Carcar Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Does No Contact work with short term relationships? Like 3-4 months? And if there was no I Love You, etc? I feel like it's meant for longer, more substantial relationships? And what happens if he never tries to reach out to you during no contact? Does that mean he's totally just over it/it's pointless? (I've never not had an ex try to reach out to me, but I think this might be the one...) 1
d0nnivain Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 NC is about you healing. If it wasn't a very long relationship, your healing time should be shorter. I have a feeling that you are asking if NC works to manipulate the other person to come back. No, it doesn't. 2
Satu Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 No contact is about two things, and two things only: 1. It protects you from further hurt. 2. It allows you to heal without being distracted by the ex. Thats all it is, and all it does. To use it for anything else is just manipulation and dishonesty. 2
Author Carcar Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 I actually don't want to get back together with him, nor do I plan on reaching out to him whether or not he reaches out to me. It's just a sincere question about statistically what are the average chances of someone reaching out during No Contact because of short term vs long term. I hate when people ask questions on this forum and people don't answer and instead jump all over them like they are handling things incorrectly. In this case, people accused me of trying to manipulate someone when really I was just wondering something, lol. If I was really hurting, that's not the best way to go about talking to someone. 1
Satu Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 I actually don't want to get back together with him, nor do I plan on reaching out to him whether or not he reaches out to me. It's just a sincere question about statistically what are the average chances of someone reaching out during No Contact because of short term vs long term. I hate when people ask questions on this forum and people don't answer and instead jump all over them like they are handling things incorrectly. *In this case, people accused me of trying to manipulate someone when really I was just wondering something, lol. If I was really hurting, that's not the best way to go about talking to someone. *You should make your point less ambiguously then, because the two people who replied to you both extracted exactly the same meaning from your post. 1
preraph Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 If a guy does reach out after a breakup during no contact, it doesn't always mean anything more than "I'm drunk and horny." I mean, we all miss something about the person or we'd never have dated them to begin with. But if it's not enough, both people need to move on. I never had to go NC, but there was one time I sure wish I had had that option... 1
Shanex Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Yes to what the other poster said. I rarely keep ex as friends but in the case of a short relationship where the feeling or love wasn't really there and neither was too much drama or resentment, I can keep contact occasionally. If both of you want to heal, stick to NC for now. 1
Author Carcar Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 I actually didn't say anything different besides that I didn't want to get back together with my ex. I didn't think I needed to specify that to be not called manipulative? Anyone have any thoughts on my original question, which is if No Contact will work in short term relationships? Like 3-4 months? And if there was no I Love You, etc? I feel like it's meant for longer, more substantial relationships. 1
Satu Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 When someone really does go NC, the ex has no way of making contact. Thats part of what 'NC' means. But it's merely an option amongst other options. It isn't necessarily the right option for someone. Having said that, it's a very good option for someone who has been completely devastated by a breakup. *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means he/she might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of him/her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he/she is doing or saying.
Satu Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 I actually didn't say anything different besides that I didn't want to get back together with my ex. I didn't think I needed to specify that to be not called manipulative? Anyone have any thoughts on my original question, which is if No Contact will work in short term relationships? Like 3-4 months? And if there was no I Love You, etc? I feel like it's meant for longer, more substantial relationships. Methinks that thou doth protest too much.
Author Carcar Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 Thanks Shanex -- that's the plan. I'm planning on no contact but I'm more just wondering how no contact even proceeds with short term relationships. Nice to get some answer out of this thread! 1
Author Carcar Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 Satu, I do have a short temper with ignorant people. A fault of mine since I was young. I apologize. 1
Satu Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Satu, I do have a short temper with ignorant people. A fault of mine since I was young. I apologize. My answer to your clarified question is this: It's a very good option for someone who is left feeling completely devastated by the end of a relationship, regardless of its duration. For those relatively unaffected, it's not necessarily the 'right' option.
almond Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 (edited) I actually didn't say anything different besides that I didn't want to get back together with my ex. I didn't think I needed to specify that to be not called manipulative? Anyone have any thoughts on my original question, which is if No Contact will work in short term relationships? Like 3-4 months? And if there was no I Love You, etc? I feel like it's meant for longer, more substantial relationships. The point of no contact is to help you move on without contact with your ex. Why on Earth would you think that it only "meant" for shorter relationships? How is not contacting an ex only able to "work" for longer relationships? Lol. It's very simple...you don't contact them, and you don't reply to any contact from them. You asked what happens if an ex doesn't reach out during NC, and then asked if that makes NC "pointless." The people that responded thinking that you were hoping to use NC for purposes other than to help you move on were being reasonable, as your question makes absolutely no sense otherwise. Your attacks on them and calling other people "ignorant" just makes you look foolish, overly-defensive and immature. Edited March 6, 2016 by almond 1
TXGuy Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 - There is "no contact" which is one party making a concerted effort not to contact an ex. Sometimes this takes quite a bit of willpower. - There is also a simple breakup in which one (or both) of the parties simply does not have an inclination to have any further contact with the other party. If you are on the receiving end of it, there really isn't any way to determine which one it is. But, it really doesn't make much difference unless you want to contact the person. I'm as confused as some of the other responders as to what you are trying to figure out. It seems like the current ex is the first one in your experience that has not tried to reestablish communication. And that being the case, you are wondering whether it has anything to do with the fact the relationship was reasonably short term. That is about as much as I can figure out from your post. I'm not quite sure what the question is either.
d0nnivain Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 I actually don't want to get back together with him, nor do I plan on reaching out to him whether or not he reaches out to me. It's just a sincere question about statistically what are the average chances of someone reaching out during No Contact because of short term vs long term. I hate when people ask questions on this forum and people don't answer and instead jump all over them like they are handling things incorrectly. In this case, people accused me of trying to manipulate someone when really I was just wondering something, lol. If I was really hurting, that's not the best way to go about talking to someone. It's the way you phrased the Q & this follow up. There is no during NC. Your word choice implies that NC is for a finite period. It's not. NC is FOREVER. You never talk to the other person again, ever.
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