Bachelor parties..

March 4, 2016

So me and my boyfriend have been going out for 4 years.

I'm 20 and he's 29 -- It's a long story and it isn't relevant how we met because our relationship is normal.

So here's how the story goes.

My boyfriend is the best man for his friends wedding. He's in charge of planning the bachelor party. This trip they planned to go to Pittsburgh to watch a hockey game and do some other cool things that the groom chose. Now my boyfriend and his friends aren't irresponsible. I don't have much to worry about with them. However, my boyfriend decided it would be a good idea to hire private strippers for the hotel one night. And this is where the trouble begins.

The entire planning process, I was kept in the loop. Not too fond of the idea of private strippers, but I won't be THAT girlfriend.

I am okay if you go to a strip club and JUST WACH. I am not okay with lap dances.

Due to my age and the time me and my boyfriend started going out, I have obviously never been to a strip club or experienced anything like that before.

We went out with some of his friends and I learned that the strippers were completely naked on stage. I thought they were in their G-strings at least!

So the next day, this sparked some conversation. I asked about strip clubs and why happens in them, etc. He told me stories told me that he has had some experience with a lap dance or two. Which is fine because I can't judge him for stuff that has happened in his past. He's now realizing how naive I am about the subject.

During this conversation I expressed that I did not like the idea of him getting a lap dance while in a relationship with me. Earlier in the relationship he had a friends bachelor party and they had private strippers as well. I was still quite shy in the relationship so I didn't really ask what happened when he got back from the trip. From what he told me during this conversation we were having, the groom will have attention on him, have a lap dance and have stuff done to him and then the girls preform like a lesbian show and then offer private dances for an additional cost. After he told me that I asked if he was offered a lap dance if he would accept. And he said no, especially not in front of all his friends. And I told him good, because I wouldn't want you to. And the conversation was left at that.

I also think I should note that the main reason he hired private strippers is because it's funny for him and his friends because the strippers humiliate the groom. NOT for the sexually desire... i don't know how to put that better lol.

So this past Sunday he gets back from Pittsburgh and he's telling me about his trip. Comes time to the stripper part this is what he tells me:

- The strippers do things to the groom, lap dance, humiliate the groom etc. During this my boyfriend told me he slapped one of the strippers ass.

- Then they asked who the best man was and his friends volunteer my boyfriend. So he had to get on the bed and lay down as the two women were on top of him as his friends were throwing money on the bed as he's being grinded on and groped all over, including the groin area.

- Then there is the lesbian show, where the two women preformed oral sex on each other and then proceeded to use toys on each other.

- Then they offered private dances and that's it.

He said the entire thing went for 1 hour - an hour and a half. With his portion lasting only about 2 minutes? Someone tell me how that makes sense.

As soon as he told me that he did that, I was disgusted.

I'm sorry, but I do not like the idea of another woman sexually touching my boyfriend, in any way. And it doesn't matter to me that he claims he wasn't turned on at all, it makes me sick that he would let two women be on top of him on a bed.

Anyway, we argued. A lot. He said it's not something he would have done if he was just out with friends. It was for his friends bachelor party and despite how I feel he would do it again for the same occasion.

I was clearly upset. I reminded him of our conversation and he came back with: I knew you would be upset/disappointed but I also knew you'd get over it. That's why I did it.

And I told him, well, what if I never got over it? You're jeopardizing our relationship over "getting caught up in the moment"

There are things he has told me he doesn't like me doing and even though I don't fully understand why, I respect that and stop doing those things. And I feel like it should be a two way street. Regardless of that he kept saying if he was a best man again he would do it again. He also said that he would hope his best man would get him private strippers as well.

After him saying that, I told him that I don't know if I can be with someone who deliberately hurts me for their own selfish wants. And what pisses me off is that only after he felt threatened, he started to feel sorry that he hurt me.

He says he will never do it again, but still believes he wasn't entirely in the wrong. He apologized a lot. Saying he didn't know I was this much against it..

The next day I brought it up again and I told him that I'm still going to need time. That not everything is back to normal. I'm still upset about it.

I'm still really pissed about this.

Every time I think about my boyfriend having someone grind on him and grope him everywhere, it makes me sick to my stomach.

I don't know how to get over this. Advice? tips?

Am I being irrational? I don't think so.

March 4, 2016

My view is what goes on tour stays on tour. I would have just raised my eye brows at this...

Your BF was probably fully clothed the whole time. I doubt very much he saw being embarrassed in front of his mates as a big turn on.

