sunglasses Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 (some minor details changed to preserve anonymity) She broke up with me seven months ago. We were together for 4 years (both 26) and had what was a great relationship (at least I thought). She broke up with me last summer. We had been in an LDR for almost a couple years, and we were having some communication issues she couldn't quite explain to me until it was too late. She said she was no longer in love, but still cared. I couldn't quite grasp it all, but I did my best to accept it. Fast forward to now. I've been having trouble accepting it. Then I found out that within a week of breaking with up me, she's with this new guy (friend she had been talking to for a while). From what I can tell, their relationship is very similar to the beginning of ours. They moved in together a month ago (had been planning on it almost since the start) and are buying a dog. Apparently she likes getting drunk now too, whereas before she could have no more than a few sips of beer. I don't know what to think. Is this GIGS? Is this real?
backandforth Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 None of this matters, man. It was done 7 months ago, maybe even before that. What she's doing now is none of your concern. Let her live her life and go about living yours. Your healing has nothing to do with her. She's the past and it's best to keep it that way. All you've gotta do now is go about becoming the awesome person you were before you met her. Remember her fondly, but pay her no mind. You can do it!
fireflywy Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 The truth is, is it SUCKS no doubt about it. I have often pondered the notion of GIGS myself and whether its true or not, it doesn't really matter. What matters is she LEFT and left for whatever reasons she had which means that she wasn't strong enough to deal with any impulses she had or discuss removing any impurities in the mold of your relationship. As an older guy, in his late 30's, let me bestow some wisdom upon you that I want you to absorb and practice. 1. It doesn't matter how hot she was, how long you dated, or how it end, what matters is it is over, duration doesn't mean strength, and attractive doesn't mean overlooking things. 2. You are both 26. Just babes putting your toes into the sea of possibilities of potential mates and what is right and wrong for you (obviously she isn't right for you.) 3. Go out and live my man. Take your time to grieve of course but then go out and live. Don't do it as revenge. Don't do it as a band aid or replacement. Dont do it to try and get her back. Do it because you're YOUNG. Take a new woman out and see her smile. Take one out and dance. Take another for a night time walk under the stars in tye Spring which is quickly approaching. Enjoy a sunrise alone and the hopeful freedom you have, and rest your head on your pillow each night, thankful that you're still here and that the future is still wide open to you. Don't spend too long thinking on her. Don't compare yourself to some other guy she'll most like hurt. If you do, you'll find yourself missing YOUR life which should be full of its own glories as you turn the page. 4
Scarlett.O'hara Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 I'm sorry to say it, but yes, it is real. They might not last, but it doesn't change the fact that their relationship is serious. I don't know how you know so much about their relationship, but you need to stop it because all it will do is mess with your head and make it harder to move on. It's tough, but in time you will get through it and meet someone much more deserving of your love. 1
Author sunglasses Posted January 19, 2016 Author Posted January 19, 2016 But is it GIGS? Just being able to explain it would help a lot.
wontgetfooledagain Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 haha, sorry i had to laugh cause it sounds similar to my situation (read my post, i'm not gonna copy it here). move on, you'll thank yourself later. advice that should be given to many many people in the same shoes you are.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 But is it GIGS? Just being able to explain it would help a lot. No, she just fell out of love with you, like you said. If she felt that way for a while then she would find it easier to accept the end of the relationship and move on. There isn't the same sense of loss that you are feeling.
Author sunglasses Posted January 19, 2016 Author Posted January 19, 2016 No' date=' she just fell out of love with you, like you said. If she felt that way for a while then she would find it easier to accept the end of the relationship and move on. [b']There isn't the same sense of loss that you are feeling.[/b] What do you mean? What sense of loss is there normally in GIGS?
