I Googled My Date & Was Shocked By What I Found

[katiegrl]

Earlier in the thread, Joseb suggested checking the resume that I found online (which is definitely his, without a doubt) and calculating his age based on when he graduated high school and college. When I do that, the age is exactly the same as what's in the article.

 

You make an excellent point about the job thing, though. He just started a new job about a month ago. He's told me about how nice the facility is and how he manages a group of 10 people working on manufacturing machines. I don't know a whole lot about working in manufacturing facilities (I work in an office), but it seems to me that they'd want to drug test and check the background of their prospective employees. I seriously doubt they'd hire someone with a recent arrest involving some pretty serious drugs.

 

So that makes me even more curious about the whole situation. If it is him, what happened? Was he just in the wrong place at the wrong time? The address of the arrest isn't the same as the address on the resume, but the two locations are within a mile of each other. Was he at a friend's house? These are the questions I'll need to ask.

 

Many background checks conducted by prospective employers check for *convictions* -- if he has not been convicted of anything yet, nothing will show up.

 

Re the drug test, my guess is since he is such a health nut, if he ever was into drugs, he is not now.

[Lovelorn00]

I'm unsure why you would waste time and energy on this guy trying to prove to yourself that he didn't do this.

 

There are many great guys out there who wouldn't make you wonder. Why not date a new guy without all these red flags?

 

Because I was about to let him into my house tonight. We are supposed to get together in just a few hours. Maybe I should just tell him, "Hey, let's cancel tonight, and I never want to see you again, because I THINK you MIGHT'VE been involved in a crime?" I'm spending time and energy out of safety concerns. I was hoping there was a chance it wasn't him and I could go on with my night without having to worry about it, but it's starting to look like it is him. Therefore, instead of meeting at my house, I'm going to meet him somewhere public and ask him about it.

 

What's done is done. The plans have been made. I can either ghost on him based on some assumptions I made after reading a news article or talk it out with him. I'd rather talk it out with him.

[Lovelorn00]

Many background checks conducted by prospective employers check for *convictions* -- if he has not been convicted of anything yet, nothing will show up.

 

Re the drug test, my guess is since he is such a health nut, if he ever was into drugs, he is not now.

 

Exactly, and I don't know how long it takes to convict someone. Don't even know if a court date has been set yet. He could've gotten out quickly on bail and is just awaiting a court date.

 

However, a quick Google search of his name brings up the article immediately. It's the very first result. Followed by his resume. Haha I feel like any reputable background check agency would see that. Then again, maybe they did and didn't see that as grounds for not hiring someone.

 

There's also the possibility that he falsified the drug test, as that was one of the charges made during the arrest. They found a bottle of urine in the house.

[AMJ]

I am not sure if anyone has offered but, I am in HR and can do a basic check for you to see if it's the same guy. Just private message me the name city and if you know the date of birth. I'll PM back with what I come up with.

 

You are a good friend to have.

 

 

OP I'd not let him into your house just yet...

[jen1447]

I have not. I do plan on calling the law enforcement agency that made the arrest, though.

 

You won't get much love from the arresting agency unless you can show a compelling personal interest. Criminal conviction records are public record, but arrest records aren't, so you're not actually entitled to anything that isn't conviction-based.

 

There's a clear path here tho, and that's to check with your local state agency that maintains criminal records of its citizens, usually the state police or department of public safety. With a name and DOB you can often get conviction records for ~$20. However not all states actually make these records available to the public, even tho it's public info (go figure).

 

What state are you/him in? I'll tell you if it's one that disseminates the info w/out hassle or not.

 

btw, what you have right now - an informal 'record' based on a google search that matches a name but not a DOB - wouldn't be sufficient to screen a potential employee, so I wouldn't put a lot of stock in it or hang your hat on it. (Meaning you could make yourself look foolish if you confront him with it.) There's nothing wrong w/vetting ppl in this day and age, but the way you should do it is a. get reliable info, and b. if you find sth, just dismiss them. Don't use it to cross examine them bc that's pointless anyway - all you care about is whether they did anything or not, so interviews are needless risks and complications.

