Starting to Feel the Clock is Ticking

[AMJ]

Not entirely. Just the ones I've come across have been desperate. They're in a rush to have kids, be married... mainly for the sake of showing off to people they know that they're married and have kids. I've dated women after one month talked about moving in, redecorating the place, "WE need to change this, create more space, if we're going to have kids..."

 

This is when I start changing the locks.

 

But don't YOU want to have kids right away? So when women are serious about a future with you, you run away. When they play games with you, you play along until you get burned. Where's the middle ground?

 

I think you'll have more chemistry with women closer to your own age, and you'll find that more women your own age are ready to settle down and stop playing games.

[truth_seeker]

Why didn't you get married at an earlier age?!

 

I was focused more on myself... and the people I associated with back then weren't greatest of people - it was like Melrose Place. Drama, cheating, dishonesty, back-stabbing... very toxic culture. I pride myself on saying I didn't once hook up with a friend's girlfriend or get with an ex of a friend. I was always loyal.

 

I've managed to eliminate these people but find myself more alone because I don't have a core group to go out with and put myself in a position to meet women.

[Popsicle]

Not entirely. Just the ones I've come across have been desperate. They're in a rush to have kids, be married... mainly for the sake of showing off to people they know that they're married and have kids. I've dated women after one month talked about moving in, redecorating the place, "WE need to change this, create more space, if we're going to have kids..."

 

I knew you were going to say that

Which is why I said it's amusing to see the biological clock transferred to men.

 

So, okay, yeah, they may be in a rush to have kids, but you did say you were ready to have a family yourself. What's the big deal in having kids in a couple of years after getting married?

[edgygirl]

Why slap in the face? I froze mine. Best idea ever. Takes the "Clock is Ticking" (and making bad decisions because of it) out of the way.

 

 

My gay bestie said I should consider freezing my eggs. Slap in my face, lol. Guys get older and can still get younger women.

 

[truth_seeker]

You're reminding me of a good friend. I've known him since we were 7. He's the only single guy left in the crew of friends that's been together since high school. He's always looking for this smoking hot 26 year old, who wants to be a wife and a mother tomorrow. He wants instant chemistry. He wants perfection.

 

But what he's looking for doesn't exist. He's 33 like me, but doesn't look a day older than 22. Very good looking guy, the most well-mannered, hard working, family-oriented, great guy. He has tons to offer a woman. He meets and hooks up with girls all the time. But he can't seem to find his unicorn.

 

You're just really limiting yourself. You want a hot woman between ages 25-30 and amazing chemistry on the first date. I think it's going to take a little more effort than that. None of the happily married couples I know, had amazing chemistry on a first date. It took time.

 

I'm not saying I want perfection. I've said I want that right balance. I want to have that feeling in my gut she is the one. It doesn't mean she is a perfect 10 model. It means she is the right one for me and I am the right one for her.

 

I think when you look at someone for the first time you know something is there... when you spend time with them on the first date, you know something is there... then you build from there. It doesn't have to be amazing chemistry but there has to be a spark.

[xxoo]

If it is uncommon for you to feel attraction to decent women, maybe you are attracted to indecent behavior patterns. Maybe that's what generates spark for you.

 

Or maybe you just don't really want a relationship, so you close yourself off to decent women. That way, it's not your fault.

[katiegrl]

I want a younger woman because of the family factor. I'm not saying a woman over 30 can't have children, but after 30 women have a harder time having children or some have decided they do not want children.

 

My cut off age is 25. I feel at 25, the woman has been out of school, she has had some real world experience, she's usually looking for that mate who is not some broke deadbeat, but a guy who is established or on his way to being established. I'm better now than I was in my 20s. Just got to be careful of the gold diggers.

 

 

Fair enough TS, but keep in mind the older you get (40 this year, correct?) many (not all) women in their 20s will be questioning and judging you as well.....and may decide, for one reason or the other, that you are too *old* for them.

 

Unless they *are* gold-diggers* or otherwise only seeking a man with money, who's successful, drives nice car, etc. Which is exactly what you don't want!

 

Also things like "he's in his 40s and never been married? What's wrong with him?" may be whirling around in their heads too. And lest you think women don't think about such things, they most certainly do. Especially the younger ones

 

Personally speaking, I don't agree with any of that (never did) and would never ever judge anyone because of their age, men or women, just making a point that while you have your standards and limitations re what you want, many of them do too.

