cocorico Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 (edited) How far would you be prepared to relocate to live with someone you loved? Would you expect them to make the move, to be with you? How would you decide? Would it make a difference if it was a LDR from the start, or if the person moved later in the R? Would it matter how "serious" the R was - dating, cohabiting, marriage? Is there anywhere you would absolutely not move to, no matter how great the person or how wonderful the R? I love my home town, and never considered moving. But then, I met this guy, and moved halfway around the world so we could be together. I never expected that, but we're happy. We spend part of the year in his country now, and part of the year in mine. Edited March 6, 2016 by cocorico
d0nnivain Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 Unless I otherwise wanted to be in the new location I would not move only for love if I wasn't married. Years ago I lived here on the east coast & my then BF moved to California. We had an LDR for a time. Since at that time I thought it would be cool to live in California, I tried to get a job there. When I couldn't get hired, I stayed put. I would not relocated for just a dream. Now as a married person if my husband got transferred I would move. However, when my parents were still alive I could not have moved because I was caring for them. For you it worked & I am glad it did. A friend on mine fell in love with an Aussie when he was on holiday in NYC. She moved to be with him & lived there for about 5 years. It was a real p.i.t.a. for her to lug all her stuff back to the US when they broke up. 1
Gloria25 Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 IMO, "love" isn't practical. "Love" doesn't pay the bills. "Love" doesn't mean that person is gonna make a good spouse and/or parent. Marriage and decisions about life need to be "practical" for me. Love someone all you want, if relocating means you're gonna be away from family, friends, and/or in a situation where you can't find work, etc. "Love" ain't gonna conquer all. I wouldn't move unless it was for more than just "him". I considered that once. I even started making plans. For one, I wasn't gonna move unless I had my own place when I moved there - along with my own job. I also had no intention of selling my home - I'd rent it out instead. Someone just uprooting their life and moving to please another person, IMO, is gonna set you both up for failure. I have a friend I'm worried about right now. She's depressed cuz they just moved to where "he" wanted to move to (even though it's her hard work and money that kept them afloat over the years). So, now she's stuck in the boonies and miserable. I'm so upset that I can't even see straight. I love her, but it's not my business to get involved in her RL, so, I just sit and let her complain and try to give her ways to find things to do w/o telling her what I really thing about how stupid she was/is to let this guy rule her for decades now...I can't stand that loser, I don't know why she gives him so much power when she's the one with brains, money, etc. in the RL. He literally offers nothing in this RL. But, she's the type of person who wants to please everyone else and put herself on the backburner....I think it has to do with her alcoholic dad. 1
MuddyFootprints Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 I fully expect this in the future and he knows it. I've done the Mr. Muddyfootprints' family show our whole marriage and we will see it through. His parents are elderly and frail and we will be here for them. When it's my parents' turn, we will be there for them, too. I just wish we had more concrete plans. 1
carhill Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 How far would you be prepared to relocate to live with someone you loved? At my age, I'm setting up to be anywhere and have my little place in the woods for whatever purpose it serves. Hence, distance wouldn't matter. Would you expect them to make the move, to be with you? Heh, not too many folks like rain and the woods, so no. How would you decide? It would kinda flow, like when my exW and I made the decision when getting married. Would it make a difference if it was a LDR from the start, or if the person moved later in the R? Would it matter how "serious" the R was - dating, cohabiting, marriage? To me, timing wouldn't really matter and I wouldn't live with someone I'm not married to so it would only be if getting married. Is there anywhere you would absolutely not move to, no matter how great the person or how wonderful the R? Parts of Africa I've been to were pretty rough so probably not those places but I've been around enough and have the skills to survive most anywhere. So, say, if my wife was a doctor doing DWB in Zaire (now Congo), I'd visit but wouldn't want to live there long-term. I love my home town, and never considered moving. But then, I met this guy, and moved halfway around the world so we could be together. I never expected that, but we're happy. We spend part of the year in his country now, and part of the year in mine. Yeah, some people live their whole lives where they were born. That's how it's been for me. What I've noticed is, at this age in life, such things appear to have gone out of custom, people are mobile and friends and family spread to the wind. So, heh, I gotta please myself. It's easy to leave. The hard part is unwinding all the logistics of over five decades of business and personal life in one area. Wish I could push a button and be outta here tomorrow Good luck with your relationship! 1
Woggle Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 I moved all the way from New Jersey to California for her but I know I am glad I did it after seeing what is happening to my former state. I also moved from NYC to NJ for my ex. 2
RecentChange Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 I moved 500 miles, but would have moved 5,000 or more! It was for love, we had been dating just a few weeks when he move for a new job. I had 6 months of college to finish, and moved in with him as soon as I graduated. Stayed there for 6 years. We have since moved back to the original area where we met. We are still together, and I have zero regrets for making that plunge. 1
Popsicle Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 I don't mind moving and spent my entire adult life living some place for or because of a man. I'm used to it, but I enjoy the experience of changing the scenery every decade or so (I'm due now!). I see it as an adventure.
