For You Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 I have had 5 unrequited loves and one person who loves me, but I like - yet do not love - him. I have ended up with the person who loves me, but am feeling no "magic". The others made me feel magic just by looking at them... I have spent time in thought on why they did not love me, and why I do not love him. I have come to the conclusion that I was not loved because I was not special enough. I mean ... I have no extraordinary Beauty, no magnetic charisma... Whereas the men I coveted, some of them were physically seraphic or borderline geniuses... One of them formerly worked for NASA and I greatly admired him, but he seemed unimpressed. I can be a bit weird, but hopefully not scarily so. I have written poetry and things like that not just in an attempt to win their hearts, but because something about them was my muse. And that is why I do not love the only one that loves me ... He does not inspire anything in me. Yet I am not so special either, so I have met a dead end. I wish I had something that made me special to men, but I do not know what I can do. Men mostly ignore me because I am a plain wallflower. My personality is very artistic, but I don't have much more than that. How can I stand out to the men who inspire me in a positive way? I do not wish to stand out like a drunken party girl, but like a keeper. 1
Gaeta Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 How can I stand out to the men who inspire me in a positive way? I do not wish to stand out like a drunken party girl, but like a keeper. Be the best version of yourself. Explore your passions, get involved in things that are close to your heart, cherish friendship, nourish your relationship with family, seek to better yourself in your work. Someone is gonna come along and say wow! that girl is cool ! 1
DC77 Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Just on basis of your tone, perhaps it's as simple as a lack of confidence and faith in yourself. There must be things that are exceptional about you. Find your strengths and harness them. Be proud of them. The I'm not so special vibe probably comes across in your interactions... There isn't much more to go off of. What does this man love about you? What is his personality? What are the other men like? 2
Satu Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 You don't have to be anyone other than who you are. You sound like an interesting and thoughtful person. Bear in mind though, that until you meet the right person, you haven't met the right person.
spriggan2 Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Tell the one who loves you to feign indifference towards you, then you may fall in love with him and he'll get what he wants deep down. He just has to keep up the act for the rest of his life. 1
basil67 Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Being a 'plain wallflower' is easy to fix if you have the motivation. Get a new haircut, learn how to accentuate your features with a little makeup and get a department store stylist to help you with your fashion sense. Truly though, nobody much is 'special'. Me, my hubby, my friends - we're nothing special. Sure, we get on well and enjoy each other's company - but if being outstanding was a prerequisite for finding a partner, most of us would be single. 1
preraph Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 Do the things you love, follow your passions. Don't wait for a partner to go do fun things and explore life. That will make you more interesting. And read books on different subjects to broaden your knowledge. 1
mortensorchid Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 I wish there was one answer I or anyone else can give you for this question, but there isn't. I wish that I could say men are like this or women are like that because of (reason), but I also can't do that either, nor can anyone else. If there was an answer, I would give it to you. In my experience, I have found that men want a woman who is lesser than they are. They want someone who is less physically attractive, has less personality / charisma, has lesser success in life, has lesser success in their career paths, and lesser social success (has fewer friends, not involved in the community, etc.). At least, that's who they end up with after they dump me and most if not ALL of them have said they never broke up with a woman before they met me. Keep trying. That's all I can say.
Author For You Posted March 6, 2016 Author Posted March 6, 2016 Thank you all for your replies ... they have given me what I needed.
Versacehottie Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 Even from your first post I could tell you were artistic and an interesting person. I'm sure there is just the right guy for you. You just need to fine-tune where you are looking. I don't usually say online but in your case I think you should pursue that avenue AS WELL. The reason why is that you might connect with someone who respects an introspect and thoughts driven person and you can make that connection online. I think the kind of guy you might like and vice versa will appreciate you online which is not the most typical experience (and flakiness) of online. But you should also do activities that are closest to your interests. I think the kind of guy you will like will probably have similar interests to yours. And it never hurts to keep pursuing your passions as it brings a spark to you that others notice. Ok, about this "wallflower" business. Don't describe yourself that way. Maybe you are not over-the-top. Some guys like more natural anyway. I think you should make sure you are enhancing your looks in the best way to express who you are. There are ways to do this for every look and every personality--but it is important that you do it, as if to say that you love who you are; you KNOW who you are; there is no shame in your game. It's all a form of confidence. There are many girls I see that may have a more introverted style/personality but still have a quiet sexiness/confidence/style. You can do it. Just figure out what it would be. It will build your confidence when you know you are putting EFFORT into your look. Not feeling like you need to hide and have no way to get guys to notice you first so they can "see" your personality and inner depth. Not gonna lie: they need to be attracted first, but that can come in more forms than maybe you are giving guys credit for. Effort is a positive cycle where you look better, you feel better, you get more attention, and so on and so forth. It's silly to give up on that part because to do so is giving up on yourself and not acknowledging a portion of why people get attracted. No doubt your personal confidence takes a hit when you are calling yourself and feeling like a "wallflower". Lots of wallflower girls are actually very pretty; they just don't know how or are shy to enhance what they've got. I would recommend looking at images (mags or online) to pinpoint a look that is in your range or that you think closest expresses your personality and then work toward that in your own way. Ok let us know if you need help with that part.
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