I Googled My Date & Was Shocked By What I Found

[Lovelorn00]

So, I’ve been on a few dates with this guy. I like him well enough, but he has way too much going on in his life for me to put any real hope into developing a relationship with him (demanding job, family stuff, etc.). Recently, however, we decided to get together. We haven’t seen each other in a while, so I’m actually kind of excited to see him and catch up. We both wanted to keep it super relaxing and chill, so he’s coming over to my place for dinner and a movie tomorrow night.

 

Here’s the problem. Upon learning his entire name (first, middle, last), I decided to Google him. I know it sounds super creepy and stalker-ish, but I do this for all of my dates for safety reasons and to avoid being catfished. I like to make sure that what they’re telling me is the truth (job, location, school, etc.) and to see if there’s any kind of criminal record. Usually, I find a DUI here and there, but nothing super crazy… until now.

 

There isn’t much about this guy online, EXCEPT for one news article. The article details the arrest of a person with the exact same first, middle, and last name of my guy. The city where the arrest happened is also the city where he lived last year. The arrest happened 5 months ago, and the suspect was charged with 3 counts of possession (weed, cocaine, and bath salts) and attempting to falsify a drug test. There are other crazy things that were mentioned in this article (hallucinations, claims of robbery), but I think the drug bust is enough. I’m not a drug user (besides the occasional alcoholic beverage), so this is pretty heavy stuff to me. The only difference between the article’s description and my guy is the age. The person in the article is 4 years older than my guy.

 

I attempted to do more research, but came up empty. There’s not even a mug shot for this arrest online, which I find a little odd, considering the charges. I’ve found no indication that this person was ever convicted of these crimes, but that might just mean a court date hasn’t arrived yet. I was, however, able to find my guy’s résumé online. Everything on the résumé matched up with what he’s told me as far as what he does for a living, where he went to college, where he used to live, etc. His age wasn’t mentioned there.

 

I’d like to get to the bottom of this before I let someone who’s high on bath salts into my house. Sure, there’s a chance that he’s not the person in the article, so I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. However, he has a very uncommon middle name, so the chances of it being the same person are pretty high, I would think.

 

Another bit of helpful information – he’s a gym rat. He works out quite a bit and eats healthy. On our last date, he wouldn’t eat anything on the menu in the restaurant, because it was all unhealthy, fried stuff. He also doesn’t drink at all and turned his nose up when I attempted to offer him a drink on our last date. That doesn’t sound like someone who likes to indulge in cocaine and bath salts, does it? Very confusing.

 

So, how do you tell someone that you researched them online without sounding like a complete weirdo? I really want to get to the bottom of this, and I’d like to do it in the most tactful way possible. Thoughts?

[AMJ]

I'm lol-ing because I did this and found one of my exes had been arrested for assault. He was an ex-police officer and thought the laws didn't apply to him. There is nothing wrong with googling someone. I'd say ask him about it, but you're probably not going to like the answer you get..

[SwordofFlame]

You can hire a firm to do a background check. I mean companies do this all the time before offering a job.

[Lovelorn00]

I'm lol-ing because I did this and found one of my exes had been arrested for assault. He was an ex-police officer and thought the laws didn't apply to him. There is nothing wrong with googling someone. I'd say ask him about it, but you're probably not going to like the answer you get..

 

Yikes! Did you ask him about it? I can't figure out how to even open the subject. "Hey, before we start our evening, I have to know... did you get busted for bath salts?" Lol I have no idea.

[Lovelorn00]

You can hire a firm to do a background check. I mean companies do this all the time before offering a job.

 

I thought about that, but I don't have the funds right now to hire a firm. I even asked someone who works in Human Resources if she could give me any websites that might help, but they all require a credit card.

[AMJ]

well..I'd be more worried about cocaine than bath salts..lol. Is it illegal to have bath salts??

 

So in my case, my ex kept calling me all the time. I was curious to see if he'd finally found a job yet, and then I found his assault record. So I didn't even want to talk to him about it. But I debated dropping it on him just to embarrass him, because he was an ass to me and deserved to feel like ****. But then it was like, what's the point, really? I just let it go.

 

I'm pretty anti-cocaine. It makes people really aggressive. If I were you I'd just ask about it and hope he doesn't lie to you. The offense of googling him is not nearly as bad as what he's hiding from you. And you kinda want to know if this guy has a drug problem.

 

Do you know the signs of a person on coke? Look it up, because if he still uses it, you can tell.

[VeveCakes]

It could be someone different. Any chance you can get a peek at his DL and check the date?

[Michelle ma Belle]

I'm not sure why you'd bother with any of this if, in your own words, "he has way too much going on in his life for me to put any real hope into developing a relationship with him"?

 

I mean, if you were pursing something more serious with him then I would completely understand the need to have that awkward conversation otherwise I don't really see the point in it.

[katiegrl]

I'm not sure why you'd bother with any of this if, in your own words, "he has way too much going on in his life for me to put any real hope into developing a relationship with him"?

