Summer_89 Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 (edited) I have been with my boyfriend for Almost 2 years. He and u had a rocky start and have broken up once before and got back together. The first time he broke up with me because he felt "numb" I think the constant fights were taking a toll on him and he couldn't feel in love anymore. After about a month he reached out to me and wanted to try to make it work. We did good for 6 months but it started to fall apart again. Some background on him: he has a bad track record, he was always known as a womanizer and I knew him as one as well since we were friends first. He's very attractive, funny, smart...he's a good catch. After we got together I felt scared all the time that he wouldn't change his ways and how he viewed women and threw them away. I was stuck in how I knew him before we became a couple so I was insecure and very jealous. He was also no angel at the beginning of the relationship, I've had a lot of patience because I love him and wanted to make it work. Any way, before this last break up he got a puppy which kinda bothered me because it takes up all of his time and he wasn't showing me any attention not was be even concerned about how lonely I felt since I have my own apt and he lives with his brother. He was never coming over because he was tending to his new dog. I have to admit I'd blow up on him and be pissed when he didn't ask me to go over. Eventually he got tired of my nagging and broke up with me. At the beginning, whenever our relationship for rocky, he would want to break up..saying it was just too hard and it shouldn't be and I would always convince him not to give up on us. This last time he said he was positive he was done and that he ended up just feeling "content" and not happy like he should be if he was in love and he has told other people he didn't see himself marrying me anymore. A week ago, he txt me twice saying he missed me and I convinced him to try and make it work with me and he agreed. I went over that night because he asked me to and of course we made love and he agreed to try and make it work. In the back of my mind I feel he just missed sleeping with me and when I was pushy about making it work he just gave in since we just had sex. We're still "making it work" but he's so distant, he says he loves me back and misses me when I say it but I don't feel his heart is in it. I feel him slipping away and not really wanted to be with me. I don't think he's in love. But I don't want to let him go... I asked why he changed his mind in wanted to get back together and his response was "I missed you, I don't know" and he then said "just don't push things and pressure me, let it happen and just live in the now, you're always so patient in getting us back to normal" but when we're not around each other he rarely even txts me like before and the only time we have seen each other is when I ask to spend time with him. I feel so uneasy and worried, I can't focus on anything else. Any advice? Thanks so much, I could use it. Edited March 7, 2016 by Summer_89 Forum
Emilia Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 You need to get your self-respect back and leave. You are treated badly by a womaniser who never had any interest in committing to you and you put up with it. You want to ask yourself the question why you are letting yourself down so badly. 2
basil67 Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 Before you got back together, what discussions did you have about the issues which drove you apart in the first place? Are all the things you fought about no longer happening?
Mr. Lucky Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 Some background on him: he has a bad track record, he was always known as a womanizer and I knew him as one as well since we were friends first. He's very attractive, funny, smart...he's a good catch. Really, he's a good catch? Might want to rethink what that means... Mr. Lucky 2
Author Summer_89 Posted March 7, 2016 Author Posted March 7, 2016 You need to get your self-respect back and leave. You are treated badly by a womaniser who never had any interest in committing to you and you put up with it. You want to ask yourself the question why you are letting yourself down so badly. Thanks for responding. I keep asking myself and I keep trying to let him go, it's so hard when him and I were so close like best friends and had amazing fun and loving memories. He used to make plans to move in together, get married have kids etc. he even offered to move in with me in my apt to help me financially.. That's when we were happy, when we're not and he's not feeling "in love" he barley acknowledges me.
