adarna Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 I have done this and I say just be honest. Tell him what you told us, and maybe say you've dated some crazies before and you do it for everyone you date for safety reasons. A decent guy will fess up and be honest with you. He'll also respect you more for being proactive and protecting yourself. Maybe he'll even find the humor in it. If he gets upset, then there's your answer. Just be prepared for the worst. I personally don't find anything wrong with googling a prospect and neither have any of the men I've dated. Doesn't everyone google everyone these days anyway? 1
katiegrl Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 His first and last name are pretty common, but his middle name isn't. Hmmmm....not looking good. I mean, what are the chances that someone else would have his first, middle (which isn't a common name) and last name and live in the same area as him last year? 1
Author Lovelorn00 Posted March 4, 2016 Author Posted March 4, 2016 Easy.....contact the reporter who did the article. They might be able to help you. You can also contact the law enforcement agency that handled the case to see if it's the same guy. Anywho the person is probably in jail. There wasn't a reporter's name listed on the article. However, I could contact the news agency itself and ask about the article. Hmmm... I didn't think about that. Thank you. I did briefly consider calling the law enforcement agency who booked him, but I didn’t think they’d just hand that information over without a good reason. As far as being in jail already, that’s what I figured as well, but I will admit to not knowing anything about drug cases and how long it takes to convict someone. Maybe he went to jail, got out, and he’s just waiting for a court date? I have no idea how that stuff works.
Author Lovelorn00 Posted March 4, 2016 Author Posted March 4, 2016 Hmmmm....not looking good. I mean, what are the chances that someone else would have his first, middle (which isn't a common name) and last name and live in the same area as him last year? I know, katiegrl. Ugh. I know. I was talking to a friend of mine about this and she told me the story of her uncle who was arrested for drug possession years ago. Upon his arrest, he gave the cops the name of another family member, her cousin. They ended up booking him under this name. So, her cousin is driving around one day, and the police tell him that he's under arrest, and he has no idea why. That's when he learns that his name was used in the crime his uncle committed. I'm hoping maybe this is something similar. He's mentioned having family members who've been in trouble with the law before.
katiegrl Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 Since you know the city and state, pull up the criminal court docket (which is public) and search for his name. It's actually very easy to do, I work in legal and do it all the time. Of if you want, PM me his name and the city, state....and I can do it for you.
Author Lovelorn00 Posted March 4, 2016 Author Posted March 4, 2016 Since you know the city and state, pull up the criminal court docket (which is public) and search for his name. It's actually very easy to do, I work in legal and do it all the time. Of if you want, PM me his name and the city, state....and I can do it for you. Is that something I can find on the web site of the law enforcement agency that arrested him? I tried searching their web site, but they do not offer the ability to look up arrest records. Also, would a criminal court docket even be available if the case hasn't gone to court yet? I just tried calling the news agency that reported it, but unfortunately, I called too late in the day. They seemed very helpful, but the person who would've been able to give me more info had already left for the weekend.
katiegrl Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 Is that something I can find on the web site of the law enforcement agency that arrested him? I tried searching their web site, but they do not offer the ability to look up arrest records. Also, would a criminal court docket even be available if the case hasn't gone to court yet? I just tried calling the news agency that reported it, but unfortunately, I called too late in the day. They seemed very helpful, but the person who would've been able to give me more info had already left for the weekend. I don't know LL.... I would have to know the city and state and then research it for you. Not his name...once I research and figure out how it's done (every jurisdiction is different), I can let you know how to do it....then you can do it and search for his name.
