How to deal with a girl stringing me along

[Mjm1014]

First off, let me just say that I do really like this girl. We've been talking now for about a month and a half, and up until about a week or two ago she just seems very distant. When we started talking, she would send me tons of pictures everyday, if she didn't hear from me for even a half hour she would ask what I'm up to, she would ask me questions about myself like she wanted to try to get to know me. Now, she takes an hour to respond to any of my texts, ignores then changes the subject, doesn't send any pictures really..but if I stop talking she just sends me a text complaining about something random or sends me a quick "hello..haven't heard from you." She still calls me randomly on occasion too, but she sounds uninterested on the phone and only talks about her day.

 

I've been so fed up with it, I called her out on it once this week and she said I'm being paranoid and that she's fine. It's seriously boring as hell though, and I feel like she's putting in just enough effort in to keep her options open. I'm fairly certain she's talking to someone else now but keeping me hanging on the side. I mean either sh*t or get off the pot, ya know? I'm thinking about just deleting/blocking her at this point...don't have time for games.

 

FYI it's long distance...we were suppose to hang next weekend so it's also possible she's getting cold feet. (And yes I did meet this person in real life before)

 

Bad move to just end it? Again, I do really like her but I know somethings up and this is becoming a drag

[fitnessfan365]

It's funny because you say that you "really like" her.

 

Then you go onto say that you're completely fed up, and bored to death with your interactions. Are you in a bit of denial based on how much time you've invested? I think if you continue to focus on what she's actually like to deal with, you'll eventually come to your senses. In general though, it's always a better idea to focus on women locally. With long distance, you barely ever see the person and wind up dating your phone. I mean it'd be different if this was a woman you'd been with for awhile locally, and then she moved away. That I can understand wanting to stick with. But this girl is basically a stranger who you don't even really like talking to.

[Jabron1]

I keep telling guys this; It's one of my 'rules'.

 

Always, always escalate.

 

It cuts through all of the BS of a woman's game. So, you're texting her over the phone? Ask her out. Anything other than a yes, or a reschedule means you disappear and chase other women instead.

 

Anytime a woman stonewalls you whilst you are trying to get with her, it's imperative that you don't hang around. The longer you are willing to hang around with no results, the lower value you have in her eyes.

 

Put her on the backburner and focus your attentions on something more productive instead. It could be other women, your job, your hobbies or whatever.

[yxalitis]

I keep telling guys this; It's one of my 'rules'.

 

Always, always escalate.

 

It cuts through all of the BS of a woman's game. So, you're texting her over the phone? Ask her out. Anything other than a yes, or a reschedule means you disappear and chase other women instead.

 

Anytime a woman stonewalls you whilst you are trying to get with her, it's imperative that you don't hang around. The longer you are willing to hang around with no results, the lower value you have in her eyes.

 

Put her on the backburner and focus your attentions on something more productive instead. It could be other women, your job, your hobbies or whatever.

I agree with Jabron, but add the caveat that the nature of the escalation depends on the nature of the woman involved...

And that comes down to experience at reading woman...

 

I'm dating two woman now, both have completely different responses to my approaches.

 

One is super affectionate, cuddling, kissing, flirting, teasing.

The other is shy, reserved, but still fun and interested.

 

Anyway, good luck!

[Jabron1]

Had a similar thread here earlier tonight:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/572149-where-go-here#post6809641

 

Always be wary of a woman that doesn't want to get intimate with you sooner rather than later.

 

Last Christmas I had a woman try to cuff me, but only for Christmas Eve and Christmas day . Escalation filtered her out pretty quickly. The whole thing was just funny. That's what girl-game is to an experienced guy.

 

Girl-game mostly preys on a man's weakness. So OP needs to look at himself and question why he is trying so hard with this woman. Is it because he is using her as a buffer to avoid having to approach other women and face the possibility of rejection? Or perhaps some sort of co-dependancy where this is better than being single?

 

Escalation filters out the users and timewasters, but it won't sort out any underlying issues.

Edited March 4, 2016 by Jabron1

[smudge21]

I agree with Jabron although it's not always that easy at times - sometimes we all fall and make mistakes depending on the person. I think you've done my recent mistake here and probably done to much chasing, played by her rules and ran at her pace - rather than backing off when she first started to get a bit flaky. It's tough though, as sometimes like I said, we just feel an attraction for someone no matter what they do and overthink things. We're only human after all.

 

 

Like you, mine was long distance too, so you have to take that into account, especially if you're making the effort to go see her. I would never call texts or phone calls effort by the way. I would get the interest and when it got closer to seeing her, the doubts would creep in and the negatives. I would back away when they happened, but then she'd come back making suggestions etc. By that point, I'd gone past the line Jabron mentions so my only option was to back off and walk away.

