Who is the weirdo? Me or him?

March 5, 2016

Needy, clingy, insecure, passive aggressive, I could go on and on about all the red flags I saw in one post alone.

Don't bother, I'd give this one a serious pass.

March 5, 2016

This guy is very defensive, and AMJ is a wind-up artist (don't try and deny it ).

This has bad news written all over it

And yeah, we're all crazy. Pick your poison.

March 5, 2016

I agree that thing about the gym was silly. It's almost like you two were old friends and that was just a natural text to be sending you.

His texts are awkward, but I have to give him credit for calling you ( albeit at an inconvenient time) where so many men just want to do nothing but text.

After all my bad dating experiences, I might also be a bit defensive regarding some things. It's hard to be witty when you might be feeling a bit beat down, but still hoping there's someone out there for you.

I get where you're coming from but I might give him a chance to at least have a phone conversation to double check my gut feeling. But that's just me

March 5, 2016

This guy sounds pretty needy.

And yeah. Pretty defensive.

The only slight defence is this.

He asked you out quick enough. That's good

Then you asked for a photo of him without sunnies . Which he sent immediately. Now, if you had time to ask, then you had time to look at it and say thanks or something. I can kinda see why he might reply to make sure the date was still on. After all, you said it was to recognise him, but I would guess it was also to make sure he was attractive enough, right?

Put yourself in his shoes. Maybe you would be insecure a bit too.

The allergic to kids comment...was there a smiley/wink or anything?

Now I'm not saying this guy sounds wonderful. He might be a bad match too. But I can kinda see a possibility that you contributed to the whole thing a bit.

Edited March 5, 2016 by joseb

March 5, 2016

Where exactly is "there"? Read my posts. I cannot seem to find them.

They're all over. Be approachable, open and friendly...and you will have men approaching... or you could strike up a convo too when the opportunity presents itself.

Within the last month, I met two guys who work in my building.

The first I wasn't into, but the second walked me home the other night (so cute!)....and we have a date tomorrow night.

He's a successful lawyer....owns his own law firm!

I am super excited!

March 5, 2016

This guy is very defensive, and AMJ is a wind-up artist (don't try and deny it ).

This has bad news written all over it

And yeah, we're all crazy. Pick your poison.

And there's another word of yours that I had to look up. Can't deny that either.

I did not go watch his friend's band. And I've had some Bumble messages, a drunk text, and even a mysterious blocked phone call. Probably going to skip meeting this one...but I can always be convinced at a later time.

Edited March 5, 2016 by AMJ

March 5, 2016

They're all over. Be approachable, open and friendly...and you will have men approaching... or you could strike up a convo too when the opportunity presents itself.

Within the last month, I met two guys who work in my building.

The first I wasn't into, but the second walked me home the other night (so cute!)....and we have a date tomorrow night.

He's a successful lawyer....owns his own law firm!

I am super excited!

Hahaha...that was a rhetorical question. But good luck on your date tomorrow!

Some nice lady on here told me to meet men at Home Depot. I feel like that could be the start of a new reality show. Or a damn good blog at the least. I can start wandering up and down the aisles, wearing a sundress, looking like I really need assistance picking out paint colors and screwdrivers. It's actually not a terrible idea, and might be a better use of my time than OLD.

March 5, 2016

Yes I think he was a bit cligny and on the defensive but nothing to write him off already.

What I would like to point out is your behavior. When I read your post I had a feeling that you didn't care much for him. I really got annoyed at you did not replying to his text just because it was not a text to your standard. That really scream your interest is low and he's probably wasting his time on you. From the get go that put him on the defensive. Had you replied to his text in a light way, redirecting in direction you prefer, the rest of the communication would not have happened.

Then you asked him for a picture, why didn't you wait for it before putting your phone down? Then thank him, then tell him you've got to get dinner going and good night? What you did is what I hated the most while dating, you just dropped out of a conversation with no warning. Again, indicates your low interest.

His joke about if you're allergic to children was funny in my eyes. Maybe a bit defensive but A) you already had ignored his 1st text B) had already dropped out of a conversation with no warning.

