What is happening!!?

[Marco Pierre]

Broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years. It was a mutual descion we both came too. We have been through so much together and although I have been horrible to her we loved eachother passionately.

 

Weve been bo contact for about 3 months after we broke. I heard on the weekend she has a new boyfriend now and facebook official. I was genuinley happy for her, happy ahe wasnt sitting around crying over me. I was fine at first when we first broke up i ignored her calls and was seeing other girls. Recently i have began to miss her incredably. Not so much sexually or romanticly just missing my best friend really. She really was everything to me for a long time.

 

I called her out the blue the other day. I witheld my number as Im blocked. She answered dounded shocked to hear from me and said she was busy. I was gutted i felt id let myself down like I was weak. I knew she hated me for breaking her heart i shouldnt of called her. To my suprise she rang back an hour later. We didnt talk for very long at all or about anything in particular but she said she worried about me then we both said we had to go at the same time. I felt better.

 

Later that night i was suprised to see another missed call from her. I didnt call back, i guess I was scared.

 

Later again she text me saying ot was random that i called abd that we shouldnt be in touch because what i did to her was unforgivable. I agreed with a smiley face.

 

She then text me the next morning. Something unneccasry like 'thanks' or something then a seperate kiss. I replied 'your welcome, just wish me luck first. Anout to go have a big interview'

 

She replied with a single '?' And i ignored it i didnt know what to say or if she even cared, plus i was trying to focus on the interview. After the interview which lasted three hours, i saw she text me again saying just 'spill?' I went to reply and noticed I had been blocked again.

 

Ah well. I hope shes ok. Im not trying to mess her head up or steal her from her new boyf. I just miss her friendship. Any advice or wisdom on what you think is going on and what I should do?

Thanks for reading

Edited March 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs ~6

[Marco Pierre]

broke up with my ex around October last year although we remained in touch until December. We had been together for 5 years and at times, desperatley in love with one another. The break up was kind of mutual, we could both see it coming and although I had hurt her so bad we still cared for eachother and had to break up to find happiness.

We have been no contact all year so far, and I trust its working slowly although at first after the break up I was fine. Now I am missing her friendship. She has a new boyfriend now so I have heard and I am happy for her that she is not still crying over me

 

My question is this. When I first met my ex I had no attraction towards her. She chased mes for weeks befote I began tonsee her real beauty. But she was really determined and it charmed me how much she wanted me. Now I am

Single again i have the same problem that I dont find any girl attractive, and I am too inpatient and hurt to give any a chance. How do I move on like she has. i am sick of being alone and I think we both deserve happineas. Any suggestions guys? Thanks for reading

[Marco Pierre]

Hi everyone. Im really new to this, however I have been reading heart-warming stories and replies of compassion and have found myself at times swelling up with tears or smiling uncontrollably. So thankyou everyone for your honesty.

 

I have never spoke about much of my life to anyone. When I attempted to write how I was feeling at certain points of my journey it became really dificult and emotional.

 

I broke up with my ex in Oct 2015. At first I was happy, dated a couple of girls bit certainley wasnt after anything serious. I wasnt even looking for sex as initially I hooked up with a girl and didnt enjoy it. It made me miss my ex. We were together for 5 years and were bestfriends.

 

So I decided I would not really date, I wouldmt actively seek girls as I didnt think I was ready. What I needed to do was focus on me. I got back in the gym, spent time with friends and I am boxing again for the first time in ages and I have a competition coming up so im busy training for that.

 

My problem is I am a bit lonely sonetimes, most of my friends are in relationships so I often find myself alone. I dont seem to have the patience to get to know anyone new. When my ex and I first met she chased me for weeks before I felt any attraction for. She would text and text without a reply becore she eventually cast her spell on me and I fell for her. It took her a long time though and a lot of effort.

 

5 years later and I feel even more tired, and warey of getting close to someone so will I ever feel that urge again? That passion and vigor? To want to care for someone would be nice, but its like my brain wont allow me to save my heart more pain.

 

My ex has moved in and by all accounts is in a relationship and facebook official. Im so happy for her, she really deserves happiness, especially after me. Selfishly though I just wish we could both have that happiness. Im finding myself missing her more and more. I want to move on but this crazyness is makkng me want to talk to her.

 

Any advice guys?

