Starting to Feel the Clock is Ticking

[SammySammy]

I have to agree. When I was chubby in my younger years, yea I got some girls because they thought I was cute... but when I lost the baby fat, got in shape, I got A LOT more attention. More women were after me.

 

I think it goes like this: MONEY > LOOKS > GAME

 

If you got money, all bets are off... you can get just about any woman. If you have looks to go with the money, you're pretty much unstoppable. Game is only needed for those with average looks and not much money.

 

Although it's been said two of those are preferable, some guys keep busy with game alone.

 

And there are plenty of guys with money or looks sitting at home with their d*ck in their hand.

 

Of the three, I think game is superior. Combine it with money and/or looks and you'll never be lonely. I don't think it's money. Having a girl like you for you is so much better than liking you because you have money.

[Jabron1]

I kind of want to know what exactly you mean by "game".

 

It seems like you use it to define lots of things. By game do you mean- all the things you do to attract a woman in general? And obviously these things change based on what woman you're trying to attract?

 

Because there's always some level of insincerity implied when talking about game...and I still think, if he's looking to find a wife, he does not want to be insincere. Another story when you're just looking to get laid and have a good time.

 

This may need to be another thread, but...what the hell IS game anymore?

 

That is one hell of a question to put on me just before I go to bed

 

I'll answer another time, because I want to give you a thoughtful reply.

[katiegrl]

I kind of want to know what exactly you mean by "game".

 

It seems like you use it to define lots of things. By game do you mean- all the things you do to attract a woman in general? And obviously these things change based on what woman you're trying to attract?

 

Because there's always some level of insincerity implied when talking about game...and I still think, if he's looking to find a wife, he does not want to be insincere. Another story when you're just looking to get laid and have a good time.

 

This may need to be another thread, but...what the hell IS game anymore?

 

AMJ, till Jabron responds, thought I'd give my $.02.

 

First off, I dislike the phrase "having game" as it suggests some sort of *strategy,* which I don't agree with.

 

That said, IMO it means the things we do, the actions we take (both men and women) ... to engage the opposite sex, in an effort to attract them, get them to respond to us (in a positive way), win their hearts.

 

This goes beyond merely having looks or money .... unless one is supremely shallow, with little to no emotional depth. If that is the case, such men will use their looks and/ or money to attract women, and continue attracting superficial shallow women who will use them....and then wonder why it is they can't or don't ever meet anyone *nice* to settle down with. Sad.

 

That is not to say looks don't play a role, they do ....but it's subjective.

 

An average looking man can become a hot 10 *to me* if he can stir my emotions, rock my world (and vice versa), and we have the right chemistry and connection (emotional and physical).

 

Again just my $.02 ..... I am interested in hearing how Jabron defines it though!

Edited March 10, 2016 by katiegrl

[truth_seeker]

 

So no darlin, that is not a fail, maybe to you it is because you are a very negative person.

 

But not to me. To me it's a win, because I learned something valuable from each one.

 

 

If you want to spin it that way to make yourself feel better, more power to you.

[truth_seeker]

Because you told us you were alone...hence this thread.

 

I'm single and dating. Big difference between being single and dating than being alone. Lets try to not create things where I'm 100% negative when I'm looking at every angle and perspective. Just because some of my comments fall on the negative side, it doesn't mean I'm a negative person as a whole.

[truth_seeker]

I kind of want to know what exactly you mean by "game".

 

It seems like you use it to define lots of things. By game do you mean- all the things you do to attract a woman in general? And obviously these things change based on what woman you're trying to attract?

 

Because there's always some level of insincerity implied when talking about game...and I still think, if he's looking to find a wife, he does not want to be insincere. Another story when you're just looking to get laid and have a good time.

 

This may need to be another thread, but...what the hell IS game anymore?

 

My take is game is another form of conning someone. If you look at the guy who writes books and posts videos - The Pick Up Artist... the name is very close to Con Artist.

 

Game is how to convince, prey and put yourself in position to get what you want and what you need.

 

What you wrote that is in bold is very true.

[truth_seeker]

Although it's been said two of those are preferable, some guys keep busy with game alone.

 

And there are plenty of guys with money or looks sitting at home with their d*ck in their hand.

 

Of the three, I think game is superior. Combine it with money and/or looks and you'll never be lonely. I don't think it's money. Having a girl like you for you is so much better than liking you because you have money.

 

I don't look at it as "game"... I look it at as it's my personality. If my personality meshes with a woman's personality, does that mean I got game or we just happen to hit it off?