Author Summer_89 Posted March 7, 2016 Author Posted March 7, 2016 Before we got back together after the first break up he told me he felt too restricted like I was controlling his every move and hated that I didn't trust him (which I had good reason not to) he felt he couldn't be himself because he was afraid to make me mad or do something I wouldn't approve of. He said he felt he changed so many things for me and it was never enough and he got tired of trying to please me. And that he didn't want to spend his life like that. I agreed to work on how controlling I might've been and loosen up. It is difficult for me to forget about who he was before he became my boyfriend and it really effected us. We were doing okay when we got back together, it was hard at first and he was distant the first week or two, he says it's hard for him to just flip a switch and feel normal and happy...unlike me. We fought sometimes but he never turned to breaking up like he used to, it wasn't an option until it was recently when we broke up. I don't know if he's just happier now spending time alone with that freakn dog or if he just fell out of love AGAIN. We got back together I guess but I still feel alone, like I'm not really with him or have him. His priority is his puppy.. I mean I'm not some weirdo that's jealous of a dog, I just feel very neglected like he forgot how to be a boyfriend and forgot about us. He very short with me now and doesn't seem interested in anything I'm doing like he used to be. He's not even apologetic about how much it hurt me for him to break up with me AGAIN, he doesn't ask if I'm okay or what I'm feeling or reassure me that we're going to be okay or that he won't just abandon the relationship again. He just gets annoyed and even more distant when I bring things up about how's he's feeling when it comes to us. I'm so lost and feel really alone. Am I overacting and overthinking and maybe I just need to wait it out a little longer since we're just getting back together and let him feel again?
Author Summer_89 Posted March 7, 2016 Author Posted March 7, 2016 Before you got back together, what discussions did you have about the issues which drove you apart in the first place? Are all the things you fought about no longer happening? Before we got back together after the first break up he told me he felt too restricted like I was controlling his every move and hated that I didn't trust him (which I had good reason not to) he felt he couldn't be himself because he was afraid to make me mad or do something I wouldn't approve of. He said he felt he changed so many things for me and it was never enough and he got tired of trying to please me. And that he didn't want to spend his life like that. I agreed to work on how controlling I might've been and loosen up. It is difficult for me to forget about who he was before he became my boyfriend and it really effected us. We were doing okay when we got back together, it was hard at first and he was distant the first week or two, he says it's hard for him to just flip a switch and feel normal and happy...unlike me. We fought sometimes but he never turned to breaking up like he used to, it wasn't an option until it was recently when we broke up. I don't know if he's just happier now spending time alone with that freakn dog or if he just fell out of love AGAIN. We got back together I guess but I still feel alone, like I'm not really with him or have him. His priority is his puppy.. I mean I'm not some weirdo that's jealous of a dog, I just feel very neglected like he forgot how to be a boyfriend and forgot about us. He very short with me now and doesn't seem interested in anything I'm doing like he used to be. He's not even apologetic about how much it hurt me for him to break up with me AGAIN, he doesn't ask if I'm okay or what I'm feeling or reassure me that we're going to be okay or that he won't just abandon the relationship again. He just gets annoyed and even more distant when I bring things up about how's he's feeling when it comes to us. I'm so lost and feel really alone. Am I overacting and overthinking and maybe I just need to wait it out a little longer since we're just getting back together and let him feel again?
Author Summer_89 Posted March 7, 2016 Author Posted March 7, 2016 Before you got back together, what discussions did you have about the issues which drove you apart in the first place? Are all the things you fought about no longer happening? I always think that you shouldn't have to beg someone to love you the way you want to be loved. Heck, even his dog is a higher priority than you are. When evidence shows its just not working anymore then end it so you have your self respect. He's not making enough effort - that would tell me everything he's never willing to say with words. I'm sure you're right and reading everything I had to say must seem so obvious..to end it. It's just so hard for me to let go. I hate change, I'm afraid of it. I tend to hold on and never give up on someone if I love them and want to be with them. I don't know what's wrong with me. I know it seems stupid of me to stay
Emilia Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 Everyone has a good side. I'm sure all of us that cut people out of our lives can make excuses why not to. Even did so for a while. You need to get out of your head that you don't like change because that mentality attracts people that take advantage. He probably isn't the only person in your life who is bad for you, have a clear-out if necessary. You have a duty to look after yourself. Cut contact with him now. From experience, it gets easy after about 5 weeks
kztar Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 He's going to do what my ex did. He is going to do all this and make YOU dump him. My ex did this to me and it is to alleviate guilt from their part. Don't make the mistake I made by sticking around trying to work it out with someone who is clearly checked out. Have self respect and LEAVE before it gets worst. Also avoid begging and trying. BEEN THERE, done that and it's NOT worth it. Walk away and go NC forever. I hate change as well because it throws off my entire life. But that's something we need to learn to work on because like the poster above mentioned it attracts those people who are not good for us. I'm telling you DO IT NOW and maintain your dignity. This is going to happen later and it will only be worst.
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