Thanks

[Gaeta]

You have to understand that this urge of talking to her is only driven by your loneliness. She is the symbol of what you are missing because she is the only one (or last one) you've experience this with.

 

If you want one day to reconnect with someone you need to meet people and be open to a connection.

 

You keep on putting yourself out there and one day you will meet someone that will ignite that interest in you again. It's not easy, it's not meant to be. You can meet a special someone right away or like a few of us it can take a couple of years. The only certainty is if you don't look, you won't find.

[Marco Pierre]

Thanks for your reply. Good advice!

However its putting myself out there thats the problem. I talk to girls often, and even flirt, but I will not seek anything more. I am feeling pretty lonely because I do enjoy female company. Im a penguin though, I like loyalty and commitment even in early stages. Sadly Iv found this is very rare.

I love my ex girlfriend and im not ashamed, I cant meet someone while this is the case can I? Iv tried and onviously it did not work. I dont love her romanticaly as such or even sexually. I just miss her friendship. Im in limbo!

Great quote btw

Edited March 3, 2016 by Marco Pierre

[Marco Pierre]

The Irony of it all. My ex thinks Im a monster with a heart of stone. 5 years together, although we were passionatley in love I did some terrible things to her. Im sure I broke her heart, she said I ****ed her head up.

When we broke up 5 months ago I was fine. Going out and having fun.

The irony is, now I am missing her and crying like a little baby almost every night. This has just started happening about two weeks ago. Music or tv gets me choked up and I am really missing her friendship.

Shes never seen me cry, she doesnt think I can. I even pretended once because I really wanted to. But she rumbled me. It was quite embarrassing.

Anyone had any experiences or thoughts on what im going through right now?

Thanks

[Maggie4]

Even though you are not talking to her and she has moved on, you are actually still in the break up process. You are still grieving and you haven't finished all the stages of breaking up. It is just too soon to date and it's unfair to get other girls involved when you are this way.

[Marco Pierre]

I know this! Funny how it takes some longer than others to move on. Being on my own at night is poo, I love sharing! I just think about my ex too much I dont even notice when girls are giving me signals, my friends laugh at me for it ha

[Marco Pierre]

Help guys. Im thinking of contacting ex a lot recently, this past week.

She has a new boyfriend now and Im happy for her, what is wrong with me. Why this desire to speak. We havnt spoke all year apart from the other day..

[keiji]

DON'T DO IT! I ended up on this forum thanks to this excellent post:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/56954-do-you-really-think-contacting-your-ex-going-help-you-guide-long-walk

 

Read it as many times as necessary.

[SunBird]

Hi Marco

It's so hard when everything is so raw and painful. You still have strong feelings for your ex like you say, and you are doing the right thing to withdraw from dating and look after yourself. I completely know that feeling of having no interest or energy for meeting new people.. but you will! Time is the magic here. You ONLY broke up in October. That really isn't very long ago at all. Especially after a 5 year relationship. Yes everyone is different, and every relationship is different, but you are clearly someone who loves with their whole heart and it will take you some time to mend. Be kind to yourself, and have have faith that you will share everything again. In the mean time try to enjoy your own company too - this is so important. Loneliness is a horrible thing, but the more you can enjoy your own company the less you will pine to share everything, you will get there.

Have you thought about doing activities that come with a community? Team sports, dancing etc. This can be a really good way to feel less lonely. And a good way of being around people who are not in couples.

Anyway - sending you all the best. You will get there

[Nivy]

Yesss getting over an ex is soo tough esp when you get dumped. Its like we give sooo much of ourselves to them and in return we get nothing. Its crazy how ruthlessly they behave. Anyways, that thread really helped a lot.

I am new here, can anyone tell me how to start a new post?

[Gaeta]

Thanks for your reply. Good advice!

However its putting myself out there thats the problem. I talk to girls often, and even flirt, but I will not seek anything more. I am feeling pretty lonely because I do enjoy female company. Im a penguin though, I like loyalty and commitment even in early stages. Sadly Iv found this is very rare.

I love my ex girlfriend and im not ashamed, I cant meet someone while this is the case can I? Iv tried and onviously it did not work. I dont love her romanticaly as such or even sexually. I just miss her friendship. Im in limbo!

Great quote btw

 

Continue doing what you're doing.

 

If you don't seek anything more it's because your heart is not into it but it keeps you busy, it keeps you socializing, and one day a lady will feel different than all the other ones and you will want to pursue her.