Author Lovelorn00 Posted March 4, 2016 Author Posted March 4, 2016 I don't know LL.... I would have to know the city and state and then research it for you. Not his name...once I research and figure out how it's done (every jurisdiction is different), I can let you know how to do it....then you can do it and search for his name. Gotcha. I'll PM you.
katiegrl Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 (edited) So, I’ve been on a few dates with this guy. I like him well enough, but he has way too much going on in his life for me to put any real hope into developing a relationship with him (demanding job, family stuff, etc.). Recently, however, we decided to get together. We haven’t seen each other in a while, so I’m actually kind of excited to see him and catch up. We both wanted to keep it super relaxing and chill, so he’s coming over to my place for dinner and a movie tomorrow night. Here’s the problem. Upon learning his entire name (first, middle, last), I decided to Google him. I know it sounds super creepy and stalker-ish, but I do this for all of my dates for safety reasons and to avoid being catfished. I like to make sure that what they’re telling me is the truth (job, location, school, etc.) and to see if there’s any kind of criminal record. Usually, I find a DUI here and there, but nothing super crazy… until now. There isn’t much about this guy online, EXCEPT for one news article. The article details the arrest of a person with the exact same first, middle, and last name of my guy. The city where the arrest happened is also the city where he lived last year. The arrest happened 5 months ago, and the suspect was charged with 3 counts of possession (weed, cocaine, and bath salts) and attempting to falsify a drug test. There are other crazy things that were mentioned in this article (hallucinations, claims of robbery), but I think the drug bust is enough. I’m not a drug user (besides the occasional alcoholic beverage), so this is pretty heavy stuff to me. The only difference between the article’s description and my guy is the age. The person in the article is 4 years older than my guy. I attempted to do more research, but came up empty. There’s not even a mug shot for this arrest online, which I find a little odd, considering the charges. I’ve found no indication that this person was ever convicted of these crimes, but that might just mean a court date hasn’t arrived yet. I was, however, able to find my guy’s résumé online. Everything on the résumé matched up with what he’s told me as far as what he does for a living, where he went to college, where he used to live, etc. His age wasn’t mentioned there. I’d like to get to the bottom of this before I let someone who’s high on bath salts into my house. Sure, there’s a chance that he’s not the person in the article, so I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. However, he has a very uncommon middle name, so the chances of it being the same person are pretty high, I would think. Another bit of helpful information – he’s a gym rat. He works out quite a bit and eats healthy. On our last date, he wouldn’t eat anything on the menu in the restaurant, because it was all unhealthy, fried stuff. ---- ****He also doesn’t drink at all and turned his nose up when I attempted to offer him a drink on our last date. That doesn’t sound like someone who likes to indulge in cocaine and bath salts, does it? Very confusing. ^^Not now, but he could have been into it last year, including dealing, and is now in recovery. That would explain why he doesn't drink at all....he can't, he's a recovering alcoholic, and perhaps a recovering drug addict also. One of my brothers is a recovering addict and he is a total gym rat now too...like your guy. He simply replaced one addiction (alcohol-unhealthy) for another (working out-healthy)...... I recall two Christmas's ago, while visiting me, he woke up at 7:00 a.m. in an almost panic needing to find a place to work out...drove around for an hour until he found a Frog's gym that was open. Edited March 5, 2016 by katiegrl 2
ManyDissapoint Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 I once googled a guy and found out similar things about drug possession and falsifying information to get cars from dealerships. He hid everything and people would've never guessed by talking to him (by the way he carried himself). Not saying people can't change but he couldn't... He ended up breaking into my place and shutting off my power when I tried to break up with him.... Should've guessed he would've done something like that based on his criminal record... I think you are smart by looking him up. I chuckled...the whole point of looking someone up is to NOT date them if they are a criminal. On the other hand dose bad boyz so hawt. 1
joseb Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Can you tell from the resume you found what age he is? I mean, usually you can be accurate to within a year or two judging when he finished school, etc (if he has those dates on) 3
Author Lovelorn00 Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 Why isn't he taking you out on a date? It's too risky having him in your home. And have you spent the $50 to find out what is truth? You can not rely on him to be honest with you. We've already been on a few dates, so I figured it would be okay to keep this one low-key at my place. I invited him over before I found out about this stuff. I think I'm going to just casually mention meeting somewhere else. I have not. I do plan on calling the law enforcement agency that made the arrest, though.