Then he makes an invitation to join him at his band show. Again there you go not answering his direct question. How would that make most people feel? Instead of not addressing the invitation, which I find rude, why just not tell him you need to think about it and you'll get back to him?

I think over all you showed more weirdness than he did.

Edited March 5, 2016 by Gaeta

March 5, 2016

Not a good sign. He could be this annoying for the rest of your life. He is putting a lot of pressure on you as well. Another bad sign. What's he going to do when he wants to get laid? "Come one come on come on why not? Am I not sexy? What's wrong? I'm really good. Come on come on come on…". Dump the impatient annoying critter.

March 5, 2016

Yes I think he was a bit cligny and on the defensive but nothing to write him off already.

What I would like to point out is your behavior. When I read your post I had a feeling that you didn't care much for him. I really got annoyed at you did not replying to his text just because it was not a text to your standard. That really scream your interest is low and he's probably wasting his time on you. From the get go that put him on the defensive. Had you replied to his text in a light way, redirecting in direction you prefer, the rest of the communication would not have happened.

Then you asked him for a picture, why didn't you wait for it before putting your phone down? Then thank him, then tell him you've got to get dinner going and good night? What you did is what I hated the most while dating, you just dropped out of a conversation with no warning. Again, indicates your low interest.

His joke about if you're allergic to children was funny in my eyes. Maybe a bit defensive but A) you already had ignored his 1st text B) had already dropped out of a conversation with no warning.

Then he makes an invitation to join him at his band show. Again there you go not answering his direct question. How would that make most people feel? Instead of not addressing the invitation, which I find rude, why just not tell him you need to think about it and you'll get back to him?

I think over all you showed more weirdness than he did.

Well, at that point my interest was low. I hadn't seen a photo of his face yet. And we knew literally nothing about each other. Of all the interesting things we could be talking about at such an early stage, he wants to talk to me about his workout. That's actually not a small thing for me, conversation is important. I've dumped lots of men because they couldn't keep my interest intellectually. I don't like small talk.

And, i've matched with several hundred men on this site. I'm currently talking to around 20 or so at a time. That makes a huge difference. When I was on eHarmony, there would be maybe one or two men I'm talking to.

I can't sit around and wait to make dinner until my Bumble guy decides to text me...there were other people waiting for me to finish dinner too. Hey, sorry guys, I need to text this guy from the internet. Your salmon is gonna wait for my love life.

Anyway it's not like I made him wait hours to text him back. We're talking minutes.

I was standoffish to the invitation to watch this band because he'd already demonstrated odd behavior, so I wanted to see if his behavior changed. I don't automatically and immediately agree to go out with every single guy who asks me out. I typically think it over.

I do appreciate pointing out my own behavior, as I know I make mistakes and need to realize them. I think my interest just wasn't there from the get-go which is why I acted how I did.

If I want to meet him, at this point I want to do it on my terms, not at a bar with all of his friends.

March 5, 2016

This guy sounds pretty needy.
And yeah. Pretty defensive.

The only slight defence is this.
He asked you out quick enough. That's good

Then you asked for a photo of him without sunnies . Which he sent immediately. Now, if you had time to ask, then you had time to look at it and say thanks or something. I can kinda see why he might reply to make sure the date was still on. After all, you said it was to recognise him, but I would guess it was also to make sure he was attractive enough, right?
Put yourself in his shoes. Maybe you would be insecure a bit too.

The allergic to kids comment...was there a smiley/wink or anything?

Now I'm not saying this guy sounds wonderful. He might be a bad match too. But I can kinda see a possibility that you contributed to the whole thing a bit.

Sunnies make everyone look more attractive than they are, right? Both men and women? I also pictured myself, wandering around a bar, not knowing who he was...though he'd recognize me right away...since men demand pictures of every body part before even talking to me. But yes, seeing what he looked like was going to impact my decision to meet him, sure.

No wink or smiley with the allergic to kids comment! The only reason he'd encounter a lot of negativity about being a dad is if he's constantly talking to much younger women. He's 40. We live in a very family-oriented community.

