jebrooks1988 Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 So I guess I'm in a friends with benefits situation? lol. We haven't established if this a friends with benefits or not, which is fine because I don't want a relationship. I'm just confused because I feel like I'm being rude here lol. He set up a nice romantic date, cuddled and kissed after thef first time we had sex, drove me home and we pecked as I got out of the car- just a gentleman about things. I never reach out to him (don't want to blur any lines). He took a week to say something to me, but I ignored his message. He sent me another text a week after I ignored him and he sent me kissy faces and I'm contemplating on if I should respond back or not lol. Since this is my first friends with benefits, how should communication go? I feel bad about ignoring his texts but I just want to make sure no lines are blurred. When I'm ready to do the do I'll say something other than that I just don't see the point in talking I guess, but doing this just also seems rude lol.
elaine567 Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 Since this is my first friends with benefits, how should communication go? I feel bad about ignoring his texts but I just want to make sure no lines are blurred. When I'm ready to do the do I'll say something other than that I just don't see the point in talking I guess, but doing this just also seems rude lol. Ever considered that his texts and the kissy faces may mean HE wants to "do the do". 1
Zahara Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 Why haven't you both communicated to each other as to the terms of the relationship? If you want to engage in an FWB, be an adult, communicate and make sure both of you are on the same page. And why are you ignoring his texts? Maybe he wants to do it. 3
jen1447 Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 Yeah, you don't know what it is now bc you haven't said what it is. What you're talking about in your case is an F-buddy btw - someone you just have sex with. A FWB is a friend you have sex with - sounds like you don't really know this guy. Anyway yeah you need to define it as F buddies. That means tell him you just want to have sex occasionally and nothing else. It sounds like he's not really on the same page tho if he's being super-gentleman and reaching out to you like someone you're dating. All the more reason to straighten it out - you're not doing him any favors just treating him like a sex partner if he's hoping for something more and isn't aware that you're not. 1
ASG Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 FWBs who ignored my texts were not FWBs for long. What's the problem with replying?? You ARE being rude I talk to my fwb often. There is no problem woth that. 2
whichwayisup Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 So I guess I'm in a friends with benefits situation? lol. We haven't established if this a friends with benefits or not, which is fine because I don't want a relationship. I'm just confused because I feel like I'm being rude here lol. He set up a nice romantic date, cuddled and kissed after thef first time we had sex, drove me home and we pecked as I got out of the car- just a gentleman about things. I never reach out to him (don't want to blur any lines). He took a week to say something to me, but I ignored his message. He sent me another text a week after I ignored him and he sent me kissy faces and I'm contemplating on if I should respond back or not lol. Since this is my first friends with benefits, how should communication go? I feel bad about ignoring his texts but I just want to make sure no lines are blurred. When I'm ready to do the do I'll say something other than that I just don't see the point in talking I guess, but doing this just also seems rude lol. You two are 'friends' right? No need to ignore him when he's reached out to you twice. There has to be a respect and kindness there, not just be f buddies, then ignore him and be cold. How about having a real conversation with him, setting boundaries and rules, be honest and up front instead of ignoring him and giving him the cold shoulder?
fitnessfan365 Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 I was thinking the same thing as Jen. This guy seems like he wants to date you. Have you considered that he is going along with it in hopes you'll want more? But in general, having a f**k buddy, FWB, etc can be very tricky. Usually one person gets emotionally involved In the past, when I've been f**k buddies with women I was very upfront about not wanting a relationship, etc.. Yet somehow they always wound up saying they'd wanted more, were hoping I'd change my mind, etc..
Author jebrooks1988 Posted March 7, 2016 Author Posted March 7, 2016 Yeah, you don't know what it is now bc you haven't said what it is. What you're talking about in your case is an F-buddy btw - someone you just have sex with. A FWB is a friend you have sex with - sounds like you don't really know this guy. Anyway yeah you need to define it as F buddies. That means tell him you just want to have sex occasionally and nothing else. It sounds like he's not really on the same page tho if he's being super-gentleman and reaching out to you like someone you're dating. All the more reason to straighten it out - you're not doing him any favors just treating him like a sex partner if he's hoping for something more and isn't aware that you're not. Oh I guess I didn't think of that. I actually do know him we used to date a long time ago. Like I said I've never done this before so I clearly went about this the wrong way lol :/. Thanks!
