Blove Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 Hi, So I had been with my boyfriend for 1 year and a half just before Christmas, I'm there is a 7 year age gap, but that never really effected our relationship at all. We went travelling together, we literally never argued and everything seemed pretty much perfect to me. He then got a job in the police which is something he'd always wanted to do, which meant he was staying away all week and was pretty stressed, which made everything a bit harder for both of us, but we still hardly argued and I thought we were getting through it really well. Then suddenly out of nowhere he broke up with me and said he just didn't feel the same, didn't know why and wished he didn't feel like it, but he couldn't help his feelings. I was completely shocked and devastated, but took it upon myself to try and move on and make no contact. Which I have pretty much managed up until now, nearly 3 months on. It's been so hard but I do feel more like a normal person now. However I still desperately want him back and can't understand what ever went wrong. I'm not sure where to go from now. Should I just move on and accept that it's over, or do you think there's any chance the stress of his training and the fact he's nearing 30 made him stressed and overwhelmed, and that maybe one day soon he may come back to me? He's the type that isn't good with contact at all, so I feel like even if a part of him wanted to get back, he wouldn't make the contact and would just leave it and assume it's not right. It's coming to the end of his training now, so I'm unsure whether I should message him just to say congratulations and I hope it all goes well or something? Any help would be so appreciated. Thanks so much 1
Meli22 Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 If you look closely I'm sure you may have seen the signs. Any arguments or disagreements? 1
Author Blove Posted March 7, 2016 Author Posted March 7, 2016 There were odd tiffs because he was away a lot and with people I didn't know so it felt a bit weird, but nothing ever dramatic we always just discussed everything and got over it! 1
Meli22 Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 Hmm, tough to say. I don’t think we ever really know what is crossing someone’s mind when they pull the plug, but of course we want to know. It could be work stresses, it could be the pressure of balancing that and a relationship, it could be the tiffs that were small to you but to him were a big deal. Only he knows. I’m guessing you guys are in no contact. I would keep that up. Carry on with your life and make the most of your free time. If he wants you back, he knows where you are. I was in your exact position a year ago and I know how gut wrenching it is. But I’m completely indifferent towards him now, and you will be in time too. Just look after number one for now. 1
Author Blove Posted March 7, 2016 Author Posted March 7, 2016 Yeh, that's very true, it's so hard to understand when nothing's fully explained and you can't see that anything went wrong. Now that the work stresses are all over for him, I'm starting to feel like he could change his mind and want to find out what he's feeling. But yes maybe it's best to move on and if he wants to get in contact, he can I kind of feel like I should say congratulations too and just see if that goes anywhere 1
Satu Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 You should proceed under the assumption that its over forever. It might not be, but you should still proceed as if it is. That way you won't be setting yourself up for a disappointment. If he misses you, and wants to get back together, he will let you know. Take care.
Author Blove Posted March 7, 2016 Author Posted March 7, 2016 Yeah, I think that's what I need to do really, it's just so hard to let go of hope. Do you not think I should send my congratulations? 1
Satu Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 Yeah, I think that's what I need to do really, it's just so hard to let go of hope. *Do you not think I should send my congratulations? *There's no right or wrong answer to that question, but I wouldn't, because: *he broke up with me and said he just didn't feel the same, didn't know why and wished he didn't feel like it, but he couldn't help his feelings. I would just let it go. You should do whatever you think is best, however. *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means he might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of him on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying. Take care.
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