Being jealous of a couple of women who earn a living performing in front of men like this is really lowering your standards.

He hasn't slept with them, he hasn't been snogging them or getting in touch with them. He has just behaved like a boy on a boys night out.

Personally I think you are being a bit dramatic. I have seen far worse at hen parties (or batcherlorette parties as you call them over there).

Tip. If its something you do not want to know and are going to get upset about but you know your BF is still loyal to you... don't ask...

March 4, 2016

What upsets me the most is that never never felt sorry for upsetting me until he felt that our relationship was threatened.

March 4, 2016

What upsets me the most is that never never felt sorry for upsetting me until he felt that our relationship was threatened.

What I find upsetting is that you seemed to be fixing for a fight just because he went and had a silly weekend.

You knew he would get up to stuff like this. You knew he had no intention of cheating on you in any way. Yet you chose to question him and when he was honest you blew up at him... Guy can't do right no matter what he does.

Not fair to play by those rules. Not fair at all.

I think you are looking for an excuse to dump him. Or you are looking for excuses to alienate him from his friends at important miles stones in their lives. Thats why you are looking for excuses and reasons to argue and fight with him and make him out to be the bad guy.

But that is my view and I am not you nor do I know your situation.

March 4, 2016

And this is why a guy his age shouldn't date someone who's 20. You didn't want to be "that girlfriend" but you are. Not only did you create a big issue in your relationship, but this sort of thing causes drama for the bride and groom as well. I've been in enough weddings and will say that whenever the best man's girlfriend gets all weird about wedding stuff, it's necessary stress for the bride and groom.

Look at it this way. The bride- who is MARRYING a guy who was at the same party- was okay with what went down. Think about that for a little bit longer. At bachelor parties the groom always gets more attention than the other guys from a stripper.

Next time, he'll go to the bachelor party and get a lap dance but he will lie to you about it. You'll be the wife in The Hangover who thinks her husband is wine tasting instead of partying in Vegas.

March 4, 2016

Well...I'm in my 40's and if my boyfriend had a private lap dance at his friend's bachelor party, I would definitely have a problem with that.

If they want to go to a strip club and watch for a bachelor party...I wouldn't love it but wouldn't protest. Some girl grinding on my bf under any circumstances just would not work for me.

March 4, 2016

So me and my boyfriend have been going out for 4 years.
I'm 20 and he's 29 -- It's a long story and it isn't relevant how we met because our relationship is normal.

So here's how the story goes.

My boyfriend is the best man for his friends wedding. He's in charge of planning the bachelor party. This trip they planned to go to Pittsburgh to watch a hockey game and do some other cool things that the groom chose. Now my boyfriend and his friends aren't irresponsible. I don't have much to worry about with them. However, my boyfriend decided it would be a good idea to hire private strippers for the hotel one night. And this is where the trouble begins.

The entire planning process, I was kept in the loop. Not too fond of the idea of private strippers, but I won't be THAT girlfriend.

I am okay if you go to a strip club and JUST WACH. I am not okay with lap dances.

Due to my age and the time me and my boyfriend started going out, I have obviously never been to a strip club or experienced anything like that before.

We went out with some of his friends and I learned that the strippers were completely naked on stage. I thought they were in their G-strings at least!

So the next day, this sparked some conversation. I asked about strip clubs and why happens in them, etc. He told me stories told me that he has had some experience with a lap dance or two. Which is fine because I can't judge him for stuff that has happened in his past. He's now realizing how naive I am about the subject.

During this conversation I expressed that I did not like the idea of him getting a lap dance while in a relationship with me. Earlier in the relationship he had a friends bachelor party and they had private strippers as well. I was still quite shy in the relationship so I didn't really ask what happened when he got back from the trip. From what he told me during this conversation we were having, the groom will have attention on him, have a lap dance and have stuff done to him and then the girls preform like a lesbian show and then offer private dances for an additional cost. After he told me that I asked if he was offered a lap dance if he would accept. And he said no, especially not in front of all his friends. And I told him good, because I wouldn't want you to. And the conversation was left at that.

I also think I should note that the main reason he hired private strippers is because it's funny for him and his friends because the strippers humiliate the groom. NOT for the sexually desire... i don't know how to put that better lol.

