kellyp1 Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 Ok, so I was supposed to have a date last Thursday with the guy I am dating, he calls, had a bad day (which he has a lot of) but didn't want to cancel. He tells me, come over but it is going to have to be an early night because I am really tired and had a bad day. I said, that's cool, let's do Sunday instead (which we had originally discussed. Saturday was out because I had an overnight conference to attend). He says he forgot he had a bike ride Sunday that he could not get out of but that we should definately shoot for next week. No, this is not typical of him and yes, I can verify that last week was a little worse than usual for him. Anyway, he tells me he already has plans for Wednesday and we can shoot for any other day next week. At this point, bad day, week, etc. or not, I am irritated. He can make a lot of plans for other things but I become the fill-in-the-gap girl so I ask him if he has time to talk for a second, he says sure. So I ask the how are things going question to see what he is thinking. He tells me I think you like me more than I like you. At which point, I say excuse me? He immediately back pedals and says but maybe I think that way because you are more open and I really like that about you. I keep my feelings inside and you are very sharing and I think that's really cool. I really can't get past his other comment and get off the phone telling him to call me if he can fit time in his schedule (of course very cynical when I say this). Funny thing is, he calls me, I almost never call him. He initiates the dates, plans them, etc... Only thing I ever do is sometimes email (maybe a few times a week). Do I write this off as him having a really bad day or do I just let the phone ring when he calls and realize that he is a complete butt-hole? I asked two of my friends and got 2 different takes on it.
sarah12 Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 Either way he sounds like an inconsiderate loser. No relationship can start off with someone saying "i think you like me more than i like you." WTF is that? And besides, you don't want to be with a guy who can't turn his frown upside down. Drop him like he's hot.
morrigan Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 It depends--are you wanting to have a serious relationship with him or not? Your current relationship with him is mostly on his terms, when he makes allowances for his time. I doubt things would change if you were to get seriously involved with him. If you just want to date him occasionally, call him at times and ask him out. Make your own plans for the week and date other people as well. Don't hover around the phone or cancel other plans for this guy. If this isn't what you want, just stop seeing him.
RoxStar Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 It seems to me that he is a little over confident. I say dont answer the phone next time he calls and be busy when he suggests what yall are going to go and do. Does he know what you are looking for and vice versa out of this relationship?
alphamale Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 well KELLYP1, dump his ass and go find a "nice guy" who is spineless and will do everything you say and want
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by kellyp1 Anyway, he tells me he already has plans for Wednesday and we can shoot for any other day next week. At this point, bad day, week, etc. or not, I am irritated. He can make a lot of plans for other things but I become the fill-in-the-gap girl so I ask him if he has time to talk for a second, he says sure. So I ask the how are things going question to see what he is thinking. He tells me I think you like me more than I like you. At which point, I say excuse me? He immediately back pedals and says but maybe I think that way because you are more open and I really like that about you. I keep my feelings inside and you are very sharing and I think that's really cool. I really can't get past his other comment and get off the phone telling him to call me if he can fit time in his schedule (of course very cynical when I say this). I know how you feel. Lately I seem to be attracted to guys who have absolutely no time to date, yet they keep insisting they want to go out. It is very frustrating when you find out what their plans are, and think they could have included you but you don't feel like you should tell them that. It's that awkward stage early in a relationship after the initial fireworks.
Author kellyp1 Posted June 13, 2005 Author Posted June 13, 2005 Alpha - I always enjoy reading your comments but by no means am I looking for a spineless yes man. I just think it was a stupid thing for him to say period. I would never say that to anyone. There are other ways to say the same thing, like having a conversation about what each person is expecting from something without being a dumba$$. How can he determine how much I like him? Does he carry a like-o-meter in his pocket? I was more wondering if I should think he was having a bad day and let it go or if I should just never speak to him again. I agree with everyone that he is seeming to be way too confident. Earlier in this same conversation, we talked about dating other people. He told me he was not dating anyone else, would not do that to me. I said, ok, me either to which he responded I know. I was again taken back and he said I was very open and he felt I would tell him if I was with someone else. Believes in himself way too much... I am not sure I completely want to write this off though so I am thinking I am just going to back off. Make myself less available (even though I have hardly made myself super available anyway) and enjoy life dating guys that have more class than this. If he calls and I am free, I might entertain hanging with him. He is actually a very considerate and fun date (opens doors, makes sure I am happy and having fun). Thanks all for your thoughts!
crazy_grl Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by kellyp1 Believes in himself way too much... I think the word you're looking for is 'cocky'. And I think a cocky guy is just as bad as a spineless guy. I am not sure I completely want to write this off though so I am thinking I am just going to back off. Make myself less available (even though I have hardly made myself super available anyway) and enjoy life dating guys that have more class than this. If he calls and I am free, I might entertain hanging with him. He is actually a very considerate and fun date (opens doors, makes sure I am happy and having fun). Probably a good choice.
