Becca187 Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 My ex boyfriend and I had to break up because he was moving really far away, but he's coming back in 2 years. Neither of us wanted to, and we were both really, really sad. No matter what I did I couldn't get over him. We didn't talk for quite a while (we both needed time to heal) but we're talking all the time again now, but he treats me the same way he did while we were dating. We're college-aged, but recently he's told me that we're soulmates, that I'll be his wife one day , that he's never loved someone as much as he loves me, that I'm beautiful, that I mean the world to him and that no one could ever replace me, etc. I take these phrases pretty seriously (at least I know that I would only say such things if I 100% meant it), but maybe they don't hold the same meaning for him? We agreed on being just friends until he came back and he said he doesn't have romantic feelings for me anymore (we discussed it for a very long time and I told him I don't have feelings for him anymore either.. Complete lie). We've both said that we would definitely be open to dating eachother again once he moves back here. I've never felt this way about somebody, and I see him as someone who I could potentially spend the rest of my life with. But I'm trying not to get too caught up if this doesn't mean much. It's just so contradictory, because he says he doesn't have feelings, but then tells me he loves me and all the other sweet things I mentioned above. I just want to know if there's a possibility if all the above that he's saying is just casual with little meaning, or could it mean something more? I don't want to overanalyze it. And if there's a possibility that he does mean it, why would he say all of this if he knows we're just supposed to be friends for now?
Simon Phoenix Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 I take these phrases pretty seriously (at least I know that I would only say such things if I 100% meant it), but maybe they don't hold the same meaning for him? Gigantic mistake here. Assuming other people have the exact same thought processes that you do is really foolish. People have their own separate motivations, so never project yours on to others. As for the rest of it, I would chill on the contact. It's not doing you any favors. All you're doing is allowing him to put you in a certain role while you rack your brain and overanalyze everything. It's completely counterproductive. I would tell him to stop talking about that crap until he moves back and you need to stop talking to him all the time. It's clear you're not over it and these conversations are making you overthink and giving you stress. He can do whatever he wants wherever he is because he knows that he has a layup waiting for him when he returns. Stop being a layup. If you are going to talk to him, then leave the relationship crap out of it and actually talk like friends talk. But what you're allowing him to do is a first-class ticket to nowhere. 1
Vincenator Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 Me and my ex "kinda" broke up because of college/distance problems, but I made her promise that we would still keep in touch and be open to dating each other again in the future when distance was no longer a problem... big mistake lol she agreed at first, but later said that it probably won't work that way and just broke up with me 100% this time. It really hurt, but now (2 months later) I'm glad that we didn't hold that promise. It's almost a liberating feeling... Anyways I think you two should either be LTR or not in a relationship at all, not the half-relationship you have going on.
Author Becca187 Posted March 7, 2016 Author Posted March 7, 2016 Gigantic mistake here. Assuming other people have the exact same thought processes that you do is really foolish. People have their own separate motivations, so never project yours on to others. As for the rest of it, I would chill on the contact. It's not doing you any favors. All you're doing is allowing him to put you in a certain role while you rack your brain and overanalyze everything. It's completely counterproductive. I would tell him to stop talking about that crap until he moves back and you need to stop talking to him all the time. It's clear you're not over it and these conversations are making you overthink and giving you stress. He can do whatever he wants wherever he is because he knows that he has a layup waiting for him when he returns. Stop being a layup. If you are going to talk to him, then leave the relationship crap out of it and actually talk like friends talk. But what you're allowing him to do is a first-class ticket to nowhere. Actually, that is exactly what I was trying not to do, haha. I've been taking everything at face value, and just because I know that I'd mean those things if I were to say them, doesn't mean it's just some meaningless banter from his end. I know he's a very genuine person and of course I'd love to believe that he means it, but I'm not naive enough to think that everyone on this planet genuinely means everything they say. I wouldn't really go so far as to say this is causing me stress, because it isn't. The majority of my overthinking and distress took place during the considerably long period of no contact we underwent directly after the breakup. I appreciate your advice, thank you!
Author Becca187 Posted March 7, 2016 Author Posted March 7, 2016 Me and my ex "kinda" broke up because of college/distance problems, but I made her promise that we would still keep in touch and be open to dating each other again in the future when distance was no longer a problem... big mistake lol she agreed at first, but later said that it probably won't work that way and just broke up with me 100% this time. It really hurt, but now (2 months later) I'm glad that we didn't hold that promise. It's almost a liberating feeling... Anyways I think you two should either be LTR or not in a relationship at all, not the half-relationship you have going on. I'm sorry to hear that, I hope you're doing alright But yeah I totally agree with you, if this is going to continue I'd rather just get back together instead of feeling like I'm in a relationship without the official title.
mightycpa Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 My ex boyfriend and I had to break up because he was moving really far away, but he's coming back in 2 years. Neither of us wanted to, and we were both really, really sad. No matter what I did I couldn't get over him. We didn't talk for quite a while (we both needed time to heal) but we're talking all the time again now, but he treats me the same way he did while we were dating. We're college-aged, but recently he's told me that we're soulmates, that I'll be his wife one day , that he's never loved someone as much as he loves me, that I'm beautiful, that I mean the world to him and that no one could ever replace me, etc. I take these phrases pretty seriously (at least I know that I would only say such things if I 100% meant it), but maybe they don't hold the same meaning for him? We agreed on being just friends until he came back and he said he doesn't have romantic feelings for me anymore I don't really understand this.(we discussed it for a very long time and I told him I don't have feelings for him anymore either.. Complete lie).I understand the motivation, but that was a big mistake. We've both said that we would definitely be open to dating eachother again once he moves back here. I've never felt this way about somebody, and I see him as someone who I could potentially spend the rest of my life with. But I'm trying not to get too caught up if this doesn't mean much. It's just so contradictory, because he says he doesn't have feelings, but then tells me he loves me and all the other sweet things I mentioned above. I just want to know if there's a possibility if all the above that he's saying is just casual with little meaning, or could it mean something more? I don't want to overanalyze it. And if there's a possibility that he does mean it, why would he say all of this if he knows we're just supposed to be friends for now?I don't understand it either, except maybe it's supposed to keep you from demanding that he be your boyfriend or cut it off completely. Maybe he's saying this stuff because he knows you lied to him, and he wants to keep you "pure" while he's away, but he doesn't mind if he sleeps around a little until he can be with you again. Maybe the reason he doesn't mind if he sleeps around is because he knows it's just sex, but he's afraid that if you sleep with someone, it will get your emotions involved and he'll lose you. Or, he just doesn't want his girl sleeping around while he's gone. Or both. That's what I'm getting from this.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 Actually, that is exactly what I was trying not to do, haha. I've been taking everything at face value, and just because I know that I'd mean those things if I were to say them, doesn't mean it's just some meaningless banter from his end. I know he's a very genuine person and of course I'd love to believe that he means it, but I'm not naive enough to think that everyone on this planet genuinely means everything they say. I wouldn't really go so far as to say this is causing me stress, because it isn't. The majority of my overthinking and distress took place during the considerably long period of no contact we underwent directly after the breakup. I appreciate your advice, thank you! Reread your OP. You're doing a ton of overthinking right now. Your OP wouldn't be nearly as long if his words weren't messing with you. Either way, it's a horrible idea to be talking about such things when a) you're not in a relationship with him and b) you're not even in the same area where you can hang out. The appropriate time to be having these discussions is when you are living in the same place. This half-ass, pseudo-relationship you two are doing is not wise. I'd cut off all of that type of talk until you guys are in the same area -- it's absolutely pointless until then.
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