So this past Sunday he gets back from Pittsburgh and he's telling me about his trip. Comes time to the stripper part this is what he tells me:
- The strippers do things to the groom, lap dance, humiliate the groom etc. During this my boyfriend told me he slapped one of the strippers ass.
- Then they asked who the best man was and his friends volunteer my boyfriend. So he had to get on the bed and lay down as the two women were on top of him as his friends were throwing money on the bed as he's being grinded on and groped all over, including the groin area.
- Then there is the lesbian show, where the two women preformed oral sex on each other and then proceeded to use toys on each other.
- Then they offered private dances and that's it.

He said the entire thing went for 1 hour - an hour and a half. With his portion lasting only about 2 minutes? Someone tell me how that makes sense.

As soon as he told me that he did that, I was disgusted.
I'm sorry, but I do not like the idea of another woman sexually touching my boyfriend, in any way. And it doesn't matter to me that he claims he wasn't turned on at all, it makes me sick that he would let two women be on top of him on a bed.

Anyway, we argued. A lot. He said it's not something he would have done if he was just out with friends. It was for his friends bachelor party and despite how I feel he would do it again for the same occasion.

I was clearly upset. I reminded him of our conversation and he came back with: I knew you would be upset/disappointed but I also knew you'd get over it. That's why I did it.

And I told him, well, what if I never got over it? You're jeopardizing our relationship over "getting caught up in the moment"

There are things he has told me he doesn't like me doing and even though I don't fully understand why, I respect that and stop doing those things. And I feel like it should be a two way street. Regardless of that he kept saying if he was a best man again he would do it again. He also said that he would hope his best man would get him private strippers as well.

After him saying that, I told him that I don't know if I can be with someone who deliberately hurts me for their own selfish wants. And what pisses me off is that only after he felt threatened, he started to feel sorry that he hurt me.

He says he will never do it again, but still believes he wasn't entirely in the wrong. He apologized a lot. Saying he didn't know I was this much against it..

The next day I brought it up again and I told him that I'm still going to need time. That not everything is back to normal. I'm still upset about it.

I'm still really pissed about this.

Every time I think about my boyfriend having someone grind on him and grope him everywhere, it makes me sick to my stomach.

I don't know how to get over this. Advice? tips?
Am I being irrational? I don't think so.

I agree with AMJ. Look I'm going to play Devil's advocate here you know the kind of man he is why should you be surprised? Clearly he's the alpha and your his beta. My advice is this taking some pole dancing lessons maybe work as a stripper to light his fire.

There is a very large age gap between you two so lets be honest here he's not a morally grounded guy is he? I think your just better off catering to his needs because if he can get away with half that stuff clearly you let him walk all over you. Now I've been in some bad relationships and I got treated like crap but I was honest with myself I accepted the man (and sometimes woman) I was with.

I did this because I knew as much as he or she was to blame I was more at fault for choosing to stay. Also strippers really? They are so vanilla compared to the rest of the stuff out there it's not even funny. I mean hell I love stripper of both genders. What's not to love? The women are sex the men are wild they are great.

I think you envy these strippers more than anything else.

March 4, 2016

I'm still really pissed about this.

Every time I think about my boyfriend having someone grind on him and grope him everywhere, it makes me sick to my stomach.

I don't know how to get over this. Advice? tips?
Am I being irrational? I don't think so.

Quite frankly, I don't think you have to "get over this."

You are a human being with an opinion. You get to decide what you're comfortable with as far as boundaries in a relationship and sexual behavior are concerned. If you don't like the idea of another woman groping your boyfriend, whatever the context, then that is perfectly okay.

Please don't apologize for not being a "good sport." Dating is as much about getting to know yourself as it is about getting to know the other person. This experience tells you you're not a fan of strippers at bachelor's parties. And it's pretty clear that you and your boyfriend are not on the same page on this issue. So that is probably a sign of incompatibility. When you're dating somebody with whom you're incompatible on something that matters to you, the correct response is to acknowledge your differences and to seriously consider whether you can build trust and emotional closeness under the circumstances. The correct response is *never* to shame yourself into acquiescing to what the guy wants or to what the people around you (even the people on Loveshack) say you should do.

It is especially important for you to keep this in mind because you're dating a somewhat older guy who seems more experienced in matters sexual than you are. The power dynamics in that kind of relationship can easily result in you doing something you do not want to do because you do not want to seem like a "prude" or "uncool" and then subsequently feeling angry and resentful about it. You have plenty of years ahead of you. If you ultimately end up changing your mind about this kind of bachelor party, then you should do so at your own pace and on your own terms. And if you end up not changing your mind, that should also be on your terms. It is okay for you to end the relationship if you can't move beyond this experience. And it is okay for you to stay in the relationship if you can move beyond it. The choice as to what to do is yours.