[Versacehottie]

I didn't read all the replies so I apologize if someone else has already said this: I think he could be lying about his age to you-then all the other pieces would fit. I think there is a rash of jumping to conclusions on this site but in this instance I don't mind being one of the jumpers! You are comparing your guy to cold hard facts in an article. Most of them fit your guy. here's another thing my friend told me that is relevant in police/detective work: there is no such thing as a coincidence. So in other words, if you think that it's a coincidence that your guy fits all the rest of the description and factors, it probably is NOT just a coincidence. I guess the only two things I'm wondering is how common of a name (first, last middle) does he have and how big is the city in which the crimes occurred. The more common the names, and the bigger the city, the more plausible it is to believe that it isn't him. I kinda think it's him. Which brings me to the next thing I'm wondering: why are you still dating him? Ask the question, get the answer from him, make your own determination about how honest or how well it sits with you BEFORE your date at your house. Don't invest more into someone without clearing this up.

 

I'd guess he is lying about his age to you.

[Rejected Rosebud]

^^Not now, but he could have been into it last year, including dealing, and is now in recovery.

 

That would explain why he doesn't drink at all....he can't, he's a recovering alcoholic, and perhaps a recovering drug addict also.

 

If this happened in 9/15, even if he's "in recovery" it's too early to be able to count on it, he shouldn't be getting into a relationship for at least a year (recovery wisdom) and nobody should be getting in a relationship with him until he has more time under his belt.

 

He's not working a very good program if he's keeping important things like this back from a woman he's starting a relationship with, if indeed he's recovering.

 

Also he's a criminal. That's a thing in itself whether he's using drugs or not.

 

If it's him.

[Versacehottie]

There wasn't a reporter's name listed on the article. However, I could contact the news agency itself and ask about the article. Hmmm... I didn't think about that. Thank you. I did briefly consider calling the law enforcement agency who booked him, but I didn’t think they’d just hand that information over without a good reason.

As far as being in jail already, that’s what I figured as well, but I will admit to not knowing anything about drug cases and how long it takes to convict someone. Maybe he went to jail, got out, and he’s just waiting for a court date? I have no idea how that stuff works.

 

I don't know exactly either. If it was only 5 months ago, I would think the case is pending. Or depending on where he lives, there is notorious overcrowding in CA for example and he could be out already for something as "simple" as a drug case. i would not waste any time contacting the reporter (though it's a decent idea for detective work). The thing is it sounds like you are relatively newly dating him--it'd be different if he was your long time bf or live-in bf and you had a lot to untangle and a lot at stake. For a new guy, not worth the trouble. Ask him and see what he says. I think now that I've seen that the middle name is not so common that it's looking like for sure it is him. I think it's weird that he is lying about his age to you too. I'd break up with him on that alone. He sounds deceptive and you can bet that kind of stuff will just continue. Come on, you can do better than this guy and should not want a relationship to the extent that you are willing to overlook this stuff. Good luck

[katiegrl]

JMO, but this seems like an awful lot of energy (mental, physical, emotional?) expended simply to find out if some guy who is too busy for a RL, who you acknowledge you don't even want a RL with, has been arrested for drug possession.

 

Is there more to this LL?

 

Surely, there are other men to meet, to focus on, no?

[katiegrl]

If this happened in 9/15, even if he's "in recovery" it's too early to be able to count on it, he shouldn't be getting into a relationship for at least a year (recovery wisdom) and nobody should be getting in a relationship with him until he has more time under his belt.

 

He's not working a very good program if he's keeping important things like this back from a woman he's starting a relationship with, if indeed he's recovering.

 

Also he's a criminal. That's a thing in itself whether he's using drugs or not.

 

If it's him.

 

Completely agree, I was simply addressing LL's concern (that he may be involved in/doing drugs) ...... by suggesting he may have been in the past (last year) but is not now..

 

Re getting into a RL, to be fair to him, LL said he is not looking for a RL, nor is she.

[Lovelorn00]

You won't get much love from the arresting agency unless you can show a compelling personal interest. Criminal conviction records are public record, but arrest records aren't, so you're not actually entitled to anything that isn't conviction-based.

