Lovesagame2 Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 I had been talking to a guy I met through a website. We had skyped a few times and had good convo, and were dealt attracted to one another. I think last I told you he seemed kind of wishy washy with contact. A few weeks go by and I’m starting to find it a little odd he hasn’t asked me out on a date or for my number, but I figured maybe he is a slow mover. A month goes by and now I’m just starting to get tired of this all talk and no action. He finally comes out Monday telling me he’s married. They haven’t been in a good place for a while and he found out she was talking to a guy a lot a few months ago. He doesn’t know if she cheated, but he thinks she may have and she told him she didn’t, but she missed the spark and connection with someone. So he told me he got on pof to just see what was out there (and partly annoyed at her) after she did that and partly for revenge, but he didn’t expect to find someone he enjoys chatting with like he does me, and feels such a strong connection to. He said he is filing for divorce soon but there’s lots to settle. He tells me he aches to be with me and I make him feel so amazing and he is falling for me, and I felt the same way. I don't know what to do now. I guess he didn't want to keep it a secret anymore. I kept saying he made no sense with how he said he wanted to meet me and everything but couldn't without giving me a reason. He said he doesn't expect me to wait for him. I feel so gutted. Do you think I should just ignore him? He wants to stay friends for now but I can't 1
SunnyWeather Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 block everywhere- skype, the OLD site ect and move on next time, you might want to go from having a few texts messages on the website to a brief phone call to a meet up, all happening within a few days- max. 2
Satu Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Have nothing to do with him. You can do much better. 2
txgrl Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 OP, just go to the other woman section on this website and read for yourself the suffering and guilt of people who chose to be with married partners . 3
Author Lovesagame2 Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 I don't plan on being with him while he's married. I just wondered if he had any intentions of actually leaving 1
SunnyWeather Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 I don't plan on being with him while he's married. I just wondered if he had any intentions of actually leaving why? ..... 4
Satu Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 This doesn't directly parallel your position OP, but I'm posting it anyway... From my journal: What the other woman believes. The greater part of any affair is fantasy and make-believe: "He's a great guy, but he's trapped in an unhappy marriage. He and his wife haven't had sex in years. He says he has no feelings for her, and loves me. He feels that he can't leave because of what it would do to his kids, but I do think that he'll leave her though, when the kids are a bit older." This is life on the edge of reality, in a little bubble of imaginings. Take care. 3
Gloria25 Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 I don't plan on being with him while he's married. I just wondered if he had any intentions of actually leaving IMO, tell him to contact you after his divorce is signed, filed and offcial.... In the meantime if you can handle it, being "friendly" (ie if you see him walking down the street you are polite) is ok....but no more than that. No calls, txts, hanging out, etc. AND, you continue with life and dating as if he didn't exist. Do not put your life on hold waiting for him to divorce. And, if he "does" contact you after divorced..proceed with caution. People coming off of divorce are going through a lot emotionally and financially. At least he leveled with you...unlike my situation - where I spent almost two years trying to figure out what dude wanted, "if" he wanted, and got myself tangled up emotionally in something that never was there in the first place. 2
Popsicle Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Lesson learned. Tell these dudes that you like to chat and get to know each other face to face on your dates, not through electronic devices. 3
hippychick3 Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 From here on, do NOT allow yourself to get invested in anyone you haven't met AND gone on several dates with. The fact that you feel gutted means you need to change your views about online dating. No, he's not leaving his wife. And even if he were, it would be a very long time before it would be finalized and he would be healed enough to get into a new relationship. And I guarantee it won't be with you. Aside from that, he doesn't know you and you don't know him. The month you spent talking to him was a waste of your time. Don't waste any more time on a cheater (which is exactly what he is right now despite what his wife is doing) and don't continue talking to a married man no matter what he tells you. Whatever he says means NOTHING. Next time, if the guy doesn't ask you for a date within a week of chatting, move on. Online is only a medium to meet someone in person. It is not a substitute for dating. 4