[truth_seeker]

Yeah, but I'm not looking to get married. Back then I was way worse!

 

I was just pointing out that some guy was paying for her rent, and I come along and bang her in that apartment - then raid the fridge. Who got the better of that deal? The guy with game, or the guy with money?

 

From a business perspective you did well in that scenario. I don't think it was game that got you there... it was she liked you and wanted a young buck to f-ck.

 

 

Isn't that the sort of attitude that will attract golddiggers?

 

Come on man. You're looking for a proper wife - not someone who is looking to cash in on a divorce.

 

Tony Montana didn't exactly have the most blissful of marriages

 

Personally, I would just use the money to back my game. I would keep it hidden until a good few dates in.

 

Right. I don't want to woo a woman with money. Once the the novelty wears off, she'll be looking for something more elsewhere. Problem is, it's kinda hard for me to avoid it because of the way I dress, what I drive and as soon as they ask what I do for work, and get any scent of money, it changes everything.

 

I will not forget this one woman who I had interest in, and she was multi-dating. She opted for another guy. Now, at this point she didn't know much about me. Well, one day I'm in the city at a red light in my car, she walks right by me and recognizes me. Guess who days later was interested in talking to me, getting to know me better?

 

Look at OLD. What do they look for? Pics, Height, Profession.

 

You look like John Stamos, over 6' in height and are a Doctor you might as well post your address as there will be a line around the block waiting to get inside.

[katiegrl]

If you want to spin it that way to make yourself feel better, more power to you.

 

Thanks but frankly, don't see it as spin. Spin denotes a deception, falsity or delusion of some sort, which this is NOT.

 

It's simply me choosing to turn something negative happening in my life into a positive...as carrying negativity around with you eventually causes bitterness and ugliness.

 

You are right though....it does make me feel better...which is actually the point!

 

Who wants to go through life feeling crappy about their RLs that didn't work out? I sure don't!

 

Also, I did, in fact, learn many things from my so-called "failed" relationships -- so again a positive.

 

We live, we LEARN, we grow, we evolve. That's life!

 

It's fine though TS, you are entitled to your opinion, not gonna argue with you about that.

 

I just view things in a different (more positive) way from you. To each his own.

Edited March 10, 2016 by katiegrl

[katiegrl]

I don't look at it as "game"... I look it at as it's my personality. If my personality meshes with a woman's personality, does that mean I got game or we just happen to hit it off?

 

My personality meshes with lots of people's personalities, doesn't mean much if there is no mutual attraction, emotional connection or chemistry happening. It only means I am compatible with many people and have lots of friends.

 

But assuming there is chemistry, not much is gonna happen either if one (preferably both) doesn't take some action to move it forward in an effort to build on and maintain that attraction and connection.

 

IMO, that is game. Knowing how to make things happen, build attraction and maintain that attraction and connection.

 

It is not necessarily a negative thing IMO. Having good game is simply a "catch all" phrase for, again, knowing what works and making things happen.

 

JMO.

Edited March 10, 2016 by katiegrl

[Jabron1]

I kind of want to know what exactly you mean by "game".

 

'Every time a man is being nice to you, all he's doing is offering you d*ck.' Chris Rock.

 

 

As soon as any guy sees a beautiful woman that gets his heart going, he is running game – and I don't care who he is. Every man has adapted a method (depending on his experiences) that he thinks will get him laid.

 

Some will try to be really 'nice'.

Some will try to 'save' a woman.

Some will try to identify with feminism.

Some will flash the cash.

Some will use dominance.

Some will use sex.

 

Game is a sexualised meeting of genders. Anything else is indifference.

 

The reason women seem so oblivious to game is that girl-game is considered the societal norm. It's completely acceptable and encouraged – therefore it doesn't count as 'game'. And 'nice' guy game is the norm for women too. Most women are so used to guys treating them differently (because of sex) that it doesn't even register with them as game, or that life could be any other way. When an alpha male comes along, that plays his own game rather than adhere to a feminine centric game, that's the only time game is considered something sinister. Because an alpha male will make his own needs paramount. Whereas girl-game, and nice-guy game both adhere to feminine primacy.

 

The majority of 21st century men seem to be running something called 'nice-guy' game. The men that go so far as to deny this are the real manipulators.

 

Typically these guys think that by adopting feminine characteristics they will stand out from the rest and show a girl how 'special' they are. So they act sensitive, want to talk about their 'feelings', offer exclusivity on the first date, and generally bend over backwards to 'prove themselves'.