Robratory Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 (edited) So I guess I'm in a friends with benefits situation? lol. We haven't established if this a friends with benefits or not, which is fine because I don't want a relationship. I'm just confused because I feel like I'm being rude here lol. He set up a nice romantic date, cuddled and kissed after thef first time we had sex, drove me home and we pecked as I got out of the car- just a gentleman about things. I never reach out to him (don't want to blur any lines). He took a week to say something to me, but I ignored his message. He sent me another text a week after I ignored him and he sent me kissy faces and I'm contemplating on if I should respond back or not lol. Since this is my first friends with benefits, how should communication go? I feel bad about ignoring his texts but I just want to make sure no lines are blurred. When I'm ready to do the do I'll say something other than that I just don't see the point in talking I guess, but doing this just also seems rude lol. Why don't you want a relationship? But hey, if you just want to rut like an animal, that can work too, but to avoid hurt feelings, both parties must be in favor of the arrangement. Look, the whole idea of FWB is bull*****. It's a con by horny males perpetrated on naive females. If you are female and have lost so much of your humanity that you'd be willing to join a FWB "thing," that's one thing, but if you're still a normal human being who wants to love and be loved, reject it as the bull***** it is. Edited March 7, 2016 by Robratory 2
Author jebrooks1988 Posted March 7, 2016 Author Posted March 7, 2016 But why don't you want a relationship? But hey, if you just want to rut like an animal, that can work too, but to avoid hurt feelings, both parties must be in favor of the arrangement. Look, the whole idea of FWB is bull*****. It's a con by horny males perpetrated on naive females. If you are female and have lost so much of your humanity that you'd be willing to join a FWB "thing," that's one thing, but if you're still a normal human being who wants to love and be loved, reject it as the bull***** it is. I got out of a horrible 6 year relationship. I have no desire for a relationship. Even if I did desire a relationship I know I wouldn't be ready for one. I'm just not emotionally there. For now I would like to have some casual fun, not "rut like an animal". I'm still young and have plenty of time to find love but that's not what I am looking for. I don't think a person who doesn't want a relationship has lost their humanity or is abnormal. That is such an archaic way of thinking. Not to mention just plain rude to insinuate that someone isn't normal because they would just like to have sex and not a relationship. Also, as far as hurt feelings I thought that's what he wanted as well.
whichwayisup Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 I got out of a horrible 6 year relationship. I have no desire for a relationship. Even if I did desire a relationship I know I wouldn't be ready for one. I'm just not emotionally there. For now I would like to have some casual fun, not "rut like an animal". I'm still young and have plenty of time to find love but that's not what I am looking for. I don't think a person who doesn't want a relationship has lost their humanity or is abnormal. That is such an archaic way of thinking. Not to mention just plain rude to insinuate that someone isn't normal because they would just like to have sex and not a relationship. Also, as far as hurt feelings I thought that's what he wanted as well. Then tell him all this. And give him friend respect! Ignoring him just isn't nice to do. You can stay detached and still be on friend terms though make it clear to him that you're not going to get attached or do the daily flirty text thing.. Once he knows what the rules are, it's up to him to follow the boundaries set.
Author jebrooks1988 Posted March 7, 2016 Author Posted March 7, 2016 Then tell him all this. And give him friend respect! Ignoring him just isn't nice to do. You can stay detached and still be on friend terms though make it clear to him that you're not going to get attached or do the daily flirty text thing.. Once he knows what the rules are, it's up to him to follow the boundaries set. Does it seem like he is interested in more than just sex? If it seems that way I'll definitely reach out and have a conversation ASAP. I thought by being extremely detached no feelings would surface between us, so I really hope that isn't the case on his end because I would really feel horrible. Either way I will be speaking with him. Thank you for the advice by the way
Author jebrooks1988 Posted March 7, 2016 Author Posted March 7, 2016 I was thinking the same thing as Jen. This guy seems like he wants to date you. Have you considered that he is going along with it in hopes you'll want more? But in general, having a f**k buddy, FWB, etc can be very tricky. Usually one person gets emotionally involved In the past, when I've been f**k buddies with women I was very upfront about not wanting a relationship, etc.. Yet somehow they always wound up saying they'd wanted more, were hoping I'd change my mind, etc.. My girlfriends think the same thing, but I just figured if he did want something more he would say so.
