He's calling right now, why?

[Lovelyandlonely]

Why is he calling me? How will I move on?

He broke up with me because we had so many problems. He had so many problems. He wants to be with other girls yet he said he still loves me and is attracted to me.

He says he was drawn to me for my looks so then I say I must be a terrible person if he realized he doesn't want me, yet he wants to be friends with me until I'm "90".

 

My self esteem is low to even consider staying friends with him. It makes me feel slightly special when he calls or texts. I'm ignoring it, but why is he doing it?

 

He has even come and found me at school and work because I was ignoring him. Why????

[Zahara]

Why is he calling me? How will I move on?

He broke up with me because we had so many problems. He had so many problems. He wants to be with other girls yet he said he still loves me and is attracted to me.

He says he was drawn to me for my looks so then I say I must be a terrible person if he realized he doesn't want me, yet he wants to be friends with me until I'm "90".

 

My self esteem is low to even consider staying friends with him. It makes me feel slightly special when he calls or texts. I'm ignoring it, but why is he doing it?

 

He has even come and found me at school and work because I was ignoring him. Why????

 

Guys like him are only out to use women like you because they have needs -- whether it's attention, an ego stroke, sex, a distraction -- it has nothing to do with love. He knows you're affected and attached to him and it's easy to get you to give him what he needs. That's all it is. And they're so good at telling you what you want to hear to keep you connected to them. Don't feel special when he calls or texts because he's only doing it for selfish reasons. It has nothing to do with you.

 

He wants to be with other girls. Let him find what he needs from them. Any more engaging with him is only going to tear your self-esteem to shreds.

 

Block him.

[Lovelyandlonely]

I did block him now, but he can still come find me at school or even at home. He doesn't know when I'll be working anymore because I wrote it on the calendar ahead of time but that has probably run out by now.

He has found me at school before, what do I do if he shows up there?

How do I stick to my guns? When he's standing right there? I can try to walk away but he's a douche bag and won't let me. He forced me to hug him when he came and found me at work, he doesn't listen when I say no.

[Lovelyandlonely]

Thinking of him brings me such distress. I want to lose my few friends because he tried to consider each one of them as a girl to be with. He's so lame. He didn't deserve me, yet I'm still bothered by him.

[Satu]

Set your sights higher.

 

Much higher.

 

You will only ever have something better when you really know that you deserve something better.

 

Work on your self-esteem.

[Zahara]

I did block him now, but he can still come find me at school or even at home. He doesn't know when I'll be working anymore because I wrote it on the calendar ahead of time but that has probably run out by now.

He has found me at school before, what do I do if he shows up there?

How do I stick to my guns? When he's standing right there? I can try to walk away but he's a douche bag and won't let me. He forced me to hug him when he came and found me at work, he doesn't listen when I say no.

 

When he shows up, you ignore him or firmly tell him that you would like for him to leave you alone and to please respect your need for no contact. And that you want nothing to do with him or you will escalate the matter should he come to your home, job or school again. Act firm and decisive. And then walk away. No one should be coming to your school or job and forcing you to interact with them.

 

He presses you because he knows you are weak and will always give in. He knows coaxing you will get you to react.

Edited March 6, 2016 by Zahara

[Lovelyandlonely]

It's just hard because he helped me with a few things. Him being a male he knew things I didn't, and made sure I didn't get scammed and stuff. He was supposed to help me find a car soon. Who will I go to when I need help finding a car? It will have to be a cheap one and I just feel like I need a male's help with that.

I don't have a dad or any real male figure around.

[Zahara]

It's just hard because he helped me with a few things. Him being a male he knew things I didn't, and made sure I didn't get scammed and stuff. He was supposed to help me find a car soon. Who will I go to when I need help finding a car? It will have to be a cheap one and I just feel like I need a male's help with that.

I don't have a dad or any real male figure around.

 

Are you telling me that at the expense of your self-respect, you need to have him around because you can't maneuver your life?

