Ryderr Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 (edited) I've been in a relationship with this girl for 7 months now, going so well until the last 2 weeks. We've been constantly arguing for the last 2 weeks and I feel numb. The argument started when she mentioned she had a friend that could train me for MMA (mixed martial arts) and he was a world champion, I said "That sounds awesome!" Fast forward a bit and she mentions that she had slept with this MMA guy and it made me so angry that she would mention him training me. She snapped and said to me "Your insecure as f**k, you have zero socializing skills, and you're always jealous", after that I told her to f**k off. She stormed off to catch a bus, I ran after her, calmed her down and she stayed at mine. We resolved it but it still lingered. Ever since then we have been arguing and snappy about everything. Now I bring you to two weeks later, we were together every night for the two weeks (no space): She shows hardly any emotion at all, doesn't really smile when I'm around, and doesn't even go to an effort to touch me or hug me. She's been extremely distant and cold, even with texting she takes a while to respond and with hardly any content. I should mention in the second week her grandma got really sick and is about to pass away, my girlfriend said her last goodbye the other day and now the family is waiting for her to die. She was crying quite a lot but i made sure i was there for her and comforting her. Anyway, I had enough with her pushing me away and acting like i didn't exist(almost a depressed feeling) and i said in the car to work "let's have two nights of space to clear our minds and if we come back to arguing all the time I think we should go our separate ways because I can't make you happy any more and feel terrible" She said "That's bull****, you can't break up with me over that! I stuck by your side while you were down. I want to move past this and be back to how we were and we'll get through it" at the end of the drive she said she loves me but was so distant during the day. Even trying to get a reaction by telling me she's having a big night out on friday when she knows my birthday is this saturday and i said "okay have fun, will you be alright for saturday?" and she said "should be" I love this girl a lot and we get a long really well but am I in the wrong? What should I do? I feel so down, like an outcast and I'm not even happy when I'm with her any more... Edited March 3, 2016 by Ryderr
preraph Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 (edited) If you care about her, these are the type issues that when you're married, you just have to talk through and work through and get past. That martial arts guy is an ex. I assume if she wanted to be with him, she would still be with him. You got very insecure about it, and unless she has given you some reason to think she's after him still, it's your problem, not hers. The fact she went off on you for those reasons, she's probably right. You've probably heard it before. A jealous insecure person creates the thing they fear the most. Don't be that person. Have some self-control and rationality. And another thing to keep in mind is if you think just because she can, she will, that's more a reflection on your morals and thinking than hers. Jealous people very often are that way because if they had the chance, they'd cheat, and then they assume everyone else is that way. So that's why not every woman can be soothed once someone shows their insecurity and jealousy that way. Edited March 3, 2016 by preraph
road Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Only bad can come from woman trying to get her new BF to interact with a past BF on any level. 2
Author Ryderr Posted March 4, 2016 Author Posted March 4, 2016 If you care about her, these are the type issues that when you're married, you just have to talk through and work through and get past. That martial arts guy is an ex. I assume if she wanted to be with him, she would still be with him. You got very insecure about it, and unless she has given you some reason to think she's after him still, it's your problem, not hers. The fact she went off on you for those reasons, she's probably right. You've probably heard it before. A jealous insecure person creates the thing they fear the most. Don't be that person. Have some self-control and rationality. And another thing to keep in mind is if you think just because she can, she will, that's more a reflection on your morals and thinking than hers. Jealous people very often are that way because if they had the chance, they'd cheat, and then they assume everyone else is that way. So that's why not every woman can be soothed once someone shows their insecurity and jealousy that way. I ended up taking your advice. I went over to her house in the morning and said to her "I'm willing to work on my jealousy and insecurity issues if you're willing to work on a few things too" She wasnt very sure at the start and was wondering if it would happen again. In the end she said we can use this weekend as a test to get back into things. But then we hugged and had s*x and it's like she automatically when back to her normal self. She was joking around, laughing/smiling, been affectionate, and overall happy the entire time. Saying she loves and cares about me a lot and that she really missed me for those few days. She literally changed back in a really short period of time and it's like shes even happier this time through. And then we had s*x again! I was not expecting this at all! I left her house on a high note and didn't overstay so she can remember how much of a positive experience it was. She didn't want me to go and she gave me like 1000 kisses before leaving.
