hotgurl Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 This thread got me thinking. Would you marry someone who has been unfaithful? Everyone has a past. Are there any things a person has done in their past that would be an automatic deal breaker? I think for me being and addict, even if you are in recovery would be a deal breaker. Walking away from a child, not having contact with their child. I mean there are obvious things, being a murderer, and arsonist, drug dealer, abuser etc.... Those are hard and fast other things I think it would depends. Any thoughts?
MidwestUSA Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 I'd have never married my ex if I'd known he once put a gun to someone's head. Recovery? I could deal with that. Depends on the current status. 1
Mr. Lucky Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 I think for me being and addict, even if you are in recovery would be a deal breaker. As someone who's deal with addiction in my family, I'll ask - why? Mr. Lucky 1
Author hotgurl Posted March 4, 2016 Author Posted March 4, 2016 As someone who's deal with addiction in my family, I'll ask - why? Mr. Lucky My mom is an alcoholic. I lived with it everyday and it was hell. She has never tried recovery or admits to being an addict. Living in a place where you know you have no safe place to fall, no one to have you back even as a little kid is miserable. I could just never take that chance of putting myself back into that situation. And I know it is harsh to say but for me it is a no go.
AnnaGem Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 Aside from obvious law breaking sociopaths (pedophiles, rapists, murderers, etc.,) I wouldn't marry someone who lacked empathy, self awareness, and who couldn't fight fair. Someone who can't put themselves in someone else's shoes and try to understand others feelings, stories, and opinions. Usually these individuals are close-minded and stuck in their ways, which turns me off. We all have our past and our struggles, but someone who uses their past to blame their behaviors and constantly portrays themselves as the victim, is another huge deal breaker to me. I'm intrigued and attracted to those who are aware of themselves and their journeys and have managed to overcome whatever obstacles they had- whether self inflicted or triggered by loved ones or events, or what not. Their stories of growth and perspective are fascinating. 1
sandylee1 Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 My dealbreakers: - Drug addicts or former addicts - Criminal past for which they were incarcerated - Anyone who cheated on their wife (I find it exceedingly dishonest and wouldn't want to have a relationship with such a guy) - Anyone with a violent past (or present) - Heavy drinkers - Lazy, unambitious men with no prospects Marriage has enough challenges without those added complications. I'm not saying people can't change but all the above are very serious.
Mr. Lucky Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 My mom is an alcoholic. I lived with it everyday and it was hell. She has never tried recovery or admits to being an addict. Living in a place where you know you have no safe place to fall, no one to have you back even as a little kid is miserable. I could just never take that chance of putting myself back into that situation. And I know it is harsh to say but for me it is a no go. Understood. I think you're painting with a broad brush but that certainly doesn't invalidate your hard-earned POV. I will say we all have our own demons, challenges and potential hazards. Someone who's successfully navigated recovery has faced theirs and has at least demonstrated proactive use of the tools and path to self-awareness. They have to take personal responsibility, otherwise relapse just around the corner. The truth is there are no guarantees. Saints or sinners, we're all on the same road ... Mr. Lucky 1
cocorico Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 A racist. A sexist. A homophobe or transphobe. Anyone who voted Tory (or supported any rightwing or Conservative party) Anyone with any kind of addictive behaviours. Someone stupid. Anyone who didn't love animals. Anyone I was not sexually attracted to, or was not sexually attracted to me. Anyone violent. Anyone who liked Kanye West's "music". Anyone who watched reality TV, soaps, or lifestyle programmes - unless it was for bona fide research. Tax evaders / avoiders. Zionists. Religious fanatics of any kind. Capitalists. Zealous consumers. People who are not farmers or game rangers who drive 4X4s or other big vehicles. Anyone whose car costs more than a year's salary at minimum wage level. Anyone who works for an oil company. Anyone whose views on children differ from mine. Anyone narrow-minded. Anyone with no sense of adventure. Anyone who only has friends of their own race / ethnic group on Facebook. Anyone who takes selfies. Anyone who only speaks one language. Anyone who thinks beige or grey are good cours to decorate a house. Anyone who doesn't stop to smell the flowers. Anyone who doesn't like spicy food. Obnoxious drunks. Mediocre lovers. Anyone with bad personal hygiene. Anyone lacking drive or ambition. Anyone who can't relax. Someone lacking humour. Someone unable to debate logically. Sore losers. Anyone not interested in politics, or science, or the arts. Anyone who preferred Radio One to Radio Four. Anyone who didn't love Nordic Noir, or subtitled films, or quirky music. Anyone uninterested in travel. Anyone who didn't read recreationally. 1