He could be a good guy who is really bad at dating. I'm still a little bit on the fence.

March 5, 2016

Well, at that point my interest was low. I hadn't seen a photo of his face yet. And we knew literally nothing about each other. Of all the interesting things we could be talking about at such an early stage, he wants to talk to me about his workout. That's actually not a small thing for me, conversation is important. I've dumped lots of men because they couldn't keep my interest intellectually. I don't like small talk.

And, i've matched with several hundred men on this site. I'm currently talking to around 20 or so at a time. That makes a huge difference. When I was on eHarmony, there would be maybe one or two men I'm talking to.

I can't sit around and wait to make dinner until my Bumble guy decides to text me...there were other people waiting for me to finish dinner too. Hey, sorry guys, I need to text this guy from the internet. Your salmon is gonna wait for my love life.

Anyway it's not like I made him wait hours to text him back. We're talking minutes.

I was standoffish to the invitation to watch this band because he'd already demonstrated odd behavior, so I wanted to see if his behavior changed. I don't automatically and immediately agree to go out with every single guy who asks me out. I typically think it over.

I do appreciate pointing out my own behavior, as I know I make mistakes and need to realize them. I think my interest just wasn't there from the get-go which is why I acted how I did.

If I want to meet him, at this point I want to do it on my terms, not at a bar with all of his friends.

In my skimming of this thread....the problem us with you.

You are regularly texting back snd forth within a few minutes. You want yo see his pic, he provides one then crickets.....that saws you didn't like his picture.

You don't know his bias to who he dates....if you are in a large city then there may be a lot of past women whom he dated were turned off by the fact he has a child. That is likely why he came out snd told you without wasting time eith meeting you.

The latter I'm surprised with you...do you have any single mom friends snd are familiar with difficulty of that and dating...especially if they are under 30???

It also sounds like you are high maintenance. Your dating selection is very picky. You are talking about intellectual conversations on a first date. From my experience 9 times out 10 that ruins the date.

March 5, 2016

Hmm wonder what you mean by full bore.

Women that blow up your phone with texts and calls before you even meet.

With OLD it's kind of a vicious cycle. A woman may not have the same security she'd feel if a guy approached her in real life and she actually saw him. So she'll try to "get to know" a guy before meeting. Then two people wind up chatting for weeks, building expectations and pressure, only for the actual meeting to fall flat.

That's why when I've used OLD, I've always set up a date within 24-48 hours of first making contact online. Then I try and keep the interaction before the date to a minimum so my opinion is based fully on who she actually is in person.

March 5, 2016

Well, at that point my interest was low. I hadn't seen a photo of his face yet. And we knew literally nothing about each other. Of all the interesting things we could be talking about at such an early stage, he wants to talk to me about his workout. That's actually not a small thing for me, conversation is important. I've dumped lots of men because they couldn't keep my interest intellectually. I don't like small talk.

And, i've matched with several hundred men on this site. I'm currently talking to around 20 or so at a time. That makes a huge difference. When I was on eHarmony, there would be maybe one or two men I'm talking to.

I can't sit around and wait to make dinner until my Bumble guy decides to text me...there were other people waiting for me to finish dinner too. Hey, sorry guys, I need to text this guy from the internet. Your salmon is gonna wait for my love life.

Anyway it's not like I made him wait hours to text him back. We're talking minutes.

I was standoffish to the invitation to watch this band because he'd already demonstrated odd behavior, so I wanted to see if his behavior changed. I don't automatically and immediately agree to go out with every single guy who asks me out. I typically think it over.

I do appreciate pointing out my own behavior, as I know I make mistakes and need to realize them. I think my interest just wasn't there from the get-go which is why I acted how I did.

If I want to meet him, at this point I want to do it on my terms, not at a bar with all of his friends.

I hear you and understand your explanation. I just want to point where you could use more consideration in your contact with these men.

If you gave him your number it's because you had somewhat of an interest, right.

It's not because you have a low interest in someone that it's ok to ignore their text, or to drop without a word, or to leave them in the dark about an invitation.

Yes of course you have the right to think about his invitation but it's basic consideration to acknowledge the invitation and say let me think on it.

