I will send her 304 Flowers []

[Gauros7]

Hello to all and I am new here.

 

I am going to make the long story short. My girlfriend and the woman I loved the most since my divorce 8 years ago has officially endsd the relationship last yesterday. We were together for ten months and I understand that was not a long time. We got right into it from the beginning, we're seeing each other almost every day, me staying at her place, and she at mine. Met in April and in June came with me to visit my country in Europe. At one point after coming back I have discovered that she was texting a couple of ex bf but with no harm but from that point on started being argumentative, moody etc, which of course, I know realize was part of my sucky personality. She was always happy, upbeat and wanted to see me all the time. And all though she might have had a love bug personality everything she showed was true. I would wake up every morning to her texts and when she was leaving for work very early and I was sleeping she would come look at me sleep kiss me and then go. I was trusting her but also had concerns, for no reason. I mean, she was always with me with the exception of like some time that she went out with friends. I exposed the contact with her ex she apologized and tried to explain that it was no harm. Anyway, to the real issue. For no apparent reason an no evidence, in October we broke up bad. After the breakup I was devastated, she

Removed me from Facebook, my friends and blocked my number. She came around after a week or so and wrote me a nice later telling me that she can't let me go (I asked to cause I was not treating her nice) because she loved me so much and never loved anyone else like that.

 

We got right back into it, and although she has a house and pays a mortgage she moved in to my new apartment, and she has also asked me before the break up to move into hers (long story). But I wanted to get mine. She was at my place all the time, and although she did that and lite realy decided to move in and did all her clothes, I continued being an idiot towards her as did not embrace her love, I was ungrateful, I admit it. A about 10 days or so ago she moved out because of course, I was once more, an awful person. She had not plans to move out and she did. Told her why you came in, she said because I thought the arguments will stop, and instead of hugging her I let her go. I was texting her and no responses and she said I am beyond mad with you.

 

Said I need space I can't make a decision now etc. she also told me during that fight that I can't see you marrying you or have kids with you. At the moment of heat I was wth, I was denying the fact that my behavior resulted and instigated the doubts or any thoughts. Instead of enjoying life with her, I was selfish, complaining for the most rediculous things and not showing her I am trusting.

 

Whent with flower and a teddy bear you her work, she was calm and like an idiot went back at night waiting for her. She didn't like that told me she needs spade. I said I just came here to tell you how ungrateful I was because I might not see you again. She mumbled, you will. I didn't. Next day she sent me a message telling me the chivalry and showing up at wor and the endless texting make her angry and if things were perfect she would not see herself marrying me. I said all lies. Reaping later than night saying it was not lies and for a very long time she thought she would marry me but had doubts during the last weeks. (still moved in with me 3 weeks ago) said that we argued a lot and it was ongoing.

 

4 days passed and I needed an answer. I texted her yesterday asking if this is officially over..she said yes it's officially over...tried to tell he to give me a another chance and she said she already did. She said I can't repeat my history, I loved you, and I did nothing wrong. I was saying BS then give me a chance and was a bit abrasive. Then, she dropped the sentences I needed to hear. "The person you are I cannot marry" I reacted and she blocked me. What a wake up call and what a lesson learned from the person I loved the most. I send her an email the same day saying I thank you so much for telling that to my face, and that I will will wait and will take her back whenever she comes back whether I am dating or not, because I love her and that's that. No questions asked. I also told her (second email) that I am there for her if she ever needs to talk or rant about work or anything else. I said please do not send me the key back, (gave it back before image flowers, took it to work) and that I will continue having you on my phone plan so don't ask me to take you out.

