A Sudden boost to continue NC

[Zahara]

All I want to know from all them men here is WHAT DO YOU THINK JUST HAPPENED WITH HIM? What was he thinking when I was pleading? Do you think he ever thinks of me (coz he hasn't contacted me yet)? And lastly.......any chances of reconciliation?

Do men really hate pleading and begging? How would have you reacted?

 

This has nothing to do with gender. Pleading and begging is unattractive. Any person who isn't interested is going to find that type of behavior unpleasant. The fact that he told you he is feeling harassed should be enough for you to stop. Stop chasing someone that does not want anything to do with you. It's certainly not a trait anyone would find appealing. If anything, all you've done is push him far, far away.

[Toodaloo]

I hate the perception some people have.

 

Men are not all the same. Some men are racist, some men are sexist, some men are pigs, some men are snobs, some men are a*sholes, some men are kind, some men are clingy, some men are players, some men cheat, some men don't.

 

All men do not think the same. Just like all women do not think the same.

 

We are people, human beings, individuals with our own thinking processes and our own thinking patterns. Your guy sounds like a d*ck for blocking you but I'm sure he had his own reasons for blocking you and even if they are a*shole reasons, they're his, not mine just because I'm a man.

 

No one can tell you how he feels or thinks, only he can. But he blocked you, so maybe it is time to focus your attention on healing. If you get back together one day, great, but do not make that your goal in life. You have other things to do like living.

 

Apparition please see Zaharas note above...

 

Its not a case of all "men" its a generalisation because this girl is stalking the heck out him and if she carries on she will get a restraining order slapped on her.

 

He has been very clear that he wants nothing to do with her.

 

I appreciate you are trying to be PC about this but the answer is still the same regardless. She needs to leave him alone and start healing.

[Itspointless]

Hello guys, I am 23years old female from India.

I have (or should I say had) a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. Before my exams he sent me a Parker Pen as a token of good luck. I always knew he liked cookies, so after my exams were over, I baked a box full of cookies for him.

Now just before I was going to send it to him, he told me not to send it coz he doesn't like gifts or anything. I thought, he might be happy after getting it and I couriered it anyway.

I am sorry for you he sounds like a pig as

Reading this I am with Apparition, he is a pig. Sorry that you have to experience this.

[czanclus]

I'll give a small overview of what happened. I sent him a courier that he told me not to and since the day he received it he blocked me everywhere possible.

 

Just like that... he no less than BLOCKED you. Interesting. I must be missing a prequel to this unfolding somewhere on the forums.

 

A day after that he unblocked me but didn't talk. I also didn't push him much. But few days back I kept on pleading and begging. I literally nagged him a lot.

 

What were you pleading and begging about? A recent break up? What did you nag him about? What did you intend to achieve by nagging? Were you bored, lonely, frustrated, uninspired by your life without him? Be honest.

 

That I think got him irritated and he blocked me again saying "It was a mistake that I unblocked you. It's my fault that I unblocked you. You are literally harassing me now. Go away from my life." and blocked me immediately everywhere.

 

This should come as no surprise, given your behavior above. But maybe you had justifiable reasons by some stretch of imagination? What were they?

 

After this incident I mailed him saying how sorry and embarrassed I am for all these to which he replied "I am not in a position to love right now. I'll tell you later about it but till then don't ever try to contact me."

 

What was your reaction to this? Did it make you suspicious, off-put, taken aback, desperately curious for more, other?

 

I tried my best not to contact him but after 5 days of this incident I again mailed him to which he didn't reply.

 

Why did you decide to email him? What was the email about? Why was it important that your message reach him?

 

Everyday I wake up checking whether he unblocked me or not. I find myself blocked and it tears my heart apart.

 

Banish this maddening behavior at once. There is nothing you can do if someone doesn't want you in their life in certain or any capacity.

 

That said, I'm the last person to condone letting things go and letting shady, flaky, ghosting *******s just slip out at will when it no longer thrills them to hump their flavor of the month/week. Make it known to them that they are *******s, publicly shame them on all social media and real life circles of people, ruin their bullsh*t player facade, all that... Then walk away, and never spend another second thinking about them. But begging, pleading, nagging, and similar acts of desperation have nothing to do with that.

 

Do men really hate pleading and begging? How would have you reacted?

