The choice

[Kiwi16]

My life changed last week when i got hit in the head with this thong called "Life"

I have been dating my Bf for 6+ months now (Hes from Australia) and i have come to a bit of cross roads.

He is so sweet and kind and has done nothing wrong, it just seems that i got lost and confused with what i want, I dont want to hurt him

but i just dont know what to do.

Im 23 going on 24 this year and I had it all figured out. I was going to move to Australia for a year to live with him, see how it worked out and then come back to the U.S.

 

He has come here and ive gone there to visit, everything was all fine and dandy.

 

I decided to go snowboarding one weekend and thats when "Life" really hit me. After a long day snowboarding i went into the bar they have there and across the table was a guy who was doing hand gestures and mouthing things to me. He got up to leave and left his number on my table.

 

I found him on fb the next day and only started to talk to him later that night. It was then i realized, i wanted to go back to school and get a job that i wanted to go to in the morning.

 

The problem is this.

1. Go to Australia for a year for i guy i met on a trip for three weeks. Do nothing but work and live with him to see how it goes. (I already paid for the visa)

2. Stay behind and go to school. Three year program, which he said he wouldn't be able to last three years with out seeing me... So it would probably end.

 

Then i thought further and He has no education other than high school. The job he has now pays him a crazy amount but he's got no diploma for it and it would not be recognized here in the U.S. So he would have to go back to school and that is another 4 years for him.

 

So i guess my question is. Do i move to Australia for a year for a guy and put my life on hold OR do i end it and go to school to get a job ill love going to?

 

Yes i know i have to follow my gut and im the only one that can figure it out.

I just want other opinions on the situation.

Edited March 4, 2016 by Kiwi16

[Els]

You should do what you would have done if the R hadn't existed.

 

Going to Aussie for a gap year isn't a bad thing in itself - if it's what you wanted of your own accord. Lots of people your age take a gap year to work in a foreign country and their lives are enriched from it. But it doesn't sound like that's what you want for yourself, so don't do that. Go to school if that's what you desire for yourself.

[justwhoiam]

Do i move to Australia for a year for a guy and put my life on hold OR do i end it and go to school to get a job ill love going to?

Your question is already biased. Can you read it again and again so that you can see that? "Put my life on hold or do something I'll love?"

That to me means:

 

1. You have a feeling that the year abroad will be a sort of parenthesis in your life, more of a sabbatic year than a fruitful year for yourself, your growth, your career, etc.

 

2. You already feel that if you go on studying, you will be happy.

 

On these grounds, you won't live your experience away from home positively.

 

The truth is that you might have your own intuition guiding you, but that is no guarantee that things will happen the way you imagined them.

 

My advice is the following:

 

1) Ask yourself how strongs your feelings are for this Australian guy. It looks like your feelings are pretty mild. It's understandable as you've only met this guy for 3 weeks, and it was probably not enough to grow feelings long-term, etc.

 

2) Ask yourself if you'd be ready to leave your country/family/environment, to live on the other side of the world.

 

3) Ask yourself if you are ready to wait for your own independence another 3 years, so up to finish your study and not change your mind again along the way. That means no big plans for another three years, like travels, family, etc. Unless you come from a wealthy family able to support you indefinitely or long-term (after you leave school/university, it's not that you'll find the job of your dreams right away, maybe it will happen, maybe not, so that must be considered too)

 

All that considered, you'll see the whole situation more clearly, and will be able to pick your option with more ease.

[elaine567]

You don't want to commit a year to go to Australia, not because you do not think a "gap year" would be fun, but because you know that this year is not without expectations from him and the escalation of your relationship.

He, you have worked out, due to education and lack of qualifications, cannot come to the US unless he does a lot of extra training, which I am guessing is not on the cards, so that if you did get more serious with him, your life would probably be in Australia.

If you end up in Australia then your "dream" of going back to school and getting a job you really want to do, is then null and void.

 

So do you go to Australia develop serious feelings, and end up living there, or do you pass, follow your dream and potentially miss out on a great guy?

 

Is it not possible for you to go to school in Australia and still be able to follow your dream?

 

Of course if you are just not feeling it, cancel the trip and move on.

[Kiwi16]

I can go study there but that cost a lot of money. The Visa was in the $1000 and then there is the ticket to get there $4000, Then paying for the apt. a week and paying for the schooling. Everything in australia is extremely expensive and The reason i was going there was really just to work and live with a guy.

At this point the only thing i can think of is: Going there until the course starts and coming back to go to school. In which i truly believe he wont be able to handle the waiting period, and nor would i.

I also said id be leaving in september so i do have time to really look into it and figure out what im doing.

 

I also think being able to talk to a guy in my time zone is messing with my brain a bit.... I feel like thats bad :/

[Kiwi16]

So do you go to Australia develop serious feelings, and end up living there, or do you pass, follow your dream and potentially miss out on a great guy?

 

About the moving there... I know that i dont want to live there for ever and ive told him this, (Wasn't so happy about that)

so he would have to figure out what he wanted to do after, if there is one.

[LittleTiger]

He's visited you and you've visited him and everything was 'fine and dandy'?

 

When I visit my guy in Aus, or he visits me in England, everything is lot better than 'fine and dandy'. So, assuming by 'fine and dandy' you mean 'absolutely the best time ever' I'd say...life is short, if you love your Aussie guy, go for it...you can go to school next year.

 

However, if you've had your head turned by the guy in your own time zone (?) and 'fine and dandy' just means 'fine and dandy' (?) that's a very different story!

 

I recommend you follow your gut...not other people's advice.