Author truth_seeker Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 I like to talk about real life examples of couples who worked out, so here's two stories. 1: Laura knew Dave for a few years through mutual friends. She never thought of him as attractive. He was engaged to someone else. Those two broke up. One day, Laura is suddenly interested in Dave. He needed some coaxing on her part, it's not like he was immediately interested in her from the start. In September they start flirting, in October they start dating, by January they are living together. We were 28. He hadn't finished his BA, was living on his sister's couch...I'm her best friend. My reaction- Um don't you think you both are moving a little too quickly? Moving IN together after three months? And there was this lurking judgement about him kind of being a loser who didn't have his life together. He finished his BA, they got married two years later, today they have a two year old son, and along the way he finished his MA and is honestly the best husband and father I could ever wish for my friend Laura. They're really happy together. 2: Sara and Jack are coworkers. Jack thinks Sara is super hot and wastes no time to ask her out, even though they work together. They go on a date, she hated it. She thought he was awkward, she wasn't attracted to him AT all. When I heard the story, her recap was, great- now I have to see him at work every day. Three months later they both get drunk at the company Christmas party. They make out at the party. But Sara drunkenly decides to go home from the party with another guy. Not kidding. Jack is pissed off about this. He's in a taxi on his way home, bitching about this girl. Chances are, he's sharing a taxi with a mutual friend of ours, who happens to know Sara very well. They share some laughs- "oh she can be like that" and Jack decides to ask her out again. They start dating. By March, they're pretty serious about each other. He's meeting her family, vice-versa. I didn't get to meet him until July. And that's when she tells me that she's pregnant, and they're engaged. We were 29. Doomed for failure, right? Five months later, they get married, three months later, out comes baby #1. Two years later, out comes baby #2. They've been together for five years now, married for four. They are one of the most solid couples I've ever met. Totally fun to hang out with, really great parents. They don't argue about things, they support each other like a team. Whenever I hear people talking about rules and being rigid about dating requirements...I think of how real life works. And it's not so simple. Thanks for sharing these stories. It just proves there are no rules or a guide you can follow... BTW, if I were Jack I would've next'd Sara
katiegrl Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 I agree AMJ, life and relationships are never so black and white, there are many different colors and nuances that comprise. Life is also about making mistakes, and learning from those mistakes, growing and evolving. In fact IMO making mistakes and learning from those mistakes builds character and makes one stronger, smarter. Just me, but I think it's wrong to judge and arbitrarily dismiss people because of their past, unless they are a pedophile, murderer or something equally egregious. But dating bad boys? Nah, doesn't qualify. Many of us went for bad boys in our younger years. It's immaturity, stupidity, insecurity. As we matured, we not only learned that it's not our best interests....such behavior in men simply became a turn off ---- next! 2
Author truth_seeker Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 I just needed to meet the right man. Just like everyone needs to meet the right person for them. Until then, I will be searching.
xxoo Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 There are some women who just love a certain type of guy (bad boy) get burned out by them, need a guy who is easy going (nice guy) until they get better, recover and get the urge for their true love -- the bad boy. Dude, that's you. You date hot women who play games, then look for a nice woman while you lick your wounds, then onto the next how woman that you just can't resist even though she's playing games. 3
Gaeta Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Just like everyone needs to meet the right person for them. Until then, I will be searching. That right woman for you could be over 35, have dated bad boys, and be hot in her own way without being burning hot.
AMJ Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Thanks for sharing these stories. It just proves there are no rules or a guide you can follow... BTW, if I were Jack I would've next'd Sara I know you would have! But Jack is the guy you see on Facebook who posts random pics of her with no makeup on, saying "Look how beautiful and amazing my wife is! I'm the luckiest man on the planet." If they weren't such cool people, I'd hate them both. He totally accepts her for who she is. He doesn't care that she's the girl who flashed her boobs all the time in college. She's been one of my closest friends for over ten years and I can say he truly knows her as a person. There's nothing superficial about their relationship. Which is why I believe they'll make it in the long run. The fact that he was able to overlook her going home with a different guy that night doesn't mean he's weak or whatever, it means he's secure enough to realize- she didn't owe him anything at that point. They weren't even dating. Was she promiscuous? Yep. He didn't care, he already loved her. So, he's the perfect guy for her. Not saying, you need to be this open minded about women you date. Not saying that at all. But just giving other perspectives/examples.
katiegrl Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 That right woman for you could be over 35, have dated bad boys, and be hot in her own way without being burning hot. Then again, she *could* be burning hot too! I know many women in their late 30s, 40s, even 50 who are burning hot! They do exist!!! 2
Author truth_seeker Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 Someone your age has more maturity, more life in them, and you have more things in common. No it's not a guarantee, nothing is a guarantee, I am just saying you have better chances at a happy marriage. How can you compare couples married decades to men dating younger women? You're comparing apple and oranges. Those men dating much younger, go visit them in 20 years, lets see if that dating turned into a marriage and turned into a happy long lasting marriage. Yes, the odds do favor what you say about me marrying someone closer to my age. My point is you're saying I will be happy marrying someone closer to my age... well, there are people close in age getting divorced then hooking up with someone many years younger then them.