 

Your relationship lasted 5 years. A rule of thumb, it takes about 25% of the length of the relationship to move on properly. In your case it means it can take up to 1 year and a half.

 

Hang in there, do your thing, keep busy, engage in new projects, new groups, new sports, travel, and time will take care of everything for you.

[Marco Pierre]

Hi Marco

It's so hard when everything is so raw and painful. You still have strong feelings for your ex like you say, and you are doing the right thing to withdraw from dating and look after yourself. I completely know that feeling of having no interest or energy for meeting new people.. but you will! Time is the magic here. You ONLY broke up in October. That really isn't very long ago at all. Especially after a 5 year relationship. Yes everyone is different, and every relationship is different, but you are clearly someone who loves with their whole heart and it will take you some time to mend. Be kind to yourself, and have have faith that you will share everything again. In the mean time try to enjoy your own company too - this is so important. Loneliness is a horrible thing, but the more you can enjoy your own company the less you will pine to share everything, you will get there.

Have you thought about doing activities that come with a community? Team sports, dancing etc. This can be a really good way to feel less lonely.

And a good way of being around people who are not in couples.

Anyway - sending you all the best. You will get there

 

Hey SunBird thanks for your reply and kind words. Yes I expect to love her for a long time and I dont really mind its not that painful. I just cant stand that she hates me. I hate feeling that the 5 years we spent together were a waste of time for me and that I was horrible the whole time, I share sime of my greatest memories and experiences with her

Yes getting back into boxing as helped me Iv been visiting a few gyms in my area and meeting lads, even girls who are also interested in the sport. Thinking of starting yoga and dance classes also

[Marco Pierre]

Continue doing what you're doing.

 

If you don't seek anything more it's because your heart is not into it but it keeps you busy, it keeps you socializing, and one day a lady will feel different than all the other ones and you will want to pursue her.

 

Your relationship lasted 5 years. A rule of thumb, it takes about 25% of the length of the relationship to move on properly. In your case it means it can take up to 1 year and a half.

 

Hang in there, do your thing, keep busy, engage in new projects, new groups, new sports, travel, and time will take care of everything for you.

 

Thanks I appriciate the kind words. Positive and encouraging.

1 year and a half though!! Haha great! If she knew I still felt this way and she has a neq boyfriend she would think im a joke!

I think I will always love her, as a dear friend. Even if I never see her. One day she will forgive me and I would love for it to mot be awkward between us ir even she could spend some time with my niece who is a god-daughter but she hasnt seen her in months. She loved her so im sure she misses her. Its like because of me and her feelings towards me that she cant see her. The sane reason why she has blocked me fron her phone

[Marco Pierre]

Yesss getting over an ex is soo tough esp when you get dumped. Its like we give sooo much of ourselves to them and in return we get nothing. Its crazy how ruthlessly they behave. Anyways, that thread really helped a lot.

I am new here, can anyone tell me how to start a new post?

 

Hey Nivy. I wasnt dumped. It was very mutual. We could both see it coming. I was fine at first. Relatively happy and meeting girls, a few months down the road im not interested in anyone and I miss my ex terribly even though there is no chamce of us ever getting back together if I wanted to whixh im sure I dont because we tried and it didn't work before. This doesnt mean i dont love her. My life has changed so much and Iv got do much to be proud of recently id love to share with her although i know this is nuts!

 

There just be a little tab saying 'new thread' on the homepage mate. You got it?

Edited March 3, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
added quote for context ~6

[Marco Pierre]

I truely hate that my wx beleives I abused her throughout our 5 year relationship. She hates me know because apparently she has realised how much of a bully and nasty man I am. Yes at times I had been horrible, over-reacted and neglected. But for the most part I really loved her and did anything to make her happy, making plenty of sacrifices. This is why it hurts so much. Im struggling moving on like she has. Maybe because of this. The break up was difficult and we continued to see eachother and have obvious frelings even though we both wanted to end it, it was a tough time for both of us and I really beleive she told herself and family and friends I was an abusive monster to make it easier. Which I can sort of understand her reasoning at least. But it seems so unfair. She has hurt me too but I forgive her she is very special to me and consider her a dear friend. Any thoughts?

[SunBird]

Yeah for sure, the reason you can't find the right thing is because you don't want it either. Time for healing first... you can't replace what you had with your ex no matter how hard you try. The right person will come along when you are in the right place

[Toodaloo]

Stay away from her, stay away from her family.