 

I know she made mistakes and told me it will always love me and I tried and did anything I could, I didn't. And yes there is the possibility that she also didint knew what she wanted and my actions made that worse. I just did not deliver the best of me, and I would have and she would say am leaving you, for whatever reason I would have been fine. But she told me the things I had to hear (and friends and family were telling me to change). Well yesterday was official and I am starting the NC rule etc because I am respecting her official decision and overreacted the last week. But now it's official. Well, I am leaving for Europe in 15 days (for 10 days) and was thinking to go at her work, and pick up my prescription from the pharmacy she works at. Of course thats an excuse but I would like to show up, just to see her for a minute and also see how she will respond. No flowers no moody behavior, just upbeat and leave. I love this woman and wanted to marry her and was the only person I thought of having kids, but never told her. By no means I want to be friends with her.

 

This was a huge wake up call for me but I don't want to be without her.

 

Thank you in advance!

[Gauros7]

Any advice and thoughts is will be greatly appreciated.

[Brando]

Any advice and thoughts is will be greatly appreciated.

 

I showed up at my ex girlfriends work after a breakup years back. I still remember how awkward and strange it felt. I went there thinking it was fine because id always visit her while we were together.

 

I walked in confident thinking it would be normal and it was NOT lol!! She looked like she saw a ghost, her work people knew about the breakup and they looked at me crazy. I felt like a crazy stalker and knew the second I walked in I was overstepping a boundary.

 

I just stopped in to say hi, no drama or anything and I actually purchased something because she worked in high end retail. It was horrible though.

 

I wouldn't do it. It's crossing the line. She will probably feel her space is being invaded. You will feel embarrassed, awkward, ashamed and a bunch of other things. She ended it, respect her decision...she knows how to get in touch if she wants to get you back.

 

That's just my experience. Good luck!

[Gauros7]

I agree with you on the awkwardness of the situation if I do that. I was overwhelming here before she made it official on Wednesday because I wanted an answer and fix it and that was a mistake. Since Wednesday, I am in no contact mode regardless if I am blocked or not, I am not makin contact and like you says she can make contact with me.

 

Considering we were very close to each other daily and that when I come back from Europe it will be excaxtly 30 days of no contact. I am not in favor of no contacts and all the games but I want to give her space and also realize my mistakes and behavior, regardless of what she did. I just think that I need to show her that I am still giving a last try after a month of no talking/seeing. I used to send her flowers so maybe do that? Or send the flowers when I will be in Europe since we were there together.

 

Anymore thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

[elaine567]

she has also asked me before the break up to move into hers (long story). But I wanted to get mine.

 

Bad, bad mistake. She wanted stuff to progress to engagement/marriage and for you to show some commitment to HER, moving into her place would have done that. It would have shown her that "we are a couple and if we then move house, we move together."

Instead you showed that you were not couple orientated. You deviated from the path that was leading somewhere and went off and got your own place as a single man, and yes, although you then moved her in, you were not pleasant and she felt unwelcome, so she moved out again.

[Gauros7]

I know it was a mistake. I was defintely committed into the relationship and at times she was telling me

What I have done to deserve suck love. I was just struggling with some issues that I did not want to face and she exposed them to me. She did not move out, and had no intention, a huge mistake I too the convo there. We were going to go to the gym and get groceries and wanted me to go to her sisters two weekends after. Again she has some thoughts and I enforced more. I wanted to marry her, I knew that, no questions and was not looking around at all. I know she loves me and it's hard for her and I pray to God to give me another chance.

[Gauros7]

But I agree with you on how she was feeling, totally.

[Gauros7]

Also it's not what it looks with me not moving in. One of the reasons was that she had bad memories form her marriage at her house and was on the market to sell it. She wanted out of there and I wanted to get something for the both of us. Something new and for us. I have changed because of what she told me and I have realized buck time. I will NEVER make those mistakes again but I don't know what to do. I am in a really, really bad shape.

[Satu]

No matter what you do, you will always be the person she walked away from.

 

She decided that her life is better without you.

 

Once a person has decided that, it is very difficult to turn that decision around.

 

Leave her in peace.

 

If she wants to contact you, she will.

 

 

Take care.

[Brando]

I'll bet you've been reading "how to get your ex back."

 

"Go at least 30 days no contact, improve yourself, text something witty or bring back some good memories, soon she will realize her mistake and beg for you back."