Author truth_seeker Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 That right woman for you could be over 35, have dated bad boys, and be hot in her own way without being burning hot. Yes, she could. And if I meet her, I'm inviting you to the wedding.
Author truth_seeker Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 Dude, that's you. You date hot women who play games, then look for a nice woman while you lick your wounds, then onto the next how woman that you just can't resist even though she's playing games. Actually, it's not me at all. Have I dated women just for fun? Sure. Have I've been a man-wh-re? No. To me there is a limit. Woman had HS sweetheart, guy in college, guy while studying abroad, 2-3 relationships that didn't work out... okay, fine. What's not fine are those who slept with all the jocks in HS, all the jocks in college, guys on Spring Break, guys in the office, on business trips and they're closing in on 30 and have decided they're ready to settle down and start a family. My problem is I've been meeting the wrong women. I set myself up to be in position where women would look at me as a great catch. If I met a woman today, I can tell her confidently, "I'm educated, no debt, have a savings, retirement fund, house paid off for, cars paid off for, lets take a vacation in Ibiza and get to know each other better"
Gaeta Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Yes, she could. And if I meet her, I'm inviting you to the wedding. Then you'll see women can still be burning hot at 50 1
Author truth_seeker Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 I know you would have! But Jack is the guy you see on Facebook who posts random pics of her with no makeup on, saying "Look how beautiful and amazing my wife is! I'm the luckiest man on the planet." If they weren't such cool people, I'd hate them both. He totally accepts her for who she is. He doesn't care that she's the girl who flashed her boobs all the time in college. She's been one of my closest friends for over ten years and I can say he truly knows her as a person. There's nothing superficial about their relationship. Which is why I believe they'll make it in the long run. The fact that he was able to overlook her going home with a different guy that night doesn't mean he's weak or whatever, it means he's secure enough to realize- she didn't owe him anything at that point. They weren't even dating. Was she promiscuous? Yep. He didn't care, he already loved her. So, he's the perfect guy for her. Not saying, you need to be this open minded about women you date. Not saying that at all. But just giving other perspectives/examples. I believe what your describing is true love conquers all.
Author truth_seeker Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 Then you'll see women can still be burning hot at 50 Hey, Sophia Lauren still got it.
katiegrl Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Yes, the odds do favor what you say about me marrying someone closer to my age. My point is you're saying I will be happy marrying someone closer to my age... well, there are people close in age getting divorced then hooking up with someone many years younger then them. I won't say you would necessarily be happier marrying someone closer in age, I mean you might be ....but you would definitely be opening yourself up to more opportunities to meet that one special woman, with whom you share that perfect mix of mutual chemistry and compatibility.
katiegrl Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Hey, Sophia Lauren still got it. Have you checked out Christie Brinkley? Google her, she is 62! Looks like she's in her 30s..no joke. 1
Author truth_seeker Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 I won't say you would necessarily be happier marrying someone closer in age, I mean you might be ....but you would definitely be opening yourself up to more opportunities to meet that one special woman, with whom you share that perfect mix of mutual chemistry and compatibility. I am open to meeting someone close to my age - I am. From my experiences, the ones I've dated or have gone out on dates with there were issues with their history. I'm the youngest in my family, I'm a kid at heart and I just love younger women. I can't help it. lol.
Author truth_seeker Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 Have you checked out Christie Brinkley? Google her, she is 62! Looks like she's in her 30s..no joke. Yea, I saw a recent pic of her and she looks great for her age.
katiegrl Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Actually, it's not me at all. Have I dated women just for fun? Sure. Have I've been a man-wh-re? No. To me there is a limit. Woman had HS sweetheart, guy in college, guy while studying abroad, 2-3 relationships that didn't work out... okay, fine. What's not fine are those who slept with all the jocks in HS, all the jocks in college, guys on Spring Break, guys in the office, on business trips and they're closing in on 30 and have decided they're ready to settle down and start a family. My problem is I've been meeting the wrong women. I set myself up to be in position where women would look at me as a great catch. ---- ------ **If I met a woman today, I can tell her confidently, "I'm educated, no debt, have a savings, retirement fund, house paid off for, cars paid off for, lets take a vacation in Ibiza and get to know each other better" ^^Why not refrain from telling them all that? At least for awhile. Franky, if a guy announced all that from the get go, that would be a turn off. Doesn't impress me. That is not to say I don't want a man who is successful, financially stable, etc, I do, but him announcing all that to me from the get go indicates a need to impress, and *that* is a turn off. It denotes a certain insecurity. If you connect and as you date, all that will come out. Also, by telling them all that, you run the risk of attracting gold-diggers or women basing their attraction on what you can offer them. A different approach may serve you better.