 

There's a clear path here tho, and that's to check with your local state agency that maintains criminal records of its citizens, usually the state police or department of public safety. With a name and DOB you can often get conviction records for ~$20. However not all states actually make these records available to the public, even tho it's public info (go figure).

 

What state are you/him in? I'll tell you if it's one that disseminates the info w/out hassle or not.

 

btw, what you have right now - an informal 'record' based on a google search that matches a name but not a DOB - wouldn't be sufficient to screen a potential employee, so I wouldn't put a lot of stock in it or hang your hat on it. (Meaning you could make yourself look foolish if you confront him with it.) There's nothing wrong w/vetting ppl in this day and age, but the way you should do it is a. get reliable info, and b. if you find sth, just dismiss them. Don't use it to cross examine them bc that's pointless anyway - all you care about is whether they did anything or not, so interviews are needless risks and complications.

 

That's what I figured, but I was hoping that if they couldn't at least give me more info, they could point me in the direction of someone who can. At this point, it's too late. We are meeting in a few hours, so it's going to have to boil down to me asking him then doing the research to verify whatever he's tells me on Monday. I'm going to try to do it in a humorous way, like an earlier poster mentioned. Try not to make it seem so serious, even though it really is.

[Lovelorn00]

I didn't read all the replies so I apologize if someone else has already said this: I think he could be lying about his age to you-then all the other pieces would fit. I think there is a rash of jumping to conclusions on this site but in this instance I don't mind being one of the jumpers! You are comparing your guy to cold hard facts in an article. Most of them fit your guy. here's another thing my friend told me that is relevant in police/detective work: there is no such thing as a coincidence. So in other words, if you think that it's a coincidence that your guy fits all the rest of the description and factors, it probably is NOT just a coincidence. I guess the only two things I'm wondering is how common of a name (first, last middle) does he have and how big is the city in which the crimes occurred. The more common the names, and the bigger the city, the more plausible it is to believe that it isn't him. I kinda think it's him. Which brings me to the next thing I'm wondering: why are you still dating him? Ask the question, get the answer from him, make your own determination about how honest or how well it sits with you BEFORE your date at your house. Don't invest more into someone without clearing this up.

 

I'd guess he is lying about his age to you.

 

It's a small city in the county next to mine. His first and last names are VERY common (think John Doe), but his middle name is very unusual. I've never met anyone with that name, and he actually goes by that name, since his dad has the same name.

 

I'm not exactly dating him. I'd like to, but he's one of those "I'm too busy" kinds of guys. He's been going through a rough time the last few months and we are simply getting together to catch up. I'm sure there interest on his side, but he's going to need to understand that I need someone more present. In fact, that's one of the topics I was hoping to bring up tonight.

 

I'm pretty sure he's lying about his age, based on what I read on his resume. By 4 years. But, let's be honest, folks - that's not exactly an uncommon thing to do. I'll admit to fudging my age by a year before.

[Versacehottie]

That's what I figured, but I was hoping that if they couldn't at least give me more info, they could point me in the direction of someone who can. At this point, it's too late. We are meeting in a few hours, so it's going to have to boil down to me asking him then doing the research to verify whatever he's tells me on Monday. I'm going to try to do it in a humorous way, like an earlier poster mentioned. Try not to make it seem so serious, even though it really is.

 

I wouldn't even do research after the fact. See what he tells you. I think you should be able to use your intuition and gut instinct on whether or not he tells the truth. Also if he confirms that it is him, and tells you a big story of how his life is different now--again you can evaluate that with intuition.

 

What I don't get is that if he doesn't want a relationship and you don't think he is one for you in a relationship but do want a relationship with someone, why are you letting him take up "space" in your life? You realize that will delay and prevent what you say you want. Including all the effort you have gone to and will go to if you do your plan of checking out his story against facts on monday, it's not where you should be putting your effort if you want a real relationship. From our past threads with you--I think you have a lot to offer and can't imagine why you would put up with this nonsense. Lying about his age (by 4 years!!!!) is all I would need to know to move on from him. The rest is just more proof that he has a lying problem.