 

Stop behaving weak and incapable. You can't depend on people to manage your life.

 

You can't ask a friend from school to help you or maybe even seek help from their dad? Go to a few of dealerships by yourself. Ask questions. Learn. Empower yourself. Do some research online on tips for buying a car. Talk to male friends in school and see if they can help you. Ask your male colleagues if they have any ability to help.

 

You're acting like he's the only man walking the earth. You do not need hand holding. Start learning how to be independent and strong.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

You want the brutal truth, he is horny. He wants lots of girls to want him, you have said as much in your first post. He is a creep!

 

You may feel you need a male influence in your life, but you should want a decent one, right? Trust me, he isn't someone you need in your life.

 

If you want to become a strong independent woman who can take care of herself, then it is time to take charge and buy a car on your own. Do online research, talk to friends and family. Women buy cars without men all the time, you don't need to hold on to this guy just for that. It is just an excuse.

 

The way he has spoken to you and disrespected you is unacceptable. Don't allow yourself to be treated that way. You are better than that!

[Lovelyandlonely]

You're very right, somehow I conveyed him well enough because it sounds like you know him. Thank you!

[Simon Phoenix]

It's just hard because he helped me with a few things. Him being a male he knew things I didn't, and made sure I didn't get scammed and stuff. He was supposed to help me find a car soon. Who will I go to when I need help finding a car? It will have to be a cheap one and I just feel like I need a male's help with that.

I don't have a dad or any real male figure around.

 

How about learning things for yourself instead of expecting men to bail you out? You aren't a child, you're an adult.

[Lovelyandlonely]

You don't have to be rude, I'm 19 and just trying to grieve what he was to me. He tried to make me dependent on him, before him I never needed a guy for anything.

I don't have any parent who gave an ounce of help either. He appeared to be someone who took some burden off me. I'd appreciate it if you refrained from adding to the negativity in my brain.

[Zahara]

He tried to make me dependent on him, before him I never needed a guy for anything.

 

So, get back there again. Part of building your self-esteem is learning how to be independent, and feeling empowered by your successes.

 

There's a difference between seeking help when you truly need it versus placing sole dependence on someone to do things for you. No one can make you become dependent. You chose to be that way with him and now you have to reverse those behaviors.

 

You can do it by finding other avenues for support. I left home when I was about your age and moved to a big city on my own with no support from my family. You learn to fend for yourself, and by trial and error. You're 19 and it's time you start taking steps to empower yourself.

[Jasejasejase]

I don't think people mean to be rude ... I guess some people have different approaches to advice. Tough love works on a lot of people ... Doesn't for ME either but that's just ME

 

Lovely and lonely ... You really need to dig deep and let this guy go. He's really showing his true colours. He wants your attention now because he hasnt got it and he doesn't like it one bit. But the truth of the matter is his destroyed your confidence and marginalised you. Thing is the way I read it your feelings were real for him .... And they will linger, no matter how hard you try and how badly be acts. You just need to work reLljy hard and not letting him back in. He's ni good for you hun

[Simon Phoenix]

You don't have to be rude, I'm 19 and just trying to grieve what he was to me. He tried to make me dependent on him, before him I never needed a guy for anything.

I don't have any parent who gave an ounce of help either. He appeared to be someone who took some burden off me. I'd appreciate it if you refrained from adding to the negativity in my brain.

 

You should never be dependent on anyone else to that extent. If you learn to do things or learn new concepts, they stop become a "burden" from then on. But I sounded negative because you sounded like the stereotypical "ooh, I can't do anything, I'm a girl!" and society has progressed to where that type of mentality is not cool at all. You need to want more for yourself regardless of whether you're in a relationship or not.

 

I may be blunt, but there's a reason behind it. And it's not meant to pick on you -- it's meant to empower you. If you listen to what is said instead rather than victimizing yourself, not only will you be able to retain said information, but you'll also be strong enough to where people won't be able to use you like your ex has and is currently trying to. Don't make excuses as to why you can't -- strive to where you can.