katiegrl Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Yea, I saw a recent pic of her and she looks great for her age. She looks great, period! 1
Author truth_seeker Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 ^^Why not refrain from telling them all that? At least for awhile. Franky, if a guy announced all that from the get go, that would be a turn off. Doesn't impress me. That is not to say I don't want a man who is successful, financially stable, etc, I do, but him announcing all that to me from the get go indicates a need to impress, and *that* is a turn off. It denotes a certain insecurity. If you connect and as you date, all that will come out. Also, by telling them all that, you run the risk of attracting gold-diggers or women basing their attraction on what you can offer them. A different approach may serve you better. Uhhh, I was joking. I wouldn't dare say that. lol. 1
Author truth_seeker Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 She looks great, period! I had a feeling when I mentioned "great for her age" I'd get some heat. 1
katiegrl Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Uhhh, I was joking. I wouldn't dare say that. lol. Okie doke!
Versacehottie Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 I hear what you're saying. Kids are the one issue that has men by the balls. Men have absolutely no rights concerning children. I'm undecided on whether I'll have children. I think that I'd be a good dad, but I don't think that marriage is secure enough for me to seriously consider it. I just think it's a terrible deal for a man - men take most of the responsibility, and all of the risk. Men have been made expendable, an optional extra. You can be expelled from the family unit that you want so much at any moment on a whim. I've just watched my cousin go through his marriage trying to placate his Mrs. She soon got 'bored' and dumped him. Now that he's moved on, she's using the baby as a weapon. Marriage must be undertaken from a strong masculine frame IMO. However, try to imagine the pressures of keeping it up day after day after day - and the risks of failure. Most marriages end in divorce, filed by the wife. Some guys want to opt out of the dating scene, and think that a marriage is protective and safe. Let me tell you, any guy that ain't got enough game for the dating scene, certainly ain't got enough game for a marriage. Jabron you make some great points. Especially in this post the one I bolded. I don't think trying to escape the dating scene or feeling let down and empty from it is the right reason to run toward marriage. Not that OP is doing that but there may be an element of that in his many reasons for being fed up with dating. I think that the OP should try other places than just tinder if he wants a real relationship. Other dating sites (i guess, i'm not a huge fan of them since I think the best and most lasting things happen via real life), and expand your network of friends and activities. Be patient with yourself. It only takes one. I can't remember exactly but I think OP is from chicago area--is that right? Big city and lots of great midwestern girls--it's just a matter of time!!! I think things are in your favor, OP. Lastly truth seeker, you need to change your mindset a little. Try not to characterize your romantic history in absolutes. Such as "all the good ones are taken", "only taken women appeal to me", etc etc. See if you can just reset it to neutral at least--it will open your mind and how you interact and your outcomes will be different. Trust me on this. Sounds like you have a pretty charmed life--start living like it is exactly that and that you are not "missing" anything--that is an attraction magnet if I ever saw one. Good luck 1
Emilia Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 I am open to meeting someone close to my age - I am. From my experiences, the ones I've dated or have gone out on dates with there were issues with their history. I'm the youngest in my family, I'm a kid at heart and I just love younger women. I can't help it. lol. Nothing wrong with younger but most age gap relationships don't last. I prefer young flawless skin and decent sex drive. Someone who still gets excited by things. Reality is that people don't want much older long term because they don't want to be saddled with a sick person in their 40s. I'm 43, no way I'd be with a 60 year-old. Which is what you are describing your situation as. A 25 year-old won't want you when you start looking old. They will still have options and you won't. The vast majority of break ups in age-gap relationships are initiated by the younger person. This has come up a lot in the news in the last few days because of the Rupert Murdoch-Jerry Hall marriage. Apparently at their age it's more likely to survive. Older men who think they can compete with 30 year-old males are deluded.
katiegrl Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 I had a feeling when I mentioned "great for her age" I'd get some heat. I figured that .... you just love *stirring that pot* don't ya....lol But yeah seriously, probably not a great idea to tell a woman you look great "for your age." Many women are sensitive about their age, and may actually take it as an insult. She just look great! Period. Just my two cents, other women may feel differently though.
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