Author Lovelorn00 Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 ^^Not now, but he could have been into it last year, including dealing, and is now in recovery. That would explain why he doesn't drink at all....he can't, he's a recovering alcoholic, and perhaps a recovering drug addict also. One of my brothers is a recovering addict and he is a total gym rat now too...like your guy. He simply replaced one addiction (alcohol-unhealthy) for another (working out-healthy)...... I recall two Christmas's ago, while visiting me, he woke up at 7:00 a.m. in an almost panic needing to find a place to work out...drove around for an hour until he found a Frog's gym that was open. This could be the case. The arrest happened in September of 2015. So if he's in recovery, he just started, as the arrest was fairly recent.
Author Lovelorn00 Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 I can't imagine why you still want to spend time with him knowing his recent issues. Why? Because I don't actually know if any of this is true. This is all speculation based on one news article that I read with matching names. It's highly possible that it's true, but it's also possible that it's not him at all. 1
Author Lovelorn00 Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 Can you tell from the resume you found what age he is? I mean, usually you can be accurate to within a year or two judging when he finished school, etc (if he has those dates on) I didn't even think of that. Looking at it now, he's got the year that he graduated college. If I take that year and do the math based in the average age that people normally graduate college, the number I'm getting is the same age that's mentioned in the news article. Oh boy. I'm scared.
joseb Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 I didn't even think of that. Looking at it now, he's got the year that he graduated college. If I take that year and do the math based in the average age that people normally graduate college, the number I'm getting is the same age that's mentioned in the news article. Oh boy. I'm scared. Starting to sound ike it's him then. Isn't it? I guess we'll done on doing your homework. I mean, it's not 100% But it's very likely. So what are you going to do? 1
Author Lovelorn00 Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 Starting to sound ike it's him then. Isn't it? I guess we'll done on doing your homework. I mean, it's not 100% But it's very likely. So what are you going to do? Yes. It's starting to sound that way. Sigh. What a bummer. I don't know. I think I'm going to change our meetup location to somewhere public. Then I'm going to just flat-out ask him. Ugh. What an uncomfortable conversation this will be.
truth_seeker Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 (edited) Here’s the problem. Upon learning his entire name (first, middle, last), I decided to Google him. I know it sounds super creepy and stalker-ish, but I do this for all of my dates for safety reasons and to avoid being catfished. I like to make sure that what they’re telling me is the truth (job, location, school, etc.) and to see if there’s any kind of criminal record. Usually, I find a DUI here and there, but nothing super crazy… until now. It's not super creepy or stalkerish. You're looking out for yourself. There are so many liars and people living double lives, it's the smart thing to look someone up. I do it all the time... and you know what? It saves me time! If there was a woman I was attracted to and I found out her name, definitely look her up. I've been burned by women who would do their best to make a good impression in person, only to find out they were up to no good. Recently, there was a woman who is a medical doctor who was busted on video for attacking an Uber driver. She went crazy assaulting the guy, damaging his car, police arrested her. You would think if you met this woman, wow! Attractive, smart, a doctor, gainfully employed. What a great catch! You google her and find that video online and you think, wow! crazy! No thanks! So, looking people up to protect yourself is completely acceptable. Edited March 5, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Popsicle Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Did you know that prisoners (as in, currently serving time) use online dating sites? Yeah, I had to learn that the hard way when I was on a dating site. That's part of the reason why I got off the site, you never know who you're going to get or who you're dealing with online. It makes perfect sense that people who have things to hide go online to find dates.