 

Huge majority of people hate pleading and begging. It takes someone truly sympathetic (such as myself for instance) to acknowledge the begger as a temporarily helpless victim of the suffering that the bygone relationship between him and myself caused him, and react in kind to his unrestrained pleas for the pain to stop. Most people though operate on power games and ego trips, as well as conflict/discomfort avoidance, and will at any opportunity jump at the chance to call: "psycho! harassment!" if it will spare them from holding themselves accountable for causing someone pain. But, once again, I'm not able to glean what happened here to understand your position of begging/pleading. Just as self-entitled *******s who come in, take what's "theirs", and then want a no-frills, no questions asked exit are "a thing", so are the needy, clingy, uninspired, unimaginative leeches who can't take "no" for an answer. Refuse to be either of these.

 

And lastly.......any chances of reconciliation?

 

Personally, I wonder what is at all attractive about someone who manipulates you by haphazard blocking and unblocking, tenuous (unsolicited?) explanations of present inability to love, and harsh ostracizing from his life... but to each their own.

 

There is some chance that he'll speak to you again and explain eventually what happened, provided his disappearance was sudden. I wouldn't trust him if he asked for reconciliation, and he probably knows better than to do so, even if he's having a weak lonely moment after having been perpetually rejected elsewhere. Don't be anyone's settlement. You're better off 'alone'.

Edited March 3, 2016 by czanclus

[kztar]

Pleading and begging is not attractive or fun but I will say this. Most people who plead and beg do it because their partner leaving them is not fully disclosing the real reasons of the breakup, they are kind of in limbo.

 

They provide you with these vague reasons and you must try to figure out WHAT went wrong, while ALL along the dumper could of just been HONEST and told you exactly what went wrong. But they feel like honesty will hurt you and it will but It will push you to where you need to be.

 

So with that being said its time to move on girl.

[Apparition]

Apparition please see Zaharas note above...

 

Its not a case of all "men" its a generalisation because this girl is stalking the heck out him and if she carries on she will get a restraining order slapped on her.

 

He has been very clear that he wants nothing to do with her.

 

I appreciate you are trying to be PC about this but the answer is still the same regardless. She needs to leave him alone and start healing.

 

 

I was not addressing Zahara or anyone else except the OP -- she was asking MEN to comment and asking MEN what they think. I merely told her not all men think the same. Whether or not she's stalking him, I don't even care. The post only bothered me because it was as though she was putting men in the same category as her ex boyfriend. I did mention at the end of my post she needs to focus on herself. Either way I stand by what I said. Didn't see anything wrong with my post.

[Wewon]

I'll give a small overview of what happened.

 

I sent him a courier that he told me not to and since the day he received it he blocked me everywhere possible.

 

But few days back I kept on pleading and begging. I literally nagged him a lot. That I think got him irritated and he blocked me again saying "It was a mistake that I unblocked you. It's my fault that I unblocked you. You are literally harassing me now. Go away from my life." and blocked me immediately everywhere.

 

"I am not in a position to love right now. I'll tell you later about it but till then don't ever try to contact me." I tried my best not to contact him but after 5 days of this incident I again mailed him to which he didn't reply.

 

 

I don't know what your relationship was like until this point (where you start the story) but I'm betting from his point of view that you don't respect any of his boundaries. The minute that you want something, nothing that he says, wants or previously stated is of any relevance until you get what you want.

 

It sounds like the only way of keeping from being run over by you is to literally block you "in every way possible". If it weren't for social media this guy would have to go out for cigarettes and never come home again.

 

BTW nagging is actually pretty nasty, its very much a form of verbal abuse when you consider what it is, how its done and why women opt to do it. Its meant to wear a person down into a state of compliance.

[katiegrl]

Some of you guys think he's a pig...why for blocking her after he told her not to sent the courier package but she did anyway?

 

Given her current stalking behavior I would venture to guess there was A LOT more to this than her simply sending a courier package.

 

My guess is he probably had good reason to block....so he did....good for him.

 

Isn't that precisely what we advise posters to do when they're feeling stalked and harassed?

 

This board cracks me up sometimes.

 

We always advise posters to block block block.

 

Now have a poster whose ex blocked her....and HE's the bad guy for blocking!!

 

Can't figure this place out sometimes.