[Lovelorn00]

I don't know exactly either. If it was only 5 months ago, I would think the case is pending. Or depending on where he lives, there is notorious overcrowding in CA for example and he could be out already for something as "simple" as a drug case. i would not waste any time contacting the reporter (though it's a decent idea for detective work). The thing is it sounds like you are relatively newly dating him--it'd be different if he was your long time bf or live-in bf and you had a lot to untangle and a lot at stake. For a new guy, not worth the trouble. Ask him and see what he says. I think now that I've seen that the middle name is not so common that it's looking like for sure it is him. I think it's weird that he is lying about his age to you too. I'd break up with him on that alone. He sounds deceptive and you can bet that kind of stuff will just continue. Come on, you can do better than this guy and should not want a relationship to the extent that you are willing to overlook this stuff. Good luck

 

A friend of mine actually said the same thing about the jails being overcrowded. But the thing is, I don't see where he was ever convicted, so it's likely the case is still pending.

 

The age thing isn't a deal-breaker for me, only because it's super common. I know an older couple who've been together for eons. When they first met, the guy lied about his age by 10 years. Haha A lot of folks lie about their age out of insecurity, especially when dating someone younger.

[Lovelorn00]

JMO, but this seems like an awful lot of energy (mental, physical, emotional?) expended simply to find out if some guy who is too busy for a RL, who you acknowledge you don't even want a RL with, has been arrested for drug possession.

 

Is there more to this LL?

 

Surely, there are other men to meet, to focus on, no?

 

Sure there are. This post was just me kinda freaking out, because I'm meeting up with him in a few hours and I just found this out. The energy expended is for my safety, and I don't want to cancel on him, based on an assumption.

 

I'm just going to meet up with him in a public place and ask.

 

I guess, if I were to be completely raw and honest, the only thing more to it is that he's also EXTREMELY attractive. Haha I wouldn't mind spending some time with him. Heck, he's fun to look at.

 

... but not if he's high on cocaine and bath salts.

[Versacehottie]

A friend of mine actually said the same thing about the jails being overcrowded. But the thing is, I don't see where he was ever convicted, so it's likely the case is still pending.

 

The age thing isn't a deal-breaker for me, only because it's super common. I know an older couple who've been together for eons. When they first met, the guy lied about his age by 10 years. Haha A lot of folks lie about their age out of insecurity, especially when dating someone younger.

 

hmmmm, well i guess perhaps it is not a dealbreaker for you. I kinda think it should be though if you were to be advocating for yourself and who you let into your life. Maybe this is one area of your decision making regarding guys where you should raise your standards and expect more. I think lying about the age, coupled with other lies or coverup of things, point to a deceptive person. To me, it sounds like character issues for him which I wouldn't want to get entangled with. A "small" thing like lying about your age to get what you want, a date with a girl younger than you, should tell you that this person lies to get what they want. Not to mention, they fly completely by the seat of their pants and/or have no long term intentions with you since if they did a lie like this would mean they risk losing you--so to lie means they don't care that much about you being in their future. So this guy may not be as reformed as you think. And he's too busy, going through a lot right now, why waste your time?

 

My guess part of his current stress situations is clearing up and/or fighting his court case. ugh. Not in a position to be dating at all. And I agree he could be newly sober and again breaking the "rules" by dating before he's truly stabilized. IMO, you are putting too much hope and effort into this one. Throw him back.

[katiegrl]

Sure there are. This post was just me kinda freaking out, because I'm meeting up with him in a few hours and I just found this out. The energy expended is for my safety, and I don't want to cancel on him, based on an assumption.

 

I'm just going to meet up with him in a public place and ask.

 

I guess, if I were to be completely raw and honest, the only thing more to it is that he's also EXTREMELY attractive. Haha I wouldn't mind spending some time with him. Heck, he's fun to look at.

 

... but not if he's high on cocaine and bath salts.

 

So he's extremely attractive.