March 4, 2016

Quite frankly, I don't think you have to "get over this."
You are a human being with an opinion. You get to decide what you're comfortable with as far as boundaries in a relationship and sexual behavior are concerned. If you don't like the idea of another woman groping your boyfriend, whatever the context, then that is perfectly okay.

Please don't apologize for not being a "good sport." Dating is as much about getting to know yourself as it is about getting to know the other person. This experience tells you you're not a fan of strippers at bachelor's parties. And it's pretty clear that you and your boyfriend are not on the same page on this issue. So that is probably a sign of incompatibility. When you're dating somebody with whom you're incompatible on something that matters to you, the correct response is to acknowledge your differences and to seriously consider whether you can build trust and emotional closeness under the circumstances. The correct response is *never* to shame yourself into acquiescing to what the guy wants or to what the people around you (even the people on Loveshack) say you should do.

It is especially important for you to keep this in mind because you're dating a somewhat older guy who seems more experienced in matters sexual than you are. The power dynamics in that kind of relationship can easily result in you doing something you do not want to do because you do not want to seem like a "prude" or "uncool" and then subsequently feeling angry and resentful about it. You have plenty of years ahead of you. If you ultimately end up changing your mind about this kind of bachelor party, then you should do so at your own pace and on your own terms. And if you end up not changing your mind, that should also be on your terms. It is okay for you to end the relationship if you can't move beyond this experience. And it is okay for you to stay in the relationship if you can move beyond it. The choice as to what to do is yours.

Love this post.

Too many girls are trying to be the "cool girl" these days not really grasping what that means. Cool girl is not a doormat, not someone who doesn't have boundaries and a mind of her own, and not someone who doesn't stand up for herself.

My bf has described me to his friends as a super cool, laid back girl (although I'm not a "girl", these were his words) but guess what...he knows I will not put up with any crap or allow him to disrespect me in any way. Although I'm very sweet and kind and a go with the flow type of person, I will always speak up for myself and put my foot down if I feel disrespected in any way. I have high expectations in a relationship, and he knows that I don't tolerate certain behaviors and will WALK AWAY if I feel I need to.

You can be a "cool girl" and stand up for what you believe. You don't need permission to set boundaries for your own comfort levels in a relationship.

March 4, 2016

So me and my boyfriend have been going out for 4 years.
I'm 20 and he's 29 -- It's a long story and it isn't relevant how we met because our relationship is normal.

So here's how the story goes.

My boyfriend is the best man for his friends wedding. He's in charge of planning the bachelor party. This trip they planned to go to Pittsburgh to watch a hockey game and do some other cool things that the groom chose. Now my boyfriend and his friends aren't irresponsible. I don't have much to worry about with them. However, my boyfriend decided it would be a good idea to hire private strippers for the hotel one night. And this is where the trouble begins.

The entire planning process, I was kept in the loop. Not too fond of the idea of private strippers, but I won't be THAT girlfriend.

I am okay if you go to a strip club and JUST WACH. I am not okay with lap dances.

Due to my age and the time me and my boyfriend started going out, I have obviously never been to a strip club or experienced anything like that before.

We went out with some of his friends and I learned that the strippers were completely naked on stage. I thought they were in their G-strings at least!

So the next day, this sparked some conversation. I asked about strip clubs and why happens in them, etc. He told me stories told me that he has had some experience with a lap dance or two. Which is fine because I can't judge him for stuff that has happened in his past. He's now realizing how naive I am about the subject.

During this conversation I expressed that I did not like the idea of him getting a lap dance while in a relationship with me. Earlier in the relationship he had a friends bachelor party and they had private strippers as well. I was still quite shy in the relationship so I didn't really ask what happened when he got back from the trip. From what he told me during this conversation we were having, the groom will have attention on him, have a lap dance and have stuff done to him and then the girls preform like a lesbian show and then offer private dances for an additional cost. After he told me that I asked if he was offered a lap dance if he would accept. And he said no, especially not in front of all his friends. And I told him good, because I wouldn't want you to. And the conversation was left at that.

I also think I should note that the main reason he hired private strippers is because it's funny for him and his friends because the strippers humiliate the groom. NOT for the sexually desire... i don't know how to put that better lol.