Scarlett.O'hara Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 (edited) I meant that people that fall out of love don't feel the same sense of loss after the breakup. It is easier for them to move on and not look back. I guess GIGS would cause feelings of confusion, where the person may still be in love with their partner but desire the freedom to explore other options. That doesn't describe the situation with your ex because you said she was no longer in love with you. Sadly, she was just ready to move on. Edited January 19, 2016 by Scarlett.O'hara
ExpatInItaly Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 I'll be the first to admit I don't buy into "GIGS" the way a lot of dumpees do. I don't believe there is a strange phenomena that strikes and affects someone, and can therefore be "treated". I think many people want to believe it because it helps alleviate the sting if the dumpee can put a label on what their ex is feeling and somehow attribute the breakup to this other entity. But the reality, in my experience, is that usually it's just that one person has fallen out of love. They begin emotionally detaching before actually ending the relationship, which the dumpee may or may not catch on to. I think that's what happened here. She loved you but wasn't in love anymore. You started dating relatively young; add long-distance into the mix and you've got a recipe for relationship breakdown. You were no longer right for each other. Unfortunately, I don't think she is rebounding. It sounds like they're making a real go of it. You need to stop tracking what she's doing (where are you getting your information, by the way?) and stop worrying about why she is doing it. Focus on you and your healing. 1
Author sunglasses Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 Long story short, she left me, which I later found out was due to another guy, and now she says she wants to meet up? And suggests "the bar where we first met." My mind says stay away, but I'm curious, and can maybe get some satisfaction....
266696687 Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Long story short, she left me, which I later found out was due to another guy, and now she says she wants to meet up? And suggests "the bar where we first met." My mind says stay away, but I'm curious, and can maybe get some satisfaction.... Stay away...you know what they say curiosity killed the cat. Unless you're prepared to listen to a load of excuses for why she left you or justification / blaming you for why she went off with another man don't meet her. She might be trying to see if you're okay and are willing to be 'friends' so she can keep you as an option if it doesn't work out with the new guy. If you do this it will also be you accepting that her behaviour wasn't so bad and in her mind she'll believe all has been forgiven. That she didn't do anything wrong after all because you two are now friends who go out for friendly drinks. You'll alleviate all her guilt. Don't be a doormat. Unless she is physically knocking at your door asking you to forgive her and to take her back (not that you should) then you shouldn't be entertaining any contact with her. Good luck! 1
JDam Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Oh please, DONT GO!!!! I cant emphasize it enough. The same happened to me and I did go, and it went really badly. You can read my story here. Unless they explicitly say they want to get back together please dont react at all (if you would be open to getting back together at all of course or if you actually wouldnt mind being friends...). If you are the dumpee and possibly still have some feelings lef then DONT GO. It really is a bad idea. Unless they say they want to reconcile (which they will if this is their goal) dont go. Because if you do and they try putting you in the friend zone you will be miserable. They only do it for selfish reasons.
SunnyWeather Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 if you absolutely MUST see her, stay away from imbibing alcohol. meet for coffee instead--and keep it short. and for goodness sake, do not go and rock the rerun and return to your bar of memories. a phone call would also suffice. speaking from experience, when I was going through my divorce and my ex would plead to see me, every time I fell for it I would end up devastated and back at square one in my process. It took several missteps for me to finally figure out that I couldn't see him anymore.
d0nnivain Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 She picked the biggest emotional land minefield ever. Oh boy. If you are prepared to have your heart trampled & your emotional healing set back to almost the beginning, go. But if you prefer to keep your sanity resist the urge. Even if she says she wants to reconcile, do you really want to take back a woman who through you away once. 2
PLT Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 DON'T DO IT. Been there, done it, got the T-shirt. The only thing there for you my friend is more pain and hurt. 1
Erik30 Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Why would you go? Sure I can imagine going if you still have some hope left of getting her back.... but she's with another guy now, and on top of that they moved in together. Just keep reminding yourself of that when you start to think about "what if...?" Ask her what she wants if you're really considering to meet her. She probably just wants to offer her friendship since she seems to be serious about this new guy.... and don't forget, she dumped you for him.
mrwigand Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 I agree with others here that she most likely is just checking on you to see if there's the possibility you two can be friends (after all, you two were together for 4 years, right?) I would also like to know what you hope to gain by going? Are you just trying to be agreeable? Do you hope to get back together? In general, I think unless the answer is that you're comfortable with everything and actually ready to be friends you shouldn't go. That being said, it doesn't seem like you're over her, so I don't think meeting with her is a good idea. You should only meet with her when you've truly processed the relationship and you're over her.
fireflywy Posted March 6, 2016 Posted March 6, 2016 To the OP... Don't go. You deserve better than this. Watch the clip below.... https://youtu.be/vYyx3CBSO_0
Author sunglasses Posted March 8, 2016 Author Posted March 8, 2016 Thanks guys. I guess I want her to know how big a mistake she made. But not responding at all would be pretty vicious too.
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