anything other than what he told you -- that he's not ready for a committed relationship. Take what he says at face value, and decide if you are comfortable being "just friends" with this guy. There's a really good book called "Men Who Can't Love" which describes all the different types of commitment-phobic men and tells you what to look for early on so that you can avoid this kind of heartache. I recommend it highly. Remember, somewhere out there is a guy (and many of them) who will be just as nuts about you as you will be about them. Just keep yourself out there and be available to meet him, and Mr. Right WILL show up. Good luck, Jen
miss-gonewest Posted June 14, 2005 Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by SummerRae Then the moment I revealed my feelings, everything changed. He said he wasn't ready yet to committ, that he was just looking for someone to run with. I was hurt. I just felt like as soon as I told him my feelings, he ran. He was meanwhile telling me he really liked me, that I was the "male him" and that we were def. more than friends (although no indication of b/f-g/f was officially announced.) Now, he has completely stopped calling me, stopped emailing, etc... Summerrae, do some research on CP's (commitment phobes) - he sounds like a classic case. Or in old school terms - it may be the rubber band effect. These creatures love the thrill of the chase, then when they make the kill, they leave. The only thing they can be relied on to do, is come back.... if given space. There is heaps of good info on the net - check it out and see if you think its him (I think there may even be a survey/quiz somewhere). The good news is that you can predict this behaviour and prepare yourself for it.
Recommended Posts