NYC-BigKat Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 I never commented on her dating older guys. I said, it's unlikely that this professor sees her as more than a student but that if she does like him & if she cares about his career, she needs to wait until she graduates. Would u say anything if this older guy was just some man standing around in a store & she was into him? I don't know...um...it just seems people worry too much about age & stuff, things that aren't really that important.
Author cassandra1997 Posted March 7, 2016 Author Posted March 7, 2016 I understand that someone cannot teach their significant other because of possible bias. So the semester should be over before we start anything.
NYC-BigKat Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 Was she wearing a donut on her shirt? What is going on in the world today. Cassandra, you just like the attention that your professor gives you. He treats you like an adult and gives you respect. You've never experienced that before. Just let this one go. Or sit there and admire him for being hot and wonderful, but don't act on it. We don't all have to act on every single crush we've ever had. If you act on this crush, you will embarrass yourself. Uh...if people didn't act on crushes then they will never know. I almost always act on my crushes even when it embarrassed me I still hate standing there & doing nothing. I think its bad bad bad to tell people who they should or shouldn't be attracted to. Like my uncle always says, just live & let live.
d0nnivain Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 Would u say anything if this older guy was just some man standing around in a store & she was into him? I don't know...um...it just seems people worry too much about age & stuff, things that aren't really that important. Nope. His age is not the important factor. The fact that he is a professor -- a man in a position of power over a young person -- that makes the OPs fantasy problematic. Heck, I wouldn't even be upset if she was student at school A & he taught at school B. The fact that he is her professor & controls her grade is the problem.
d0nnivain Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 I understand that someone cannot teach their significant other because of possible bias. So the semester should be over before we start anything. No, not just the semester. You have to graduate & no longer be a student at the school. I suppose you could transfer to another school & that would be OK too. The issue is that he can't even appear to have influence over your grades. As a student even if you aren't in his class, he will still have a relationship with your other professors.
stillafool Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 (edited) It always sort of irks me hearing about such young girls wanting to be with much older men. A few years like 5-10 difference is okay but 25-35 years is asking for trouble in my opinion because there won't be much in common for things to work out for the long haul, unless both parties agree to a physical relationship only. I wonder why OP isn't accepting offers from other parties? Probably because she doesn't get any. Let her go out with her professor[] Edited March 7, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
truth_seeker Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 Nope. His age is not the important factor. The fact that he is a professor -- a man in a position of power over a young person -- that makes the OPs fantasy problematic. Heck, I wouldn't even be upset if she was student at school A & he taught at school B. The fact that he is her professor & controls her grade is the problem. When I was in college I took an elective and the woman teaching the class was crushing on me. I hated the class and just didn't care. I need the credit to move forward. She would ask me to stay after class and would talk to me. She would sit next to me practically touching each other. I remember our Final Exam. She announced once you pass it in that's it. No do overs. I pass it in, leave and am happy I'm done with the class. Well, I get a call over the weekend. It's her. She tells me she was looking at my exam and felt it could be better if I worked on it some more and she could help me with it. I told her I was all set and mentioned how she said once we passed it in, it was final. She told me that's okay and asked me to come to her office later that night. wtf? I told her no. She asked me to reconsider. I was like, no way. I was 21 at the time and she was in her 50s and married. Back then I was super shy and wouldn't dare do anything. If it were me today, I'd probably have her bent over the desk in her office. So I refuse to go and hang up. Grades were posted on her door. I went to look and I got a 3.3. I was happy with that. In the mail I get my grades and for her class is was 2.3. Huh? I call her to see what's up. No answer. She called me back and left a voicemail saying I got a 2.3, it was my fault and hung up. Woah! So, even though I'm telling Cassandra to test out her Professor... keep in mind what Donni is saying that he has power and control over her grades.
AMJ Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 Uh...if people didn't act on crushes then they will never know. I almost always act on my crushes even when it embarrassed me I still hate standing there & doing nothing. I think its bad bad bad to tell people who they should or shouldn't be attracted to. Like my uncle always says, just live & let live. Uh, tell that to Monica Lewinsky. Acting on her "crush" literally ruined her entire career. The woman cannot live down one stupid BJ. I already gave Cassandra the solution... start dressing hotter and see if the Professor notices and makes some moves. Maybe if the Professor makes a move, the fantasy might die out? It could be that Cassandra likes what she can't have... and once it becomes real that the Professor wants her, she will lose interest? You need to stop it with this terrible advice!! That you think this is okay just proves my point on your own thread...that you pursue relationships that are doomed for failure from the start. There is no way this is a good idea for her. She's not 25, she's 18. Come on man.
