Shanex Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 I'm looking for some insight from both genders here. I'm sure many of you have been in the situation of dating a young mother or father whereas you are (still) childless, I'll explain a bit the story OLD sometimes works fine, this time it did or so it seems. She's late 20s her child is 4, she was in a failed LTR, but no marriage. She was pregnant of the little girl after only some months and her story is that her ex started showing his true colors, insults, psychological abuse and so on. She had to pack her stuffs during an evening after another one of his tantrum. Honestly, I'm not really afraid of a LTR, or some sort of commitment and exclusivity. But for the first time of my life I'm involved (for now, hopefully this last) with a young mother and I have very few experience with children. I don't dislike them and the few my relatives have I get along with just fine. But the thought of being a step dad is a whole different story. About her what can I say, she's fine. For the weeks I've known her no online or Irl fights at all. She has worked different jobs, just like me. She seems easy going, she pretends having her mood swing like everyone but not with me, or we just get along super fine, it's been only a few weeks though. There's a drama though about her ex (father of say little girl), the jerk has a new girlfriend now at his place and she doesn't want to hear from either ie his ex and their daughter. He mostly listen to his new girlfriends and you understand he rarely if ever see his daughter. She's a fine lady and I like her for the time I've been dating her and the broader question and insights I'm looking for is how to deal with on one side, probably potentially a great girlfriend and on the other hand (not her fault ex was a ahole) probably many drama because of that poor girl who can't see her dad and often cry about it Anyone has been there?
Emilia Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 (edited) What do you want long term? Are you thinking long term? Personally, I've always avoided dating men with children, it isn't for me. I just don't want the drama (there is always something) and I don't see why I should raise someone else's kid that will never be mine. Edited March 7, 2016 by Emilia
basil67 Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 The daughter may not cry about not seeing her father. My sister's ex refused to see the kids and there's no love lost on their part at all. The older one who remembers the dad changed his name to that of the step father as soon as he was old enough. The middle one doesn't care and the little one adores her stepfather and does not miss her biological dad. Continue dating this girl if you like her and see how it goes. There's no crystal ball to guide you yet.
angel.eyes Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 There's no right or wrong answer here. It's just a matter of personal preference. So far, I've only dated guys without kids. I adore children, but I have no interest in dating dads. It puts constraints and stress on the relationship. I'm not bringing that to the table, so I don't want him doing so either.
sandylee1 Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 When I was young and single I would not date a guy with kids. The ex would always be around and I didn't need that headache. It all depends on whether you want this to be a committed relationship going forward. Are you hoping to settle down /marriage in the next few years?
Author Shanex Posted March 7, 2016 Author Posted March 7, 2016 (edited) What do you want long term? Are you thinking long term? Personally, I've always avoided dating men with children, it isn't for me. I just don't want the drama (there is always something) and I don't see why I should raise someone else's kid that will never be mine. I'm thinking long term, yes, again it's been only some weeks. And yes there's always drama involved with having a single mom and an absent father, especially with what happened to her. It's tricky. The daughter may not cry about not seeing her father. My sister's ex refused to see the kids and there's no love lost on their part at all. The older one who remembers the dad changed his name to that of the step father as soon as he was old enough. The middle one doesn't care and the little one adores her stepfather and does not miss her biological dad. Continue dating this girl if you like her and see how it goes. There's no crystal ball to guide you yet. She tells me that she cry out for daddy everyday and for a four year old it's understandable. I'll continue dating her, we're not a the point of moving in together and I usually take things slow. When I was young and single I would not date a guy with kids. The ex would always be around and I didn't need that headache. It all depends on whether you want this to be a committed relationship going forward. Are you hoping to settle down /marriage in the next few years? Why not. I'm willing to at least settle down having been a celibate for some time now. Marriage I'm really not sure. I'm past 30 which isn't technically old. There's no right or wrong answer here. It's just a matter of personal preference. So far, I've only dated guys without kids. I adore children, but I have no interest in dating dads. It puts constraints and stress on the relationship. I'm not bringing that to the table, so I don't want him doing so either. I agree too. My preference would have been a single childless woman just like me. 'Life is like a box of chocolates'... I'll see and keep you updated. Dramas usually make me run away. Even if you don't really look for trouble... thanks. Edited March 7, 2016 by Shanex
Miss Peach Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 This is sadly very common. It doesn't really sound like a crazy amount of drama (to me) based on what you wrote. I am a single parent and you will rarely see one completely drama free. That is why these people broke up with kids in tow. If the father is really not wanting to be a father and spend time with his kid this is crappy for the kid to feel abandoned but it a good situation for you IMO. If the dad were wanting to play tit for tat, drag her to court all the time, continue controlling this woman, etc. then I would feel it's drama filled situation where I would run. I know a few people who had absent fathers. Later the mom met a wonderful man who took on that role. The kids all wound up fine and consider the step dad to be their 'real' dad. 1
Author Shanex Posted May 8, 2016 Author Posted May 8, 2016 Quick update: Its true that what I called dramas was a bit hyperbolic. The situation of a single mother dating and an obnoxious (euphemism) ex isnt that big a deal. Ive known her for about three months now.. I could have let the thread die but since people replied and helped Ill have to mention that shes leaving my area. Leaving for some place 6 hours a drive from here. Not because of me, she is moving out because of professional related stuffs. There is no reason for me to prevent this from happening. She told me about it last time we hanged out together and looking back it was more dating than a real commited RS. It could have been though but as I said I wasnt in a hurry. Her decision to leave is still pending I must say. She has her father there, on the other hand she has her mother and the father of her daughter here. Its not an "adios". We clearly like each other and will stay in touch. When she announced her departure I was a bit sad. But ultimately its not my fault if she leaves. I better not burn my bridges.
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