Is this Relationship Repairable ?

[Ryderr]

I need help mentally and guidance, this thread is my cry for help to you guys. I will be getting professional help because I hate who I become.

 

 

For the past month I've had quite a lot of ups and downs with my girlfriend, arguments and disagreements and now she is a little distant.

 

For my birthday night (2 days ago) we went out with a group of people to the city and had quite a lot to drink, but i wasn't my usual self. I got really angry (not aggressive) and was extremely rude to my girlfriend like putting my finger up at her, looking through her phone and texting some guys she knew saying we broke up, and been an ar*ehole the whole time. This is not who I am at all and im still shocked!

 

And the end of the night she broke down and cried uncontrollably, over a few hours she calmed down and I went home with her to sleep.

 

I woke up feeling regret and guilt....I need professional help.

 

We had a talk about it and came to the conclusion that I need to put in effort into changing my behavior and getting professional help which I agreed.

 

She said she loves me so much but can't keep going on until this behavior changes, she said she'll stick by my side and work through it with me until we figure things out.

 

We decided to take this week apart and give each other space for the next 5 days, she made it clear we're not breaking up, we're still exclusive, and she thinks this will keep the relationship together. I agreed to this.

 

Because it was my birthday she stayed with me for the day and night, she showed affection, kissed me, constantly touching me, and we made love at the end of the night.

 

But she always seems a little bit distant at the same time, a bit flatter than usual. Although, she said she the words "I love you" a lot through out the day and night, a lot. She also kept talking about us in the future like "When we get an apartment together" and things like that.

 

I've booked an appointment in with my doctor and I'm going to organise professional help today and get on top of things because I hate who I become when I drink.

 

Do you think I've ruined this relationship or their a chance we can work through this.

 

I dropped her of at home in the morning and we kissed for about 5 mins before she said "I love you a lot" and i'll see you on friday, let me know how you go with booking the appointments"

 

Please help? Does she love me? Is it repairable?

Edited March 6, 2016 by Ryderr

[preraph]

I think IF you stop drinking now and start attending AA in addition to seeing your therapist, you can get her back. Your behavior changing drastically when you drink means you are an alcoholic. It means you can never drink and expect anyone to stay with you who has a shred of common sense. Alcoholism is often genetic, but a lot of alcoholics also anesthetize some pain they've carried since childhood or whatever. So go to a meeting and keep going. Make an appointment with a psychologist, who isn't going to want to see you until you are totally sober, probably. They can't tell who you are while you're using substances. So go to AA first and then to the doctor. Let the girl know you're doing it and will touch base in a month to see if you're still sober. If you've been drinking for some time, it will be a big adjustment not to. But if you haven't been drinking all the time but just go haywire when you do, at least that long period of catching up to yourself might not be as intense. You can't handle alcohol. It's a chemical thing. So stop now and save your life.

[Ryderr]

I think IF you stop drinking now and start attending AA in addition to seeing your therapist, you can get her back. Your behavior changing drastically when you drink means you are an alcoholic. It means you can never drink and expect anyone to stay with you who has a shred of common sense. Alcoholism is often genetic, but a lot of alcoholics also anesthetize some pain they've carried since childhood or whatever. So go to a meeting and keep going. Make an appointment with a psychologist, who isn't going to want to see you until you are totally sober, probably. They can't tell who you are while you're using substances. So go to AA first and then to the doctor. Let the girl know you're doing it and will touch base in a month to see if you're still sober. If you've been drinking for some time, it will be a big adjustment not to. But if you haven't been drinking all the time but just go haywire when you do, at least that long period of catching up to yourself might not be as intense. You can't handle alcohol. It's a chemical thing. So stop now and save your life.

 

 

I only drink every so often and I mentioned to her that I would quit alcohol in a heartbeat to save my self and those around me.

 

I'll do anything it takes to fix things, I hate it so much.

[Ryderr]

Any other thoughts?

[thecrucible]

It sounds like you're really lovely as you can understand that you've hurt her. Maybe you can focus on doing romantic things for her and saying sweet things to make her feel more comfortable. You are not an awful person, you just messed up and you are taking responsibility by being careful with alcohol in the future. In a way I know how you feel. I did something I regret under the influence of alcohol and I didn't recognise who I was in that moment. I still drink but I think about what I'm doing a lot more. I think you are taking really positive steps so keep going.

[preraph]

I only drink every so often and I mentioned to her that I would quit alcohol in a heartbeat to save my self and those around me.

 

I'll do anything it takes to fix things, I hate it so much.

 

That's good. And you need to totally stop. Even though you haven't been drinking all the time, it can degenerate into that. Alcohol affects different people differently. My mom said my dad was at his most entertaining at 1-2 drinks, but after that he dissolved into a sobbing child. I am charming on champagne but feel like a violent meth head on any amount of tequila, so I can't drink it at all.

 

I know a guy more like you who just changed personalities into a monster when he drank, and he just had to stop drinking at all before he got himself in a lot of trouble. You may have to lose some of your friends if you have any who like the nasty drunk you become and keep urging you to drink with them. Stop talking to her about it and act on it now and after a month of sobriety and seeking help, maybe she'll come around. You might have to get her (later, once your therapists knows who you are and assesses you well) into a joint session with you.

 

Good luck. I'm sorry this is how you are drunk. You need to exorcise those demons with a therapist while totally sober to deal with them. Maybe they won't be as bad as you fear.