Cecelius Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by kellyp1 Ok, so I was supposed to have a date last Thursday with the guy I am dating, he calls, had a bad day (which he has a lot of) but didn't want to cancel. He tells me, come over but it is going to have to be an early night because I am really tired and had a bad day. I said, that's cool, let's do Sunday instead (which we had originally discussed. Saturday was out because I had an overnight conference to attend). He says he forgot he had a bike ride Sunday that he could not get out of but that we should definately shoot for next week. No, this is not typical of him and yes, I can verify that last week was a little worse than usual for him. Anyway, he tells me he already has plans for Wednesday and we can shoot for any other day next week. At this point, bad day, week, etc. or not, I am irritated. He can make a lot of plans for other things but I become the fill-in-the-gap girl so I ask him if he has time to talk for a second, he says sure. So I ask the how are things going question to see what he is thinking. He tells me I think you like me more than I like you. At which point, I say excuse me? He immediately back pedals and says but maybe I think that way because you are more open and I really like that about you. I keep my feelings inside and you are very sharing and I think that's really cool. I really can't get past his other comment and get off the phone telling him to call me if he can fit time in his schedule (of course very cynical when I say this). Funny thing is, he calls me, I almost never call him. He initiates the dates, plans them, etc... Only thing I ever do is sometimes email (maybe a few times a week). Do I write this off as him having a really bad day or do I just let the phone ring when he calls and realize that he is a complete butt-hole? I asked two of my friends and got 2 different takes on it. -He calls you more than you call him -He initiates most dates and you don't need to do much, and don't do much -He had plans with you he wanted to keep but needed to keep in rational scope b/c of his week -He was already booked for times you wanted to reschedule (keeping in mind he wanted to keep the date) -He made an out of left field comment about who likes who more (this is a cover up; he thinks the opposite) In short, I think you may not be putting as much into this generally as he is, he senses that; in fact HE likes you more than vice versa and is pulling back b/c he realized you weren't into it that much. Further, during a hectic week of his, you can't seem to be bothered to be patient. He likes you. He fears/recognizes that he likes you more than vice versa. He doesn't want to lose rational scope of the relationship. He senses that he's working it harder than you are.
Author kellyp1 Posted June 14, 2005 Author Posted June 14, 2005 I don't call on the days he says he is busy, he calls me on the days he is not. I don't call so as to not bother him when he is busy. I initiate emailing (he does not) on some of the day days that I don't get to talk to him just to say hi and let him know I was thinking about him. And I say he wanted to keep the date but repeatedly said how tired he was. I knew he didn't really want to keep the date and when I offered an out, he quickly accepted. I have also asked him on a date before and he declines and then asks me out on a date that he gets to plan. I think he may have said his comments out of frustration but don't believe you say something like that without having had that thought in some form before. I asked how things were going (which led us to his comments) because he schedules a lot of other things and throws me in to the mix where there is time. I have a full-time job, am running my own business on the side and trying to have a social life and still make time for him because I do have strong feelings for him. I think I will probably not hear from him again, because he does not want to deal with facing what he said but I just wanted to get some feedback from the group. I do wish your comments were true but I think not. Thanks for another perspective though!
Author kellyp1 Posted June 15, 2005 Author Posted June 15, 2005 So he calls today and acts like all is normal. He tells me he really enjoys hanging out with me, has a great time. We end up picking up the conversation where we left off (against his wishes). I ask him, is there a potential 6 months, 9 months, 12 months down the road for us to grow into a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship to which he replies no. So, there is my answer. He was just setting me up for this. I just asked if the potential was there. He still wants to hang out and be friends, I said fine but no benefits. He said ok. I am so confused right now. I get this a lot from guys on how cool I am, great to hang out with, great person, sexually attracted to me but never enough to be the girlfriend. Totally sucks! I started crying when we hung up and then called him back telling him I was going to need time before I could be his friend, that I could not stand the thought of him with another woman, laying next to her in bed. Then I said goodbye but I can't stop crying or shake the empty feeling.
sarah12 Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 What a cocky ass bastard. He isn't worth your tears, nevermind a friendship. Don't answer his calls, don't email him, nothing. Don't give him the satisfaction of your company or friendship. He totally does not deserve it. Honestly, what a loser. That just makes me mad.
Author kellyp1 Posted June 15, 2005 Author Posted June 15, 2005 I don't get it. Did he think I would just stay in this forever and keep dodging the "do we have potential" question? Better to find out now that he doesn't feel it than later. Doesn't make it hurt any less but thanks for your kind words. My best friend offered to go over and kick his ass because she felt the same way (LOL). This too shall pass...
Author kellyp1 Posted July 8, 2005 Author Posted July 8, 2005 So, last night I get a late night call from the guy. He says he misses me and wants to come over so I let him (I am curious and to be honest, the good times have not left my heart). He comes over and tells me the reasons why he misses me and some of them were sweet (although he quickly went past the sweet ones). I said that's nice but I don't want to get involved in a relationship that has no potential to be more and which point he said he would not have come over if the potential was not there. He basically just freaked out because he was feeling things that he was not ready to feel yet. So... I think I might give him another chance but still date other people and see what happens. He seemed very sincere and based on things he said to me he obviously listened to everything I had said in return and thought about it during the time we were apart.
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