Dolfin80 Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 A racist. A sexist. A homophobe or transphobe. Anyone who voted Tory (or supported any rightwing or Conservative party) Anyone with any kind of addictive behaviours. Someone stupid. Anyone who didn't love animals. Anyone I was not sexually attracted to, or was not sexually attracted to me. Anyone violent. Anyone who liked Kanye West's "music". Anyone who watched reality TV, soaps, or lifestyle programmes - unless it was for bona fide research. Tax evaders / avoiders. Zionists. Religious fanatics of any kind. Capitalists. Zealous consumers. People who are not farmers or game rangers who drive 4X4s or other big vehicles. Anyone whose car costs more than a year's salary at minimum wage level. Anyone who works for an oil company. Anyone whose views on children differ from mine. Anyone narrow-minded. Anyone with no sense of adventure. Anyone who only has friends of their own race / ethnic group on Facebook. Anyone who takes selfies. Anyone who only speaks one language. Anyone who thinks beige or grey are good cours to decorate a house. Anyone who doesn't stop to smell the flowers. Anyone who doesn't like spicy food. Obnoxious drunks. Mediocre lovers. Anyone with bad personal hygiene. Anyone lacking drive or ambition. Anyone who can't relax. Someone lacking humour. Someone unable to debate logically. Sore losers. Anyone not interested in politics, or science, or the arts. Anyone who preferred Radio One to Radio Four. Anyone who didn't love Nordic Noir, or subtitled films, or quirky music. Anyone uninterested in travel. Anyone who didn't read recreationally. Awesome list, very well thought out!
Mrin Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Nickelback fans Addicts - current or recovering Oh wait, that's redundant right? 4
oldshirt Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 A racist. A sexist. A homophobe or transphobe. Anyone who voted Tory (or supported any rightwing or Conservative party) Anyone with any kind of addictive behaviours. Someone stupid. Anyone who didn't love animals. Anyone I was not sexually attracted to, or was not sexually attracted to me. Anyone violent. Anyone who liked Kanye West's "music". Anyone who watched reality TV, soaps, or lifestyle programmes - unless it was for bona fide research. Tax evaders / avoiders. Zionists. Religious fanatics of any kind. Capitalists. Zealous consumers. People who are not farmers or game rangers who drive 4X4s or other big vehicles. Anyone whose car costs more than a year's salary at minimum wage level. Anyone who works for an oil company. Anyone whose views on children differ from mine. Anyone narrow-minded. Anyone with no sense of adventure. Anyone who only has friends of their own race / ethnic group on Facebook. Anyone who takes selfies. Anyone who only speaks one language. Anyone who thinks beige or grey are good cours to decorate a house. Anyone who doesn't stop to smell the flowers. Anyone who doesn't like spicy food. Obnoxious drunks. Mediocre lovers. Anyone with bad personal hygiene. Anyone lacking drive or ambition. Anyone who can't relax. Someone lacking humour. Someone unable to debate logically. Sore losers. Anyone not interested in politics, or science, or the arts. Anyone who preferred Radio One to Radio Four. Anyone who didn't love Nordic Noir, or subtitled films, or quirky music. Anyone uninterested in travel. Anyone who didn't read recreationally. Dang!! I would've had a clean sweep if it weren't for spicy food :-/ 2
Mr. Lucky Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Anyone who voted Tory Am I eligible? Can pretty much guarantee I've never voted Tory... Mr. Lucky
dichotomy Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 I married someone, who if I knew all about her right away, would have dumped her while dating. Instead I found most of it after the wedding. Difficult years followed, and some regret remains for me, but we are mostly ok now. You never know how its going to turn out. 1
central Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 The reasons I wouldn't marry someone is a very long list, and I probably couldn't even come close to a complete list. It's easier to say what she must be like, but even that is a long list and hard to describe, as the weightings may shift. So, put it this way: I would definitely not even date, much less marry 99% plus of the women in the world. (Most just fail the demographic filters.) Of the remaining 1% or less that I'd consider, I think at least half of those would not lead to marriage, and of the rest that I might marry, 80% would fail or not result in a good marriage. Many deal breakers are discovered too late, after you're already married. 1
Tayla Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Dang!! I would've had a clean sweep if it weren't for spicy food :-/ totally hilarious! 1
