Starting to Feel the Clock is Ticking

[truth_seeker]

 

The moral of the story is this: As men, it is on us to make the woman feel comfortable enough to talk to us in the first place, to lead the conversation to a place where the connection will build, and to know when and how to make the first move. And then to And some men know how to do this better than others.

 

 

Explain this to me: Couple of weeks ago you could say I showed no game and got pretty much dismissed by a 25 year old, I just didn't handle it well - this from months of build up... next night I'm on a date with a 32 year old and after dinner, still reeling from the 25 year old, I'm asked what do you want to do now? I said: "I need to get laid. Lets go to my place." I just didn't care at this point. She says: "We can go to my place." Two hours later I'm driving home all giddy, and can't understand how I could strike out with one yet hit a home run with another.

 

I did not exhibit any kind of game on the date. We ate dinner, talked a bit then it was right to her place.

 

Maybe it has nothing to do with game? Maybe it has to do with timing?

[truth_seeker]

This description of game I agree with more. But, would you suggest that a guy is able to create chemistry with anyone he's interested in, every single time? I think men have the ability to reel us in, and some are better at this than others, but women are able to reel men in too. And sometimes it doesn't matter how good someone's game is, if you're not interested, you're not interested.

 

Also, above all else, I think confidence is the most important quality men can have to attract women. It trumps looks and money every time. Few people can pull off being perfectly confident and not appearing arrogant. It's extremely sexy. Confidence is kryptonite for women.

 

A problem I've noticed at times: if the women isn't that hot, at least to me, no problem talking to her, charming her, etc... if I find a woman to be very attractive, I'll tighten up and have a hard time being myself. There were a couple of instances I managed to get over the hump (red wine works wonders ) but for the most part, if I'm very attracted to a woman, I lose all train of thought and can stumble really bad.

 

I know guys who have purposely avoided really hot women because they felt the hotter they are, the more problems come their way. They rather have a good-looking to average looking woman... maybe it's insecurity issues?

[AMJ]

I know guys who have purposely avoided really hot women because they felt the hotter they are, the more problems come their way. They rather have a good-looking to average looking woman... maybe it's insecurity issues?

 

Yeah, that is about insecurity. A guy who can still talk to a really hot woman is confident; he thinks he deserves that woman. That's reassuring to her that she's talking to the right guy. When you doubt yourself, we doubt you too. This goes both ways for men and women.

[AMJ]

Like Jabron (and I) and Iamajerk said, having good game is simply knowing what works to draw a particular woman in....and taking action to make it happen.

 

It's not a bad thing nor a negative thing....but a necessary thing. IMO and apparently a few others on this thread as well!

 

Okay but...if knowing "what to do to draw a woman in" is to "act nerdy" or fill in the blank with whatever strategy you've determined is the best way to snag this woman (funny, confident, rude, smart, athletic, wealthy)...the key word here is "act".

 

The guys are suggesting that game is about putting on an act that draws women in. I'm saying, the nerdy guys my friends married are actually nerds. It's no act.

Years ago, my friends would have never given these guys the time of day. Back then they were more interested in the alpha. After one too many times of being hurt by an alpha, they wanted nice. They found nice, and end of story.

 

I think when we're talking about marriage and long-term relationships, game is irrelevant. Timing is everything. Short term conquests, game is essential.

[truth_seeker]

 

I think when we're talking about marriage and long-term relationships, game is irrelevant. Timing is everything. Short term conquests, game is essential.

 

BINGO!

 

I think women 18-29 want the alpha stud, have fun. When they hit 30 it's more about security and being comfortable. This is why nerdy guy with good job and income gets the girl.

 

It is a lot about timing in general. If I had approached this 25 year old right away, who knows, I could have been dating her now. I waited and waited... tried at the last minute... stumbled... she was long gone. Yet, after dinner with another woman I go for it and end up in a bull riding competition.

 

There are some many variables to this... Maybe the woman I went out with was lonely and horny and needed sex? It had nothing to do with game but I got her at the right time.

[Gaeta]

BINGO!

 

I think women 18-29 want the alpha stud, have fun. When they hit 30 it's more about security and being comfortable. This is why nerdy guy with good job and income gets the girl.

 

It sounds right.

 

Another reason for you to date closer to your age if you are aiming at obtaining a long term relationship and leave the 25 yo to their games.

[truth_seeker]

It sounds right.

 

Another reason for you to date closer to your age if you are aiming at obtaining a long term relationship and leave the 25 yo to their games.

