Feeling So Low Now-Living At Home

[circlesinfinity]

I have to stay with my mom since I am back in college, which won't take me long to finish. I chose not work and as a student I do get food stamps to help out a bit.

 

The reason I chose not to work is because my courses are not that easy and I want to focus and get over with them. The career path I chose is guaranteed good pay once I'm finished.

 

The issue is that I feel like I am walking on eggshells. Yesterday she had a long talk with me, saying that I needed to grow up.

 

She said it was because I turn the heat on and that I spent too much money for us to share the food stamps. I only spent a lot once and I hate going shopping with her, she treats me like a burden and always has such a nasty attitude with me.

 

I told her all of this but I was in tears while talking. I wasn't looking to be "babied" I was just so angry, frustrated and upset because I feel like I'm late in being what I want in life (I'm 28). Plus I do tend to keep a lot inside....which I am working on.

 

I used to get ulcers because of this and can get sick, so I've learned to speak up and many other things.

 

She looked annoyed once I cried and basically said how can she talk to me like an adult when I'm crying. I didn't understand that because it's not like I cry on jobs or with other people, just her. It's like she doesn't know me at times.

 

I just really want to leave, I told her this and she said things that it's going to be hard for me. I don't believe this at all because it will just be me.

 

 

Any thoughts?

 

Should I just try to get a job?

 

I feel like my mom has never provided a "safe haven" for me growing up (I'm not talking about money). I'm just so crushed.

[d0nnivain]

Get a job. Many people juggle work & school. Yes it's hard but the amount of self esteem you will develop will be well worth it.

 

Also readjust your mindset. I lived at home during grad school & my parents paid my tuition. In that sense I was very lucky. When things would get uncomfortable & I wanted to leave I reminded myself of the cost of tuition. By staying put & putting up with my parents even when I didn't like their rules, I reasoned this was my cost for my education. Instead of having debt when I graduated I was unhappy for a short time while in school. I viewed it like a mortgage.

 

The amount you are saving now by living with mom is the cost you pay for not having rent. So which will it be -- her attitude or cash to a landlord? Everything has a cost. the only issue is which currency are you going to use to pay that cost.

[circlesinfinity]

Get a job. Many people juggle work & school. Yes it's hard but the amount of self esteem you will develop will be well worth it.

 

Also readjust your mindset. I lived at home during grad school & my parents paid my tuition. In that sense I was very lucky. When things would get uncomfortable & I wanted to leave I reminded myself of the cost of tuition. By staying put & putting up with my parents even when I didn't like their rules, I reasoned this was my cost for my education. Instead of having debt when I graduated I was unhappy for a short time while in school. I viewed it like a mortgage.

 

The amount you are saving now by living with mom is the cost you pay for not having rent. So which will it be -- her attitude or cash to a landlord? Everything has a cost. the only issue is which currency are you going to use to pay that cost.

Thank you so much for your reply. You are right (now if only I can find one, lol). I actually looked for a year before I decided to go back. Once again I'm going to take this advice, thanks! ☺

[d0nnivain]

Remember you are looking for a job not a career. Waitressing, bartending, retail, anything with flexibility so you can study.

 

Try a website called Search Jobs | Post a Job | Snagajob

[AMJ]

There's no way I would have been able to succeed in college if I'd stayed home- my family is super dysfunctional. I took out student loans to pay my rent and tuition, and worked part time to pay for everything else. If you're 28 and broke, you will qualify for grants and other forms of assistance- why haven't you looked into FAFSA? It's not ideal having debt after graduation, trust me, but if you're almost done with school anyways, then you won't need to borrow much.

[circlesinfinity]

There's no way I would have been able to succeed in college if I'd stayed home- my family is super dysfunctional. I took out student loans to pay my rent and tuition, and worked part time to pay for everything else. If you're 28 and broke, you will qualify for grants and other forms of assistance- why haven't you looked into FAFSA? It's not ideal having debt after graduation, trust me, but if you're almost done with school anyways, then you won't need to borrow much.

Thanks for your advice.

I have no clue how to get a grant. If you do, please feel free to let me know. I have been applying to scholarships that I am qualified for.

[bathtub-row]

Yes, you need to get away from that situation. If your mom has never been stable, there's no reason to think things will change now. Waitressing is a great way to have good cash flow and they will often work around your schedule. Pick a good restaurant where you'll be likely to get a lot of work and good tips. Whatever you do, it's better than what you're doing now. Get away from that toxic environment.

 

Btw, while you're at your mom's house, you should be mindful of not doing things that cost money - like messing with the thermostat. I would advise you to stay quiet about it and dress accordingly. If it's too cold in the house, then put warm clothes on, or cover up. While she's probably someone who can't ever be pleased, you can minimize the arguments by reminding yourself to behave like a guest in her home.

[circlesinfinity]

Yes, you need to get away from that situation. If your mom has never been stable, there's no reason to think things will change now. Waitressing is a great way to have good cash flow and they will often work around your schedule. Pick a good restaurant where you'll be likely to get a lot of work and good tips. Whatever you do, it's better than what you're doing now. Get away from that toxic environment.

 

Btw, while you're at your mom's house, you should be mindful of not doing things that cost money - like messing with the thermostat. I would advise you to stay quiet about it and dress accordingly. If it's too cold in the house, then put warm clothes on, or cover up. While she's probably someone who can't ever be pleased, you can minimize the arguments by reminding yourself to behave like a guest in her home.

 

You know, you're right thank you for your reply.

[bathtub-row]

[]

 

Try the restaurant field. Seriously. My son did it a lot through college and even now that he has a full-time job, he's at an upscale restaurant and does that part-time. His girlfriend has put herself through community college and is now at a college and still occasionally doing waitressing in her home town. Now, she makes really good tips because she works at one of those guy-type sports bar places. A lot of times she and my son do double shifts if they need extra money. Either way, if you pick the right place, you can do really well for yourself.

 

Also, if you become someone that the restaurant knows they can depend on, you'll be highly valued and they'll often be willing to work with you. My sons's gf is in another town for college but returns on some weekends to work at the restaurant. They're happy to let her do this because of her work history with them. My son has done the same thing. Just some thoughts.

Edited March 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redacted response to deleted post ~6