Why won't he contact me unless I like his facebook/instagram posts?

[bloodymary12]

I met this guy online about a month ago. after talking for a week I discovered I really liked a lot of things about him so we met up just to go for some food and a coffee and still i liked him after meeting up with him and talking in person.

 

As for his work he is unemployed but he is a conspiracy theorist and spends a lot time on his computer when he is not with his children. He is always on his computer researching and learning new things. he is so intelligent and knowledgeable. He has told me I won't want him because he is not a career guy and he doesn't believe in 9 to 5 work and he won't be a slave to a corporation. I told him his unemployment status doesn't matter to me but he seems hung up on it and keeps mentioning that he thinks most women don't understand him they want a guy with money, career, etc even though i told him i'm not like that.

 

We went out two more times to a bar and again we chatted held hands and both got drunk and kissed each other but i am living with my sister and he doesn't have his own place so we couldn't spend the night with each other. After that I had so many things happen to me in a short space of time which meant I was very busy and I had no time to message him as often as before so i decided to not message him at all to avoid taking my anger and frustration out on him.

 

So I didn't message him for over a week while i sorted everything out and he didn't message me either. I've been in touch with him via phone since then and he mentioned only once about me not messaging him but I really think it's bothering him that I stopped communicating with him while I had all the things to deal with.. and now I have noticed that he will only message me or pay any attention to me if I like his facebook posts or his instagram pictures. I have tested this a few times. Whenever I like something he posts he starts liking my stuff and he'll initiate contact again in some way and he puts hearts and kissing faces on his messages. He tells me he wants to hold me and hug me and kiss me. If I don't like anything he posts I will not hear from him at all, he just won't contact me. Is he doing this as a kind of revenge because i stopped messaging him for a while?

 

I called him up the other day to see if he was ok and we had a long phone talk but he was nowhere near as talkative on his end as he has been previously and he spoke to me more like a friend would. He was just like 'yeah i know' with not much enthusiasm.

[Gemma1]

I dated an unemployed conspiracy theorist nutcase for a while.

 

Girl, what are you thinking?

[bloodymary12]

I dated an unemployed conspiracy theorist nutcase for a while.

 

Girl, what are you thinking?

 

The money and status of a guy doesn't matter to me. I make my own money.

[bathtub-row]

His employment status notwithstanding, this guy is a nutcase and you would be wise to walk away from his wacky world.

 

And I would also advise you to re-think this whole thing about a guy being employed or not. This is not about money. It's about a man's drive, his view of the world, etc. You're really making problems for yourself by not having higher standards. If a guy is unemployed because he can't find work, that's one thing. If he's unemployed because he's working on starting his own business, great. But if he's unemployed because he wants to troll the computer all day working on conspiracy theories, then you've got a drama king on your hands. He will continually read negativity into your actions and you'll constantly be on guard. Not to mention that these theorists will make you completely nuts with their endless, negative banter. And many of them are intelligent.

[hippychick3]

Sounds like a passive-aggressive loser to me. I think you need to raise your expectations. You can (and should) do better.

[stillyoung]

The money and status of a guy doesn't matter to me. I make my own money.

 

The money a guy makes very much matters to me. Not because I want him to take care of me or my kids -I'm perfectly capable of that myself. But because he better make enough to take care of himself.

 

 

Believe me at my age I've found many men in their 40's and 50's that weren't capable of that and I could tell would have expected me to help support them. You know, because they were so charming and romantic and spontaneous, etc.

[Lois_Griffin]

As for his work he is unemployed but he is a conspiracy theorist and spends a lot time on his computer when he is not with his children. He is always on his computer researching and learning new things. he is so intelligent and knowledgeable. He has told me I won't want him because he is not a career guy and he doesn't believe in 9 to 5 work and he won't be a slave to a corporation.

LOL. Yet he has NO problem using the computer 'big business' built and sold to him or the internet 'big business' is providing in order to do his OH so important 'research.' LOL...I'm willing to bet a cursory glance through his browsing history will probably include YouPorn and PornHub.

 

Fools like this bring NOTHING productive to the table or to society. I'm sure he's got that ridiculous 'Loose Change' 911 nonsense video saved to CD.

 

What a load of crap this guy is peddling.

 

If he were half as intelligent as he claims to be, he'd realize that you don't bring children into this world and just expect everyone ELSE to support them. And if the loser feels no need to get out and be productive by WORKING to support the kids he chose to have, then that means he's depending on his ex and probably the government to support them FOR him. I find it highly amusing that Mr. Conspiracy Theorist has no problem glomming entitlements from the very entity he supposedly needs to stay home and research all day in order to expose their dirty deeds.

 

What a hypocrite.

 

I told him his unemployment status doesn't matter to me but he seems hung up on it and keeps mentioning that he thinks most women don't understand him they want a guy with money, career, etc even though i told him i'm not like that.

