Agnebert Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 My ex broke up with me for the second time around 4 months ago. There was some drama that went down when I had a little too much to drink and brought up things from the past that I couldn't get past. Long story short, I think he still had feelings (was still in love for the most part) but knew he couldn't do it any longer. The relationship had become tainted therefore toxic. He blocked me and I didn't expect to hear from him again. Fast forward a few months, I have seen him out with friends a handful of times. Usually, I pretend he's not there but not in an obvious way, just being civil and respectful. He's smiled, asked me about my new job etc the last time. Today I get a message and I really just want opinions on whether he's trying to come back without losing his power, be my friend? What? because I've been civil with him so it wouldn't make much sense otherwise. Here is the message: "Do you think you and I could talk like regular people or is this working out for you? I'm fine with either." Help!
266696687 Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 My ex broke up with me for the second time around 4 months ago. There was some drama that went down when I had a little too much to drink and brought up things from the past that I couldn't get past. Long story short, I think he still had feelings (was still in love for the most part) but knew he couldn't do it any longer. The relationship had become tainted therefore toxic. He blocked me and I didn't expect to hear from him again. Fast forward a few months, I have seen him out with friends a handful of times. Usually, I pretend he's not there but not in an obvious way, just being civil and respectful. He's smiled, asked me about my new job etc the last time. Today I get a message and I really just want opinions on whether he's trying to come back without losing his power, be my friend? What? because I've been civil with him so it wouldn't make much sense otherwise. Here is the message: "Do you think you and I could talk like regular people or is this working out for you? I'm fine with either." Help! Don't respond just keep doing what you are doing. As long as you have been civil when you've seen him out any further contact is unnecessary. Sounds like he is just testing the waters. If he is fine with either then he won't be bothered if don't reply. His text doesn't really sound sincere either. It's a bit arrogant as well. I'm fine with either. He is trying to act like you don't bother him at all. If he isn't bothered then why should you? 1
Emilia Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 Without knowing the specifics it sounds to me like NC needs to be maintained for both of your sakes. 1
bluefeather Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 "Do you think you and I could talk like regular people or is this working out for you? I'm fine with either."! If he was fine with either, he would not have contacted you and left things as they were. He's lying. 1
mightycpa Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 I have a different take on this. Let me translate for you: We see each other around, and whenever we do, it is civil, but it feels awkward at the same time. Because I don't feel it at all anymore, I'd like it if we could drop the discomfort around each other, but I'd also understand if it is still difficult for you. I won't push it, and I leave the decision in your hands.I think it is an overture, but not for a romantic relationship. He just wants the walls to come down. If you're not ready, you might give him the courtesy of a reply: Thanks, but this is still hurtful to me, and I need more time to adjust. I'm not ready for that yet. I'll let you know when I am.and this would let him know not to push it with you. He might even just not talk to you when you see him out, if you send something like this. If you're afraid that you'll feed his ego, or that there is some shame in having feelings for him, all I can say is don't worry about that. It's the people without feelings who need to worry. 2
Author Agnebert Posted March 7, 2016 Author Posted March 7, 2016 Thank you, guys...all very intelligent answers. I think that last one hit the nail in the head though. I ended up replying with, something about being under the impression that we were under civil, regular people speaking terms already. He said he just wanted to have a normal "how's it going conversation" without bringing up the past and wanted to know if it was weird. Like I said, not much catching up to do that we hasn't already done. The number of times I dreamed of the things I would say in the past few months... And nothing. Was completely polite and respectful. He had to go as he was at coffee shop (new place, no wifi) so that's that. I can't help but hope he writes again and wants to see me or something. <- that's me admitting my feelings lol He did ask if I was seeing anyone when we talked in person last time. And he came back after the first break up. But I honestly think you're right, he just wants to be friends.
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