brittneyfoster Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 I planned a vacation several months ago when I was single to go with my Dominican girlfriend to Dominican Republic. It's Memorial Day Weekend, and it's pretty much five days with different types of parties and social gatherings. I had told my now boyfriend about my trip and told him he should come with me. He didn't want to. Then, the other day he asked to come with me and I told him, "No problem at all. It was originally a girl's trip but it would be cool if you came. I do want to let you know in advance what type of event it is so you don't become angry if its a problem." and he got really upset with me because he has issues with females cheating on him with black men and this is an event where there are tons of black men and women. So he broke up with me. I told him he could come, and I also told him if it meant saving our relationship that I would cancel. He doesn't want me to do either. He just won't speak to me anymore. I honestly can't help that this trip was planned back in November, and he and I met in January. The only thing I can control is that I am not a cheater and no matter what environment I am in...my relationship matters to me. 1
hippychick3 Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 If he broke up with you over that, he did you a favor. Don't cancel your trip and unless he comes back begging for your forgiveness for acting like an a**, go completely nc so you'll be healed and ready to enjoy your trip with your friend. You did nothing wrong. Even if you had NOT invited him and decided to keep it a girls trip, you still would have done nothing wrong. Have fun on your trip! 8
losangelena Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 He sounds like a huge baby. You can't go to a party where there'll be black people—in the Dominican Republic of all places—because other women have cheated on him? That's one of the most insecure things I've heard in a long time. 6
Poutrew Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 Of course he is a baby. You planned a trip to the Dominican Republic to catch some sun during the day and read the bible at night. Those well hung Dominican men don't factor into the thing at all. And those wild parties you plan to get ripping drunk in, well, those are just places you can go to convert the sinners.... right. It's a booty call. Your BF knows this. He shouldn't need to put a gun to your head to force you to cancel now that you have a boyfriend. Before the shoe gets put on the other foot, yes, I am a man, and yes, I would automatically cancel out of respect for my GF. She wouldn't have to say anything to me about it. You sound like you want to have some cake and and eat it too... the fact that he could come along and watch you pick up black men doesn't make it any better. It a good thing he broke up with you . I would as well.
katiegrl Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 Of course he is a baby. You planned a trip to the Dominican Republic to catch some sun during the day and read the bible at night. Those well hung Dominican men don't factor into the thing at all. And those wild parties you plan to get ripping drunk in, well, those are just places you can go to convert the sinners.... right. It's a booty call. Your BF knows this. He shouldn't need to put a gun to your head to force you to cancel now that you have a boyfriend. Before the shoe gets put on the other foot, yes, I am a man, and yes, I would automatically cancel out of respect for my GF. She wouldn't have to say anything to me about it. You sound like you want to have some cake and and eat it too... the fact that he could come along and watch you pick up black men doesn't make it any better. It a good thing he broke up with you . I would as well. She invited him to join dude....what the hell is she gonna do...he will be there!! Do you really think she would have invited him if she were planning on b'ing all those "well hung" Dominican men? Come on now. Yes he is a baby, although I think there is more to it, and he may have been looking for a way out anyway and used this as an excuse. 4
losangelena Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 Of course he is a baby. You planned a trip to the Dominican Republic to catch some sun during the day and read the bible at night. Those well hung Dominican men don't factor into the thing at all. And those wild parties you plan to get ripping drunk in, well, those are just places you can go to convert the sinners.... right. It's a booty call. Your BF knows this. He shouldn't need to put a gun to your head to force you to cancel now that you have a boyfriend. Before the shoe gets put on the other foot, yes, I am a man, and yes, I would automatically cancel out of respect for my GF. She wouldn't have to say anything to me about it. You sound like you want to have some cake and and eat it too... the fact that he could come along and watch you pick up black men doesn't make it any better. It a good thing he broke up with you . I would as well. Yeah, I don't agree with this, really. I know when I'm in a relationship, I'm able to conduct myself differently than when I'm not. If I'm attached to someone, even if they're not with me, I'll still respect them. I can go to a party and not get ripping drunk, and not flirt with other men (regardless of their skin tone ) or go home with them. If I was single, sure it'd be different. But I respect my partner and relationship enough to remain faithful, and a boyfriend needs to be able to trust that. I can understand him being concerned, but to break up with her because of it, because of past fears—she hasn't even gone on vacation yet!—is a problem. 2
Popsicle Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 Yes, he wanted you to not want to go and to cancel on your own. It's too late, you didn't react like that and tried to test your boundaries, and he has no patience or tolerance for that. (He's been thru it before) 1
elaine567 Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 I planned a vacation several months ago when I was single to go with my Dominican girlfriend to Dominican Republic. It's Memorial Day Weekend, and it's pretty much five days with different types of parties and social gatherings. I had told my now boyfriend about my trip and told him he should come with me. He didn't want to. Then, the other day he asked to come with me and I told him, "No problem at all. It was originally a girl's trip but it would be cool if you came. I do want to let you know in advance what type of event it is so you don't become angry if its a problem." and he got really upset with me because he has issues with females cheating on him with black men and this is an event where there are tons of black men and women. So he broke up with me. I told him he could come, and I also told him if it meant saving our relationship that I would cancel. He doesn't want me to do either. He just won't speak to me anymore. I honestly can't help that this trip was planned back in November, and he and I met in January. The only thing I can control is that I am not a cheater and no matter what environment I am in...my relationship matters to me. I think being the victim of cheating previously, he possibly triggered here. He probably has unresolved issues over this and the thought being somewhere with lots of black men hanging around his gf was just too much. He needs to sort that out before he gets into other relationships. 1