 

It's funny... not seeing the 25 year old now for a couple of weeks I feel better but I also see things clearer. If it wasn't for her good looks, I wouldn't be posting threads. I read the situation correctly, tried to avoid her because I knew this would cause trouble, but her looks just made me weak. I'm sorry, but she was a knockout. I think all of us can agree we come across some people in this world who make our knees weak and our legs jelly. She did this to me and I went from Steph Curry burying 3 point shots with ease to DeAndre Jordan clanking free throws like a mother-f-cker.

 

I'm not against meeting a 30-35 year old woman... or even older. I'm thinking about kids and such... and am not meeting women who are my age who want kids.

 

Someone else brought this up, forget who, but how my age is a problem. I'm inching closer to 40 but I look in my 20s and get mistaken all the time. Even women think I'm in my 20s and are surprised by my real age. It's another disappointment I'm dealing with as I get approached by young women and some run away when they find out my real age.

[Jabron1]

I think when we're talking about marriage and long-term relationships, game is irrelevant. Timing is everything. Short term conquests, game is essential.

 

Game is essential for a man to be in control of his own destiny.

 

The problem beta males have is that the woman chooses them. I imagine that is what happened with your friends. The women got the 'jerks' out of their system, and finally decided to settle for the 'nice-guy'.

 

What kind of guy waits around to be settled for? A weak guy. A guy that isn't going to go out in the world and take what he wants. Your friends sound like they are settling, because the only alphas they could find were either low-interest, or just bad people.

 

Those marriages will work for as long as the guy remains happily subservient, and the girl feels secure/satisfied and doesn't start getting bored.

 

There's always a risk in analysing other people's experiences. So, I'll offer one of my own:

 

My cousin is ugly as sin, and has never had any game. In his twenties, he finally decided to hit the gym hard. He is now easily one of the biggest guys I've ever seen in real life. So now, he looks alpha, but inside he is still a pathetic beta.

 

A girl chose him too. He jumped at the chance, because he had never really had much female attention before. They get married, and have a kid. However, she is the one in charge – make no mistake about that.

 

She starts getting more and more frustrated with his lack of balls. She even starts disrespecting him in public. Then, she dumped him! How pathetic is that?

 

What's even worse were his actions after he got dumped. He was crying on the phone to her, and begging her for another chance . He would listen to her and her family tell him what an 'awful husband and father he is'. He got talked into going to 'relationship counselling' (against my advice). Of course it didn't work, because desire can't be negotiated. He and this 'counsellor' were just trying to placate her. That was the very root of the problem in the first place.

 

Eventually, he finally gave up. He went out, and because of his body, got a lot of female attention. He's now found another woman to be a pathetic beta with – she chose him too. And now, surprise surprise, his ex-wife suddenly wants him back. Now that he is being what I call an 'accidental alpha'. He is finally showing her his value by walking away from crappy behaviour and attracting another woman. He didn't need 'counselling', he needed game.

 

Like I said much earlier in this thread. If a man ain't got enough game for the dating scene, he certainly ain't got enough game for a marriage. A man that can't rock a woman's emotions is going to get dumped sooner or later. Security alone isn't enough.

[truth_seeker]

 

Like I said much earlier in this thread. If a man ain't got enough game for the dating scene, he certainly ain't got enough game for a marriage. A man that can't rock a woman's emotions is going to get dumped sooner or later. Security alone isn't enough.

 

There is truth in what you say but it is not 100% accurate. Your cousin hooked up with a b-tch. His rebound was a b-tch. I don't think it had anything to do with having bad game... more likely poor judgment and choices in women.

[Jabron1]

would you suggest that a guy is able to create chemistry with anyone he's interested in, every single time?

 

Absolutely not!

 

Unfortunately, the idea of 'being able to pick up any woman, anywhere' has entered the dating game. This is as a result of dodgy pick up artists that are looking to make a quick buck.

 

I can tell you, from my experience in approaching literally hundreds of women, and trying out lots of different things, that it's complete bollocks.

 

Read my journal: I made 6 approaches on Monday, and got 2 numbers. That is a very good return. Especially considering the kind of game that I run. I'm sure a guy could get more numbers than I do, but they are probably running a less masculine game, where the girl can confuse their advance as just being friendly.

 

There's no avoiding the grind. Any man with a high notch count has suffered a lot of rejections. Anyone telling you otherwise is speaking bollocks.

[truth_seeker]

 

What kind of guy waits around to be settled for? A weak guy. A guy that isn't going to go out in the world and take what he wants.

 

 

I agree with you on the settling part. I'm not sure how you feel about this but if a hot girl is into me and I find out she is seeing a guy (serious or not) I don't chase. If I like her, I'll put it out there I'm interested but she has to come to me. Why? She is the one with a man and she is interested in other men. She needs to know I'm not going to chase her. She needs to lose the guy and let me know. Does it work? Not really... but I make it known I'm not going to chase a woman like that.