Edited March 3, 2016 by katiegrl

[Apparition]

Some of you guys think he's a pig...why for blocking her after he told her not to sent the courier package but she did anyway?

 

Given her current stalking behavior I would venture to guess there was A LOT more to this than her simply sending a courier package.

 

My guess is he probably had good reason to block....so he did....good for him.

 

Isn't that precisely what we advise posters to do when they're feeling stalked and harassed?

 

This board cracks me up sometimes.

 

We always advise posters to block block block.

 

Now have a poster whose ex blocked her....and HE's the bad guy for blocking!!

 

Can't figure this place out sometimes.

 

 

 

No one knows about their relationship, no one knows him or her. They only know the things she decides to type up on this website. Why is she here? Perhaps maybe it is because she is hurting like a lot of people here are. So why on earth are people kicking her when she is already down? You people who are very quick to judge someone and tell them they are a stalker forget that you were in love once too hence why you are HERE. I very much doubt none of you have ever begged, pleaded, been nosy with regards to your ex or simply made a foolish mistake all because your judgement was clouded by heart-break.

 

Stalking or not -- this girl is a human being who most likely knows she's done wrong but what you are doing is embarrassing her more than she already is. Embarrassing her to the point where perhaps she may not even want to write again. I thought this website was to help people overcome heart-break and encourage people with a little guidance and support how to take steps in order to get through one day at a time. Perhaps people are saying he's a pig to make her feel better? And let's be honest, if everyone were to take HIS side and she was a psycho stalker, wouldn't that make her more determine to try make him hers?

 

I normally do not comment on such but I could not resist given that this move was really dumb. It's the OP's mistakes to make and all we can do is support her and if we think it's wrong, advise her not to, that is suppose to be what we are here for. But we certainly shouldn't be jumping into corners ready to ambush her with patronizing comments all the meanwhile praising her ex-boyfriend.

[katiegrl]

No one knows about their relationship, no one knows him or her. .

 

Exactly....which is why it is wrong for some posters to be calling him a pig and/or any other derogatory name.

 

Thank you for validating my point!

Edited March 4, 2016 by katiegrl

[Eighty_nine]

Sending mail and making execessive contact, while not advisable, does not make someone a stalker.

[Itspointless]

That's right which is why it is wrong for some posters to be calling him a pig and/or any other derogatory name.

 

Thank you for validating my point!

Hi katie, I said that he 'sounds' like a pig. That is of-course within the parameters of what us is told by the OP. I cannot possibly know if he is a pig. And yes I have to admit that it is mostly said out of comfort, as I sympathize with her.

 

I often notice a cultural difference between American and for example European people (I belong to the last group) when it comes to what we call stalking. For me what she does - at least with what we know - is not stalking, it might be annoying for him, but with stalking I really think about other behavior than what I have read so far.

[Itspointless]

Btw I got my quote from this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/572097-how-does-man-think-hoping-more-replies-men#post6804123

[Simon Phoenix]

Some of you guys think he's a pig...why for blocking her after he told her not to sent the courier package but she did anyway?

 

Given her current stalking behavior I would venture to guess there was A LOT more to this than her simply sending a courier package.

 

My guess is he probably had good reason to block....so he did....good for him.

 

Isn't that precisely what we advise posters to do when they're feeling stalked and harassed?

 

This board cracks me up sometimes.

 

We always advise posters to block block block.

 

Now have a poster whose ex blocked her....and HE's the bad guy for blocking!!

 

Can't figure this place out sometimes.

 

Yeah, I'm puzzled by some of the responses. I have no idea if he's an ass or if he isn't, but it's clear that she doesn't know when to say when and back off. She treated this like a bull in a china shop, just stumbling around and trying to force her way into communication. Based on that and that alone, he's justified to block because the way she is conducting herself is completely inappropriate. Doesn't matter what gender she is.

 

He's not giving her false hope. He's telling her point blank to leave him be. She refused to do so, so she was blocked. Seems pretty straightforward.

[Simon Phoenix]

Hi katie, I said that he 'sounds' like a pig. That is of-course within the parameters of what us is told by the OP. I cannot possibly know if he is a pig. And yes I have to admit that it is mostly said out of comfort, as I sympathize with her.