 

Thus, , limiting your chances for meeting that one right woman (hot, in her 20s) even more.

 

Good luck though...

Edited March 5, 2016 by katiegrl

[edgygirl]

It's pretty obvious to me now why you don't meet quality women you can relate to.

 

You want women who are not there yet to be there. And the ones who are, you judge and cross off as too old and desperate.

 

You are looking for a unicorn.

 

I think that's the problem with dating today. People expect to find a unicorn and end up lonely and miserable not understanding why they can't find what they want

 

I want a younger woman because of the family factor. I'm not saying a woman over 30 can't have children, but after 30 women have a harder time having children or some have decided they do not want children.

 

My cut off age is 25. I feel at 25, the woman has been out of school, she has had some real world experience, she's usually looking for that mate who is not some broke deadbeat, but a guy who is established or on his way to being established. I'm better now than I was in my 20s. Just got to be careful of the gold diggers.

 

What exactly is chemistry then? I meet someone and I should be attracted to them right away, no? 5 dates to figure it out? Sounds like a lot of cash spent and maybe sex... why not just get a hooker?

 

Not entirely. Just the ones I've come across have been desperate. They're in a rush to have kids, be married... mainly for the sake of showing off to people they know that they're married and have kids. I've dated women after one month talked about moving in, redecorating the place, "WE need to change this, create more space, if we're going to have kids..."

 

This is when I start changing the locks.

 

 

 

[truth_seeker]

But don't YOU want to have kids right away? So when women are serious about a future with you, you run away. When they play games with you, you play along until you get burned. Where's the middle ground?

 

I think you'll have more chemistry with women closer to your own age, and you'll find that more women your own age are ready to settle down and stop playing games.

 

First Part: If I feel in my gut and my heart she is the one then between 6-18 months start planning to have kids. Some of the women I've met came off a bit screwy, really delusional, in my view not mother material. If I meet a woman who has dated bad boys most of her life then says "now I'm ready for a good man" GTFOH!

 

Yes, I will admit guilt with the game playing. The last one was my fault in that I wasn't strong enough to walk away -- I'm sorry but she was so damn attractive. I got turned upside down and really didn't know how to handle her. Good thing is I learned more about myself and how to approach that kind situation if it arises again.

[truth_seeker]

 

So, okay, yeah, they may be in a rush to have kids, but you did say you were ready to have a family yourself. What's the big deal in having kids in a couple of years after getting married?

 

Nothing wrong with it, but everyone else in the family are much older and I'd like them to see grandkids.

[Popsicle]

Okay, well, I tried. lol

[katiegrl]

 

I think you'll have more chemistry with women closer to your own age, and you'll find that more women your own age are ready to settle down and stop playing games.

 

Well to be fair to TS, a woman close to his age would be a woman pushing 40, making a pregnancy at that age a bit risky.

 

But what about 30-35?

 

TS, IMO that would be the perfect age for you!

 

Still hot, still young enough to have kids, and mature enough to know what she wants a not play games. And less judgment about your age too.

 

Just a thought!

Edited March 5, 2016 by katiegrl

[Gaeta]

I want a younger woman because of the family factor. I'm not saying a woman over 30 can't have children, but after 30 women have a harder time having children or some have decided they do not want children.

 

This is none sense and only an excuse. I know plenty of women who had their first child over 35 and had no problem conceiving. And if EVER you meet a woman lets say 36 and she has a little problem getting pregnant there are so many ways of going around this nowadays. A shot of hormones and there you go.

 

If you meet a woman your age you have better chances of having a long lasting and happy marriage.

 

If you are close to 40, get married with a 25 yo, I can say with a lot of assurance that in 5 years you'll be a dad but you'll be a divorced dad with child support for the next 20 years.

[truth_seeker]

Fair enough TS, but keep in mind the older you get (40 this year, correct?) many (not all) women in their 20s will be questioning and judging you as well.....and may decide, for one reason or the other, that you are too *old* for them.

 

Unless they *are* gold-diggers* or otherwise only seeking a man with money, who's successful, drives nice car, etc. Which is exactly what you don't want!

 

Also things like "he's in his 40s and never been married? What's wrong with him?" may be whirling around in their heads too. And lest you think women don't think about such things, they most certainly do. Especially the younger ones

 

Personally speaking, I don't agree with any of that (never did) and would never ever judge anyone because of their age, men or women, just making a point that while you have your standards and limitations re what you want, many of them do too.