[katiegrl]

Okay but...if knowing "what to do to draw a woman in" is to "act nerdy" or fill in the blank with whatever strategy you've determined is the best way to snag this woman (funny, confident, rude, smart, athletic, wealthy)...the key word here is "act".

 

The guys are suggesting that game is about putting on an act that draws women in. I'm saying, the nerdy guys my friends married are actually nerds. It's no act.

Years ago, my friends would have never given these guys the time of day. Back then they were more interested in the alpha. After one too many times of being hurt by an alpha, they wanted nice. They found nice, and end of story.

 

I think when we're talking about marriage and long-term relationships, game is irrelevant. Timing is everything. Short term conquests, game is essential.

 

I actually agree with you, earlier I posted I didn't like how they defined *game* either ...as some sort of *strategy.*

 

I don't agree with having a strategy, what I agree with is knowing how to draw a particular women in and taking action to make that happen.

 

When I say *act* I don't mean *pretend*...or employing a *strategy.*

 

I realize your friend's husband *was* nerdy ...and it was genuine, not an *act*.

 

But since he *was* nerdy, that was his personality, then obviously he *acted* nerdy.

 

It wasn't a strategy, it was genuine... but nevertheless he still behaved/acted in a nerdy way.

 

And his nerdiness drew her in and worked to get the girl. Naturally, organically. That was his game. Not a bad thing or negative thing. It just is what is is. That is all I meant.

 

You know in TS' post above about getting laid, IMO he *did* display some good *game* that night IMO.

 

It wasn't a bad thing, he did what worked! In that particular situation, with that particular girl, on that particular night.

 

Since he didn't give a crap, he wasn't attached to the outcome. This resulted in him having a ton confidence (kryptonite to women as you said), knowing what he wanted (getting laid), going after it .... and getting it!

 

He got it precisely because of that confidence ...combined with being with a woman who wasn't looking for a RL and simply wanted to get laid too.

 

Ultimately, it wasn't a woman he wanted for a RL, but nevertheless, he got what he wanted that night....and because of that some would argue that he displayed some pretty darn good game that night.

 

Again, not a bad or negative thing!

 

He simply did what worked. He wasn't attached to the outcome, and therefore very confidently told her what he wanted -- to get laid! And he got it!

 

And in some cases actually having no game is actually having good game if it works to get the girl.

 

I think this may be about semantics and how each of us defines *having game*.

 

Personally I don't see it as a bad or negative thing. Again, it's just behaving in such a way that draws a woman in, attracts her and maintains that attraction.

 

Women have game too!

 

Not everyone will agree with how I define it, and I respect that.

Edited March 11, 2016 by katiegrl

[AMJ]

I'd consider my male friends, guys I've known my whole life, to be alphas. That's why they have hot wives. But like I said, with one exception, their wives are terrible people to be around. These guys aren't happy. One of them confided in me, right after he got engaged, that he doesn't think he can be faithful to one woman forever. His wife is a blonde Emma Watson, but she does not smile, ever. They have a beautiful daughter, and are about to have a beautiful baby boy, and I think my friend is more in love with being a dad than he is to his witchy wife.

 

And are my friend's husbands weaklings...well...two of them are, for sure. I cannot dispute that. One of my friends walks all over her husband and bosses him around, but I think he's okay with it. He's a laid back guy and just wants everyone around him to be happy. I can't see her being happy not getting her way all the time, and he never seems to care. They've been together for 7 years, married for 4. Time will tell, right?

 

One couple I'm friends with acts like a team, seriously they are equals. She treats him with respect. I mentioned these two couples way earlier in this thread.

 

My best friend's husband is not weak at all. They got into their first big argument ever- she was way out of line and really irrational- at a restaurant. He left her at the restaurant. She ordered several more drinks and then gave me a call to tell me all about it...I said, "well you are acting like a nutcase, of course he got mad at you." It's pretty messed up that he left her at a restaurant, but she can be a LOT to handle. I don't think a weak guy would act that way. And he's a police officer, 6'5''. I'd never call him weak, he's a confident, secure guy who also happens to be really nice.

[truth_seeker]

 

You know in TS' post above about getting laid, IMO he *did* display some good *game* that night IMO.

 

It wasn't a bad thing, he did what worked! In that particular situation, with that particular girl, on that particular night.

 

Since he didn't give a crap, he wasn't attached to the outcome. This resulted in him having a ton confidence (kryptonite to women as you said), knowing what he wanted (getting laid), going after it .... and getting it!

 

He got it precisely because of that confidence ...combined with being with a woman who wasn't looking for a RL and simply wanted to get laid too.

 

Ultimately, it wasn't a woman he wanted for a RL, but nevertheless, he got what he wanted that night....and because of that some would argue that he displayed some pretty darn good game that night.

