open_fields Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 Im usually calm but i am just a total mess at the moment. I've never cried over a girl but i've been in bed for 24 hours without sleeping or eating. Total Mess and i really just need a friend. MY gf and i were together for 3 months when i messed up and said something pretty harsh. I blew up. I spent a long time apologising and it was ok. i spend 2 months in her city but i couldn't get over something that happened with an ex bf and i ended up breaking it up and going home. I was really mad, i didn't want to see her again and i was so hurt that had happened. 2 weeks later i calm down and get in touch. She says that she wants to get back together but only when i trust her and she will not see anyone else so i can take it slow. Im having a hard time with this. We speak a few times but I'm scared of getting close again because of what happened. So i get distant. We hadn't spoken for a few days when she hits me up and i call her She says that I'm not being fair ignoring her, not telling her whats going on. I agree, but explain that I'm just hurt still and trying my best. That was last night. She tells me that she doesn't want to label what we are at the moment and wants me to trust her. For some reason i jus get the feeling she has something with someone else. She is bisexual and now on a new job. We arranged to talk today after her telling me i had to communicate more. But then she hasn't shown up to talk. She does work nights but its 3am now and iv not heard anything. My text hasn't gone through so there may be something up with her phone. Our problem is we aren't seeing each other for 4 months now and its so hard to sort things out. So i organised my schedule to go see her in just 7 weeks. I text her at 4pm saying "hey, lets chat later, i have some news!" But i've just sat here in agony because a part of me knows its over. Now that i am being normal with her she is moving away. That always happens. She is now saying she's scared of getting broken up with again and that i've done it before. I want to work it out so much and i hope we can talk. I am honestly just in so much pain right now i wanted to write this down. I've been through loads of break ups before but none have hurt like this. I really am jus writing so i can stop looking at my phone. My text still hasn't even gone through to her and its 3am where she is.
nessrox Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 Buddy, It's time to move on. It's going to hurt for around a month. But it will get better. Start no contact. Not because you want her to miss you (Which will happen), but because you need to starting healing. Stop texting her. Stop chasing her. Stop being a little girl. Man up and ignore her and move on. Women love powerful men they cannot have. Show her that it doesn't phase you. She will think in her head: Why doesn't it phase him? Why isn't he responding to my texts? Why doesn't he care about me anymore? Why? Why? Why? Let her do this... and while she struggles to do this you will be moving on. So when she comes running back, you can look at her and say, sorry I've moved on, or I have no feelings for you but we can try again. But just remember, you are doing this because you need to move on, not because you want her to come back.
Author open_fields Posted March 4, 2016 Author Posted March 4, 2016 So true. I was so pissed until she turned it around on me and said she didn't want the relationship at the moment. Then i suddenly wanted it more than anything. I have hurt her quite a lot so i get why she's scared of getting back into it. Gonna head out in the big city anyway. Only want to roll after a break up. Get out as much as possible. I think her phone is actually off. She told me its not working n my text never went through. But she should have contacted me after that huge speech about me doing the same thing. Anyway, lets see where my night ends up! I will definitely look back and be hugely embarrassed by that message in a month
ExpatInItaly Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 What was it that you said to her that hurt her so much? I know you're hurting now and afraid to get close to her again. But think about it from her perspective: you got so angry that you broke up with her. She is being honest that she is afraid to get close to you again too. I had an ex-boyfriend who did this, and it was very hard for me to make amends with him. All you can do is assume that you will talk soon. You could be right that her she didn't get your text message. I doubt she will ignore you altogether. Don't worry about that too much. If you don't talk today, you'll talk another time.
Author open_fields Posted March 4, 2016 Author Posted March 4, 2016 Can someone tell me if this is a bad idea?? Ok so we spoke yesterday and she said its hard because I'm so far away. Literally the other side of the world. And if i was there it would be different, but its so hard. Im going to get on a plane and go see her. i KNOW its the dumbest thing ever. But i have hurt her and i don't think the text games are going to work this time. There is no way she will knock me back if i do this. Its a 5K ticket When i was with her i honestly thought she would turn up at my doorstep and however angry i was i would never turn her away with that distance so far. Im getting a ticket, ill be there in about 48 hours. It will be a ridiculous thing but i think it will work and save our relationship. She did break my trust which is why i broke up with her. She is kind of pulling away now and i KNOW not to chase. I never do Even with her i never have. I just think, once in ur life, do something crazy for a women. Not flowers or begging. Turn up in another country, and see what happens
Author open_fields Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 What was it that you said to her that hurt her so much? I know you're hurting now and afraid to get close to her again. But think about it from her perspective: you got so angry that you broke up with her. She is being honest that she is afraid to get close to you again too. I had an ex-boyfriend who did this, and it was very hard for me to make amends with him. All you can do is assume that you will talk soon. You could be right that her she didn't get your text message. I doubt she will ignore you altogether. Don't worry about that too much. If you don't talk today, you'll talk another time. Jeez, what was i thinking last night. Two nights no sleep make you CRAY. In response to what i said. I just had ED for a few days and was so paranoid about it. I didn't want to tell her and ended up just blurting out that i didn't find her attractive or want to have sex with her because she was awful at sex. That took a good 2/3 weeks to get back to normal. This time tho, she had lied to me about having contact with an ex. And i broke it off. TBH i do want to get close to her again. I'm afraid that if i apologise for the last two weeks of pain she's had which must have been pretty awful, then she will start to be able to put blame on me. She was trying to get me back through the time apart. She didn't contact me but she showed me the msgs she wanted to send. Then we spoke n she wanted to try again but when i trusted her. Now i feel like as soon as i give her that, she'll get buyers remorse. Same as i did. But i know she is worried about me doing it all again. Anyway, she messaged me last night sorry, she was working late. She's doing a job most of the weekend so going to let her know its cool n we can speak whenever.
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