So this past Sunday he gets back from Pittsburgh and he's telling me about his trip. Comes time to the stripper part this is what he tells me:
- The strippers do things to the groom, lap dance, humiliate the groom etc. During this my boyfriend told me he slapped one of the strippers ass.
- Then they asked who the best man was and his friends volunteer my boyfriend. So he had to get on the bed and lay down as the two women were on top of him as his friends were throwing money on the bed as he's being grinded on and groped all over, including the groin area.
- Then there is the lesbian show, where the two women preformed oral sex on each other and then proceeded to use toys on each other.
- Then they offered private dances and that's it.

He said the entire thing went for 1 hour - an hour and a half. With his portion lasting only about 2 minutes? Someone tell me how that makes sense.

As soon as he told me that he did that, I was disgusted.
I'm sorry, but I do not like the idea of another woman sexually touching my boyfriend, in any way. And it doesn't matter to me that he claims he wasn't turned on at all, it makes me sick that he would let two women be on top of him on a bed.

Anyway, we argued. A lot. He said it's not something he would have done if he was just out with friends. It was for his friends bachelor party and despite how I feel he would do it again for the same occasion.

I was clearly upset. I reminded him of our conversation and he came back with: I knew you would be upset/disappointed but I also knew you'd get over it. That's why I did it.

And I told him, well, what if I never got over it? You're jeopardizing our relationship over "getting caught up in the moment"

There are things he has told me he doesn't like me doing and even though I don't fully understand why, I respect that and stop doing those things. And I feel like it should be a two way street. Regardless of that he kept saying if he was a best man again he would do it again. He also said that he would hope his best man would get him private strippers as well.

After him saying that, I told him that I don't know if I can be with someone who deliberately hurts me for their own selfish wants. And what pisses me off is that only after he felt threatened, he started to feel sorry that he hurt me.

He says he will never do it again, but still believes he wasn't entirely in the wrong. He apologized a lot. Saying he didn't know I was this much against it..

The next day I brought it up again and I told him that I'm still going to need time. That not everything is back to normal. I'm still upset about it.

I'm still really pissed about this.

Every time I think about my boyfriend having someone grind on him and grope him everywhere, it makes me sick to my stomach.

I don't know how to get over this. Advice? tips?
Am I being irrational? I don't think so.

Well, I'd like to be a fly on the walls of the other guys who were at the party:

"yeah, it was a typical bachelor party this is what happened including what happened to me . . ."

"Eh, it was kinda boring, nothing really to tell . . . "

March 4, 2016

Love this post.

Too many girls are trying to be the "cool girl" these days not really grasping what that means. Cool girl is not a doormat, not someone who doesn't have boundaries and a mind of her own, and not someone who doesn't stand up for herself.

My bf has described me to his friends as a super cool, laid back girl (although I'm not a "girl", these were his words) but guess what...he knows I will not put up with any crap or allow him to disrespect me in any way. Although I'm very sweet and kind and a go with the flow type of person, I will always speak up for myself and put my foot down if I feel disrespected in any way. I have high expectations in a relationship, and he knows that I don't tolerate certain behaviors and will WALK AWAY if I feel I need to.

You can be a "cool girl" and stand up for what you believe. You don't need permission to set boundaries for your own comfort levels in a relationship.

Look, I agree that people have to respect each other's boundaries. I personally just think it's a little juvenile to get all worked up about a stripper rubbing up on your boyfriend at his best friend's bachelor party. I have a ton of male friends, have three brothers, so I'm pretty well-versed in how men think of strippers.

A stripper should not be seen as a threat to your relationship. She means absolutely nothing to him. I also don't believe in double-standards, and personally have been to half a dozen male strip clubs while on a bachelorette party. It's meant to be fun and silly, and nothing more.

For my friend's 22nd birthday in college, we surprised her with hiring a male stripper. There was a cluster of boyfriends standing in our front lawn, waiting for the guy do finish his show and leave so we could all go out together and have a good time. Actually, I remember in high school girls used to have birthday parties with male strippers.

It's true that if this really is a deal breaker for you, then you're not in the right relationship. Likely you have other hangups about sex that won't jive well with your boyfriend. You're probably also grossed out by porn, for example.

I think you're setting yourself up for a relationship with lies and resentment if this kind of thing is a huge issue. You need to find a guy who would never want to see a stripper at a bachelor party.

My cousin didn't get a stripper at his bachelor party. But that's just because it was a group of guys who cared more about getting drunk at the pool all day then wasting money on a stripper. My friend's husband's bachelor party was a camping trip on Catalina Island. No strippers there. My other friend's husband just took his friends on a golf trip for the weekend, no strippers there either. So these guys are out there.