Put yourself in his shoes. You make an invitation and the person does not acknowledge it and keeps on talking. What will be your impression? wouldn't that put you on the defensive?

An other thing. If a man I am talking to on text asked to see a picture and I sent him one, I would expect him to acknowledge my picture before making a comment on the person next to me.

If a man did to me what you did to him, I would feel he didn't like my picture. When you got the picture you should have acknowledge it thank you - you look very nice THEN you ask is this your daughter with you?

Do you see the difference?

I think you date too much on the defensive.

March 5, 2016

And, i've matched with several hundred men on this site. I'm currently talking to around 20 or so at a time. .

I must address this.

This talking with so many men at the same time will lead you nowhere. You will end up dismissing men with good potential.

I suggest you pick 2-3 prospects at a time, hide your profile to not receive any new messages. Once you have met those 2-3 prospects and none were to your liking then go back online, unhide your profile and fish for 2-3 more. Don't worry, interesting men won't disappear in a week while your profile is hidden.

March 7, 2016

This talking with so many men at the same time will lead you nowhere. You will end up dismissing men with good potential.

I do agree with you about this. Talking to so many guys at the same time is just too much. They all keep getting irritated when I don't reply quickly enough.

I hear you and understand your explanation. I just want to point where you could use more consideration in your contact with these men.

If you gave him your number it's because you had somewhat of an interest, right.

It's not because you have a low interest in someone that it's ok to ignore their text, or to drop without a word, or to leave them in the dark about an invitation.

Yes of course you have the right to think about his invitation but it's basic consideration to acknowledge the invitation and say let me think on it.

Put yourself in his shoes. You make an invitation and the person does not acknowledge it and keeps on talking. What will be your impression? wouldn't that put you on the defensive?

An other thing. If a man I am talking to on text asked to see a picture and I sent him one, I would expect him to acknowledge my picture before making a comment on the person next to me.

If a man did to me what you did to him, I would feel he didn't like my picture. When you got the picture you should have acknowledge it thank you - you look very nice THEN you ask is this your daughter with you?

Do you see the difference?

I think you date too much on the defensive.

I get what you're saying. I need to be more intentional with how I communicate. I thought about that, and decided to give him a better chance. So I suggested we meet on another night. The conversation went a little bit better, he seemed less hasty. But he keeps shifting from sounding normal to sounding strange.

For example, he says "Okay, I'll fill my hot tub with Jello!" which is clearly a joke, but an odd one? Or he randomly sent me two pictures of him working out at the gym. Lifting weights, making that face guys make when they're lifting weights.

I honestly don't know how to respond to that photo. He probably wants me to say "You look so hot!" but my reaction is to laugh. Someone took the picture of him, because he's holding weights. So he purposely is posing for this photo. It's just strange to me.

Yes guys, I think most women laugh at photos of you at the gym. It's not "me" to tell him he looks hot when I think the photo is ridiculous. I said "keep up the good work!" which probably wasn't what he wanted to hear.

Then he keeps switching our conversation between the dating app and texting..so it's like we're having two conversations at the same time. We agreed to go out next week but he seemed to already forget and asked me out again. Sigh.

March 7, 2016

Seems like he's trying really really hard.

It's a shame ppl are so battered and bruised over the whole dating game. :-/

i agree. I think you both were being a bit weird. He was definitely needy and insecure from (i think) your lack of responding to him. I don't think you were wrong to do that. I guess people think they can get instant access and get needy without that reassurance. On your end, I think you already had your guard up and weren't really being that open or nice when you were talking to him. I guess if someone said "you sound defensive" it comes off as hostile especially in a getting to know you stage--when you don't really know the tone if someone IS being defensive and plus that was over message, right? I just think there was miscommunication that was unnecessary on both ends. He could be a weirdo or not for you but what if he was a normal and great guy--i guess what I'm saying is that on your end keep it good so you can decide whether or not you want to go out with him.

The guarded thing goes both ways. And having been hurt and bruised from dating. It just makes the most sense to get what you want to be more open and accepting. You can always not respond if you don't like what you are hearing and in the time frame that works for you. Good luck. And yeah why not go to the band thing.

March 7, 2016

I must address this.

This talking with so many men at the same time will lead you nowhere. You will end up dismissing men with good potential.

I suggest you pick 2-3 prospects at a time, hide your profile to not receive any new messages. Once you have met those 2-3 prospects and none were to your liking then go back online, unhide your profile and fish for 2-3 more. Don't worry, interesting men won't disappear in a week while your profile is hidden.

Yeah Gaeta is spot on here. That is way way way too many. You are either not selective enough or online too much! You're using tinder and bumble mostly right? Keep your swipes down

April 6, 2016

So, this guy again. He never really went away. And now I know that he could potentially be a good connection for me professionally. I have no interest in dating him, because his behavior is just odd. For example, he's asked me out I think three times already, but each time it's not a date. Once he asked me to netflix and chill, another was a last minute invite to meet him at a bar, and today he wanted me to blow off work and hang out with him in the middle of the day (?). He seems really immature and unstable, and gets annoyed that I'm always busy.

However, he's also offered to be very helpful with connecting me to businesses that would be helpful for my work. A big part of my job is networking. I don't necessarily need his help professionally, but I think I could benefit from it. At the least, he is a bridge I don't want to burn. Is it wrong to keep in touch with him on the professional front? And take him up on his offer to help with the program I'm creating? I don't really think he's that serious about meeting me anyways, since he never makes plans in advance.

April 6, 2016

So, this guy again. He never really went away. And now I know that he could potentially be a good connection for me professionally. I have no interest in dating him, because his behavior is just odd. For example, he's asked me out I think three times already, but each time it's not a date. Once he asked me to netflix and chill, another was a last minute invite to meet him at a bar, and today he wanted me to blow off work and hang out with him in the middle of the day (?). He seems really immature and unstable, and gets annoyed that I'm always busy.

However, he's also offered to be very helpful with connecting me to businesses that would be helpful for my work. A big part of my job is networking. I don't necessarily need his help professionally, but I think I could benefit from it. At the least, he is a bridge I don't want to burn. Is it wrong to keep in touch with him on the professional front? And take him up on his offer to help with the program I'm creating? I don't really think he's that serious about meeting me anyways, since he never makes plans in advance.

He sounds like he's angling for an easy hook up with his date suggestions.

I don't think he will help you like you hope he will... he sounds like the type of guy who might help you, but not as much as you think, only if you give him something in return... and we all know what that is...

April 6, 2016

Nothing wrong with making friends from OLD as long as no one's being misled imo.

April 6, 2016

Couple of things..

In the beginning I definitely saw him as being more strange than you. From reading posts on here I realize that everyone does OLD differently, you do it probably more similarly to me. The initial stages are just putting your feelers out, but I feel like if I'm busy I shouldn't have to respond immediately to each text, part of the point of text conversations imo is that you can carry them on while getting on with your life. I rarely have time to sit on my phone and have a steady conversation. So one of the things I appreciate about texting is that you don't have to drop the convo entirely or commit to a steady stream conversation.

Also whenever anyone takes the first few conversations that seriously it screams insecurity and imbalance to me. You shouldn't be allowing someone else's reaction/interaction to you get you riled up when you don't even know them. It's not even personal if they don't actually know you. And you don't even know if you like THEM that much.

I didn't date online too much when i was single partly because of that.

Anyway, to each their own.

I don't think i'd keep up the professional stuff because he seems like a lot of work.. He takes things so personally that compartmentalizing could cause issues. He could get offended when you take him up on one thing and not the other.

April 6, 2016

You should let him know that you are not a frequent texter right up front and see if he can deal with that. Him being a father, you'd think he'd also not have time for all this nonsense back and forth.

Him talking about being sore from a workout -- well, because it's online, I always think any reference to draw attention to their body is fishing. But if he's a recent divorcee (make sure he IS divorced), he may be just kind of fumbling, having been out of the game a while. The constant need for contact to me is always a bad sign, but then millions of people seem to find time for that every day.

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