Mrs. John Adams Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 shut it down....nothing good can come of this...... The most important person here is YOU...and YOU deserve a man who loves you for who you are....and can give you 100% of his time and his love. Love you first....... 4
Mr. Lucky Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 He said he is filing for divorce soon but there’s lots to settle. He tells me he aches to be with me and I make him feel so amazing and he is falling for me, and I felt the same way. I don't know what to do now. If the fact that he's married isn't enough of a red flag, how about someone trying to convince you they've fallen for you and ache to be with you - before he's met you ? Con artist trying to line up someone to warm his bed as he transitions from marriage... Mr. Lucky 3
Satu Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 If the fact that he's married isn't enough of a red flag, how about someone trying to convince you they've fallen for you and ache to be with you - before he's met you ? *Con artist trying to line up someone to warm his bed as he transitions from marriage... Mr. Lucky *He should buy an electric blanket to thaw out the ice in the marital bed. 1
CarrieT Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 I don't plan on being with him while he's married. I just wondered if he had any intentions of actually leaving And if he DOES leave her, why would you want him? Why would you want a guy who knowingly cheats on a woman he gave a commitment to? If he will cheat on her, he will cheat on you... 5
Satu Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 Married or recently separated are both not the best way to go. A key requirement is that the person should be unattached. I learned that lesson the hard way. 4
carhill Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 I don't plan on being with him while he's married. I just wondered if he had any intentions of actually leaving Is anything regarding his existence verified? If not, consider it all electrons and move on. Tip: Press flesh before forming emotional memories regarding other unknown humans. 3
Mr. Lucky Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 If he will cheat on her, he will cheat on you... I'd guess in the truest sense, he already is. Most likely the OP is but one of several women he "aches" to be with... Mr. Lucky 4
whichwayisup Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 I had been talking to a guy I met through a website. We had skyped a few times and had good convo, and were dealt attracted to one another. I think last I told you he seemed kind of wishy washy with contact. A few weeks go by and I’m starting to find it a little odd he hasn’t asked me out on a date or for my number, but I figured maybe he is a slow mover. A month goes by and now I’m just starting to get tired of this all talk and no action. He finally comes out Monday telling me he’s married. They haven’t been in a good place for a while and he found out she was talking to a guy a lot a few months ago. He doesn’t know if she cheated, but he thinks she may have and she told him she didn’t, but she missed the spark and connection with someone. So he told me he got on pof to just see what was out there (and partly annoyed at her) after she did that and partly for revenge, but he didn’t expect to find someone he enjoys chatting with like he does me, and feels such a strong connection to. He said he is filing for divorce soon but there’s lots to settle. He tells me he aches to be with me and I make him feel so amazing and he is falling for me, and I felt the same way. I don't know what to do now. I guess he didn't want to keep it a secret anymore. I kept saying he made no sense with how he said he wanted to meet me and everything but couldn't without giving me a reason. He said he doesn't expect me to wait for him. I feel so gutted. Do you think I should just ignore him? He wants to stay friends for now but I can't IGNORE HIM. You don't know this guy and already he lied to you, then later admitted he was married. You aren't invested in him, so if anything it should be easy for you to walk away and forget all about him. WHY chase a married man? You deserve a guy who is single and available, someone who respects you and isn't going to lie and play games. 3
whichwayisup Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 I don't plan on being with him while he's married. I just wondered if he had any intentions of actually leaving 99.9% he ain't leaving. He's looking for an affair. You're not his first 'quest' and you won't be his last. 3
sandylee1 Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 Tell him to call you when he's divorced. You don't want to suffer the stress of being his bit on the side, as you loose your dignity and self respect. 1
SSJROMANCE Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 If you don't ignore him here is the scenario that will most likely play out. You will have sex with him You will get more emotionally connected You will have more sex with him He will tell you you mean the world to him You will have even more sex with him You will start to wonder why he is still with his wife You will have more sex with him He will tell you his wife wants to try one more time - can't see you anymore You will be left hung and dry - the only loser out of the three. 2
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