Asked for her engagement ring back

[LT1985]

Ok so my partner left me unexpectedly about 3 months ago we were engaged to be married this coming november. So we stayed in contact till feb where i believed she was giving mixed signles but she had hooked back up with her ex (which is now over).

 

Anyway i took back her engagement ring when i found that out, i didnt want to but felt i had to. But i didnt want to sell it or anything like that but it got to much for me to keep it. So i gave it to her sister and said i want this to still stay in the family etc so if you have a daughter melt it down or if you think my ex deserves it again you give it to her. (Sister kinda agrees with me on break up shouldnt have happened, or we should have tried at least).

 

Anyway, last week she didnt pay something she was ment to when we broke up so i sent her a email saying **** this is how you treat me after 4 years etc.. I then said you sister has the ring if you want it i dont care what you do with it.

 

So a week later she asked for it from her sister, sister came to see me i said its up to you but why does she want it.. She apparently hates me and has totally cut me off since leaving with no anwsers. Anyway i get i email from her tonight saying

 

"I wanted it because it was mine, I loved that ring and it was a gift. I have not one keep sake from our engagement and I just wanted something. I wasn't going to sell it."

 

The sister didnt had it over because she didnt think it was right. still.

 

Question is why is she asking? She wants nothing to do with me or our life any more why would she want the ring.

[K2z]

No. If you're not engaged, no engagement ring. It's actually pretty simple.

[Polar965]

First off, I'm sorry for your grief. Obviously the relationship was pretty progressed if you were buying engagement rings.

 

I think your ex Fiance is tacky and rude for not giving it back. Who keeps "momentos" from a broken engagement? With that said, I think you made a couple of critical errors.

 

When you found out/suspected she was cheating and she went cold on you, YOU should have kept the ring, not giving it to the sister. Giving it to the sister was your way of keeping your foot in the door of the relationship. That backfired...big time. Unfortunately from a legal standpoint your ex fiancé is correct. It was a gift.

 

I hope her gross choice in keeping the ring that was meant to symbolize your upcoming marriage solidifies your understanding that this is NOT a woman you want to marry. Sometimes life lessons come with $$ loss...I know my last relationship sucked me dry financially. When I yearn for the "good times" (which looking back were NOT plentiful), I remind myself of what I lost in the process, including money and esteem. Let this serve as a tool to getting over her.

 

I'd suggest you shut down ALL communications with ex fiancé, mutual friends, and especially the sister. Heal. You'll rebound. She'll just be the tacky girl you once knew who was creepy enough to keep a ring from a broken engagement (broken on HER end).

[LT1985]

First off, I'm sorry for your grief. Obviously the relationship was pretty progressed if you were buying engagement rings.

 

I think your ex Fiance is tacky and rude for not giving it back. Who keeps "momentos" from a broken engagement? With that said, I think you made a couple of critical errors.

 

When you found out/suspected she was cheating and she went cold on you, YOU should have kept the ring, not giving it to the sister. Giving it to the sister was your way of keeping your foot in the door of the relationship. That backfired...big time. Unfortunately from a legal standpoint your ex fiancé is correct. It was a gift.

 

I hope her gross choice in keeping the ring that was meant to symbolize your upcoming marriage solidifies your understanding that this is NOT a woman you want to marry. Sometimes life lessons come with $$ loss...I know my last relationship sucked me dry financially. When I yearn for the "good times" (which looking back were NOT plentiful), I remind myself of what I lost in the process, including money and esteem. Let this serve as a tool to getting over her.

 

I'd suggest you shut down ALL communications with ex fiancé, mutual friends, and especially the sister. Heal. You'll rebound. She'll just be the tacky girl you once knew who was creepy enough to keep a ring from a broken engagement (broken on HER end).

 

 

Hi, thanks for your response. I totally am still in love with her, im not denying that she is a ACoC and with her father dieing sent her down this path. Wrong path i know but prior to this there was no sign at all. However i dont think i personally will be able to get over the cheating so i am trying to move on.

 

I couldnt care less about the $$$, i gave it to her sister yes partly to keep a foot in the door but also because she is logical.

 

Everyone keeps saying just chuck her to the cirb. But in 4 years if 3.5 years are great are you going to throw someone who is going through a troumatic experience to the curb? Or try and be there? I no there are no excuses for what she has done or is doing but something has changed in 6 months and that was her father dieing.

[loveweary11]

That's YOUR engagement ring if there is no engagement.

 

You should be selling it to get rid of the painful memories.

 

One of the best moments after my divorce was unloading my ex's engagement ring and our wedding bands. We had went all out for high clarity/clear diamond, all platinum sets. Felt great to sell it all.

[elaine567]

As you still have feelings for her and you do not care about the money, then give her her ring back.

I am not saying there is any hope here, but keeping the ring is not doing you any favours.

She loved that ring and she wants a keepsake - if that is true then she may be open to some reduction of hostilities, open to talking perhaps.

However if it is purely a ruse to get the ring back and sell it, then I guess she IS completely done.

 

If she IS done, then at least you have closure, and can move on with your life.

[LT1985]

As you still have feelings for her and you do not care about the money, then give her her ring back.

I am not saying there is any hope here, but keeping the ring is not doing you any favours.

She loved that ring and she wants a keepsake - if that is true then she may be open to some reduction of hostilities, open to talking perhaps.

However if it is purely a ruse to get the ring back and sell it, then I guess she IS completely done.

 

If she IS done, then at least you have closure, and can move on with your life.

 

Thankyou Elaine, thats what i was thinking. Like i said i dont know if i could resume a relationship but i care about her enough to put myself on hold to help her through this and by possibally opening up and talking to me will do that. As im the only person that has ben able to at least talk about her issues.

 

I know its likely im setting myself up to get hurt more but.. yea..

[ExpatInItaly]

You need to cut this woman out of your life. Her father's death was tragic, of course. I have no doubt she is in immense grief. But that does not give her permission to cheat and disrespect you the way she has.