But then again, I'm talking about what the groom decided to do. Your boyfriend is the best man...it's not fair to ask him not to get strippers if the groom wanted strippers. This is all about celebrating someone else's wedding, and you're making it about your own insecurity.

March 4, 2016

But then again, I'm talking about what the groom decided to do. Your boyfriend is the best man...it's not fair to ask him not to get strippers if the groom wanted strippers. This is all about celebrating someone else's wedding, and you're making it about your own insecurity.

Not true, the groom didn't want strippers, the bf decided on the private strippers.

However, my boyfriend decided it would be a good idea to hire private strippers for the hotel one night.

March 4, 2016

Look, I agree that people have to respect each other's boundaries. I personally just think it's a little juvenile to get all worked up about a stripper rubbing up on your boyfriend at his best friend's bachelor party. I have a ton of male friends, have three brothers, so I'm pretty well-versed in how men think of strippers.

A stripper should not be seen as a threat to your relationship. She means absolutely nothing to him. I also don't believe in double-standards, and personally have been to half a dozen male strip clubs while on a bachelorette party. It's meant to be fun and silly, and nothing more.

For my friend's 22nd birthday in college, we surprised her with hiring a male stripper. There was a cluster of boyfriends standing in our front lawn, waiting for the guy do finish his show and leave so we could all go out together and have a good time. Actually, I remember in high school girls used to have birthday parties with male strippers.

It's true that if this really is a deal breaker for you, then you're not in the right relationship. Likely you have other hangups about sex that won't jive well with your boyfriend. You're probably also grossed out by porn, for example.

I think you're setting yourself up for a relationship with lies and resentment if this kind of thing is a huge issue. You need to find a guy who would never want to see a stripper at a bachelor party.

My cousin didn't get a stripper at his bachelor party. But that's just because it was a group of guys who cared more about getting drunk at the pool all day then wasting money on a stripper. My friend's husband's bachelor party was a camping trip on Catalina Island. No strippers there. My other friend's husband just took his friends on a golf trip for the weekend, no strippers there either. So these guys are out there.

But then again, I'm talking about what the groom decided to do. Your boyfriend is the best man...it's not fair to ask him not to get strippers if the groom wanted strippers. This is all about celebrating someone else's wedding, and you're making it about your own insecurity.

I don't have double standards. Obviously I have never experienced male strippers, but I wouldn't want some guy groping me who isn't my boyfriend. If my friends hired male strippers, that's fine. But you can bet that I won't be involved physically.

I am not grossed out by porn, and I do not have any other hangups about sex unless it involves someone who isn't me.

I'm not asking for him to never go to a strip club, or never go to a bachelor party with strippers. All I'm asking is that he refrains from anything physical.

I don't think it's unfair of me to say that I don't like the idea of other women touching my boyfriend,regardless of her title as a stripper or not.

March 4, 2016

Look, I agree that people have to respect each other's boundaries. I personally just think it's a little juvenile to get all worked up about a stripper rubbing up on your boyfriend at his best friend's bachelor party. I have a ton of male friends, have three brothers, so I'm pretty well-versed in how men think of strippers.

A stripper should not be seen as a threat to your relationship. She means absolutely nothing to him. I also don't believe in double-standards, and personally have been to half a dozen male strip clubs while on a bachelorette party. It's meant to be fun and silly, and nothing more.

For my friend's 22nd birthday in college, we surprised her with hiring a male stripper. There was a cluster of boyfriends standing in our front lawn, waiting for the guy do finish his show and leave so we could all go out together and have a good time. Actually, I remember in high school girls used to have birthday parties with male strippers.

It's true that if this really is a deal breaker for you, then you're not in the right relationship. Likely you have other hangups about sex that won't jive well with your boyfriend. You're probably also grossed out by porn, for example.

I think you're setting yourself up for a relationship with lies and resentment if this kind of thing is a huge issue. You need to find a guy who would never want to see a stripper at a bachelor party.

My cousin didn't get a stripper at his bachelor party. But that's just because it was a group of guys who cared more about getting drunk at the pool all day then wasting money on a stripper. My friend's husband's bachelor party was a camping trip on Catalina Island. No strippers there. My other friend's husband just took his friends on a golf trip for the weekend, no strippers there either. So these guys are out there.