 

You're ship has sailed IMO. People don't break up on accident. If you go 30 days NC, shoot for 45, then 60 then realize it's over and go NC for life.

 

In the mean time don't think about flowers or getting her back. Do you!

[Brando]

Also it's not what it looks with me not moving in. One of the reasons was that she had bad memories form her marriage at her house and was on the market to sell it. She wanted out of there and I wanted to get something for the both of us. Something new and for us. I have changed because of what she told me and I have realized buck time. I will NEVER make those mistakes again but I don't know what to do. I am in a really, really bad shape.

 

I'm sure you will never make those mistakes again. The next girl will appreciate that. Chalk it up as a learning experience and then do everything you can to properly heal yourself.

[Gauros7]

So, since the last time I posted it has been really, really bad to the point that I have lost 12 pounds. On top of that I have done everything that I shouldn't have done, like everything + some. If she was upset I elevated it. After some pretty strong emails that I believe hit a nerve, because I would not even reply to a person that would send such emails, she did. After I calmly wrote a few more saying listen, the man I am not and what I did during this time, it's not me. I explained that we moved too fast too soon. I lost track. She said I hope you can live with the things you said and that if you hate me will help you cope. I said the fact that you think I will hate you is insulting. If I hate you, I never loved you. I explained that I got overwhelmed. I mean, I knew her divorce situation and what the husband did, cheating, on date 1 and by date 3 I knew about the short relationships before me. I found out she was texting the first guy that lives a block down and as you can understand it bother me. She was crying it was innocent and cried her eyes out she did not cheat. He helped her through the divorce etc. anyways. I blew it big time as you know and this girl moved in with me. So, she told me that she wolf never be with me cause I would never trust her and she would never trust me of being like that and trying to find out things. Well that's not the case and I explained that I stopped talking to a woman the first day I lay my eyes one her. She new but did not know the details. I know this person for 20 years and was passionately involved, were together and it didn't work because of a monumental distance. I explained that she was the one to share my issues and not an ex et, she didn't, oh well. And that maybe I should have keep talking and be open.

 

A lot more other things of calmly explaining I will not make any contact whatsoever. She even told me she was thinking to call me the night I digged in and found stuff and went ape****. Ok. So...I believe that love is won with love. I don't hate, period. April 6th it would have been a year together. We were together for exactly 10 months none stop, full throttle. That is 304 days.

 

On April 6th she is off. I will send her 304 roses (it is pricey) with a card and a note that will say..."today it would have been one year. I am giving you a rose for each day you were with me". No come back, nothing. I will do it because I love her and my mistakes are 80% hers 20%. She know I am not rich and always send her flowers and I know she still loves me. When that happens it will be a month and chance of not sending her an email.

 

Now you can unload on me, I don't care. I was going to propose to this woman in the summer.

[katiegrl]

Now you can unload on me, I don't care.

 

Okay I'll bite.

 

I think instead of 304 roses.... you might want to contemplate the 304 reasons why you should probably seek some form of professional help.

 

At the risk of offending...you sound a bit unbalanced.

 

Or maybe just obsessed, take your pick.

 

Wish you the best as you move forward though.

Edited March 3, 2016 by katiegrl

[Gauros7]

I am not unbalanced nor obsessed at all and I know the 304 reasons. Thanks for the reply though.

[Gauros7]

That we broke up not that I need help. But hey, I appreciate the raw unload

[katiegrl]

That we broke up not that I need help. But hey, I appreciate the raw unload

 

No problem...

 

Maybe you're not (unbalanced) but all I know is if I received 304 individual flowers from my ex.... I would think he was unbalanced (or obsessed)!

 

Whether he was or wasn't...that's for him to decide.

 

Just letting you know what she is likely to think if you send them.

 

If you don't care about that ...carry on .... good luck.

Edited March 3, 2016 by katiegrl

[Gauros7]

I understand but our relationship was unique and she is not that kind of person and I am sure from what you say you are different. But thanks for the wishes.