 

I often notice a cultural difference between American and for example European people (I belong to the last group) when it comes to what we call stalking. For me what she does - at least with what we know - is not stalking, it might be annoying for him, but with stalking I really think about other behavior than what I have read so far.

 

It's not stalking at the current time, but it's on the path to it if she continues. Either way, it's overbearing and inappropriate.

[Apparition]

Exactly....which is why it is wrong for some posters to be calling him a pig and/or any other derogatory name.

 

Thank you for validating my point!

 

Your point is based on hypocrisy and contradiction then?

 

You are pulling her down while praising him and you don't know him.

 

Weird.

[Nivy]

First of all, a big thank you to everyone who responded. From all of this I understood one thing that all of it happened coz I was being wrong. Yep you guys are right, I didn't listen to him when he told me not to contact him. If I can't respect a small wish, how can I claim to love him! I feel like a fool now and thank you all for pointing that out. I am utterly embarrassed. And after all this I realized that perhaps I don't even deserve him.

One thing that I would like to say is when anybody leaves, it hurts. It was out of pain that I asked him to stay, pleaded and begged. I did that only because I wanted him. But yes I should respect his wishes too. He is not a "pig". But I am a bigger fool.

People who pointed this out, a biiiig thank you to all and everybody who replied on the post.

[Toodaloo]

First of all, a big thank you to everyone who responded. From all of this I understood one thing that all of it happened coz I was being wrong. Yep you guys are right, I didn't listen to him when he told me not to contact him. If I can't respect a small wish, how can I claim to love him! I feel like a fool now and thank you all for pointing that out. I am utterly embarrassed. And after all this I realized that perhaps I don't even deserve him.

One thing that I would like to say is when anybody leaves, it hurts. It was out of pain that I asked him to stay, pleaded and begged. I did that only because I wanted him. But yes I should respect his wishes too. He is not a "pig". But I am a bigger fool.

People who pointed this out, a biiiig thank you to all and everybody who replied on the post.

 

Nivy - we all act like idiots sometimes. Its called being human. Don't worry about it. Forgive yourself.

 

But this really has to stop.

 

No you don't deserve him. You deserve better. Someone who will not make you feel these things as I understand your emotions must be all over the place.

 

So stop contacting him. Erase that man from your mind. Move on and find a better man. One who will be consistent and not make you feel these crazy things. Learn how to recognize the signs that someone is not interested and instead save your affections for someone who is!

[Toodaloo]

I hate the perception some people have.

 

Men are not all the same. Some men are racist, some men are sexist, some men are pigs, some men are snobs, some men are a*sholes, some men are kind, some men are clingy, some men are players, some men cheat, some men don't.

 

All men do not think the same. Just like all women do not think the same.

 

We are people, human beings, individuals with our own thinking processes and our own thinking patterns. Your guy sounds like a d*ck for blocking you but I'm sure he had his own reasons for blocking you and even if they are a*shole reasons, they're his, not mine just because I'm a man.

 

No one can tell you how he feels or thinks, only he can. But he blocked you, so maybe it is time to focus your attention on healing. If you get back together one day, great, but do not make that your goal in life. You have other things to do like living.

 

Sorry but this reads like PC BS. All OP wants is help to understand and stop acting he way she is. Most of this is not at all helpful or constructive.

 

I get really peeved when someone asks for help understanding the opposite sex and then gets responses that are so PC it doesn't actually get anywhere.

 

What is it with people taking the use of the term "men" or "women" to heart and making it all about them and how its a blight on their individuality... Your posting style in this thread has attempted to make this all about you.

 

Hate to point it out but its not. Its about the OP.

 

So please try to stick to topic. If you want a PC bashing session there is the rants section and also the Off Topic section... Try those.

[katiegrl]

Your point is based on hypocrisy and contradiction then?

 

You are pulling her down while praising him and you don't know him.

 

Weird.

 

Hypocrisy? Contradiction? I could accuse you of the same things...but won't because what you posted about OP and her ex was your *opinion*, as was mine...to which we are both entitled.

 

And praising him? Hardly.

 

I am completely neutral....not on anyone's *side*.

 

Just defending his right to block her, tis all....he is her ex after all.

 

And as such, she does need to leave him alone.

 

And lest I remind you, you are the one who called him a d*ck (or excuse me said he sounds like a d*ick) even though by your own admission later, you don't know anything about their relationship or him or her.