Easyguy14 Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 An 18-years old girl is basically a child. I don't think she has enough adult life experience to differenciate between real life and fantasy. The age and experience gap between an 18-years old and a 50-years old is way too big for such a relationship to be in any way healthy. There are girls who feel they're too mature for guys their age, but I doubt OP is very mature deciding from her silly wish to seduce her professor and cause him trouble. Though it'a more than unlikely he would be that stupid to even care about her advances. While 18 is not technically a child, to a 50+ year old man, she should be seen as such. It would be detrimental to both parties for anything to transpire in a romantic way, and I doubt the professor will be open to anything like this as it would put his career in serious jeopardy if word ever got out about these two dating.
truth_seeker Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 Uh, tell that to Monica Lewinsky. Acting on her "crush" literally ruined her entire career. The woman cannot live down one stupid BJ. You need to stop it with this terrible advice!! That you think this is okay just proves my point on your own thread...that you pursue relationships that are doomed for failure from the start. There is no way this is a good idea for her. She's not 25, she's 18. Come on man. First, Monica blew the President. If it was the CEO of a bank, no one would have cared about her. Second, some of what I wrote is sarcasm to off set the good advice people have been providing, and if you read my post after the one you commented on, I warned her of the power a Professor can have over her with her grades. Bottom line is this: this girl doesn't want to read it's not a good idea to get hot and heavy with her Professor. She wants to hear it's a good idea to hook up with him and not to worry about age gaps or how he is her teacher. The best thing all of us can do for her is outline the PROS and CONS to hooking up with her Professor then it is up to her to make her own decision.
Easyguy14 Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 First, Monica blew the President. If it was the CEO of a bank, no one would have cared about her. Second, some of what I wrote is sarcasm to off set the good advice people have been providing, and if you read my post after the one you commented on, I warned her of the power a Professor can have over her with her grades. Bottom line is this: this girl doesn't want to read it's not a good idea to get hot and heavy with her Professor. She wants to hear it's a good idea to hook up with him and not to worry about age gaps or how he is her teacher. The best thing all of us can do for her is outline the PROS and CONS to hooking up with her Professor then it is up to her to make her own decision. Then why do you want her to test the waters by dressing provocatively? I'm trying to wrap my head around this ridiculous argument.
Author cassandra1997 Posted March 7, 2016 Author Posted March 7, 2016 If he's not my professor grading me at the time we're seeing each other, I don't see why it should be a problem. And this one couple on youtube have a thirty year difference and are happily married!
truth_seeker Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 Then why do you want her to test the waters by dressing provocatively? I'm trying to wrap my head around this ridiculous argument. Why? Read her latest post -- she wants to hook up with him and is not listening to what others are telling her, ie, don't do it.
AMJ Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 First, Monica blew the President. If it was the CEO of a bank, no one would have cared about her. Second, some of what I wrote is sarcasm to off set the good advice people have been providing, and if you read my post after the one you commented on, I warned her of the power a Professor can have over her with her grades. Bottom line is this: this girl doesn't want to read it's not a good idea to get hot and heavy with her Professor. She wants to hear it's a good idea to hook up with him and not to worry about age gaps or how he is her teacher. The best thing all of us can do for her is outline the PROS and CONS to hooking up with her Professor then it is up to her to make her own decision. No it's not good to encourage this. She's a child. Probably a virgin. She said she daydreamed about cuddling with him. OP needs a bigtime reality check. And probably a therapist. It's one thing to have a professor crush- let's be honest ladies, we've all had one- and its another thing to act on it. I don't even really think she wants to act on it. This thread sounded like a diary entry. No, if she were working at a bank and hooked up with the married CEO, there would be consequences. A national news story, no. But ending someone's marriage, losing her job, maybe getting the CEO sued over sexual harassment... This is not something she should pursue. I'm sure even her own peers wouldn't entertain the fantasy.
truth_seeker Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 If he's not my professor grading me at the time we're seeing each other, I don't see why it should be a problem. And this one couple on youtube have a thirty year difference and are happily married! It's obvious you have your heart set on getting it on with this guy so just go do it if he's interested. Just remember: there are consequences to what you're doing here. He's an older guy. He could reject you because of your age. He could sleep with you but then break it off and you'll be crushed. Keep this in mind if you choose to make a move.
truth_seeker Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 No it's not good to encourage this. She's a child. Probably a virgin. She said she daydreamed about cuddling with him. OP needs a bigtime reality check. And probably a therapist. It's one thing to have a professor crush- let's be honest ladies, we've all had one- and its another thing to act on it. I don't even really think she wants to act on it. This thread sounded like a diary entry. No, if she were working at a bank and hooked up with the married CEO, there would be consequences. A national news story, no. But ending someone's marriage, losing her job, maybe getting the CEO sued over sexual harassment... This is not something she should pursue. I'm sure even her own peers wouldn't entertain the fantasy. I agree that this isn't a good idea for her to hook up with this guy. The odds of her and him falling in love and him marrying her are zero to none. She though has been ignoring all the sound advice that has been given to her. So, at this point, instead of trying to convince her it's not a good idea - which is having the reverse effect and making her trying to convince everyone why there is nothing wrong with it - everyone should just lay out what could go wrong if she chooses to make advances towards her Professor. As long as she knows the consequences going forward, that's all anyone can do.