LivTheDream Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 If his age was different then that is the one thing you need to verify. Could it be a typo in the article? Maybe... But then if you think that's a typo, you have to consider that maybe something else was a typo as well. Maybe one letter in the name. That would change every thing. If he was arrested in September then when did he start working? You said you knew him before you started dating. Would you have any way to ask mutual friends or people you know that know him what the deal is? Does he have a "adult" job? 9-5 on the books? I doubt an employer would hire him if he has an active felony charge going on. Just like he wouldn't be sending his resume out and interviewing if he knew that he might possibly be in jail or punished somehow. That's going to show up on a background check. Just screen shot the article and text it to him. Follow up asking "coincidence?" Or "i don't know if I'm gonna be able to do conjugal visits"
adarna Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Did you know that prisoners (as in, currently serving time) use online dating sites? Yeah, I had to learn that the hard way when I was on a dating site. That's part of the reason why I got off the site, you never know who you're going to get or who you're dealing with online. It makes perfect sense that people who have things to hide go online to find dates. YES. I didn't know about this until a friend showed me on POF. I didn't believe her at first. At least this man actually made it clear on his profile that he is currently serving time, when he is getting out, how prison has changed him and what he is doing when he gets out. He said he was looking for a good woman to spend his life with when he does. Planning ahead sort of. Sorry, off-topic, wanted to share.
DukeGirl83 Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 I am not sure if anyone has offered but, I am in HR and can do a basic check for you to see if it's the same guy. Just private message me the name city and if you know the date of birth. I'll PM back with what I come up with. 3
Author Lovelorn00 Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 Why would you jump to assuming he's in recovery? How could he prove he's in recovery? Not assuming, simply agreeing with Katiegrl that it could be a possibility. I never thought about the fact that he might be in recovery.
Author Lovelorn00 Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 If his age was different then that is the one thing you need to verify. Could it be a typo in the article? Maybe... But then if you think that's a typo, you have to consider that maybe something else was a typo as well. Maybe one letter in the name. That would change every thing. If he was arrested in September then when did he start working? You said you knew him before you started dating. Would you have any way to ask mutual friends or people you know that know him what the deal is? Does he have a "adult" job? 9-5 on the books? I doubt an employer would hire him if he has an active felony charge going on. Just like he wouldn't be sending his resume out and interviewing if he knew that he might possibly be in jail or punished somehow. That's going to show up on a background check. Just screen shot the article and text it to him. Follow up asking "coincidence?" Or "i don't know if I'm gonna be able to do conjugal visits" Earlier in the thread, Joseb suggested checking the resume that I found online (which is definitely his, without a doubt) and calculating his age based on when he graduated high school and college. When I do that, the age is exactly the same as what's in the article. You make an excellent point about the job thing, though. He just started a new job about a month ago. He's told me about how nice the facility is and how he manages a group of 10 people working on manufacturing machines. I don't know a whole lot about working in manufacturing facilities (I work in an office), but it seems to me that they'd want to drug test and check the background of their prospective employees. I seriously doubt they'd hire someone with a recent arrest involving some pretty serious drugs. So that makes me even more curious about the whole situation. If it is him, what happened? Was he just in the wrong place at the wrong time? The address of the arrest isn't the same as the address on the resume, but the two locations are within a mile of each other. Was he at a friend's house? These are the questions I'll need to ask.
Author Lovelorn00 Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 I am not sure if anyone has offered but, I am in HR and can do a basic check for you to see if it's the same guy. Just private message me the name city and if you know the date of birth. I'll PM back with what I come up with. Thank you so much, DukeGirl83! That's very nice of you! However, I already got my company's HR to check. She couldn't find anything, but she did a very basic check online. I don't know if HR professionals have access to more advanced background checks without having to pay anything. The other problem is that there isn't a mugshot. The mugshot will be the key here, even we find more info about the arrest. It's the only thing that can definitively link him to this other than him just admitting it. With the help of you guys, though, I now know: - His age is the same as what's in the article (he lied to me by 4 years) - His first, middle, and last name match exactly (uncommon middle name) - He used to live near where the arrest happened The likelihood that this is the same guy is pretty high, but that doesn't make him guilty of anything yet (other than lying to me about his age).
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