 

 

Was just about to say that!!

 

LL....luv ya girl, but this is yet another case of you choosing poorly. The exact reason why your other RLs haven't worked out.

 

Why would you want to even start anything (by meeting him) when by your admission, he's not a good candidate for a RL, which is what you are wanting?

 

Can you explain cuz I am a bit confused?

 

Thanks.

[ff12343]

You can hire a firm to do a background check. I mean companies do this all the time before offering a job.

 

Actually they offer the job and then do a background check. First day is contingent upon completion of the background check.

[Lovelorn00]

well..I'd be more worried about cocaine than bath salts..lol. Is it illegal to have bath salts??

 

So in my case, my ex kept calling me all the time. I was curious to see if he'd finally found a job yet, and then I found his assault record. So I didn't even want to talk to him about it. But I debated dropping it on him just to embarrass him, because he was an ass to me and deserved to feel like ****. But then it was like, what's the point, really? I just let it go.

 

I'm pretty anti-cocaine. It makes people really aggressive. If I were you I'd just ask about it and hope he doesn't lie to you. The offense of googling him is not nearly as bad as what he's hiding from you. And you kinda want to know if this guy has a drug problem.

 

Do you know the signs of a person on coke? Look it up, because if he still uses it, you can tell.

 

Yes, bath salts are very illegal. "Bath salts" is the street name for it. Do you remember that national news story a while back about that guy in Florida who basically attacked a man who was walking down the street and chewed his face off? That guy was on bath salts. I’m not saying one is more dangerous than the other, though. I don’t wanna be involved with anyone who does either one. He doesn’t seem to display any of the symptoms of someone who uses cocaine, but he could also be really good at hiding it.

[ff12343]

Yes, bath salts are very illegal. "Bath salts" is the street name for it. Do you remember that national news story a while back about that guy in Florida who basically attacked a man who was walking down the street and chewed his face off? That guy was on bath salts. I’m not saying one is more dangerous than the other, though. I don’t wanna be involved with anyone who does either one. He doesn’t seem to display any of the symptoms of someone who uses cocaine, but he could also be really good at hiding it.

 

 

What is this demanding job of his?

[Lovelorn00]

Was just about to say that!!

 

LL....luv ya girl, but this is yet another case of you choosing poorly. The exact reason why your other RLs haven't worked out.

 

Why would you want to even start anything (by meeting him) when by your admission, he's not a good candidate for a RL, which is what you are wanting?

 

Can you explain cuz I am a bit confused?

 

Thanks.

 

I hate to say something so overused, but it's complicated. Something was "started" with him already. I just didn't know any of this at the time. In a dream world, I'd love to date him, but I know the reality is that he's too busy dealing with other things. So, I've managed down my own expectations. I know a relationship with him is not in my best interest at this time.

 

This isn’t exactly me “choosing” him as a partner. Sure, I’m “choosing” to spend time with him, but that’s for a number of reasons:

 

1. He’s going through a tough time with some things, and I’d like to be there for him, like I would many of my other friends.

2. Despite what appears to me to be a pretty busy schedule, HE contacted ME and expressed a desire to see ME. I happened to be free tomorrow, so I agreed.

3. He moved around his work schedule tomorrow in order to see me at the time that I requested.

4. I’d like to use this opportunity to talk to him on a deeper level about some things.

 

I don’t feel like I’m losing anything here other than a few hours that I probably would've spent watching the Golden Girls on my couch anyway. I’m not seeking a RL with him, because I know that it wouldn’t be good for me at this time. However, I’m not going to cancel on him or turn him down, simply because I believe him to be too busy to date me. In fact, that’s something that I’d like to bring up while we’re hanging out.

 

I won’t, however, tolerate someone who uses cocaine and bath salts. At all.

[Lovelorn00]

What is this demanding job of his?

 

He works for a manufacturing facility. He repairs the electrical components on various machines. I say it's "demanding" because it's not a normal 9-5 (it's shift work) and often requires him to work a bit on the weekends.

[katiegrl]

I hate to say something so overused, but it's complicated. Something was "started" with him already. I just didn't know any of this at the time. In a dream world, I'd love to date him, but I know the reality is that he's too busy dealing with other things. So, I've managed down my own expectations. I know a relationship with him is not in my best interest at this time.

 

This isn’t exactly me “choosing” him as a partner. Sure, I’m “choosing” to spend time with him, but that’s for a number of reasons:

 

1. He’s going through a tough time with some things, and I’d like to be there for him, like I would many of my other friends.

2. Despite what appears to me to be a pretty busy schedule, HE contacted ME and expressed a desire to see ME. I happened to be free tomorrow, so I agreed.

3. He moved around his work schedule tomorrow in order to see me at the time that I requested.

4. I’d like to use this opportunity to talk to him on a deeper level about some things.

 

I don’t feel like I’m losing anything here other than a few hours that I probably would've spent watching the Golden Girls on my couch anyway. I’m not seeking a RL with him, because I know that it wouldn’t be good for me at this time. However, I’m not going to cancel on him or turn him down, simply because I believe him to be too busy to date me. In fact, that’s something that I’d like to bring up while we’re hanging out.