 

Don't try to see her until you're sober a month and in therapy that long. But tell her once a week or whatever without making a big dramatic scene "I'm going to fix this."

Edited March 7, 2016 by preraph

[Rexxy]

I went to the doctors and got diagnosed with sever depression.

 

I've been given anti-depressants and will be starting therapy in the following weeks.

 

She did text me today so I guess she is thinking of me on some level.

 

But now she takes forever to respond to texts and doesn't use any emoji's anymore.

 

sigh...i think I may have ruined something special

[loveiswar101]

Firstly what has happened has happened, you can't change the past. But you have realised your mistake and taking in action towards it now and for the future.

I myself suffer from depression and have done for 8-10 years now since my marriage crumbled. It's not great but you learn how to make it work when needed. Take the tabs (take a while to kick in), don't drink and exercise.

 

As for your girl I can only recommend you give her plenty of space. Don't bombard her with texts and phone calls, just response when she messages you at the moment and always message short (not stories) and positively. Don't drag on the texts back and forth.

 

At a guess and no expert she will be on very tender hooks and cautious of you at the moment and you have to understand and expect that.

 

For any chance I think space and her seeing down track you are making an effort and changing. Ie. Doing what you said and should be doing.

 

Let her come to you...you focus on you at moment.

 

If she does want it to work she will come to you!

[elaine567]

As for your girl I can only recommend you give her plenty of space. Don't bombard her with texts and phone calls, just response when she messages you at the moment and always message short (not stories) and positively. Don't drag on the texts back and forth.

 

At a guess and no expert she will be on very tender hooks and cautious of you at the moment and you have to understand and expect that.

 

For any chance I think space and her seeing down track you are making an effort and changing. Ie. Doing what you said and should be doing.

 

Let her come to you...you focus on you at moment.

 

If she does want it to work she will come to you!

 

I am not sure this will work, she has had a big shock, the man who she thought loved and adored her, turned into a demon who was rude and aggressive, and "broke up" with her.

I do not agree with bombarding her with texts and calls, but short texts and leaving her to "come to him" will result in her staying away all together.

She needs reassurance that he does indeed love her, staying away from her, will confirm to her that he does want to break up, that he doesn't love her, and that she is wasting her time.

 

Some believe that alcohol reveals the truth, if he stays away and acts cool, then what message does that send?

[elaine567]

Of course if you did indeed mean what you said when drunk and you do actually want to break up, then maybe this gives you a good opportunity to split up with her.

[Redhead14]

I need help mentally and guidance, this thread is my cry for help to you guys. I will be getting professional help because I hate who I become.

 

 

For the past month I've had quite a lot of ups and downs with my girlfriend, arguments and disagreements and now she is a little distant.

 

For my birthday night (2 days ago) we went out with a group of people to the city and had quite a lot to drink, but i wasn't my usual self. I got really angry (not aggressive) and was extremely rude to my girlfriend like putting my finger up at her, looking through her phone and texting some guys she knew saying we broke up, and been an ar*ehole the whole time. This is not who I am at all and im still shocked!

 

And the end of the night she broke down and cried uncontrollably, over a few hours she calmed down and I went home with her to sleep.

 

I woke up feeling regret and guilt....I need professional help.

 

We had a talk about it and came to the conclusion that I need to put in effort into changing my behavior and getting professional help which I agreed.

 

She said she loves me so much but can't keep going on until this behavior changes, she said she'll stick by my side and work through it with me until we figure things out.

 

We decided to take this week apart and give each other space for the next 5 days, she made it clear we're not breaking up, we're still exclusive, and she thinks this will keep the relationship together. I agreed to this.

 

Because it was my birthday she stayed with me for the day and night, she showed affection, kissed me, constantly touching me, and we made love at the end of the night.

 

But she always seems a little bit distant at the same time, a bit flatter than usual. Although, she said she the words "I love you" a lot through out the day and night, a lot. She also kept talking about us in the future like "When we get an apartment together" and things like that.

 

I've booked an appointment in with my doctor and I'm going to organise professional help today and get on top of things because I hate who I become when I drink.

 

Do you think I've ruined this relationship or their a chance we can work through this.

 

I dropped her of at home in the morning and we kissed for about 5 mins before she said "I love you a lot" and i'll see you on friday, let me know how you go with booking the appointments"

 

Please help? Does she love me? Is it repairable?

 

You have an appointment booked for professional help. You will be spending quite a lot of money there. Tell the counselor everything you've said here and he/she will give you a much better idea of how to proceed, what you need to do to at least give it a better shot. Why come here when you're spending that kind of money in a couple of days?

 

One thing is for sure, you need to follow through with that appointment -- she's watching closely -- "let me know how you go with booking the appointments".

[GenuineAttraction]

She's got one foot out of the door.

 

You need to man up, and make a game plan on how you want your life to be and forget about her in the short term. If she senses that you are doing this for her and not for yourself, then she'll never trust you.

 

Give her tons of space. Do not call or text or see how she is doing. Exercise some self control. Let her do ALL of the contacting. Do not contact her or do facebook likes or anything like that. When she does, and she will (if she really loves you), you tell you what you have ACCOMPLISHED, and the next steps you are doing. You also put everything in a positive light. Don't be negative.

 

She needs to see that you can maintain control of yourself and your life.

 

Also consider the fact that you're 50/50 going to lose her right now.

 

Remember this is a learning experience, and treat it as that. If you do lose her, now you know why, and you'll be much stronger for it.

 

Soldier on, I know it sucks right now, but it will get better.