louxor Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Here's a quick rundown: - We broke up about 7 months ago - reason being the classic “I'm not sure what I want anymore” - NC for 3-4 months - She reaches out telling me she’s still struggling - Meet with her a few times - Have several great nights out - Make out on one of these nights - Final one she pulls back saying similar stuff of what she did when we broke up (Not sure what I want) - I go overseas for a month - When I get home she messages me angry because I had been ignoring 95% of her messages as they were breadcrumbs - We talk and she says she isn’t going to be able to get through her ‘unsureness' if I’m not responding to her Last point above was about a month ago. Since then we’ve be chatting in one way or another every day or two, be it a couple of texts, some snapchats, or hanging out face to face. It’s been great fun and all and we are getting along perfectly, but I’m beginning to feel like it’s just going nowhere. Although I’m in a mental position where I could deal with being just her friend if I wanted to, that’s not what I want, and after this month it’s beginning to feel like it’s headed in that friendship direction, here’s why I think so: Despite the fact that she’s said that she’s struggling, that she needs to be in contact with me to work through her unsureness, and that she’s the one to initiate contact 90% of the time, I am seeing no real ACTION on her behalf. What I mean is that, she’ll happily text me all day long if I was to let her, but she has yet to be the one to bring up hanging out. This wouldn’t be a problem to me if this was a new girl I was just dating, and I don’t mind being the one to set dates, BUT, seeing as she was the one to dump me, I feel like if she was really invested to making this work (as something besides a friendship), she would be willing to make the extra effort. Essentially, it’s lots of talk but little action from her side. So I guess I’m at a bit of a crossroads on how to approach this. I don’t mind which way it goes, with the extreme being I’d be fine if she said she never wanted to talk to me again, but where it is right now, it feels like its going towards a more platonic relationship and that’s not what I want. I’ve told her this, but she seems adamant on the fact that she cannot work through her unsureness without talking to me. I’m not sure if this is true, or some ploy just to keep me around and transition into friendship, but it feels like it’s not working and I need to address it, I’m just not too sure how to. I'm definitely okay with the idea of this not working, I have used the last 7 months to get my life back on its tracks and I no longer need her around to be happy, but at the same time I don't want to shrug it off completely given that we do get along great and she has shown significant signs of wanting it to work. Any suggestions/opinions would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!
Zahara Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 The only thing you're doing is enabling her "unsureness". 2
Simon Phoenix Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Here's a quick rundown: - We broke up about 7 months ago - reason being the classic “I'm not sure what I want anymore” - NC for 3-4 months - She reaches out telling me she’s still struggling - Meet with her a few times - Have several great nights out - Make out on one of these nights - Final one she pulls back saying similar stuff of what she did when we broke up (Not sure what I want) - I go overseas for a month - When I get home she messages me angry because I had been ignoring 95% of her messages as they were breadcrumbs - We talk and she says she isn’t going to be able to get through her ‘unsureness' if I’m not responding to her Last point above was about a month ago. Since then we’ve be chatting in one way or another every day or two, be it a couple of texts, some snapchats, or hanging out face to face. It’s been great fun and all and we are getting along perfectly, but I’m beginning to feel like it’s just going nowhere. Although I’m in a mental position where I could deal with being just her friend if I wanted to, that’s not what I want, and after this month it’s beginning to feel like it’s headed in that friendship direction, here’s why I think so: Despite the fact that she’s said that she’s struggling, that she needs to be in contact with me to work through her unsureness, and that she’s the one to initiate contact 90% of the time, I am seeing no real ACTION on her behalf. What I mean is that, she’ll happily text me all day long if I was to let her, but she has yet to be the one to bring up hanging out. This wouldn’t be a problem to me if this was a new girl I was just dating, and I don’t mind being the one to set dates, BUT, seeing as she was the one to dump me, I feel like if she was really invested to making this work (as something besides a friendship), she would be willing to make the extra effort. Essentially, it’s lots of talk but little action from her side. So I guess I’m at a bit of a crossroads on how to approach this. I don’t mind which way it goes, with the extreme being I’d be fine if she said she never wanted to talk to me again, but where it is right now, it feels like its going towards a more platonic relationship and that’s not what I want. I’ve told her this, but she seems adamant on the fact that she cannot work through her unsureness without talking to me. I’m not sure if this is true, or some ploy just to keep me around and transition into friendship, but it feels like it’s not working and I need to address it, I’m just not too sure how to. I'm definitely okay with the idea of this not working, I have used the last 7 months to get my life back on its tracks and I no longer need her around to be happy, but at the same time I don't want to shrug it off completely given that we do get along great and she has shown significant signs of wanting it to work. Any suggestions/opinions would be greatly appreciated! Thanks! You're being bullied and manipulated into the friendzone. Sad thing is, I think you realize it but you don't have the backbone to not let it happen. You're keeping yourself in limbo. She snaps her fingers and tells you that you aren't paying attention to her liking, you fold. Rinse and repeat. Stop being her lackey. 3
Heatemyheart89 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 I would go full no contact forever. Seriously not worth it. 1
dumbass2 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 "We talk and she says she isn’t going to be able to get through her ‘unsureness' if I’m not responding to her" That is complete and utter BS. Two choices #1 Text her one last time and tell her this is not working for you and that you wont be contacting her or replying to her again, so she'll know why. This if you are a really nice guy. #2 Just go silent right now and disappear from her life. No text, no communication at all. She knows what you want. If you do none of these, you will remain her male friend and nothing more. Either one of these will tell her that you are done taking her crap and will no longer be manipulated. And don't take any more breadcrumbs as her wanting a romantic relationship with you again. If it doesn't work the first time, it rarely works the second time as she is now showing you. She is totally playing you for attention only. time for you to take control of things
kztar Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 "We talk and she says she isn’t going to be able to get through her ‘unsureness' if I’m not responding to her" That is complete and utter BS. Two choices #1 Text her one last time and tell her this is not working for you and that you wont be contacting her or replying to her again, so she'll know why. This if you are a really nice guy. #2 Just go silent right now and disappear from her life. No text, no communication at all. She knows what you want. If you do none of these, you will remain her male friend and nothing more. Either one of these will tell her that you are done taking her crap and will no longer be manipulated. And don't take any more breadcrumbs as her wanting a romantic relationship with you again. If it doesn't work the first time, it rarely works the second time as she is now showing you. She is totally playing you for attention only. time for you to take control of things At this point, I suggest #2
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