 

I won’t, however, tolerate someone who uses cocaine and bath salts. At all.

 

Fair enough, but what if, after spending time with him, you start to really fall for him? And him you?

 

Do you then begin your journey into yet another dead-end RL with a guy who doesn't want or isn't ready for, or too busy for a RL?

 

I don't mean to sound like such a downer, but I just don't understand that logic.... I'm sorry.

 

Are you saying you are only interested in him as a friend? And that there is no chance of it becoming more?

 

How can you control your feelings like that?

 

I dunno... I would just love to see you with a guy who IS ready and wants a RL for a change... It's about time.

 

And stop wasting time with guys who don't. That's all.

 

In any event, good luck!

Edited March 4, 2016 by katiegrl

[LilaMarie]

I once googled a guy and found out similar things about drug possession and falsifying information to get cars from dealerships. He hid everything and people would've never guessed by talking to him (by the way he carried himself). Not saying people can't change but he couldn't... He ended up breaking into my place and shutting off my power when I tried to break up with him.... Should've guessed he would've done something like that based on his criminal record... I think you are smart by looking him up.

[QueenElsa]

If he's not really relationship material and he has this weird red flag, I wouldn't bother.

[Lovelorn00]

Fair enough, but what if, after spending time with him, you start to really fall for him? And him you?

 

Do you then begin your journey into yet another dead-end RL with a guy who doesn't want or isn't ready for, or too busy for a RL?

 

I don't mean to sound like such a downer, but I just don't understand that logic.... I'm sorry.

 

Are you saying you are only interested in him as a friend? And that there is no chance of it becoming more?

 

How can you control your feelings like that?

 

I dunno... I would just love to see you with a guy who IS ready and wants a RL for a change... It's about time.

 

And stop wasting time with guys who don't. That's all.

 

In any event, good luck!

 

You're not a downer, you're being realistic, and I totally see where you're coming from. I did like him a lot at first, but I’ve gotten to the point now that I find emotionally unavailable men very unattractive. The more “busy” he becomes, the less I’m attracted to him. In that way, I do think I can control my feelings for him. It’ll be hard, sure, but I do know that it’s not smart to get my hopes up with this one. I think I’ve come a long way, because the old me would’ve been attracted to this guy BECAUSE he was emotionally unavailable without even realizing it. I’m the opposite now. Any hints at being “too busy” and I pull back. There's obviously interest there on his end, so I think this would be a great opportunity for me to explain this to him.

 

Hopefully, while he's not high on cocaine and bath salts.

[Lovelorn00]

I once googled a guy and found out similar things about drug possession and falsifying information to get cars from dealerships. He hid everything and people would've never guessed by talking to him (by the way he carried himself). Not saying people can't change but he couldn't... He ended up breaking into my place and shutting off my power when I tried to break up with him.... Should've guessed he would've done something like that based on his criminal record... I think you are smart by looking him up.

 

Ugh. Crap. This is my worst nightmare.

[Lovelorn00]

I wouldn't let him into my home.

 

You can spend about $50 and get a full back ground history on him- which is worth the peace of mind.

 

As long as you decide not to see him anymore if the info deem relative to him.

 

I'm not going to let him in until I know what's going on. He's supposed to come over tomorrow, so I'll have to ask him about it beforehand and just hope he doesn't lie. He doesn't have my exact address yet.

[Miss Peach]

OP - I get that you like the idea of spending time with someone instead of watching TV. But if he's relationship material and he has a questionable background I don't get why you would make the date at your house and cook him dinner. It seems like a date that could lead to something that's not in your best interest.

 

You could always meet him at a cafe, restaurant, park, etc. to talk to him and catch up.

[katiegrl]

LL....since the article disclosed his full name and location, and he DID live in that location at the time of the incident, I would just assume it's him.

 

Does he have a common name?

[Lovelorn00]

OP - I get that you like the idea of spending time with someone instead of watching TV. But if he's relationship material and he has a questionable background I don't get why you would make the date at your house and cook him dinner. It seems like a date that could lead to something that's not in your best interest.

 

You could always meet him at a cafe, restaurant, park, etc. to talk to him and catch up.

 

I'm not cooking, he's bringing it over. But you're right, and I may just do that instead. I'll probably suggest meeting at a cafe instead. There's still the problem of getting up the nerve to ask him about this, but that's just a band-aid that I'm gonna have to rip off.

[Lovelorn00]

LL....since the article disclosed his full name and location, and he DID live in that location at the time of the incident, I would just assume it's him.

 

Does he have a common name?

 

His first and last name are pretty common, but his middle name isn't.

[smackie9]

Easy.....contact the reporter who did the article. They might be able to help you. You can also contact the law enforcement agency that handled the case to see if it's the same guy.

 

Anywho the person is probably in jail.

Edited March 4, 2016 by smackie9