yxalitis Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 I ended up taking your advice. I went over to her house in the morning and said to her "I'm willing to work on my jealousy and insecurity issues if you're willing to work on a few things too" She wasnt very sure at the start and was wondering if it would happen again. In the end she said we can use this weekend as a test to get back into things. But then we hugged and had s*x and it's like she automatically when back to her normal self. She was joking around, laughing/smiling, been affectionate, and overall happy the entire time. Saying she loves and cares about me a lot and that she really missed me for those few days. She literally changed back in a really short period of time and it's like shes even happier this time through. And then we had s*x again! I was not expecting this at all! I left her house on a high note and didn't overstay so she can remember how much of a positive experience it was. She didn't want me to go and she gave me like 1000 kisses before leaving. Why didn't you stay??
Author Ryderr Posted March 4, 2016 Author Posted March 4, 2016 Why didn't you stay?? Because I had to go, traffic was starting to build up and I had the dog inside at home because I wasn't expecting to stay for long. I also have plans with some mates for the night. But I'm really happy I left on a positive note.
health Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 Cool it ended on a good note. Just know that her trying to get you trained by a guy she slept with is not cool. She also wasn't right to call you jealous on that. It's a natural reaction. Why would she still be in contact with him anyway? Whatever, if you can learn and move past that, do it and all the best! 1
ExpatInItaly Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 She seems a bit confused about what she really wants. I don't think you're overly insecure or jealous for not wanting to be in contact with a man she has had sex with. Having said, I think you both need to improve your communication skills. Swearing and insulting each other will breed resentment and it's an ineffective way to communicate your frustrations. \ See how the weekend apart goes. Re-address the situation next week.
Popsicle Posted March 4, 2016 Posted March 4, 2016 (edited) I've been in a relationship with this girl for 7 months now, going so well until the last 2 weeks. We've been constantly arguing for the last 2 weeks and I feel numb. The argument started when she mentioned she had a friend that could train me for MMA (mixed martial arts) and he was a world champion, I said "That sounds awesome!" Fast forward a bit and she mentions that she had slept with this MMA guy and it made me so angry that she would mention him training me. She snapped and said to me "Your insecure as f**k, you have zero socializing skills, and you're always jealous", after that I told her to f**k off. She stormed off to catch a bus, I ran after her, calmed her down and she stayed at mine. We resolved it but it still lingered. Ever since then we have been arguing and snappy about everything. Now I bring you to two weeks later, we were together every night for the two weeks (no space): She shows hardly any emotion at all, doesn't really smile when I'm around, and doesn't even go to an effort to touch me or hug me. She's been extremely distant and cold, even with texting she takes a while to respond and with hardly any content. I should mention in the second week her grandma got really sick and is about to pass away, my girlfriend said her last goodbye the other day and now the family is waiting for her to die. She was crying quite a lot but i made sure i was there for her and comforting her. Anyway, I had enough with her pushing me away and acting like i didn't exist(almost a depressed feeling) and i said in the car to work "let's have two nights of space to clear our minds and if we come back to arguing all the time I think we should go our separate ways because I can't make you happy any more and feel terrible" She said "That's bull****, you can't break up with me over that! I stuck by your side while you were down. I want to move past this and be back to how we were and we'll get through it" at the end of the drive she said she loves me but was so distant during the day. Even trying to get a reaction by telling me she's having a big night out on friday when she knows my birthday is this saturday and i said "okay have fun, will you be alright for saturday?" and she said "should be" I love this girl a lot and we get a long really well but am I in the wrong? What should I do? I feel so down, like an outcast and I'm not even happy when I'm with her any more... I think you're in the right. She sounds like an immature and insensitive jerk. (and she is) I sense that you should probably let this girl go and it would be best for you and you should get with someone who you can be more peaceful with. Edited March 4, 2016 by Popsicle
Orion39 Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 It sounds like you and your girlfriend have a lot going on. I wouldn't throw in the towel just yet if I were in your position. I can see why you'd would be hesitant to train with her friend and that can be somewhat awaked, but something that could pass with time and conversation. One thing that may be weighing on her is her Grandmother being very sick. Having lost my Grandparents and Mother I know that such losses can make relationships tense and difficult. Talk to her, work through your frustrations and keep lines of communication open. Relationships take work and it's not always easy, wouldn't be real if they were.
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