Killdozer Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 Sorry for the long post Hi all, 5 days ago my gf of 6 months finally broke up with me. Everything was going well so I thought, although in hindsight I see now there were some signs (ie. Sex dropped off, she said sometimes she felt I was dependent on her, asked why I had to touch her so much and why I wanted to see her all the time) However, up until two weeks ago we used to hang out every weekend, talk every day and one night together in the week. She was introducing me to more people, inviting me out more and being more affectionate. This one night we were out with her friends and all texts during the day from her were positive (you're the best, heart kiss emojis etc) and we had a few drinks and she essentially ignored me all night. Afterwards while I was a little drunk, I said it was rude and I didn't appreciate it, I wasn't aggressive but I may have kept at it too long. It was at this point she said we needed to talk when we got back to hers. She said she didn't see us working and her feelings had been up and down for a while. I convinced her to think it over and gave her some space, maybe spoke to her once the next week. Out of the blue she said we needed to meet up to have a proper chat. I picked her up and went back to hers, she said her feelings were up and down again and she couldn't force them etc. I said just think it over its been good too good to throw away, she agreed. I went NC for the next week and she messaged me saying she didn't want me to come to her birthday because it was too fresh, I reacted and became needy and begged and pleaded for her to give me another chance to no avail. Once I got it together and said fine I accept it, she changed her tune and said she didn't want to shut me out of her life. We met up Tuesday night and it was hard for her, she was crying and I kept it together, I told her I loved her and I respected her decision however it hurt me and wasn't what I wanted. She said she needed a break from it all and I complied, I said you know how I feel, and you can contact me anytime you're ready, I'm not mad etc. She promised to keep an open mind and we hugged goodbye and I left. I know she still has feelings for me. She reacts badly when I call her out on bad behaviour but never this bad. Her birthday is on Tomorrow. I said I would text her if she was lucky (jokingly) should I do it to show I care, then go NC until I hear from her? I don't want to mess things up and push her away so as hard as it is, I'm keeping my distance for a few weeks then I'll feel her out. I'll just add that she has kept me on Facebook and Instagram if that means anything? I'm going out of my head, any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks Also, her party was last night and I unfollowed her and her friends from fb, I was meant to be there I can't handle seeing the photos. I've been smashing the gym and starting new activities, I lost myself when I was with her maybe she got got bored? I love her and I know she has some feelings she may be confused. I want her back so bad. Thanks for reading
Staw_hat Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 Do NOT text her. Every time u text her at this point will push her away further. She sounds pretty cold tbh that isn't a normal thing for her to say if you are in a relationship with someone. She should want to see u all the time. Its going to hurt at the moment. Keep going the gym. Keep trying to eat and she likely will make contact over the next 1-2 weeks. When that happens i'd come on here before u do anything
Author Killdozer Posted March 6, 2016 Author Posted March 6, 2016 Thanks for the reply. Yeah it was real sudden and she doesn't seem to care outwardly anyway. So I shouldn't text her? I told her I will, I just don't want her to think I hate her or anything but if you think it's a good idea not to I won't
Staw_hat Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 Texting her will make her want to do the opposite of breaking up with you. Here is how it went down with my ex. I broke up with her, she text me for a day. I jus argued n did not want to hear what she had to say. Week goes by i hear from her friend she is miserable. I am happy now and continue moving on. Another week goes by i hear she's doing really well n moving on. Then i start regretting it. She wants u to text because she is selfish. If you don't have a relationship with her, she doesn't get the friendship. NC,
Author Killdozer Posted March 7, 2016 Author Posted March 7, 2016 Okay NC it is. Without sounding too mean, do you think it would bother her when I don't text? I know it sounds bad but I want her to be disappointed or something you know?
mightycpa Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 Well, there's two types of disappointment in this situation: there's the kind that you want, and there's the kind where she expects your attention even if it won't be reciprocated. If she complains to you, you'll know it is the second kind. If she doesn't, you won't know if she's hurt or disappointed. That is the normal concern of those who have broken up when they don't want to, and you're just going to have to suffer through the wondering, or find a way not to.
Author Killdozer Posted March 7, 2016 Author Posted March 7, 2016 Awesome, thanks for your reply. From what I've written does anyone think I have a chance of getting her back? She still has me on fb, her mum does too (she makes her mum delete people after they've broken up) I'm trying to work on myself so I'm busier and not so dependent on her for company/validation/ a crutch for my neediness etc. pretty much get back to how I was when we first met
TheScientist Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 Awesome, thanks for your reply. From what I've written does anyone think I have a chance of getting her back? She still has me on fb, her mum does too (she makes her mum delete people after they've broken up) I'm trying to work on myself so I'm busier and not so dependent on her for company/validation/ a crutch for my neediness etc. pretty much get back to how I was when we first met I know it's hard as its so recent, but you have to focus on you, work on you without the hidden (or not so hidden) intention on getting her back. I promise you, as someone that's on this journey herself, it's the only way to truly move on from all of this, I learnt the hard way. Stop seeking validation from things like FB, none of that matters, you're not going to heal if you're focusing on things that you think are hidden messages. Everything is transparent in this situation, you're NOT together NOW, so focus on YOU NOW. Not for her as she is looking after herself, but for you you you. Heal, please, but for now, accept. Much love xxx
duncsvoice Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 Okay NC it is. Without sounding too mean, do you think it would bother her when I don't text? I know it sounds bad but I want her to be disappointed or something you know? Your story sounds very similar to mine, she still loves me (although she admitted this a couple of weeks after leaving), but not in the relationship headspace. I didn't text her, trying to go NC, and she hated it. Absolutely hated it and got really angry with me, and to be honest manipulated me in to talking to her because she knows I care for her. You're doing the right thing, work on yourself now. Don't read anything in to FB - I deleted my ex just for my own sanity, she found out and went bananas, blocked, me, then unblocked me. I know her friends have been reporting on my posts. Carry on working on yourself, it is SO easy to lose yourself in a relationship - I've realised almost a month after breaking up that staying in contact is just a one way ticket to more pain and false hope. She might find her way back to you, she might not, but just give yourself the time and headspace to make a better you. 1
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