You should seriously raise your standards. If he were doing something productive like being selfless and compassionate and doing volunteer work, it MIGHT be different. But he's not. He's choosing to be completely unproductive and sit on his ass all day chasing nonsense on the internet and pretending it's relevant.

 

Call a spade a spade. He's a lazy irresponsible ass who feels everyone else should support his kids. And I notice you said 'he doesn't have his own place.' Well that stands to reason. May I assume he still lives with mommy and daddy who PAY for his internet and PAY for his cell phone? Because the last time I looked, sitting on your ass all day pays absolutely nothing.

 

So I didn't message him for over a week while i sorted everything out and he didn't message me either.

I guess he was too busy Googling to take that 20 seconds to reach out to you.

 

...and now I have noticed that he will only message me or pay any attention to me if I like his facebook posts or his instagram pictures.

Now that's surprising - he's using MORE venues of 'big business.' It's amazing how much time he has to act like a fool on Facebook and Instagram yet he just can't find the time to get a job. How does one be a supposed Conspiracy Theorist yet have their hands in virtually every mainstream venue known to society? Who's he supposedly researching, anyway? The Amish? Maybe they're up to no good and he's going to expose them?

 

I called him up the other day to see if he was ok and we had a long phone talk but he was nowhere near as talkative on his end as he has been previously and he spoke to me more like a friend would. He was just like 'yeah i know' with not much enthusiasm.

I'm amazed he talks on the phone with all the talk about the government listening in on everyone's phone conversations. Surely he'd KNOW about that in his field of 'expertise,' wouldn't he? Seriously, this guy is such a hypocrite.

 

I swear, you could go down to the homeless section of town and pick some wino up off the sidewalk and he'd be a better candidate than this loser.

 

Aim higher. Please.

[Gemma1]

The money and status of a guy doesn't matter to me. I make my own money.

Everyone else seems to have sufficiently explained the error in your thinking so I won't add too much to it. I'll just add that I hope you grow out of this naivety very soon, for your sake. You can be uninterested in money and status yet still make a habit of avoiding losers like this guy.

[bloodymary12]

Thank you for all the replies. One thing is I don't find this guy to be a 'loser' just because he is not employed. He is actually very intelligent and speaks like some kind of philosopher lol. As well as his appearance what attracted me to him was his intelligence and his wit I've never come across a guy like this before and it makes me want to spend more time with him to figure him out more. How is it that a young guy (in his 20s) can know so much about the world?

 

I have been with full time career men before and I've never ever found them as interesting as this guy. This guy isn't the kind of guy who goes and watches games of sport and has beers with his friends and ignores me all week I can sense it with him there is something different about him. He just wants family and home comforts. There is a part of me that wants to 'mother' him and look after him (I'm a little bit older than him)

 

About his children he is a good father to them as far as i can tell. He takes them out on days out, buys them new clothes, does activities with them, takes them to nursery school etc, he doesn't just sit in front of his computer 24 hours a day but he is on there a lot and he says that he talks to people with the same interests on there.

[whichwayisup]

Put it out there and lay it all out on the line. Have a real conversation with him about how you feel, ask him how he feels and where things could be heading. Maybe he just enjoys your company but isn't ready to get seriously involved. Not knowing is worse than knowing, so DO talk to him and be honest. Like if he isn't into you and isn't wanting to date and spend time with you OFFLINE, then walk away.

[Alamo657]

I have no opinion on this guy, but i find all the "looser" labelling very disturbing.

 

So what if a man doesn't have a great career ? should he be forbidden to romance and sex until he dies ?

 

I know this is the dominant trend to ostracize under achievers, but all of you have to realize you're the 10% of the population criticizing the remaining 90% for not being on your "level" of career sucess.

[Versacehottie]

The money and status of a guy doesn't matter to me. I make my own money.

 

Got love a guy who hides behind not wanting to be establishment or conspiracy theory chasing so he has an excuse to be lazy. Yes I'm being sarcastic. I think you would grow to resent it. In any case, he does not seem that invested into pursuing a relationship with you by his actions. Low effort. Seems like he is "anti" everything. Mad at the world probably. These kind of people are a heavy burden to take on even if you make your own money. Their standards regarding money, world, establishment tend to be bend-y. If you were a couple I'll be he'd have no problem sharing your establishment-earned money on stuff, or if he is hard-line, whoa the headache.

 

Run, you can thank us later.

[angel.eyes]

Have you been on other dates, or just that one?

 

At any rate, it's only been a month, and he's now unenthused about even communicating with you. Stop fighting to continue this. Instead, focus on finding a guy who actually wants to be with you.

 

If you insist on chasing after this guy, your future will hold many important life lessons.

 

Where does he live? You live with your sister, but you're decidedly coy about his living situation.

[mattelipstick]

About his children he is a good father to them as far as i can tell. He takes them out on days out, buys them new clothes, does activities with them, takes them to nursery school etc, he doesn't just sit in front of his computer 24 hours a day but he is on there a lot and he says that he talks to people with the same interests on there.

 

How many children does he have? And how does he support them financially if he doesn't work?