 

Thus, , limiting your chances for meeting that one right woman (hot, in her 20s) even more.

 

Good luck though...

 

Fair points you make, KG.

 

I'm in my 30s and not turning 40 this year

 

If people chirp about me not being married at my age, I tell them: I haven't met the one. I will not settle for a C, C+, B, B+, A-. My heart deserves an A+

 

The only limitation I see a woman having with me are my height (5'8 - 5'9 in boots ) and my age. Other than that, looks, money, I got.

[katiegrl]

I was focused more on myself... and the people I associated with back then weren't greatest of people - it was like Melrose Place. Drama, cheating, dishonesty, back-stabbing... very toxic culture. I pride myself on saying I didn't once hook up with a friend's girlfriend or get with an ex of a friend. I was always loyal.

 

I've managed to eliminate these people but find myself more alone because I don't have a core group to go out with and put myself in a position to meet women.

 

So you judge and dismiss women who previously went for bad boys, when by your own admission you were that bad boy who went for the bad girl!

 

But you have since changed (good for you!) and now want to settle down...and expect them to accept your past.

 

While you reserve the right to continue to judge and dismiss them for theirs????

 

How is this right or fair?

[truth_seeker]

Well to be fair to TS, a woman close to his age would be a woman pushing 40, making a pregnancy at that age a bit risky.

 

But what about 30-35?

 

TS, IMO that would be the perfect age for you!

 

Still hot, still young enough to have kids, and mature enough to know what she wants a not play games. And less judgment about your age too.

 

Just a thought!

 

If I meet a great woman who is 30-35, I'd marry her.

[truth_seeker]

This is none sense and only an excuse. I know plenty of women who had their first child over 35 and had no problem conceiving. And if EVER you meet a woman lets say 36 and she has a little problem getting pregnant there are so many ways of going around this nowadays. A shot of hormones and there you go.

 

I know there are women who have kids late, but I'm pointing out that when they're 35 and up it gets trickier and more complicated.

 

If you meet a woman your age you have better chances of having a long lasting and happy marriage.

 

I say it really depends on the person. Just because she's my age or close to my age, it doesn't guarantee a lifetime of bliss and happiness. I've noticed many couples who have been married for decades and are close in age are divorcing and the husbands dating women 20-30 years younger than them and they're happy as can be... so I will defer to Katie Girl on this one.

 

If you are close to 40, get married with a 25 yo, I can say with a lot of assurance that in 5 years you'll be a dad but you'll be a divorced dad with child support for the next 20 years.

 

It's possible but not 100% truth.

[katiegrl]

If I meet a great woman who is 30-35, I'd marry her.

 

Well hopefully, you would get to know each other first ....but you're making progress!!!

[katiegrl]

Well hopefully, you would get to know each other first ....but you're making progress!!!

 

Also, referencing my post 65 (not sure if you read), try to be more accepting of her past (recovering *bad boy* addict).

 

You have a rather sorted past yourself, and have learned, grown, evolved ...no reason to believe women can't do the same....and have!

[AMJ]

I like to talk about real life examples of couples who worked out, so here's two stories.

 

1: Laura knew Dave for a few years through mutual friends. She never thought of him as attractive. He was engaged to someone else. Those two broke up. One day, Laura is suddenly interested in Dave. He needed some coaxing on her part, it's not like he was immediately interested in her from the start. In September they start flirting, in October they start dating, by January they are living together. We were 28. He hadn't finished his BA, was living on his sister's couch...I'm her best friend. My reaction- Um don't you think you both are moving a little too quickly? Moving IN together after three months? And there was this lurking judgement about him kind of being a loser who didn't have his life together. He finished his BA, they got married two years later, today they have a two year old son, and along the way he finished his MA and is honestly the best husband and father I could ever wish for my friend Laura. They're really happy together.

