PrismOfLove Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 (edited) The past few women I've been dating have been really interesting, kind women, that I have a lot in common with, but I feel I'm not physically attracted as I should be. Sure, there is some attraction since I agreed to the date in the beginning, so I see them again if they'd like to as well and see where it goes. For instance, I went on a date last night and afterwards, she said "I'd really like to see you again"; I enjoyed the date even if I was a bit doubtful about the attraction so I replied I'd like to as well. I texted her later and told her when I was free (it was either today or next weekend) so we agreed for tonight (2 hours from now). I'm the type of guy who doesn't like to sleep with women until we are bit more serious now, I've done the whole one night stand and casual relationship things and they aren't for me. Therefore I make a conscious effort to not to have sex until I know for sure there's something there. I have a fear of leading women on from past experiences, though probably more of an irrational fear (probably the reason for this thread). 1. Would you go on multiple dates with someone if you were unsure of physical or mental attraction? 2. In your opinion, how many dates on average do you know if you'd like to keep seeing a man or woman? When does it become leading on? 3. Is it okay to kiss and/or makeout with someone if you're on the fence about them (and still want to of course)? Edited March 7, 2016 by PrismOfLove
neowulf Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 1. Would you go on multiple dates with someone if you were unsure of physical or mental attraction? 2. In your opinion, how many dates on average do you know if you'd like to keep seeing a man or woman? When does it become leading on? 3. Is it okay to kiss and/or makeout with someone if you're on the fence about them (and still want to of course)? 1. Absolutely. That's the point of dating. Very few people have magical first dates. It's often quite stressful. It often takes a few dates to warm up and get a feel for the chemistry. I think 3-4 dates is acceptable. 2. Personally, I usually have pretty clear idea in my head after 3 dates. Usually it takes less than that. If you're feeling mutual attraction and easy rapport, then it's usually a go. It really does take time to get to know someone. People rush into full scale commitment very quickly these days, before really knowing what they're signing up for. 3. Absolutely. Physical & sexual compatibility are important parts of a relationship. Normal, healthy people don't automatically attribute making out to a commitment. It's just making out. Plus it's FUN! 2
Larryville Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 but I feel I'm not physically attracted as I should be. Sure, there is some attraction since I agreed to the date in the beginning, so I see them again if they'd like to as well and see where it goes. 1. Would you go on multiple dates with someone if you were unsure of physical or mental attraction? 2. In your opinion, how many dates on average do you know if you'd like to keep seeing a man or woman? When does it become leading on? 3. Is it okay to kiss and/or makeout with someone if you're on the fence about them (and still want to of course)? 2. Personally, I usually have pretty clear idea in my head after 3 dates. Usually it takes less than that. If you're feeling mutual attraction and easy rapport, then it's usually a go. It really does take time to get to know someone. People rush into full scale commitment very quickly these days, before really knowing what they're signing up for. For me I know almost immediately upon first meet, assuming these are OLD meet-ups. I’m good at initial vetting, the phone calls before, what is in the profiles ect. You have to trust your initial gut. The right woman (or at least a woman worthy of your pursuit) should resonate with you right away. If you are checking her out and her face, her eyes and eye contact, her body or body language, her voice does not provide that initial spark I doubt you will get that in later dates. 1
AMJ Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 1. Yes! 2. Ideally you know after the first date, but I think it's okay to spend 3-4 dates getting to know someone. Anything after that is leading the other person on. Your dates should get longer, so you're spending more time together. 3. Kissing is essential to find out if there's chemistry. 1
Miss Peach Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 1. Yes I would go on a few dates with a guy if I enjoyed him company but was unsure if we would be a good match or have enough chemistry. I usually try to figure this out after 3 dates at the latest because I don't want to lead a guy on. 2. If I don't like him at all or have any chemistry I cut it off by 3 dates. If I enjoy his company I keep seeing him and try to find out other things to see how compatible we are, whether we have chemistry (if we haven't kissed), how well our values line up, etc. 3. Yes. This is the first test of chemistry for me. 1
Gaeta Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 1. Would you go on multiple dates with someone if you were unsure of physical or mental attraction? I did several times. If I am unsure it's because there is at least something I find attractive in them, just not sure at what level. When I meet them again and again then I can verify if I like them more each time. If I do like them more each time then it's good news. If I see them 3 times and I don't feel I like them more then I abort. 2. In your opinion, how many dates on average do you know if you'd like to keep seeing a man or woman? When does it become leading on? About between 3 to 5 dates for me. To me, going over that is misleading someone. 3. Is it okay to kiss and/or makeout with someone if you're on the fence about them (and still want to of course)? It's ok to kiss and not much more. I remember once completely changing my mind about a man after he kissed me. On my way out of the coffee shop my mind was already made up to not see him again. He kissed me by surprise and it went BANG! I got to see this man again!! we dated 3 months. The opposite has happened too. I like a man and when I kiss him it kills it. 3
Author PrismOfLove Posted March 8, 2016 Author Posted March 8, 2016 Thank you for all the replies, it's very nice to get some feedback on this. I ask family and friends but they are pretty much all in LTR or married so they haven't dated in a while. I'm trying to not put too much pressure on myself and just have fun while getting to know her. There are some things I find quite attractive about her, so I'm trying to just build on that and see if I can get rid of this nagging feeling of doubt. I'm having a good time with her so that's a good sign and I enjoy making out and whatnot. The part I dislike is letting people down after they start to like me (she has I can tell) if I can't reciprocate it, but that's life I guess and it's happened to me as well. I'd love to hear more opinions if anyone else wants to chime in, it really does help!
bu2002 Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 I can tell quickly if I'm not in to them and will leave it after 1 date If Im on the fence, but was intrigued enough I will give it a second date If i see momentum building I'll go to a third date By the end of the third date, I should have an urge to want to rip her clothes off. That doesn't mean we've needed to escalate things physically. We might've just shared one kiss up to that point. But it's what I'm thinking upstairs that's important. If i don't have that sexual attraction after that much time together, it's time to cut it off.
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