 

 

That line about sh*t or get off the pot is so true and I heard that from someone else. If you can clearly see what's going on then so can they and therefore they are making decisions and fully controlling the situation. But only because we, the one doing the chasing, lets them. Both of us, male and female, often get hurt by people and let down by them because we simply let them. Take some control and dignity back and don't do what I did. Walk away, if she comes looking, then you can either ignore or have it out with her one final time. Your call.

[Toodaloo]

You are wasting your time and emotion on someone who can't be bothered with you.

 

She just talks about herself? She only contacts you to talk about herself when you are not paying attention to her? She sends buckets of pictures?

 

You are right. She is doing only just enough to keep you interested and get your attention. She is looking for other options.

 

Nah.

 

Move on.

 

You may like her but if its a drag now it will be a bigger drag shortly. You are already bored as heck so get out and find a girl who is actually interested in you instead.

[Toodaloo]

she's just an average typical girl

 

If you think that is average or typical of the female population then I feel sorry for you.

[kendahke]

If she cancels your meeting, then cut her loose.

 

As to what you should do/say: tell her exactly what you wrote here. No reason why she shouldn't hear it since she's the cause of all of this angst.

 

Also, you're just talking to her--nothing has transpired that entered either one of your into a committed relationship, so yeah, she's pretty much free to talk to whomever she wants until she decides to be exclusive with one guy. Sporadic phone calls and texts don't' confer exclusivity.

Edited March 4, 2016 by kendahke

[Robratory]

I keep telling guys this; It's one of my 'rules'.

 

Always, always escalate.

 

It cuts through all of the BS of a woman's game. So, you're texting her over the phone? Ask her out. Anything other than a yes, or a reschedule means you disappear and chase other women instead.

 

Anytime a woman stonewalls you whilst you are trying to get with her, it's imperative that you don't hang around. The longer you are willing to hang around with no results, the lower value you have in her eyes.

 

I actually don't go for the strategic method, preferring instead just being yourself and asserting what you want, but the above advice is spot on. Go for what you want, and don't feel guilty about it. And if they don't want what you want, excuse yourself pleasantly and continue your search.

[road]

Had a similar thread here earlier tonight:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/572149-where-go-here#post6809641

 

Always be wary of a woman that doesn't want to get intimate with you sooner rather than later.

 

Last Christmas I had a woman try to cuff me, but only for Christmas Eve and Christmas day . Escalation filtered her out pretty quickly. The whole thing was just funny. That's what girl-game is to an experienced guy.

 

Girl-game mostly preys on a man's weakness. So OP needs to look at himself and question why he is trying so hard with this woman. Is it because he is using her as a buffer to avoid having to approach other women and face the possibility of rejection? Or perhaps some sort of co-dependancy where this is better than being single?

 

Escalation filters out the users and timewasters, but it won't sort out any underlying issues.

 

 

Cuff me? You have to be aware that your English must be universal English.

 

[Jabron1]

Cuff me? You have to be aware that your English must be universal English.

 

 

Cuffing is when someone wants a relationship just for the holidays.

 

I got this woman's number in November. She rescheduled a date twice. I just stopped bothering the second time that she rescheduled - started ignoring her.

 

Then she randomly invites me out on a date. So I thought 'why not?'. On the date she kept bringing up Christmas, gave me a sob-story about how she was alone last year, asked me lots of questions about what my plans were, how I celebrate it, etc. Then she starts hinting at gifts in the way women do

 

Then she tells me that she's 'busy' pretty much up until Christmas eve

 

She kept trying to divert any sexual vibe and was obviously awkward and reluctant when we kissed, and so that was the end of that.

 

If I wouldn't have escalated, I could have been strung along, exploited, then ghosted on after Christmas. Escalation forced her to reveal her true level of interest.

[AMJ]

Cuffing is when someone wants a relationship just for the holidays.

.

 

Yeah I thought you were saying she tied you up in bed...thinking, why didn't he like that?

[AMJ]

First off, let me just say that I do really like this girl. We've been talking now for about a month and a half,

 

If I like a guy, I want him to make plans to see me in person. When he takes forever to do this- as in, a month and a half- I get annoyed. So I back off. She might be talking to other people who actually want to date her and not text her all the time.

[elaine567]

Long distance relationships need a deep "bond" in order to survive, they are difficult to keep going even for people who have known and loved each other for a long time.

Seems like this girl just got bored here.