burnt Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 (edited) I would only marry someone: who I am in love with, for being JUST the way he is, and who is in love with me, for being JUST the way I am. That's it; that's my entire criteria. The rest is all small details. (Guess I'm a fool. But it's just the way I am.) Edited March 5, 2016 by burnt 2
burnt Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Anyone narrow-minded. The above kinda contradicts with many things in the list below. A racist. A sexist. A homophobe or transphobe. Anyone who voted Tory (or supported any rightwing or Conservative party) Anyone with any kind of addictive behaviours. Someone stupid. Anyone who didn't love animals. Anyone I was not sexually attracted to, or was not sexually attracted to me. Anyone violent. Anyone who liked Kanye West's "music". Anyone who watched reality TV, soaps, or lifestyle programmes - unless it was for bona fide research. Tax evaders / avoiders. Zionists. Religious fanatics of any kind. Capitalists. Zealous consumers. People who are not farmers or game rangers who drive 4X4s or other big vehicles. Anyone whose car costs more than a year's salary at minimum wage level. Anyone who works for an oil company. Anyone whose views on children differ from mine. Anyone narrow-minded. Anyone with no sense of adventure. Anyone who only has friends of their own race / ethnic group on Facebook. Anyone who takes selfies. Anyone who only speaks one language. Anyone who thinks beige or grey are good cours to decorate a house. Anyone who doesn't stop to smell the flowers. Anyone who doesn't like spicy food. Obnoxious drunks. Mediocre lovers. Anyone with bad personal hygiene. Anyone lacking drive or ambition. Anyone who can't relax. Someone lacking humour. Someone unable to debate logically. Sore losers. Anyone not interested in politics, or science, or the arts. Anyone who preferred Radio One to Radio Four. Anyone who didn't love Nordic Noir, or subtitled films, or quirky music. Anyone uninterested in travel. Anyone who didn't read recreationally. 10
TheArtist Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 My ex. Ew. Or, and maybe this is a controversial one, someone who can happily spend a full weekend watching an entire series of a show in one sitting. I'm fidgeting after half an hour. BORING!!
Tayla Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 The fact that there are deal brakers is enough to not consider marriage. - objectifies women - gaslights - minimal manners - card carrying member of NRA and SI. - History of murder, terrorism or in other words , works for our govt
WaitingForBardot Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 My list is pretty simple... A history of violence/crime, hatred, cruelty (a little mean is okay tho ), or smoking (tobacco mainly). Everything else is negotiable...
SammySammy Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Lazy Unclean Criminal Racist Addict Unlearned Incurious Overweight Negative Unproductive Underachiever Unrefined 2
TheArtist Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Lazy Unclean Criminal Racist Addict Unlearned Incurious Overweight Negative Unproductive Underachiever Unrefined Wow, that reads like my resume! Only joking, I'm not racist. I'm still kidding! I would have to say that smoking/drugs are a big no for me. And overuse of selfies!
Tayla Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Lazy Unclean Criminal Racist Addict Unlearned Incurious Overweight Negative Unproductive Underachiever Unrefined Love this list! Lazy?- Nah, just chillin Unclean- Nah just enjoy airing out Criminal?- Nah It wasn't me! Racist?-Nah I am to lazy to race Addict- Nah- just enjoy the feeling it gives Unlearned- Pardon if some of us are street smart and not book smart. Incurious- Nah, just don't like being nosy Overweight- Not on Mars I'm not- weight is just a number Negative- Yup all my preggo test came out that way...and my bf was happy! Unproductive?- nah- methane after bean eating produces lots of actions Underachiever- Nope! *Editors note- See Unproductive Unrefined- What am I, Sugar or sumptin? ( this list is simply to add humor- Enjoy!) 2
burnt Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 Love this list! Lazy?- Nah, just chillin Unclean- Nah just enjoy airing out Criminal?- Nah It wasn't me! Racist?-Nah I am to lazy to race Addict- Nah- just enjoy the feeling it gives Unlearned- Pardon if some of us are street smart and not book smart. Incurious- Nah, just don't like being nosy Overweight- Not on Mars I'm not- weight is just a number Negative- Yup all my preggo test came out that way...and my bf was happy! Unproductive?- nah- methane after bean eating produces lots of actions Underachiever- Nope! *Editors note- See Unproductive Unrefined- What am I, Sugar or sumptin? ( this list is simply to add humor- Enjoy!) ^^^ LOVE it. Love the way you think Tayla.
Mrs. John Adams Posted March 5, 2016 Posted March 5, 2016 I never ever made a list of requirements or disqualifications. I met a young man...I fell in love ...and I married him 44 years ago. I did not make him fill out a questionnaire. 2
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