 

These are the sad-acts that I see following the girls that I'm shagging on Facebook, telling them how beautiful they are, and generally being a suck-up. I don't even consider these guys a threat.

 

This is the sort of game that a beta male will use to try and get women. These guys have such an ego investment in their 'nice' guy game, that they will deny that it's game, for fear of not appearing 'nice' and blowing their cover. This is why 'nice' guys struggle to go for a kiss on a date, because they are afraid to reveal their true sexual nature. Perhaps they are even lying to themselves. They are so ashamed of their masculinity that even the suggestion that they are making efforts to shag a girl is intolerable. They don't want sex, because they aren't 'like most men' – us other dogs. That is the basis of their game. Ironically, they are playing the game that most men play.

 

So if that's the game of a beta male, what is the alpha male's approach?

 

An alpha male isn't afraid, or ashamed, of his masculinity – he probably understands that it's an asset. He unapologeticly wants sex, and he knows he's going to get it. He loves women, and enjoys them, but he doesn't desperately need them. He won't compromise himself, and he'll walk away if his needs aren't being met. He doesn't dance to anyone else's tune other than his own. If this makes him a 'jerk', so be it.

 

A man behaving in this fashion may, or may not be, a jerk. That's subjective. But he is certainly playing his own game, and living life on his terms - no one else's.

 

The mistake people make is to call this guy the 'player'. We are all 'players' in the dating game. To state otherwise is ignorance at best, disingenuous at worst.

 

I say a guy needs game, looks, and/or money. To get game, I mean a guy must accept game, and actively work on improving it. Rather than living in denial, or ignorance of its existence.

Edited March 10, 2016 by Jabron1

[Jabron1]

From a business perspective you did well in that scenario. I don't think it was game that got you there... it was she liked you and wanted a young buck to f-ck.

 

Oh believe you me, that was game. I didn't just fall from the sky and land in her bed, mate.

 

I saw her in the street and had to follow her into a shop to chat her up

 

If I'd have screwed up the approach, I would never have got a date.

 

If I'd have screwed up the date, I would never have got to her apartment.

 

And, If I'd have been a crap lay, I wouldn't have heard from her again.

[Jabron1]

IMO, that is game. Knowing how to make things happen, build attraction and maintain that attraction and connection.

 

It is not necessarily a negative thing IMO. Having good game is simply a "catch all" phrase for, again, knowing what works and making things happen.

 

No, that's good game

 

Here are some ways guys use to move things forward:

 

- being her 'friend'

- buying her gifts

- giving her lifts in their car

- listening to her problems

- following her around social media

- doing errands

- taking her and her friends out, and buying them drinks

 

This is bad game. But it's still game

[katiegrl]

No, that's good game

 

Here are some ways guys use to move things forward:

 

- being her 'friend'

- buying her gifts

- giving her lifts in their car

- listening to her problems

- following her around social media

- doing errands

- taking her and her friends out, and buying them drinks

 

This is bad game. But it's still game

 

Absolutely agree with you -- bad game!

 

Doesn't work at least not for me and most women I know.

 

He is trying too hard and that is a turn off.

 

To my credit though...read the second sentence of my post. I said having good game is knowing what works and making things happen.

 

The above examples won't work.... bad game.

 

By employing your above examples, the only thing that will happen is he will turn her OFF and push her away.

[Imajerk17]

This is how I'd define (male) "Game": The art and skill of effectively leading the seduction dance (as a male). However, as women often like to think of the mating dance as "connection" or "it just happened", the first rule of Game is: Do NOT call it "game" in front of a woman

 

If there is anything I have noticed as a poster here, is that many many guys on LS are quite confused about their roles in the seduction dance. We as men do have to navigate some things in exchange for not ever having to risk getting pregnant: Women expect guys to approach them but then they have their guards up meeting a stranger. Many women on here get plenty of male attention but they are finding it hard to find a great guy to have a relationship with. Women want us to make the first move physically but they want to feel respected and they want to feel the chemistry build first. Women get creeped out if a guy comes on too strong but they often end up falling for the guy who vigorously pursues them (whether he is right for her or not).

 

The moral of the story is this: As men, it is on us to make the woman feel comfortable enough to talk to us in the first place, to lead the conversation to a place where the connection will build, and to know when and how to make the first move. And then to And some men know how to do this better than others.