 

Again, not a bad or negative thing!

 

He simply did what worked. He wasn't attached to the outcome, and therefore very confidently told her what he wanted -- to get laid! And he got it!

 

And in some cases actually having no game is actually having good game if it works to get the girl.

 

I think this may be about semantics and how each of us defines *having game*.

 

Personally I don't see it as a bad or negative thing. Again, it's just behaving in such a way that draws a woman in, attracts her and maintains that attraction.

 

Women have game too!

 

Not everyone will agree with how I define it, and I respect that.

 

I don't think I had any game that night. I was down and ticked off because of the 25 year old. There was no confidence at all... it was a who gives a f-ck, lets see what happens comment about going back to my place. I think it was all about timing. Right place, right time.

[AMJ]

I don't think I had any game that night. I was down and ticked off because of the 25 year old. There was no confidence at all... it was a who gives a f-ck, lets see what happens comment about going back to my place. I think it was all about timing. Right place, right time.

 

Wait, why don't you want to see this girl again?? Good sex, no drama....and this just happened very recently for you to be so down on your love life..

[katiegrl]

I don't think I had any game that night. I was down and ticked off because of the 25 year old. There was no confidence at all... it was a who gives a f-ck, lets see what happens comment about going back to my place. I think it was all about timing. Right place, right time.

 

Okay fair enough, I misinterpreted.

 

But as I said too in my post above, sometimes having *no game* is actually *having game* ...if it works to get the girl ....even if for just one night.

 

And sorry about the 25 year old not working out.

 

Hope you're feeling better about that..

[truth_seeker]

Okay fair enough, I misinterpreted.

 

But as I said too in my post above, sometimes having *no game* is actually *having game* ...if it works to get the girl ....even if for just one night.

 

And sorry about the 25 year old not working out.

 

Hope you're feeling better about that..

 

Thanks. I'm feeling better now that I don't see her anymore. Still, I think what if I spoke up when I should have... who knows? Then again, the girl is seeing someone while vying for my attention. Maybe she was a bad seed to begin with...

[truth_seeker]

Wait, why don't you want to see this girl again?? Good sex, no drama....and this just happened very recently for you to be so down on your love life..

 

The conversation during dinner sucked. I was ready to fall asleep. She's attractive but other than that... not much to talk about. We went out once 2 months ago. I thought I'd never see her again, but I had a desire to have sex with her so I hit her up and we went out again, and this happened. If I see her again it's just for a casual hook up.

 

I focus too much on the losses more so than the victories. A friend of mine said to me the other day to forget about that 25 year old and be happy with the 32 year old... but I'm not. Like I said previously, in all honesty, that 25 year old turned me into putty. I was blown away by her looks. Even Jabron couldn't spit game with her.

[Jabron1]

Okay fair enough, I misinterpreted.

 

I don't think you misinterpreted at all. I think you are probably spot on.

 

He didn't care, so he was confident, and indifferent to the outcome.

 

He saw the 25 year old as a huge opportunity, so he got nervous and blew it.

 

Also, if he didn't care very much, the girl he shagged probably wasn't in his league. That would have something to do with it too.

[Jabron1]

that 25 year old turned me into putty.

 

She must have been your perfect 10 to get you in that state

 

We all screw up approaches. Don't beat yourself up about it.

[truth_seeker]

 

He saw the 25 year old as a huge opportunity, so he got nervous and blew it.

 

I'm man enough to admit I did get nervous. I still made an effort though, albeit, through her friend, argh...

[AMJ]

 

I focus too much on the losses more so than the victories.

 

We all want what we can't have, then.

[truth_seeker]

She must have been your perfect 10 to get you in that state

 

We all screw up approaches. Don't beat yourself up about it.

 

Bro, this girl gave me numerous chances and I did nothing. I mean, technically, I did do something but through her friend. I'm even wondering if the friend sabotaged the whole thing! I don't get how I get chased for almost 4 months and nothing comes of it. Either I'm the biggest idiot or that girl was a nutcase just out for attention.

[truth_seeker]

We all want what we can't have, then.

 

It's the 'what if' factor. I keep feeling I missed out on something possibly special. Maybe that's crazy talk... but that's how I'm seeing it.

[Jabron1]

I'd consider my male friends, guys I've known my whole life, to be alphas. That's why they have hot wives. But like I said, with one exception, their wives are terrible people to be around. These guys aren't happy.

 

That's why I try (it's hard) to take sex and looks out of the equation for judging LTR potential.

 

A girl that I just ditched is very good looking. But I wrote her off as girl friend material from the beginning. I wasn't going to try and mold her into one, or anything like that.

 

Some guys try and turn a sexual relationship into a marriage. They aren't thinking with their brains. They're thinking with something else...