Els Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 (edited) I don't think anyone should expect their partner to move for them - it's an extremely big decision and nobody should be pressured into doing it. If someone chooses to do it, it has to be of their own accord. That being said, I did move to close my LDR. But I always knew I would be emigrating, the LDR just decided the country for me. The country I moved to would still have been in my top 3 choices to move to had I not been in a LDR, so I might have picked a different country otherwise, or I might not. Still, I'm very happy with my choice right now, both in terms of our relationship and the country I live in. If (knock on wood) we were to not work out in the future, I would still want to remain here. As for how we decided, the countries we lived in made the decision for us. Had our locations been reversed he would have come to me. Yes, there are absolutely some countries I will not move to, not for anyone or anything in the world. Moving to a less-than-ideal town or city - yes. Country - no. Anyone who feels otherwise has no idea how bad life in some countries can be. Edited March 7, 2016 by Elswyth 1
Justanaverageguy Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 (edited) IMO, "love" isn't practical. "Love" doesn't pay the bills. "Love" doesn't mean that person is gonna make a good spouse and/or parent. Marriage and decisions about life need to be "practical" for me. . Just practical ? Really ? How very mathematical and logical that all sounds Unfortunately that's not how the heart and human emotions tend to work. Truth is you need a balance to make it work long term. A relationship based on practicality only is not love and not even really a relationship. You could maybe call it a business arrangement. But equally a relationship based only on emotion and without practicality is destined to fail when the realities of life hit home. Aim high ..... look for both I would move for someone if I cared about them deeply, they cared about me deeply and the move made sense from both practical and emotional perspective. In truth if the feelings were there and I thought she was worth it I would risk it even if maybe it wasn't the most practical. I've moved once half way around the world and it didn't work out but I would prefer to die knowing I followed my heart and it didn't work out then look back and always wonder "what if" because I was too scared or careful to take a risk. I'm always open to a new adventure and I find that failures normally work out for the best in the long run anyway as long as you deal with them the right way. My failed move around the world was the best mistake I ever made Edited March 7, 2016 by Justanaverageguy
minimariah Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 (edited) How far would you be prepared to relocate to live with someone you loved? i have a child -- so i wouldn't be willing to move AT ALL. she goes to school here, has friends here and most importantly -- her father is here so relocating is not an option. when i was younger and without a child -- i was ready to follow my love to the end of the world. THEN, it was possible and i'd do it in a heartbeat. Would you expect them to make the move, to be with you? no, especially if they have a child or children. Is there anywhere you would absolutely not move to, no matter how great the person or how wonderful the R? India + obviously war stricken countries. Edited March 7, 2016 by minimariah
thefooloftheyear Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 I have a mother I love dearly and take care of at times and enjoy her company ....She lives 10 minutes away,,,She's not going anywhere, and while I would love to find a nicer place to live(with better weather), she's not leaving and this is her home.....so neither am I... Truth is she may outlive me, so it wont matter at that point... TFY
MissBee Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 It's difficult to answer hypothetically, and like your case, would really be based on a very specific, concrete situation and set of factors. I would not move simply "for love," especially if I'm just dating. I would not move for a boyfriend. If I am deciding to make a life with someone and we're getting married or are already married then we'd make that decision together based on both our careers, families, all the things that are important and practical and try to find something that works. However, I wouldn't up and move simply for love and wouldn't expect a man to do that for me. I'm not currently in a LTR, but for my career path this is a big question, as you have limited control over where it takes you so this often ends up being something that people grapple with in their relationships, esp if both are in this field, as one person's path may take them to one coast or even country and the other to another. Sometimes they can negotiate to be at the same place, but not always, so I know a lot of people who either end up doing long distance or the person who is more flexible does the moving or they make the choice to prioritize the relationship over their career. I'm not sure I could do the latter, but the only thing I know for certain is that I wouldn't move just for love without also securing some other important things, and because of that I am completely understanding of a man who feels the same.