[katiegrl]

I understand but our relationship was unique and she is not that kind of person and I am sure from what you say you are different. But thanks for the wishes.

 

Sorry dude but this leads me to believe otherwise:

 

>>Next day she sent me a message telling me the chivalry and showing up at work and the endless texting made her angry and (even) if things were perfect she would not see herself marrying me.

 

Not sure what more you need, but for most, it would be enough to simply wish her well and move on.

 

Lesson learned for next time. Treat the woman you love right when you're actually in the RL with her.... not after it ends.

 

Not that you're treating her right even now, because treating her right would mean respecting her very clear boundaries and leaving her alone.

Edited March 3, 2016 by katiegrl

[Simon Phoenix]

304 flowers is a terrible idea. Not only are you not respecting her space, but you are harkening back to a relationship that she willingly ended. The last way to make a person reconsider breaking up with you is giving them a reminder of the relationship that they wanted to get away from in the first place.

 

Reconciliations that work are about learning from the past and moving forward into a new future, not trying to recreate the past. The past didn't work -- that's why you're broken up! That doesn't even get into the pure hamfisted force-feeding of contact that sending 304 flowers suggests.

 

It's a tragic idea. It's something that only works in romantic comedies or with relationships that are currently intact. If you were actually still dating, it might be a great idea. But since you're broken up, it's a truly awful idea.

 

Please don't do this.

[Zahara]

I understand but our relationship was unique and she is not that kind of person and I am sure from what you say you are different. But thanks for the wishes.

 

It's been said many, many times on LS -- our relationship was unique. Often times people say that to justify holding on and to justify unhealthy behavior.

 

Honestly OP, you sound selfish. When she was with you, you mentioned you never treated her right. When she left you, you then badgered her. It's all about what you want. Now you're going to send 304 flowers as a sign of love when it looks like an act of manipulation.

 

Love is respect. You have no ability to respect her boundaries. You may think it would be endearing to receive 304 flowers, but not when a woman sees a man in a negative light. At that point it becomes overbearing and obsessive.

[elaine567]

DO not send her the roses, what on earth would she do with them? 25 bunches of 12??

 

They will go straight in the bin out the back.

Stupid flowers will not solve your relationship or make her think any more of you. There is no quick fix here, I am afraid.

[theredpill]

Don't send the roses!!!!

 

Please respect yourself, regain your dignity by moving on and leaving her alone.

 

Don't be foolish, listen to the advice everyone is telling you, they're all telling you the right thing to do at this point, I know you're blinded by pain, we've all been through it and worse, suck it up - that's the only option.

 

If you send them, she will never ever take you back again, the only chance you've got is to start again and be that man, with someone new, only then, maybe, will you have a chance of getting her back, and by then you probably won't want her.

 

I'll tell you this, if you send those flowers, you're out forever, do you understand?

 

It sucks we get it, be strong, not a fool.

[Gauros7]

Thank you all again. I know I have treated her bad at times but not in general. And yes it was unique and this woman truly loved me. I know is extreme what I am thinking to do. Also, regarding the marriage comment she made, and the chivalry, is a little conflicted because she was the one that was talking about the future, I did as well of course. She was the one that also came back the last time and I know she needs to also sort some things on her own. I do appreciate it all of the comments but please understand that it was special and I know all relationships are. I am not obsessive at all and I am going to give her all the time and not planning in contacting her again. I also know that this sound completely insane. But again trust me when I say that what she showed to me was overwhelming and I basically lost track. She is making a mistake and I know you will say she made a choice and I respect that. I am not needy or anything and the stupid things I have done during this breakup are monumental mistakes. But I know this relationship would have worked and I truly believe in a last chance when we that is. I am 42 and been around. I just wanted to throw that out and I know age doesn't matter. I know she still loves me because even in the heated emails she still said that. It's also very fresh but I am determined not to contact her. But I might do that not in terms of hey, come back because I sent you 304 flowers and I am NOT expecting her to fall in my arms. I have never loved a person like her and I was married. I am thinking to do that just to show my love. I know leaving her alone will show that but I still believe in it without waiting. It's out of true respect and love that I will do that if I do. Nothing else.