 

Even if an unemployed man isn't a turn-off for you, a man who doesn't see fit to get a job so that he can significantly contribute to his children should be.

[TheArtist]

He is actually very intelligent and speaks like some kind of philosopher lol. As well as his appearance what attracted me to him was his intelligence and his wit I've never come across a guy like this before and it makes me want to spend more time with him to figure him out more. How is it that a young guy (in his 20s) can know so much about the world?

 

You only need to look on a couple of forums to find that conspiracy theorists do come across as well spoken and intelligent, but it's all contradicted in the beliefs they push forward. Intelligence to me at least, is the ability to see things from both sides, calculate which side holds more weight, and then come to a logical decision based on your research, NOT simply believe that the government are out to control you in everything you do.

 

The internet is terrible for breeding this kind of negative outlook on life, and I wish you luck if you're going to be with someone like this; just don't become one yourself. PLEASE.

 

The reason for the post liking comments could be that he's trying to maintain some kind of control over the relationship, and there's a good chance he has some insecurities (probably not helped by the conspiracy nonsense he believes). He wants you to reassure him that he's doing the right thing by giving him 'likes'.

[Gemma1]

No one is saying that this guy is a loser because he doesn't have some great, lucrative career.

 

Conspiracy theorist types will often seem educated and intelligent. And sometimes they are. But they are also often misguided, narrow minded, and cannot function as adults in the real world. That's what makes them losers. I know the type that the OP has described EXTREMELY well. They are all very similar.

 

OP, it sounds like this is your first experience with a guy of this type. They are quite intoxicating at first. But that will all fade away very quickly when you see them for what they really are. Oftentimes they do not actually know as much about the world as they seem to know, because half of what they say is just crazy stuff that you don't know anything about because you aren't a conspiracy person, so of course it sounds intelligent to you. But in reality it's all BS and if you had anyone else around who had any sense to them, they could wipe the floor with your boyfriend's bogus conspiracies in just a few minutes.

 

How does he afford to paying for his kid's expenses without a job? Where does he live? What are his plans in life? Does he do anything besides research his conspiracy theories and if so, how does he afford to do anything?

[bloodymary12]

Hi Gemma I have now backed off from contacting him to see what he did. He then messaged me a couple of times after about a week which I haven't replied to yet but he's asked me out again in one of the messages.

 

As for his children he has 2 children. He doesn't work but whenever we've been out he's always had plenty of cash on his person. The last time we were at the pub he bought the drinks and had a big wad of cash in his pocket when he paid for them, but we haven't gone into that side of it (employment, finances, etc) that much.

 

All I know is that he said the system we live in is a big illusion, a big scam and he refuses to work 9 to 5 and be sucked dry by some big corporation. He mentioned once that he is looking at going back into studying probably from home because he finds it hard to deal with normal people who are all wrapped up in this system and that they think paying taxes, mortgages, blaming people on benefits because of government propaganda etc is all that life is and as long as they get their holiday's, cars, and houses people today don't give a damn about the less fortunate. He said something about the tax evasion of the middle class too. He only started talking about that because i told him i'd donated to the local food bank recently.

 

That's about all he's told me. I told him I'm not really into politics and stuff like that so we discuss other things when we've been out.

 

But he has it into his head that women only want guys who have big cars and big materialistic possessions which I don't get because this is a guy who has experience with women including the mother of his children who he told me was not like that either so it's puzzling.

[scorpiogirl]

Hi Gemma I have now backed off from contacting him to see what he did. He then messaged me a couple of times after about a week which I haven't replied to yet but he's asked me out again in one of the messages.

 

As for his children he has 2 children. He doesn't work but whenever we've been out he's always had plenty of cash on his person. The last time we were at the pub he bought the drinks and had a big wad of cash in his pocket when he paid for them, but we haven't gone into that side of it (employment, finances, etc) that much.

 

All I know is that he said the system we live in is a big illusion, a big scam and he refuses to work 9 to 5 and be sucked dry by some big corporation. He mentioned once that he is looking at going back into studying probably from home because he finds it hard to deal with normal people who are all wrapped up in this system and that they think paying taxes, mortgages, blaming people on benefits because of government propaganda etc is all that life is and as long as they get their holiday's, cars, and houses people today don't give a damn about the less fortunate. He said something about the tax evasion of the middle class too. He only started talking about that because i told him i'd donated to the local food bank recently.

 

That's about all he's told me. I told him I'm not really into politics and stuff like that so we discuss other things when we've been out.

 

But he has it into his head that women only want guys who have big cars and big materialistic possessions which I don't get because this is a guy who has experience with women including the mother of his children who he told me was not like that either so it's puzzling.

 

Ewwwwww there is so much wrong with this guy. It's going to be exhausting dating him.

I could never be with a man that refuses to work and prefers to sit behind a computer dreaming up conspiracies.

 

You're going to have to defend everything you believe that doesn't gel with what he believes. Everyone is out to get him

 

Just no.