bozman22 Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 Hi I have just come out of a three year relationship where my ex girlfriend got with someone else pretty much immediately after it ended. I am not sure if it was my fault, but she started going out clubbing a lot and lying to me about where she was going she said she wanted a break but really she wanted this other guy she has met but she has never told me the truth. I am just sick of feeling like this I am okay when I keep busy but on days off I really miss her, I know I did not treat the best at times but I just cant seem to move on she has blocked me on every social media after playing with my head for the last two months. Hinting that she wanted to meet but then they day come said she has no feelings or no interest in seeing me. How can I meet new people and start pushing things forward, I have completely forgot how to get talking to girls, I know theres apps and stuff but I dont generally have much luck not those. Any help would be greatly appreciated and I have never felt this low in my life and I am only in my early twenties but I had so many amazing experiences with her and now she has thrown me into the garbage.
mightycpa Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 You're going to need to feel bad for a while. You need to grieve before you can do any of that other stuff, including the distraction. If you don't give voice to your sadness, it's going to stick with you for a long time. This sounds counterintuitive, but the answer is to work at feeling really bad, and get it over with. 1
CDJ Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 I had a similar experience to you. Here are my thoughts and what I learned: I have just come out of a three year relationship where my ex girlfriend got with someone else pretty much immediately after it ended. she said she wanted a break but really she wanted this other guy she has met but she has never told me the truth. This hurts so much - you feel like you've been easily replaced. But, as you know, she checked out of your relationship much earlier, and that's the second part that also hurts - the lack of honesty. But I'm sure you can understand why she wasn't upfront with you, from her perspective. She was probably keeping hold of you whilst she worked out a) what her feelings were for this guy, b) whether it could happen for the two of them, and c) how to go about it. We both know that honesty would have been the best policy, but for her at the time she probably thought it better and less hurtful to conceal the truth. What you must be sure of though is that there's nothing you could have done. You might agonise over things you could have done differently, how you could have been a better BF, etc, but that's just the bargaining stage of the grieving process. Hinting that she wanted to meet but then they day come said she has no feelings or no interest in seeing me. It might seem like she is being a coward, and she probably is, but actually it is better for you to not see her again. Any questions you have probably won't get truthful answers; if you do get answers, they might then yield even more questions. How can I meet new people and start pushing things forward, I have completely forgot how to get talking to girls Your confidence has taken a big hit. People often say that the best thing to do is to get back on the horse and 'have some fun', but this is like sticking a plaster over a severed limb. Your confidence will come back, but you need to heal first and get over what happened, and that will take time. Don't force it, just talk about it and eventually you'll come to accept what happened and will start to move on again. And don't feel bad if you find or feel that you aren't making the progress you'd like! It's very much a 'two steps forward, one step back' process. You'll have lots of downs in between the ups.
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