 

And you will end up falling for him (if you haven't already) and as I said earlier, thus begin your journey into yet another dead-end relationship with a guy who doesn't want a RL.

 

Why do you do this to yourself?

 

I don't get it, but good luck LL.

 

----

 

Choose wisely .....and you won't get hurt. Choose poorly, and you do.

 

Your choice.

Edited March 5, 2016 by katiegrl

[Lovelorn00]

I wouldn't even do research after the fact. See what he tells you. I think you should be able to use your intuition and gut instinct on whether or not he tells the truth. Also if he confirms that it is him, and tells you a big story of how his life is different now--again you can evaluate that with intuition.

 

What I don't get is that if he doesn't want a relationship and you don't think he is one for you in a relationship but do want a relationship with someone, why are you letting him take up "space" in your life? You realize that will delay and prevent what you say you want. Including all the effort you have gone to and will go to if you do your plan of checking out his story against facts on monday, it's not where you should be putting your effort if you want a real relationship. From our past threads with you--I think you have a lot to offer and can't imagine why you would put up with this nonsense. Lying about his age (by 4 years!!!!) is all I would need to know to move on from him. The rest is just more proof that he has a lying problem.

 

I think you're right, which is why I would like to talk to him about this in person. I do indeed realize that I'm spending time and energy, but it's not because I'm looking to date him. To be honest, I'm not looking to date anyone right now. The time and energy is being spent so that I won't have to feel like he's going to break into my place later to steal my TV in order to buy some crack.

 

I've pretty much given up the relationship thing. My time and effort are now being put into hobbies, travel, and meetup groups.

[Lovelorn00]

So he's extremely attractive.

 

And you will end up falling for him (if you haven't already) and as I said earlier, thus begin your journey into yet another dead-end relationship with a guy who doesn't want a RL.

 

Why do you do this to yourself?

 

I don't get it, but good luck LL.

 

----

 

Choose wisely .....and you won't get hurt. Choose poorly, and you do.

 

Your choice.

 

Haha! Yep! Ya got me! I'm going to fall head over heels for this crackhead, just because he's sexy.

[MidwestUSA]

Mind you, I'm a little different. But if I was going to meet him, I'd have some bath salts in my purse, and say 'let's blow this joint and go out to my car'.

 

Maybe a baggie full of sage as well. And some pepper spray.

 

Be careful, OP.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Haha! Yep! Ya got me! I'm going to fall head over heels for this crackhead, just because he's sexy.

Well ... if you're being honest with yourself, you are going out with him even though you KNOW he's not going to have a relationship with you. I mean ... not going out, but "netflix and chill" type thing. And, you are still willing to do it when you are pretty sure he is a drug using criminal. The only reason I could see is that you find him pretty sexy. Otherwise ... seriously?

 

Why do you even bother googling guys if you are going to ignore what you find?

[katiegrl]

Haha! Yep! Ya got me! I'm going to fall head over heels for this crackhead, just because he's sexy.

 

Ha ha ....no but since you *are* so attracted, it may be difficult NOT to fall for whatever BS he tells you in an effort to convince you he is *not* a crackhead.

 

That is all I meant.

 

Assuming he is, in fact, a crackhead that is.

 

Have fun!

Edited March 5, 2016 by katiegrl

[Toodaloo]

OP I have had this happen.

 

Chap I was going on a date with appeared to be a sex pervert... I actually thought my luck was in but no it was someone posting fake stuff all over the internet to get at him.

 

Just out of curiosity why do you just ask?

 

Its what I did...

 

All you have to do is say that you wanted to make sure you were safe and was he aware he has a doppleganger!

 

Be careful though eh. If you have any doubts at all listen to them and listen to those little hairs on the back of your neck. They are rarely wrong.

[Jame22]

Another bit of helpful information – he’s a gym rat. He works out quite a bit and eats healthy.

 

Gym rat as in a big body builder? If he looks like he might take steroids or has taken steroids in the past then I wouldn't doubt other drug use.

[Lois_Griffin]

Just out of curiosity why do you just ask?

LOL. If the guy will lie about his age, why would he be honest about anything else - especially something that makes him look so bad?