 

2: Sara and Jack are coworkers. Jack thinks Sara is super hot and wastes no time to ask her out, even though they work together. They go on a date, she hated it. She thought he was awkward, she wasn't attracted to him AT all. When I heard the story, her recap was, great- now I have to see him at work every day. Three months later they both get drunk at the company Christmas party. They make out at the party. But Sara drunkenly decides to go home from the party with another guy. Not kidding. Jack is pissed off about this. He's in a taxi on his way home, bitching about this girl. Chances are, he's sharing a taxi with a mutual friend of ours, who happens to know Sara very well. They share some laughs- "oh she can be like that" and Jack decides to ask her out again. They start dating. By March, they're pretty serious about each other. He's meeting her family, vice-versa. I didn't get to meet him until July. And that's when she tells me that she's pregnant, and they're engaged. We were 29. Doomed for failure, right? Five months later, they get married, three months later, out comes baby #1. Two years later, out comes baby #2. They've been together for five years now, married for four. They are one of the most solid couples I've ever met. Totally fun to hang out with, really great parents. They don't argue about things, they support each other like a team.

 

Whenever I hear people talking about rules and being rigid about dating requirements...I think of how real life works. And it's not so simple.

[truth_seeker]

So you judge and dismiss women who previously went for bad boys, when by your own admission you were that bad boy who went for the bad girl!

 

But you have since changed (good for you!) and now want to settle down...and expect them to accept your past.

 

While you reserve the right to continue to judge and dismiss them for theirs????

 

How is this right or fair?

 

I pay attention to patterns of behavior. One woman I dated for several months, she was older than me. She was also divorced and came out of another LTR. Not my type, but I gave her a chance to see where it would go. She was very attractive, easy to talk to... but I noticed a pattern where she dated a bad boy, then a nice guy, back to the bad boy, and then came me who was the nice guy. I joked: "when we break up, you'll be going back to a bad boy." She laughed, but it was true!

 

Ever hear that expression: "can't turn a wh--e into a housewife"? I know people have a past, as do I, but there's a limit. It's not like I slept with every woman in town and I expect the person I'm involved with wasn't doing every guy on the block and at 30 decided, "okay, time to be a mommy and be a good wife!"

 

I never considered myself a bad boy. More like a quiet guy who was part of the group led by bad boys. I wasn't a threat back then so they kept me around. Once I started to become a threat, then the egos didn't want to hang out with me anymore.

[Gaeta]

 

I say it really depends on the person. Just because she's my age or close to my age, it doesn't guarantee a lifetime of bliss and happiness. I've noticed many couples who have been married for decades and are close in age are divorcing and the husbands dating women 20-30 years younger than them and they're happy as can be... so I will defer to Katie Girl on this one.

 

Someone your age has more maturity, more life in them, and you have more things in common. No it's not a guarantee, nothing is a guarantee, I am just saying you have better chances at a happy marriage.

 

How can you compare couples married decades to men dating younger women? You're comparing apple and oranges. Those men dating much younger, go visit them in 20 years, lets see if that dating turned into a marriage and turned into a happy long lasting marriage.

[truth_seeker]

So you judge and dismiss women who previously went for bad boys, when by your own admission you were that bad boy who went for the bad girl!

 

But you have since changed (good for you!) and now want to settle down...and expect them to accept your past.

 

While you reserve the right to continue to judge and dismiss them for theirs????

 

How is this right or fair?

 

There are some women who just love a certain type of guy (bad boy) get burned out by them, need a guy who is easy going (nice guy) until they get better, recover and get the urge for their true love -- the bad boy.

[xxoo]

First Part: If I feel in my gut and my heart she is the one then between 6-18 months start planning to have kids. Some of the women I've met came off a bit screwy, really delusional, in my view not mother material. If I meet a woman who has dated bad boys most of her life then says "now I'm ready for a good man" GTFOH!

Yes, I will admit guilt with the game playing. The last one was my fault in that I wasn't strong enough to walk away -- I'm sorry but she was so damn attractive. I got turned upside down and really didn't know how to handle her. Good thing is I learned more about myself and how to approach that kind situation if it arises again.

 

The bolded--doesn't that basically describe you in reverse, dating the hot women who play games all your life and saying now you're ready for a good woman?

[Gaeta]

There are some women who just love a certain type of guy (bad boy) get burned out by them, need a guy who is easy going (nice guy) until they get better, recover and get the urge for their true love -- the bad boy.

 

Why don't you date women, period, without putting labels on them? It's very dangerous to categorize women. If someone looked at my dating history they'd think I am a commitment phobe because I dated a s$it load of men and it never went anywhere. Reality is I am a very devoted, faithful and loyal woman. I just needed to meet the right man.