But then again, I'm talking about what the groom decided to do. Your boyfriend is the best man...it's not fair to ask him not to get strippers if the groom wanted strippers. This is all about celebrating someone else's wedding, and you're making it about your own insecurity.

Wow, you don't know me at all. Lol

A stripper is not a threat to me in any way. In fact, I am so secure in my relationship that no woman is a threat. That is exactly how it should be. However, I happen to have boundaries and self-respect. Just as it's inappropriate to have sex with another person while in a relationship, to a lesser degree (note...LESSER), it's inappropriate to sexually rub against another woman whether at a bachelor party or not. Has nothing to do with feeling threatened. I feel it is just disrespectful to the woman you're dating or married to. Those are my boundaries and I'm pretty sure my bf would agree those are appropriate boundaries, hence why I chose him to be with.

Regarding your comments about our sex life, you have no idea what you're talking about. I'm 9 years older than my bf and am the best sex he's ever had. Couldn't be better, thank you very much!

Porn? I've posted before on this board my thoughts. I'm actually totally fine with porn. I watch it and although my bf says he doesn't, I wouldn't care if he did. Completely a nonissue for me.

You may want to check out your assumptions before you make them. Your post made me laugh it was so ridiculous.

March 4, 2016

When you started dating your BF 4 years ago you were a 16 year old child & he was a 25 year old man. That is problem #1 & it makes me Q your BF's decision making skills.

That said, if you are upset about strippers & the bachelor party behavior, you are upset about it. Those are your views. If your BF doesn't care that you are upset, you need a new BF. It really is as simple as that.

You drew your boundaries -- no physical -- where you drew them. If he can't respect that you can't trust him. If you can't trust him, you don't' really have a healthy relationship.

I draw the line about where you do. My line is what I call no Interactive entertainment. You need to give the stripper $$at a bachelor party, try to pick the least offensive place to put it. If she gives you a lap dance, OK, but you better be sitting on your hands. Lying on a bed while some woman grinds on you, is a step too far but not completely unforgiveable if my guy was fully dressed. If more then his shoes & tie were off hell no.

Your BF gets some kudos for telling you. IMO it shows he lacks boundaries & common sense. Beyond him being able to say he wasn't unfaithful to you, the gory details you just don't need to hear.

March 4, 2016

When you started dating your BF 4 years ago you were a 16 year old child & he was a 25 year old man. That is problem #1 & it makes me Q your BF's decision making skills.

That said, if you are upset about strippers & the bachelor party behavior, you are upset about it. Those are your views. If your BF doesn't care that you are upset, you need a new BF. It really is as simple as that.

You drew your boundaries -- no physical -- where you drew them. If he can't respect that you can't trust him. If you can't trust him, you don't' really have a healthy relationship.

I draw the line about where you do. My line is what I call no Interactive entertainment. You need to give the stripper $$at a bachelor party, try to pick the least offensive place to put it. If she gives you a lap dance, OK, but you better be sitting on your hands. Lying on a bed while some woman grinds on you, is a step too far but not completely unforgiveable if my guy was fully dressed. If more then his shoes & tie were off hell no.

Your BF gets some kudos for telling you. IMO it shows he lacks boundaries & common sense. Beyond him being able to say he wasn't unfaithful to you, the gory details you just don't need to hear.

The age has a dumb reasoning behind it and like I said is irrelevant and should not affect your opinion of my boyfriends judgement in any way.

Otherwise, well said.

March 4, 2016

Lying on a bed while some woman grinds on you, is a step too far but not completely unforgiveable if my guy was fully dressed. If more then his shoes & tie were off hell no.

Two women actually.

So he had to get on the bed and lay down as the two women were on top of him as his friends were throwing money on the bed as he's being grinded on and groped all over, including the groin area.

March 4, 2016

Two women actually.

The # isn't quite as important to me as the idea about how much clothes the guy was wearing.

March 4, 2016

The # isn't quite as important to me as the idea about how much clothes the guy was wearing.

I'm assuming his pants were off and he was just in his underwear, as that's how the groom was with the strippers. Although I don't know for sure. I didn't ask because if that was the case, I really didn't want to hear it at the time.

March 4, 2016

Wow, you don't know me at all. Lol

A stripper is not a threat to me in any way. In fact, I am so secure in my relationship that no woman is a threat. That is exactly how it should be. However, I happen to have boundaries and self-respect. Just as it's inappropriate to have sex with another person while in a relationship, to a lesser degree (note...LESSER), it's inappropriate to sexually rub against another woman whether at a bachelor party or not. Has nothing to do with feeling threatened. I feel it is just disrespectful to the woman you're dating or married to. Those are my boundaries and I'm pretty sure my bf would agree those are appropriate boundaries, hence why I chose him to be with.