[Simon Phoenix]

Thank you all again. I know I have treated her bad at times but not in general. And yes it was unique and this woman truly loved me. I know is extreme what I am thinking to do. Also, regarding the marriage comment she made, and the chivalry, is a little conflicted because she was the one that was talking about the future, I did as well of course. She was the one that also came back the last time and I know she needs to also sort some things on her own. I do appreciate it all of the comments but please understand that it was special and I know all relationships are. I am not obsessive at all and I am going to give her all the time and not planning in contacting her again. I also know that this sound completely insane. But again trust me when I say that what she showed to me was overwhelming and I basically lost track. She is making a mistake and I know you will say she made a choice and I respect that. I am not needy or anything and the stupid things I have done during this breakup are monumental mistakes. But I know this relationship would have worked and I truly believe in a last chance when we that is. I am 42 and been around. I just wanted to throw that out and I know age doesn't matter. I know she still loves me because even in the heated emails she still said that. It's also very fresh but I am determined not to contact her. But I might do that not in terms of hey, come back because I sent you 304 flowers and I am NOT expecting her to fall in my arms. I have never loved a person like her and I was married. I am thinking to do that just to show my love. I know leaving her alone will show that but I still believe in it without waiting. It's out of true respect and love that I will do that if I do. Nothing else.

 

That's a lot of justification and spin for a tragically horrible idea. It doesn't come off as love -- it comes off as control, as manipulation, even bullying in the respect that you are trying to force this relationship down her throat.

 

I know I sound mean when I say this but I'm going to say it anyway -- this is one of the worst ideas I've read on this site, and I've been participating for 3.5 years. Please reconsider this -- you're trying to sail the Titanic across the Atlantic after the iceberg already poked a hole in it. If you actually go through with this insane idea it's going to end badly.

[JuanDelToro]

Thank you all again. I know I have treated her bad at times but not in general. And yes it was unique and this woman truly loved me. I know is extreme what I am thinking to do. Also, regarding the marriage comment she made, and the chivalry, is a little conflicted because she was the one that was talking about the future, I did as well of course. She was the one that also came back the last time and I know she needs to also sort some things on her own. I do appreciate it all of the comments but please understand that it was special and I know all relationships are. I am not obsessive at all and I am going to give her all the time and not planning in contacting her again. I also know that this sound completely insane. But again trust me when I say that what she showed to me was overwhelming and I basically lost track. She is making a mistake and I know you will say she made a choice and I respect that. I am not needy or anything and the stupid things I have done during this breakup are monumental mistakes. But I know this relationship would have worked and I truly believe in a last chance when we that is. I am 42 and been around. I just wanted to throw that out and I know age doesn't matter. I know she still loves me because even in the heated emails she still said that. It's also very fresh but I am determined not to contact her. But I might do that not in terms of hey, come back because I sent you 304 flowers and I am NOT expecting her to fall in my arms. I have never loved a person like her and I was married. I am thinking to do that just to show my love. I know leaving her alone will show that but I still believe in it without waiting. It's out of true respect and love that I will do that if I do. Nothing else.

 

 

Here`s the harsh reality. If you truly and absolutely love her, you have to leave her alone. Take it as a man and move on, never to contact her again if it comes down to that. If she does love you, she`ll come around have no doubt. It could be in one month from now, it could be in 2 years, but she will eventually (do not wait for her though).

 

But i`m telling you now as a man to a man, if you send her flowers, contact her in any way to ``prove`` your love, you`ll lose her for good and it`s going to hurt. Believe me.

 

Stand your ground and resist the temptation, your ego is hurt and is seeking instant gratification and that makes you think and act desperately. No woman likes a needy guy that is losing the plot for her, no matter what your mind is telling you right now.

 

Cheers

Edited March 4, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator