AMJ Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 Chatting with a guy on Bumble, he asks for my number. He sends me a text hello, then a text about being sore from his gym workout..I'm not interested in responding, so I don't. I guess I would say that there's just not yet been enough substance in our conversation to keep me interested enough to start small talk about how many squats he did today? If that makes sense. A few days later, he messages me again, I respond. He says, his friends' band is playing tomorrow night (tonight), asks me to come along. I'm now mulling it over...do I want to go watch this band and meet him...so I continue the conversation. Also I realize that he's wearing sunglasses in all of his pictures. I asked him for a photo so I'd be able to recognize him if I met him, he sends me one. Immediately after sending me this picture, he says "Did you get it?" I didn't respond right away, I was making dinner. He texts again "Am I that ugly?" I look at my phone and see this. He's not ugly at all, he's good looking, in great shape. But what a weird thing to say, right? Me- "You aren't ugly at all, why would you say that? Is that your daughter in the picture?" Him- "Yes, I also have a son. Is that a problem? Are you allergic to children?" Me- I love children, have a gaggle of nieces and nephews I love to spoil. Him- Good. Me- You sound a little defensive. He then calls me not once, not twice, but three times and leaves no voicemail. I didn't answer because...I was still cooking dinner but also am not really sure about this guy. Then more texts- I just tried to call you. I joke around a lot. I'm sarcastic. Hello? Sorry I butt dialed you, let me know if you want to hang out tomorrow night. Is it over already? I am a nice guy. Alright this is my last try to get a response. Me- Oh hey, I was cooking dinner. I need a little more patience, lol. Him- Well sorry if I was defensive, I was just kidding. Do you like to dance? Your eyes are amazing, so beautiful.. Etc. this carries on a little bit longer. He says I should bring friends to watch this band, I still haven't even agreed to go. I normally like sarcasm, but don't really believe he was being sarcastic. Thoughts?? Am I missing something here, or is he strange? Three strange dates in a month is my limit...so I need to screen more carefully.
elaine567 Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 He's got a band, sounds interesting if nothing else. What else do you have planned to do instead? 1
GR4 Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 He seems very needy. This is why texting is an awful way of communicating, sarcasm, jokes don't translate well over text at all. It's all so open to misinterpretation. I'll give him credit for asking you out fairly quickly though. He should have cut the pointless, boring chit chat, asked you out and then left it until you met up. Simple. 2
jen1447 Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 Seems like he's trying really really hard. It's a shame ppl are so battered and bruised over the whole dating game. :-/ 6
AnnaGem Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 This would annoy me so much. It sounds like a guy I knew for 10 days and went on one date with. He texted me nonsense like this every day.. it was "sarcasm" layered with insecurity and attempts at brushing it off with "humor" I personally wouldn't continue talking to him. 1
SwordofFlame Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 It's been said here before and I agree with the premise that it doesn't matter if other people think he's weird. The only thing that matters is do you think he's weird?
AnnaGem Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 He seems very needy. This is why texting is an awful way of communicating, sarcasm, jokes don't translate well over text at all. It's all so open to misinterpretation. I'll give him credit for asking you out fairly quickly though. He should have cut the pointless, boring chit chat, asked you out and then left it until you met up. Simple. For some reason people don't get this concept. It's maddening. I almost want to stop giving my number out and just agree on a date and time and tell him to just send me a postcard if he can't make it. 1
Author AMJ Posted March 4, 2016 Author Posted March 4, 2016 It's been said here before and I agree with the premise that it doesn't matter if other people think he's weird. The only thing that matters is do you think he's weird? I think he's weird but I make bad decisions all too often. I misjudge people. The guys I want end up being complete *******s. Trusting my gut has literally always been a mistake.
Erik30 Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 I would already be done after that "are you allergic to children?" comment, seems kind of aggressive. (I'm guessing a lot of women reject him when they find out about his kids) Yes he's strange and already needy after just a couple of texts. I can only imagine how bad it would be if you actually started dating him. 1
Lovelorn00 Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 I’ve dated someone like this before. Briefly. I’ve suffered from pretty low self-esteem and insecurity in the past, so I can empathize with people like this in a way. When I dated a similar guy, I flat-out asked him, “Have you been burned by a lot of girls in the past? These statements are making you seem very insecure. What’s up? Talk to me.” Of course, I only did this because his other qualities were redeeming enough for me to want to continue seeing him. We’ve all been burned, so I wanted him to know that it was safe to let his guard down a little with me. In the end, though, I learned that these are issues that he really needs to work on before jumping into the dating game. Ultimately, though, it’s up to you. Do you have the energy to constantly reassure someone and relieve their insecurities? Most people don’t. 2
Author AMJ Posted March 4, 2016 Author Posted March 4, 2016 I would already be done after that "are you allergic to children?" comment, seems kind of aggressive. (I'm guessing a lot of women reject him when they find out about his kids) Yes he's strange and already needy after just a couple of texts. I can only imagine how bad it would be if you actually started dating him. Yeah that one bothered me the most. I also don't know why he thinks he's ugly when he's far from it.
Author AMJ Posted March 4, 2016 Author Posted March 4, 2016 Do you have the energy to constantly reassure someone and relieve their insecurities? Most people don’t. I absolutely don't have the energy for that. I'm already taking care of too many people in my life. I always think though, oh he seems like a nice guy, I should give it a chance...and then I do this too much and get burned out.
AnnaGem Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 I absolutely don't have the energy for that. I'm already taking care of too many people in my life. I always think though, oh he seems like a nice guy, I should give it a chance...and then I do this too much and get burned out. So your gut is telling you the right thing, which is- to you, you're not comfortable with this. Your tendency seems to be that you ignore your gut and give the wrong guys a shot anyways because "they're nice" ..which usually ends up being a mistake. Sounds like following your gut might work out just fine
spriggan2 Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 I see yellow flags, but maybe there's a possibility of redemption if you talk to him in person? I'd say don't force it. Maybe go out with him if you're bored? I take OLD extra casually, no expectations, I chuckle at the weirdos and don't mind spending a first date with them from time to time. But I'm still super new to dating, and I'm a guy. I'll tell you though, it is nice when you pick up traction with someone and can close off the dating apps while you move towards exclusivity. So hang in there!
fitnessfan365 Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 Sounds a bit insecure and kind of clingy if you ask me. Also, you have to remember that if he is coming on this strong now when he doesn't even know you, imagine how much it'd be if you two actually started dating. Now of course everyone is different. But I prefer people who are dating realists. Things in the beginning are super low key with no pressure, and then as you get more involved things pick up. I get turned off by women that are going full bore before we even meet. 1
Author AMJ Posted March 4, 2016 Author Posted March 4, 2016 Keep looking. There are normal men out there. Where exactly is "there"? Read my posts. I cannot seem to find them.
spriggan2 Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 I get turned off by women that are going full bore before we even meet. Hmm wonder what you mean by full bore. I've read a lot of profIles and get the sense from experienced online daters that they don't have the energy to engage in fun chats with every single match. Typically it's just making sure they're relatively chill and setting up a date. And even during that first meet I have a friend who says he doesn't go full on with the entertainment attempts. Just a gradual step by step personality reveal. I can see that, just taking things slow, or you'll get burned out. So Im not so quick to dismiss boring.
Gershwin Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 I'd emphatize with this guy, but wouldn't waste my time much. Maybe he's used to chatting over texts where responses are immediate? Tell him that you need time to properly respond to his texts.
loverboy69 Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 I think my humor is different than yours OP. If someone asked me if I was allergic to children I would have laughed. But if you are not comfortable then ultimately it's your choice to pursue further or not.
Author AMJ Posted March 4, 2016 Author Posted March 4, 2016 I mean, I just asked to see a photo of his face without sunglasses. He sends a photo of him and a little girl. He's 40. Natural to ask if it's his daughter, right? He says "yes, is that a problem? Are you allergic to children?" If he had said, "Yep that's my princess. She's the best. You're not allergic to children, are you?" I'd sense more humor than defensiveness. Again, why texting is the worst form of communication, I know. 1
Author AMJ Posted March 4, 2016 Author Posted March 4, 2016 Sounds a bit insecure and kind of clingy if you ask me. Also, you have to remember that if he is coming on this strong now when he doesn't even know you, imagine how much it'd be if you two actually started dating. Hmm. True. Is this true all the time though? Sometimes people relax once they feel more comfortable with how things are going?
mrs rubble Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 I think my humor is different than yours OP. If someone asked me if I was allergic to children I would have laughed. But if you are not comfortable then ultimately it's your choice to pursue further or not. I wouldv'e said "only badly behaved children" OP- Sounds like your talking yourself out of meeting him anyway. I agree that it's difficult to interpret what is actually met via text, when I was OLDing, I'd meet up earlier rather than later and make my mind up in person rather than trying to decipher text meanings. 1
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