Regarding your comments about our sex life, you have no idea what you're talking about. I'm 9 years older than my bf and am the best sex he's ever had. Couldn't be better, thank you very much!

Porn? I've posted before on this board my thoughts. I'm actually totally fine with porn. I watch it and although my bf says he doesn't, I wouldn't care if he did. Completely a nonissue for me.

You may want to check out your assumptions before you make them. Your post made me laugh it was so ridiculous.

I wasn't really reacting to you, but OP. If you and your boyfriend have an agreement about strippers, then you're in the right relationship.

If my post made you laugh, great! This entire thread made me laugh because I think getting mad about strippers is ridiculous.

The point is, OP and her boyfriend have different views of what's appropriate regarding strippers. So she's not in the right relationship. She wants him to change who he is. I said, she should find a guy who doesn't care about seeing strippers, and I've mentioned that I know plenty of guys who are mature and past that point in their lives where paying money to see a stranger's boobs is not worthwhile.

March 4, 2016

So it's the boyfriend's idea to have strippers not the groom. I'd be pissed too but that's bcs I hate that underprivileged women are exploited by men for their bodies & my bf would have known that (if the strippers are just women expressing their sexuality, by all means, but that's very rare).

Everyone has different boundaries & just because some people see nothing wrong with one thing, it doesn't mean you can't feel differently & be as justified. Don't feel like you're overreacting & insecure & that not having strippers would somehow jeopardise the wedding. Please.

Anyway what matters more is what happens after this. You are rightfully concerned that he doesn't seem to think he did anything wrong. If you do decide to move on, make sure you express very clearly that what happened was not okay & cannot happen ever again. If there ever be occasion with strippers in the future, no touching! Don't let him go on from this experience thinking he would get a pass next time too.

March 4, 2016

I'm assuming his pants were off and he was just in his underwear, as that's how the groom was with the strippers. Although I don't know for sure. I didn't ask because if that was the case, I really didn't want to hear it at the time.

Nope sorry . . . that is a bridge waaaayyyyy too far.

Next.

March 4, 2016

Who here commenting has actually seen one of these sex shows? I have, it's not innocent. It was actually the most disgusting thing I have ever seen. The stripper gave all the guys in he party a dildo and they put it in their pants. They took turns banging her in the V and the A. They were holding the dildo and their fingers were all over her bits. If it was my husband I would have left him at the alter. How is being a part of and watching a sex show not cheating? Come on guys, you all know the way strippers make the real cash is by doing party favours after.

What he has told you is probably 1/10th the truth. No way I could handle my BF watching a lesbian sex show in person. Party or not.

March 4, 2016

Who here commenting has actually seen one of these sex shows? I have, it's not innocent. It was actually the most disgusting thing I have ever seen. The stripper gave all the guys in he party a dildo and they put it in their pants. They took turns banging her in the V and the A. They were holding the dildo and their fingers were all over her bits. If it was my husband I would have left him at the alter. How is being a part of and watching a sex show not cheating? Come on guys, you all know the way strippers make the real cash is by doing party favours after.

What he has told you is probably 1/10th the truth. No way I could handle my BF watching a lesbian sex show in person. Party or not.

What you're describing is more like prostitutes. Yes, I'd have a huge problem with prostitutes versus strippers. There's a huge difference between watching and sticking a dildo into someone.

At the end of the day, if OP isn't cool with this, then this is not the best boyfriend for her. People have different boundaries.

Also- I missed that you were 16 and started dating him while he was 25. Yeah that does make a difference. It's not dumb...that's actually considered statutory rape, kiddo. Your BF may not be the greatest guy after all.

March 4, 2016

What you're describing is more like prostitutes. Yes, I'd have a huge problem with prostitutes versus strippers. There's a huge difference between watching and sticking a dildo into someone.

At the end of the day, if OP isn't cool with this, then this is not the best boyfriend for her. People have different boundaries.

Also- I missed that you were 16 and started dating him while he was 25. Yeah that does make a difference. It's not dumb...that's actually considered statutory rape, kiddo. Your BF may not be the greatest guy after all.

I'm sorry but that's not statutory rape.

I live in Canada where the age of consent is 16. And might I add, he didn't know I was 16 when we first met.

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