 

It's not about looks or money. It's not even about "negging" or using PUA tactics to keep her psychologically off-balance so to speak. It's about being good at steering the conversation from small talk to more interesting topics, and having the confidence, swagger, and body language. That said, a man's ability to lead the mating dance (i.e., inspire chemistry) often has little to do (either way) with whether he is a good guy with his life together who will make a great partner. Just as a woman's looks have little to do with whether she will be a loyal and giving girlfriend. It's often why people of EITHER gender end up with tools/hot messes for partners.

 

(I do think society is much harder on women for this though. We tell men "you can attract any woman you want" whereas women are told "What's wrong with you? Why can't you go for Nice Guys?" which is why I think so many more women are in therapy than men. But that's neither here nor there.)

Edited March 10, 2016 by Imajerk17

[katiegrl]

I do think society is much harder on women for this though. We tell men "you can attract any woman you want" whereas women are told "What's wrong with you? Why can't you go for Nice Guys?" which is why I think so many more women are in therapy than men. But that's neither here nor there.)

 

Gotta disagree with you there (bolded).

 

There are not more women in therapy than men.... just more women who will admit to being in therapy than men.

[Jabron1]

the first rule of Game is: Do NOT call it "game" in front of a woman

 

Quoted for truth

 

One of the reasons I really like this forum, is that we can have open discussions about these things, as men and women.

[Imajerk17]

Gotta disagree with you there (bolded).

 

There are not more women in therapy than men.... just more women who will admit to being in therapy than men.

 

You know, you may be right in that I don't have hard evidence to back up the statement of mine that you bolded. But keep in mind, our gender doesn't even like asking for directions. OR going to the doctor's for physical ailments. So I'm sticking w what I wrote, at least for now

[katiegrl]

 

..... the first rule of Game is: Do NOT call it "game" in front of a woman

 

 

Well this woman (me!) called it game herself...so apparently not true for all women.

 

It IS a game, and if played right, a very FUN game! For both men and women!

[truth_seeker]

Well this woman (me!) called it game herself...so apparently not true for all women.

 

It IS a game, and if played right, a very FUN game! For both men and women!

 

The only game I play with a woman is twister... naked! :bunny::bunny:

[truth_seeker]

No, that's good game

 

Here are some ways guys use to move things forward:

 

- being her 'friend'

- buying her gifts

- giving her lifts in their car

- listening to her problems

- following her around social media

- doing errands

- taking her and her friends out, and buying them drinks

 

This is bad game. But it's still game

 

I know plenty of guys who like being the friend or stayed connected if or when an opportunity opens... this girl gave me her number one time - she had a boyfriend - and told me we should be friends for now and see what happens down the road.

 

Not buying gifts.

 

lol! I know d-bags who do this. You want a ride? Gonna cost you.

 

Okay, any man that listens to a woman's problems if he's not dating her or isn't related to her, has no game.... unless he's very sick and twisted looking to take advantage of her vulnerable state.

 

I don't get the social media. What do you mean? Like everything on her FB?

 

Errands? What crack jack does this???

 

Ummm... the last one isn't that bad. If I'm at a bar and meet a woman I like, hit it off with her and she's with a friend, I might buy them a round.

[AMJ]

Game is a sexualised meeting of genders. Anything else is indifference.

 

You've somehow made talking about game poetic. That in itself is game.

 

I'm mostly thinking about the nice-guy game. The alpha game makes perfect sense. I asked this question because I was thinking about the guys my friends married, and I didn't think any of those relationships involved game...but according to your definition, they were all playing nice-guy game. I can sum up a long story by saying all of my married female friends spent too many years being played by alphas, and when the next nice guy came along, it was a done deal.

 

My married male friends however, definitely used game. They all have hot wives, and only one of them hit the jackpot by getting a hot wife who is also a really cool person. The others are total bitches and none of their relationships look like much fun to me. One guy's wife has ruined his friendship with his best friend because she's crazy, and in general they're the wives who yell at their husbands about everything and never let them leave the house.

 

So I was thinking about this, and thinking about all of the advice here about the OP needing game to get married, and I was thinking...I don't really think that's the recipe to a happy marriage.

 

But I'm still a little confused about the nice-guy game. For instance, does this mean that when a guy is being nice, he's only nice for the purposes to get sex/a girlfriend/wife, and then at some point the real guy emerges because who wants to keep up "game" for any length of time? What you call nice-guy game, I might call, a guy with good manners. He might want to have good manners just so all people in life like him, from his coworkers to friends, and yes, women too.