gaius Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 I moved a week after I met her in person for the first time. About 5-6 hours away from where I was going to be originally. It's really an issue of pragmatism. It wasn't practical for my girlfriend to move but it was me, and it was fairly obvious before the week was out that it wasn't going to work long distance, we needed to see each other, so I did. She's the kind of girl you're lucky if you run across even once in your life and it wasn't even a choice really, just something I had to do. And 10 months later I couldn't be more glad that I did. 2
kztar Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 I wouldn't do it. Leave everything behind for ONE person that who knows what's happening in their head a few years after that. No thank you I'm good. You leave everything for your everything and then your everything becomes your nothing and there you are with NOTHING left!
TX-SC Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 I grew up in South Carolina and married a girl from Texas. I now live in Texas. So, I guess that's about 1100 miles I moved.
Lois_Griffin Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 I did it ONCE about 15 years ago. It was only 50 miles away into the next state because I married him, but it might as well have been 2,500 miles. I hated it. I would never, ever do it again.
Elwood Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 I moved across the country for my ex-wife. That was many years ago and I no longer live in that state but wish I did. I don't regret it at all. I was in a LDR with someone else recently and I was prepared to move. For me, if I really love them I would likely move to be with them.
thefooloftheyear Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 Myself and most people I know stay close with their family...That aspect really makes it incredibly difficult to move a distance away...just for someone from the outside.. But I've noticed that the last few generations don't seem too tied to this....Not being critical, like I stated earlier family would prevent me from doing it, just seems like its not as vital for....say.....Millennials...?? Additionally people freely move for jobs/careers more now than they used to... Interesting... TFY
Author cocorico Posted March 10, 2016 Author Posted March 10, 2016 Myself and most people I know stay close with their family...That aspect really makes it incredibly difficult to move a distance away...just for someone from the outside.. But I've noticed that the last few generations don't seem too tied to this....Not being critical, like I stated earlier family would prevent me from doing it, just seems like its not as vital for....say.....Millennials...?? Additionally people freely move for jobs/careers more now than they used to... Interesting... TFY The generational aspect is interesting. My generation all fled as far from where we grew up as we could, as soon as we could - but I see now (FB is a wonderful thing) how many have returned. In part, perhaps, because our parents are at the age of needing care. My parents' generation tended to stay closer - my father's brother moved only a few miles from his parents, and likewise most of his cousins. My mother had never travelled beyond the city she was born in. My daughter has moved many times - for career rather than love - but my son still lives in the same place. My H's kids live far from where they grew up. My H's siblings - one has lived all her life close to where she was born, the other has ranged far and wide. My own siblings likewise - one never far from "home", the other as far as he could get. I've moved for career, and stayed out (when I would rather have moved) for career. I never considered moving "for love" until this happened.
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