kendahke Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 I planned a vacation several months ago when I was single to go with my Dominican girlfriend to Dominican Republic. It's Memorial Day Weekend, and it's pretty much five days with different types of parties and social gatherings. I had told my now boyfriend about my trip and told him he should come with me. He didn't want to. Then, the other day he asked to come with me and I told him, "No problem at all. It was originally a girl's trip but it would be cool if you came. I do want to let you know in advance what type of event it is so you don't become angry if its a problem." and he got really upset with me because he has issues with females cheating on him with black men and this is an event where there are tons of black men and women. So he broke up with me. I told him he could come, and I also told him if it meant saving our relationship that I would cancel. He doesn't want me to do either. He just won't speak to me anymore. I honestly can't help that this trip was planned back in November, and he and I met in January. The only thing I can control is that I am not a cheater and no matter what environment I am in...my relationship matters to me. You have to accept that he can't handle what you're doing because he hasn't dealt with his own baggage of his failed relationships--which he should have had resolved before he got with you. Him not being able to tell you that he would go or you should cancel was him trying to make you own his baggage. The whole thing intimidated him and he did what most intimidated people do--run and hide instead of facing their demon and vanquishing its control over them.
Mrin Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 Wow. Dude here. I don't see that you did anything wrong and honestly you did a lot right (especially inviting him along). He is insecure and deeply scarred. You dodged a bullet. FWIW: if I were in his position I'd hope that you invite me along (which you did). But I wouldn't expect you to cancel a trip you already had booked with a GF. That would be stupid.
Zahara Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 I think being the victim of cheating previously, he possibly triggered here. He probably has unresolved issues over this and the thought being somewhere with lots of black men hanging around his gf was just too much. He needs to sort that out before he gets into other relationships. ^^ This ^^ This wasn't about you, OP. This would have happened no matter what the circumstances were and no matter who he was with. He was triggered and recoiled with fear. Until he gets over his insecurities, he's not going to be ready for a relationship with anyone. Best you know now. You dodged a bullet. You shouldn't be walking on eggshells because your partner is still struggling with his past. If it wasn't this, it was going to be something else. Go on your vacation. Enjoy the time with your girlfriend.
road Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 OP over him the chance to go with her. OP offered to cancel. OP went above and beyond the call of duty. His loss.
Lorenza Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 Send him a card from Dominican Republing with a big "Thank you" written on it. You don't need that irrational behaviour in your life. He has issues and helped you avoid dealing with them. Everyone should be able to be free and do things they enjoy while being trusted. A partner who's insecurities drag you down and make you miss out on things you want to do in life, isn't a compatible partner. You've done nothing wrong. 3
Author brittneyfoster Posted March 7, 2016 Author Posted March 7, 2016 And now his therapist has told him to end things with me and find someone with similar beliefs, values, and outlooks and that is why we disagree so much. Then he tells me that even his friends agreed that I need to be deaded in terms as the relationship...and thats what leads me here...because I need other outlooks and point of views other than my own. Also, I am Black and 1/4 Dominican...so 1-2 of those days were going to be spent touring the island and visiting the capital, her family, and my relatives(our first time meeting)..not some type of sex affair that I think he believes it to be.
AndOrchid Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 (edited) Honestly, don't worry about it, you dodged a bullet. He's being completely unreasonable, especially for someone you've been dating for only 2 months. Maybe he feels you are incompatible in some ways (beliefs, values, outlooks as he says) but as far as this trip goes, he is completely in the wrong. P.S. He may have wanted to end this relationship for other reasons and is using this trip as an excuse. It would make sense especially since he didn't accept your offer for him to join or even to cancel the trip. Edited March 7, 2016 by AndOrchid 2
Zahara Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 And now his therapist has told him to end things with me and find someone with similar beliefs, values, and outlooks and that is why we disagree so much. Then he tells me that even his friends agreed that I need to be deaded in terms as the relationship...and thats what leads me here...because I need other outlooks and point of views other than my own. You have to wonder what he's telling his therapist though. It may all be one sided and you have no idea how he is painting you. His friends are obviously going to agree with him because they're going to tell him what he wants to hear. You invited him. You did what you could to ease his insecurities and he still declined, and took it a step further by ending it with you. He's feeding you with all this to make you feel guilty and give into his demands. Don't do it. Let him go lick his wounds by himself. Also, I am Black and 1/4 Dominican...so 1-2 of those days were going to be spent touring the island and visiting the capital, her family, and my relatives(our first time meeting)..not some type of sex affair that I think he believes it to be. Go with your friend and enjoy yourself. You haven't done anything wrong. 1
sadpanda3 Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 He's doing you a favour. I've had something similar happening to me, only difference being he didn't break up with me. A few months and a lot of drama later I couldn't differenciate my feet from my elbow. It only gets worse with time. Block his number and enjoy your holidays with your friend.
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