Robratory Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 I got out of a horrible 6 year relationship. I have no desire for a relationship. Even if I did desire a relationship I know I wouldn't be ready for one. I'm just not emotionally there. For now I would like to have some casual fun, not "rut like an animal". I'm still young and have plenty of time to find love but that's not what I am looking for. I don't think a person who doesn't want a relationship has lost their humanity or is abnormal. That is such an archaic way of thinking. Not to mention just plain rude to insinuate that someone isn't normal because they would just like to have sex and not a relationship. Also, as far as hurt feelings I thought that's what he wanted as well. I apologize for being rude, but your attitude angered me. I was thinking about him more than you. Why would you treat someone like that after he treated you so nicely? 1
kendahke Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 Since this is my first friends with benefits, how should communication go? I feel bad about ignoring his texts but I just want to make sure no lines are blurred. When I'm ready to do the do I'll say something other than that I just don't see the point in talking I guess, but doing this just also seems rude lol. Any reason why you can't tell him this? You really need to take the time to get clarification on the boundaries of this. Asking us isn't going to do it. You need to talk to him. The basis of any successful relationship, even if it's a FWB is communication.
Seteeri Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 I got out of a horrible 6 year relationship. I have no desire for a relationship. Even if I did desire a relationship I know I wouldn't be ready for one. I'm just not emotionally there. For now I would like to have some casual fun, not "rut like an animal". I'm still young and have plenty of time to find love but that's not what I am looking for. I don't think a person who doesn't want a relationship has lost their humanity or is abnormal. That is such an archaic way of thinking. Not to mention just plain rude to insinuate that someone isn't normal because they would just like to have sex and not a relationship. Also, as far as hurt feelings I thought that's what he wanted as well. You seem pretty apathetic about the whole situation and he seems to be really into you based on him being more romantic. The fact that you guys previously dated, makes things already complicated. If the romantic gestures increase, it probably won't end well, especially for him. Overall, it sounds like you need to stay single for a while, including staying away from FWB. With FWB, there is always the possibility that feelings could develop, and there is still a modicum of friendship involved; in theory they sound great, but in reality, they are tricky things to manage. So yes, you still communicate with them and treat them like any other friend - to put this in perspective, would you ignore your gfs if they texted you? I don't mean to sound condescening, but I get the feeling you don't have a lot of actual guy friends so if you insist on FWB, maybe work on having guy friends first, before getting into FWB. As far as sexual needs go, one-night stands might be a better option since they are literally just sex (ofc safety first!), or finding a guy that isn't so romantic. 1
letmoc Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 Maybe he is just romantic. Some people like a little romance even in FWB, it does not mean that he wants more. Just talk to him about it.
Mrin Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 Does it seem like he is interested in more than just sex? If it seems that way I'll definitely reach out and have a conversation ASAP. I thought by being extremely detached no feelings would surface between us, so I really hope that isn't the case on his end because I would really feel horrible. Either way I will be speaking with him. Thank you for the advice by the way There is more evidence as to the final location of MH370 than there is regarding his intent in this matter. We have an ignored text and a kissy face emoji. Just reach out to him, have a real discussion and if you're not open to getting into a relationship with him - go first. Seriously. If you let him go first he will probably give you an non-answer. Just tell him what you're looking for and see what he says.
Author jebrooks1988 Posted March 7, 2016 Author Posted March 7, 2016 There is more evidence as to the final location of MH370 than there is regarding his intent in this matter. We have an ignored text and a kissy face emoji. Just reach out to him, have a real discussion and if you're not open to getting into a relationship with him - go first. Seriously. If you let him go first he will probably give you an non-answer. Just tell him what you're looking for and see what he says. Hahaha...okay I will thanks.
Author jebrooks1988 Posted March 7, 2016 Author Posted March 7, 2016 You seem pretty apathetic about the whole situation and he seems to be really into you based on him being more romantic. The fact that you guys previously dated, makes things already complicated. If the romantic gestures increase, it probably won't end well, especially for him. Overall, it sounds like you need to stay single for a while, including staying away from FWB. With FWB, there is always the possibility that feelings could develop, and there is still a modicum of friendship involved; in theory they sound great, but in reality, they are tricky things to manage. So yes, you still communicate with them and treat them like any other friend - to put this in perspective, would you ignore your gfs if they texted you? I don't mean to sound condescening, but I get the feeling you don't have a lot of actual guy friends so if you insist on FWB, maybe work on having guy friends first, before getting into FWB. As far as sexual needs go, one-night stands might be a better option since they are literally just sex (ofc safety first!), or finding a guy that isn't so romantic. You're right I just figured if he was interested he would say something so I just assumed he wasn't. I've just always thought if someone was genuinely interested they would speak up. I'll still have a talk with him though.
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