mariababy Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 I was in the exact situation as you. I was dumped out of the blue over the phone and then ignored when I tried to reach out for answers. I was blindsided as well and I really loved him. It drove me crazy because I felt like "I never had closure" or "got the answers I wanted". Eventually I think accepting the fact that "no matter what he tells me, it will never satisfy me" was one of the reasons that helped me move on. I can't bring myself to think badly of him or hate him either. I just remind myself that for him it's over and it's pointless to hang on to a relationship when the other has left (and that constant reminder itself is painful but it eventually helps). I also try not to obsess with what he had promised or said to me during the relationship. It just drives you even more crazy thinking but "he said all these why did he turn around and dump me?" I know it is a slow and hurtful process but convincing yourself to accept the fact that they are gone rather than obsessing over "Why?" helps or in my case it did. Hope this help you too. Good luck 1
Author Emaize3 Posted March 6, 2016 Author Posted March 6, 2016 Thank you mariababy. Sounds like you know exactly how I'm feeling. I just want to reach out so badly and get answers. I know it's a bad idea but maybe I *can* actually move on afterwards. Also, I don't know how to stop obsessing. When you're blindsided, you're in shock for a long time.
preraph Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 If you make him explain, he's going to say things you don't want to hear. You know what the issues were. I'm so sorry you're going through it, with him and your teen too. Maybe once your teen is out of the house in the near future on his own, you can have a bf. Be sure you have prepared him to be an adult. That's the goal, not to keep them at home past their expiration date. Be sure he starts a job and contributes to your household a little so he knows how to budget money and knows how to scramble eggs and get him ready to be out on his own. 1
Raina314 Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 I know it goes against the "moving on" bible, but if you still feel as bad as you did the first week, I don't see the harm in contacting him. My ex put us on a "break" for 2 months and those 2 months were agony because I had no closure whatsoever. I couldn't stand it. When he did come back and give me closure I was still in agony, but at least the burning, anxious urge to contact him was gone, and since then it's just been waves of sadness with some better days/weeks sprinkled in. In other words, it's still really hard, but now I only have sadness to deal with rather than sadness+desperation to contact. I don't have that at all anymore, so it's easier to focus on the problem I do have. I would ask him if you could just sit down and talk for a half hour. He may very well crush your heart, but at this point you don't have anything to lose, and it may take away one of your problems. Some people still have the urge to contact the ex even after closure, so maybe it won't help, but there's a chance it will, even if it's just taking away the urge to break NC again.
Author Emaize3 Posted March 6, 2016 Author Posted March 6, 2016 I cannot get worse than I am now. I want to put myself in the hospital. There are a lot of unanswered questions and I'm tired of wondering "why". If I do it, it will hurt like hell but I'm hoping to move on from there.
Raina314 Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 I cannot get worse than I am now. I want to put myself in the hospital. There are a lot of unanswered questions and I'm tired of wondering "why". If I do it, it will hurt like hell but I'm hoping to move on from there. Yeah. I know how you feel . If you can't get worse, then you have nothing to lose by trying to contact him at least once to try and get answers and see if that'll help. If it doesn't, then oh well, it's not like you made it worse. But it might help a teeny, tiny bit if you're less tortured by "why." And if he still won't tell you why and is a jerk about it, maybe you'll have some anger at him to help fuel your moving on. 1
Author Emaize3 Posted April 23, 2016 Author Posted April 23, 2016 Hi there LS. Some of you may know my story from before. It's been 3 months since the dreaded, blindsided BU. I've been great now. Seeing a therapist, going out with friends, hanging out with guy friends and even flirting. I feel confident and happier. I was about to get into the dating scene again. So, last night, I have a dream that my family and I are at my exs house, doing "who knows what" but we're there. My ex is not there. I see his bedroom door with a pic of a new gf on it (again this is my dream). I'm devastated! Next thing I know, he walks out of the room and I see him. I do everything I can to run away from his image because it's torturing me. I finally run to my car and I can't see anything ahead of me and I'm driving blinded. I'm so upset that I can feel the pain in my sleep. I'm pounding the center console with my first in anger. I finally make it home. <<DREAM OVER>> Obviously, I woke up very upset. I have been thinking of him and missing him and now I just want to text "hi". I know... NC because it makes you feel like the dream did. At least with NC, you have control and you do not have control over a dream. I know I will always have a place in my heart for him. It just stinks because I wanted to date and I probably will try but why this stupid dream? Why now? So here I am crying like it was yesterday'. Just venting, I guess. Thank for all who read this and has any advice.
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