 

And another poster said "I am with Apparition, he is a pig."

 

That is why I posted what I posted in case you were confused about that.

 

Anywho, despite your saying he sounds like a d*ck, I do agree with everything else you wrote in your post no. 6.

 

You and I are actually in agreement about that so there is no need for us to be bickering about it.

Edited March 4, 2016 by katiegrl

[Simon Phoenix]

Hypocrisy? Contradiction? I could accuse you of the same things...but won't because what you posted about OP and her ex was your *opinion*, as was mine...to which we are both entitled.

 

And praising him? Hardly.

 

I am completely neutral....not on anyone's *side*.

 

Just defending his right to block her, tis all....he is her ex after all.

 

And as such, she does need to leave him alone.

 

And lest I remind you, you are the one who called him a d*ck (or excuse me said he sounds like a d*ick) even though by your own admission later, you don't know anything about their relationship or him or her.

 

And another poster said "I am with Apparition, he is a pig."

 

That is why I posted what I posted in case you were confused about that.

 

Anywho, despite your saying he sounds like a d*ck, I do agree with everything else you wrote in your post no. 6.

 

You and I are actually in agreement about that so there is no need for us to be bickering about it.

 

Hell, the OP agreed with your assessment and similar assessments. She seems like a decent person that just got carried away, which happens to all of us.

[Toodaloo]

Hell, the OP agreed with your assessment and similar assessments. She seems like a decent person that just got carried away, which happens to all of us.

 

OP I just want to highlight that bit.

 

We all get ourselves into muddles and get into a mess about these things.

 

Sometimes its difficult because our emotions take over our brains.

 

Important thing is that you realised this was not healthy or good in any way and you got help to sort yourself out. THAT is what is important. THAT is what matters.

 

It does get better and while it hurts like hell right now life will move on and you will gradually have better days.

 

Just stop the weird behavior and if you feel it bubbling up inside you remember that it is OK to feel that way, but you control your emotions and you control your actions. You may feel like you want to do all these crazy things but you do not need to. You need to look after yourself and forget about this guy.

[Wewon]

No one knows about their relationship, no one knows him or her. They only know the things she decides to type up on this website. Why is she here? Perhaps maybe it is because she is hurting like a lot of people here are. So why on earth are people kicking her when she is already down? You people who are very quick to judge someone and tell them they are a stalker forget that you were in love once too hence why you are HERE. I very much doubt none of you have ever begged, pleaded, been nosy with regards to your ex or simply made a foolish mistake all because your judgement was clouded by heart-break.

 

Stalking or not -- this girl is a human being who most likely knows she's done wrong but what you are doing is embarrassing her more than she already is. Embarrassing her to the point where perhaps she may not even want to write again. I thought this website was to help people overcome heart-break and encourage people with a little guidance and support how to take steps in order to get through one day at a time. Perhaps people are saying he's a pig to make her feel better? And let's be honest, if everyone were to take HIS side and she was a psycho stalker, wouldn't that make her more determine to try make him hers?

 

I normally do not comment on such but I could not resist given that this move was really dumb. It's the OP's mistakes to make and all we can do is support her and if we think it's wrong, advise her not to, that is suppose to be what we are here for. But we certainly shouldn't be jumping into corners ready to ambush her with patronizing comments all the meanwhile praising her ex-boyfriend.

 

Your heart is bleeding so much in this that it sounds like you haven't really paid attention to what the OP said.

 

We are responding to her words, not some gossip from a hateful rival. This is her own version of the facts, and even then its clear that she doesn't respect his boundaries to the point where he became harsh, and it still didn't stop her.

 

To most people, this isn't a "simple mistake" its a very aggressive behavior of a person that is trying to impose themselves on another. Most people here are sympathetic to him because, frankly, he's the victim. He's done every civilized thing in his power to get away but she won't keep stop coming. Again, this is based on her own version of things.

 

Hopefully she does learn from this, but sounds like you got sucked in by the terms 'crying' and 'begging'.

[katiegrl]

Hell, the OP agreed with your assessment and similar assessments. .

 

Which speaks volumes.

Edited March 4, 2016 by katiegrl

[William]

So, let's get back to the original topic and dispense with the vulgar language. Thanks!