AMJ Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 If he's not my professor grading me at the time we're seeing each other, I don't see why it should be a problem. And this one couple on youtube have a thirty year difference and are happily married! You are deluded kiddo. That couple in the video looked ridiculous. Okay, let's pretend your professor is single and willing to gamble his entire career on you (he's not, but just for fun). You now want to marry him? He's 55? Do you want to have a family someday? If you do, are you ready to be a mother within the next few years? If you say yes, have you ever taken care of an infant before? Let's say you two have a blissful affair and get married in two years. And you wait another year to have children, so you'll be 21. Old enough to drink alcohol, but you won't be hitting the bars, you'll be hitting those pre-natal vitamins and stretchy maternity pants. Anyway, he'll be pushing 60 when your child is born. He'll be collecting social security when your kids are entering kindergarten. He'll die by the time your kids are entering college. And you'll be a widow in your late 30s. Is this the wonderful future you're envisioning?
truth_seeker Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 You are deluded kiddo. That couple in the video looked ridiculous. Okay, let's pretend your professor is single and willing to gamble his entire career on you (he's not, but just for fun). You now want to marry him? He's 55? Do you want to have a family someday? If you do, are you ready to be a mother within the next few years? If you say yes, have you ever taken care of an infant before? Let's say you two have a blissful affair and get married in two years. And you wait another year to have children, so you'll be 21. Old enough to drink alcohol, but you won't be hitting the bars, you'll be hitting those pre-natal vitamins and stretchy maternity pants. Anyway, he'll be pushing 60 when your child is born. He'll be collecting social security when your kids are entering kindergarten. He'll die by the time your kids are entering college. And you'll be a widow in your late 30s. Is this the wonderful future you're envisioning? Now this is good advice. Let her know the consequences and then let her think about it and decide. All you can do here.
katiegrl Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 You are deluded kiddo. That couple in the video looked ridiculous. Okay, let's pretend your professor is single and willing to gamble his entire career on you (he's not, but just for fun). You now want to marry him? He's 55? Do you want to have a family someday? If you do, are you ready to be a mother within the next few years? If you say yes, have you ever taken care of an infant before? Let's say you two have a blissful affair and get married in two years. And you wait another year to have children, so you'll be 21. Old enough to drink alcohol, but you won't be hitting the bars, you'll be hitting those pre-natal vitamins and stretchy maternity pants. Anyway, he'll be pushing 60 when your child is born. He'll be collecting social security when your kids are entering kindergarten. He'll die by the time your kids are entering college. And you'll be a widow in your late 30s. Is this the wonderful future you're envisioning? Also keep in mind you will be his caretaker eventually in his senior years as well. As his health starts to deteriorate. You will still be a young women in her 30s caring for an old man!! Ick ick ick!! 1
Lorenza Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 I think you guys are taking it too far she's a horny teenager who's fantasizing about "the forbidden" and that's it 1
Jabron1 Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 You're only attracted to him because of his authority and status. If you ever actually have a relationship with him, my guess is that you will be disappointed. It will only be a 'phase'. Your attraction to him will diminish with every progressive test of his authority that he fails *outside of the classroom*.
d0nnivain Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 If he's not my professor grading me at the time we're seeing each other, I don't see why it should be a problem. And this one couple on youtube have a thirty year difference and are happily married! You can't base life decisions on what you see on You Tube. The problem with dating any student at the school where he is a professor is that his friends, the other professors, will also be grading you. It will give other students the impression that you are getting favors. It's call the appearance of impropriety. All of this is academic anyway. There is no indication whatsoever that your crush is reciprocated.
Author cassandra1997 Posted March 9, 2016 Author Posted March 9, 2016 Let's say you two have a blissful affair and get married in two years. And you wait another year to have children, so you'll be 21. Old enough to drink alcohol, but you won't be hitting the bars, you'll be hitting those pre-natal vitamins and stretchy maternity pants. Anyway, he'll be pushing 60 when your child is born. He'll be collecting social security when your kids are entering kindergarten. He'll die by the time your kids are entering college. And you'll be a widow in your late 30s. Is this the wonderful future you're envisioning? OK, but let's be realistic. How many relationships, between same age couples, last more than 10 years? Not that many. And most that do are miserable and staying together for the kids. So, just theoretically, if my prof and I would actually go all the way, get married, have kids etc and he dies of old age in 10 years. That's not different than most marriages, is it?
d0nnivain Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 Whoa, whoa, whoa. You have not even established that your prof feels anything for you beyond the fact that you are student in his class. There is no need to be speculating about marriage & taking care of somebody at the end of life. On a date if it goes that far he may be a vastly different man then you see in class. Remember as your teacher it's his job to be nice to you, to be interested in you & to nurture you. Because he does those things for work, he may be less likely to be like that for real. You actually don't even know this man in a social sense so slow down. 1
elaine567 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 OK, but let's be realistic. How many relationships, between same age couples, last more than 10 years? Not that many. And most that do are miserable and staying together for the kids. So, just theoretically, if my prof and I would actually go all the way, get married, have kids etc and he dies of old age in 10 years. That's not different than most marriages, is it? A thirty-year age difference makes a couple 172 percent more likely to get divorced, compared to a couple born on or around the same year. For a Lasting Marriage, Try Marrying Someone Your Own Age - The Atlantic
Recommended Posts