 

In other words, are the nice guys not being genuine? I've been pursued by nice guys too, and I could tell that the flowers, and constant attention was just to win me over.. I just think at some point the game stops and real life begins.

 

The guys my female friends married really just don't have game. They are clumsy, a little nerdy, and don't really try to hard to be anything other than who they are. But that's why those relationships are all happy and functioning. The one guy I fell head over heels for didn't have game either, and he was average looking, but- he WAS really, really funny.

[AMJ]

This is how I'd define (male) "Game": The art and skill of effectively leading the seduction dance (as a male). However, as women often like to think of the mating dance as "connection" or "it just happened", the first rule of Game is: Do NOT call it "game" in front of a woman

 

If there is anything I have noticed as a poster here, is that many many guys on LS are quite confused about their roles in the seduction dance. We as men do have to navigate some things in exchange for not ever having to risk getting pregnant: Women expect guys to approach them but then they have their guards up meeting a stranger. Many women on here get plenty of male attention but they are finding it hard to find a great guy to have a relationship with. Women want us to make the first move physically but they want to feel respected and they want to feel the chemistry build first. Women get creeped out if a guy comes on too strong but they often end up falling for the guy who vigorously pursues them (whether he is right for her or not).

 

The moral of the story is this: As men, it is on us to make the woman feel comfortable enough to talk to us in the first place, to lead the conversation to a place where the connection will build, and to know when and how to make the first move. And then to And some men know how to do this better than others.

 

It's not about looks or money. It's not even about "negging" or using PUA tactics to keep her psychologically off-balance so to speak. It's about being good at steering the conversation from small talk to more interesting topics, and having the confidence, swagger, and body language. That said, a man's ability to lead the mating dance (i.e., inspire chemistry) often has little to do (either way) with whether he is a good guy with his life together who will make a great partner. Just as a woman's looks have little to do with whether she will be a loyal and giving girlfriend. It's often why people of EITHER gender end up with tools/hot messes for partners.

 

(I do think society is much harder on women for this though. We tell men "you can attract any woman you want" whereas women are told "What's wrong with you? Why can't you go for Nice Guys?" which is why I think so many more women are in therapy than men. But that's neither here nor there.)

 

This description of game I agree with more. But, would you suggest that a guy is able to create chemistry with anyone he's interested in, every single time? I think men have the ability to reel us in, and some are better at this than others, but women are able to reel men in too. And sometimes it doesn't matter how good someone's game is, if you're not interested, you're not interested.

 

Also, above all else, I think confidence is the most important quality men can have to attract women. It trumps looks and money every time. Few people can pull off being perfectly confident and not appearing arrogant. It's extremely sexy. Confidence is kryptonite for women.

[truth_seeker]

 

So I was thinking about this, and thinking about all of the advice here about the OP needing game to get married

 

:laugh::laugh::laugh:

 

Guys with game = players. Players don't get great women. They may get hot women... stupid women... vulnerable women... but not marriage material women.

[katiegrl]

The guys my female friends married really just don't have game. They are clumsy, a little nerdy, and don't really try to hard to be anything other than who they are. But that's why those relationships are all happy and functioning. The one guy I fell head over heels for didn't have game either, and he was average looking, [u]but- he WAS really, really funny[/b[/u]].

 

AMJ.... as I, and Jabron, and some others posted earlier, having good game is doing what works.... to attract a woman (or man if the roles were reversed), build on that attraction and maintain it.

 

And what works is different depending on the woman he is attempting to attract.

 

In the situations you quoted above.... those guys did have game... in the first case their game was a little nerdy, clumsy (believe it or not many women go for the nerdy type!) - it wasn't conscious on their part, they were just doing what came natural for them, genuine....but nevertheless it worked to draw those women in... so that was their game, and apparently a good game.... because it worked and they are married to those women now!

 

Second case, his game was being really funny! His humor drew her in, attracted her.... which also worked as he also married her!

 

Combine all that with having chemistry and an emotional connection....you have a recipe for success!

 

Some people are interpreting game as a bad thing, a negative thing, associated with players, womanizers, etc.

 

Such people are too caught up in how society defines things, and if society deems having game as a negative, to which only players possess....then that is what they will think too -- it's a very rigid way to think IMO.

 

Like Jabron (and I) and Iamajerk said, having good game is simply knowing what works to draw a particular woman in....and taking action to make it happen.

 

It's not a bad thing nor a negative thing....but a necessary thing. IMO and apparently a few others on this thread as well!

Edited March 11, 2016 by katiegrl