DukeGirl83 Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 (edited) I know the "lets be friends" line is usually seen as a brush off but, what if you really mean it? Background: I work in consulting and met a man at my client. I am 32 he is I believe 34/35.He seemed nice enough and asked if I wanted to go for a drink after work that day. Drink was fun. He sent some annoying text messages. How are you? What are you doing? Etc but nothing too crazy. He invited me out to spend the day with his friends hanging out. I had a great time and really clicked with the group. He has never made any advances or shown any interest "you look nice today" type compliments, nothing. He invites me out to lunch and we grab food at a cafe, super casual. Here is the issue: he invited me to come to his place and watch a movie. So first of all I'm unsure if this is just a friends hanging out, or he thinks I'll sleep with him when we have never even touched. He then sends a text saying he really enjoys dating me. I mean I guess these could be considered dates but, I had friend vibes only. I get together with various clients, coworkers, etc to grab lunch or a drink after work all the time. I don't consider them all dates and I'm 99% sure they don't either. How do I respond to let him know I really do like being friends and didn't mean to lead him on. The other issue: I may HAVE been interested in more if he approached it differently. Even now if he said "I have really enjoyed getting to know you and would like to take you on a real date" I would say yes. Edited March 5, 2016 by DukeGirl83
Popsicle Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Most women do mean it when they say it. It's not just a brush off. And that is the problem, because the guy doesn't want to be friends. You have to let him go.
Popsicle Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 The other issue: I may HAVE been interested in more if he approached it differently. Even now if he said "I have really enjoyed getting to know you and would like to take you on a real date" I would say yes. This is a problem though. He needs to change his approach. Jumping from platonic friendly type interactions to, "Netflix and chill" is not going to work. He should have asked you on a proper date. Some guys think that being friend IS being romantic. Lol. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 I know the "lets be friends" line is usually seen as a brush off but, what if you really mean it? Background: I work in consulting and met a man at my client. I am 32 he is I believe 34/35.He seemed nice enough and asked if I wanted to go for a drink after work that day. Drink was fun. He sent some annoying text messages. How are you? What are you doing? Etc but nothing too crazy. He invited me out to spend the day with his friends hanging out. I had a great time and really clicked with the group. He has never made any advances or shown any interest "you look nice today" type compliments, nothing. He invites me out to lunch and we grab food at a cafe, super casual. Here is the issue: he invited me to come to his place and watch a movie. So first of all I'm unsure if this is just a friends hanging out, or he thinks I'll sleep with him when we have never even touched. He then sends a text saying he really enjoys dating me. I mean I guess these could be considered dates but, I had friend vibes only. I get together with various clients, coworkers, etc to grab lunch or a drink after work all the time. I don't consider them all dates and I'm 99% sure they don't either. How do I respond to let him know I really do like being friends and didn't mean to lead him on. The other issue: I may HAVE been interested in more if he approached it differently. Even now if he said "I have really enjoyed getting to know you and would like to take you on a real date" I would say yes. From what I can see. he's just not ballsy enough to go after it without a lot of needless "back and forth" with you....he probably lacks confidence abd figures you would shoot him down if he did, so he's playing it slow and hoping it just eventually "happens"... In general, guys don't do that stuff without hoping for some sex...Believe me, he'd rather watch a guy movie or a football game with real buddies, if that's all its going to materialize into... .02 TFY
Author DukeGirl83 Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 From what I can see. he's just not ballsy enough to go after it without a lot of needless "back and forth" with you....he probably lacks confidence abd figures you would shoot him down if he did, so he's playing it slow and hoping it just eventually "happens"... In general, guys don't do that stuff without hoping for some sex...Believe me, he'd rather watch a guy movie or a football game with real buddies, if that's all its going to materialize into... .02 TFY I guess I still have a lot to learn. Would a guy really not be ballsy enough to ask someone out to dinner but, be ballsy enough to go for sex? I can't imagine that has worked out for him too many times. Would saying lets be friends work with this guy? I am assuming I should never go to his place regardless.
Author DukeGirl83 Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 This is a problem though. He needs to change his approach. Jumping from platonic friendly type interactions to, "Netflix and chill" is not going to work. He should have asked you on a proper date. Some guys think that being friend IS being romantic. Lol. Would you tell someone this? "I thought we were just hanging out" I thought guys over 30 kind of had things figured out by now but, maybe that's not a fair assumption.
preraph Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 (edited) Well, since you might be interested, I'm going to attempt to show you from his perspective. A woman I met at work asked me out for a drink! It was awesome. We talked and had a good time. I guess now it's my move. So I texted her to let her know I was interested and took her out with some friends. Then I asked her over for a movie. I might actually get laid! To him, the day hanging out with friends was a date, maybe even a special date because he let you meet his friends. Now is the third date. I think you're an adult, so you just need to handle the situation. Maybe you tell him up front you have an early day the next day, "So can we do it earlier rather than later?" so he knows he's not getting laid. Or if you trust yourself not to just sleep with him because you have a problem saying no, then you just go and have fun and see how it feels and stop him if he really tries to sleep with you, which he probably will. Maybe you take the opportunity to let him know you enjoyed the day hanging out with the friends and also enjoy being wined and dined. Maybe you decide it's not happening and tell him, I'm sorry, I know I sent mixed signals, but I truly just started out wanting to be friends. Men aren't good at just being friends with women. They usually hope for more. If you are sure you don't want him as anything other than a friend, I think it would be a very nice gesture to start fixing him up with your female friends. So maybe it's time you gave him a hangout day with your friends next time if you don't want him, and be very obvious that you are introducing him to all the women. He'd love that. Good luck. Edited March 5, 2016 by preraph 1
Ami1uwant Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Would you tell someone this? "I thought we were just hanging out" I thought guys over 30 kind of had things figured out by now but, maybe that's not a fair assumption. What sort of prior relationships has he had? If he dated his high school sweetheart snd now is divorced he doesn't know how to date as an adult. Maybe he is unsure how you feel. Since you two work together, unsure what the policies there on dating. He is taking it slow because he doesn't want it yo ruin the work thing.
Popsicle Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Would you tell someone this? "I thought we were just hanging out" I thought guys over 30 kind of had things figured out by now but, maybe that's not a fair assumption. No, I wouldn't. And no they don't.
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