 

She says you were abusive. Listen to that and look at that.

 

Abuse isn't just smacking a person about. It can take many forms.

 

Work on resolving those issues before you date then you may have better luck next time.

[Marco Pierre]

Yeah for sure, the reason you can't find the right thing is because you don't want it either. Time for healing first... you can't replace what you had with your ex no matter how hard you try. The right person will come along when you are in the right place

 

Am I a bad person for being slightly jealous of her. How she can move on easier than I. Dont get me wrong I am happy for her, and proud as I never thought she would get over me. But a little bit of me hurts and thinks how can she be with someone and not think of me?? Did I always love her more, it never used to feel that way

[elaine567]

I truely hate that my wx beleives I abused her throughout our 5 year relationship. She hates me know because apparently she has realised how much of a bully and nasty man I am. Yes at times I had been horrible, over-reacted and neglected. But for the most part I really loved her and did anything to make her happy, making plenty of sacrifices.

 

A murderer is still a murderer even though he loves his gran, is kind to stray dogs and gives up his seat to pregnant women on the train.

An abuser is not usually an abuser 24/7, an abuser does often "love" the subject of his abuse.

The times you were "horrible, over-reacted and neglected" is what she is talking about here, and those are the times she is unlikely to forget.

 

Read about emotional abuse.

[Marco Pierre]

Stay away from her, stay away from her family.

 

She says you were abusive. Listen to that and look at that.

 

Abuse isn't just smacking a person about. It can take many forms.

 

Work on resolving those issues before you date then you may have better luck next time.

 

I have had months to tackle this in my head. I will never treat anyone that way again. Im just not that person. I was so stressed and paranoid at that time. Plus I wasnt sure about her and our relationship and I was angry due to an on going injury I caught whilst in the Army.

How can I leave her alone I love her. I am respecting what she wants and we are not in touch but recently Iv been thinking of her everyday

[Toodaloo]

I have had months to tackle this in my head. I will never treat anyone that way again. Im just not that person. I was so stressed and paranoid at that time. Plus I wasnt sure about her and our relationship and I was angry due to an on going injury I caught whilst in the Army.

How can I leave her alone I love her. I am respecting what she wants and we are not in touch but recently Iv been thinking of her everyday

 

Well you just keep going.

 

If you were not sure then, well it was probably going to end anyway regardless.

 

Time to learn how to move on. Staying away and out of contact will help that.

 

Concentrate on

1. Getting that injury sorted

2. Keeping fit and healthy

3. Keeping your anger under control and making sure you have better coping mechanisms in place.

[Marco Pierre]

A murderer is still a murderer even though he loves his gran, is kind to stray dogs and gives up his seat to pregnant women on the train.

An abuser is not usually an abuser 24/7, an abuser does often "love" the subject of his abuse.

The times you were "horrible, over-reacted and neglected" is what she is talking about here, and those are the times she is unlikely to forget.

 

Read about emotional abuse.

 

Thanks I get what your saying. Most of what I am feeling is guilt. I cant beleive some of the things I did to that sweet young girl who loved me. However I beleive I was a grat boyfriend I kept her happy for a long time. My issues was how I reacted to thibgs she did to upset me I wouldnt let it go. Then I became. OCD and demanded she hang and fold things correctky, coat hangers all facing same way with 3 finger soaces etc. Its must of neen horrible for me like living with a nazi. I just want her to know im sorry and I live her. I always will. Shes more than an ex. I dont have a big circle of friends. No close family and she was the only person who really knew me. She stood by me through an awful lot. Een when I moved to spain for 3 months just to get away. She stayed for me. Shes had enough. I broke her heart and her spirit. Thank god she has built herself back up and is now in a new relationship. Im jealous though, I know they cant possibly be as close as were. We were like twins.

[Toodaloo]

Then I became. OCD and demanded she hang and fold things correctly, coat hangers all facing same way with 3 finger spaces etc. It must of been horrible of me, like living with a nazi.

 

Urm Marco...

 

It would have been beyond horrible. Yes that was abusive and completely abhorrent behaviour.

 

I am a bit OCD about stuff like that but I would never have a go at someone about it... I just refold it or re-iron it when they are not looking... Do it all the time when my mother "helps"...

 

You really need to get some help with that.