AnnaGem Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 So last month, I met this guy. He came on strong after one date and I told him it made me uncomfortable and he got dramatic and and said some rude things to me and needless to say, I haven't spoken to him since. Today I got a text from him. He apologized for being a jerk and said he hopes I'm doing well. I only knew this guy for 10 days, and he showed me his true colors, so I have no desire to re-engage in any relationship at all, but I don't like thinking the worst of people, so when someone I barely know reaches out with an apology, I like to assume that they mean it and acknowledge it. I simply replied: "Hey N. I appreciate the apology. All is well..hope the same for u. Thanks again for the message" He replies: "HRU, busy? Doin' any yoga???" So I replied: "I appreciate that you reached out with the apology. It was a very nice gesture. But to be honest, I would prefer if we just leave it at that and not contact each other anymore. Thanks" Was that rude? Should I have just ignored him? Some of my friends said I should have never responded to his texts at all, but I felt like it was nice of him to reach out and apologize... Thoughts? 1
Toodaloo Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Nope. He got back far more than he deserved. I don't bother at all when people are rude or nasty. Do not waste any more of your time on him. You have already wasted enough.
Gaeta Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Your reply was perfect and leaves no room for him to try again. If you had ignored him he probably would have text again and again. I don't ghost, ever. I am an adult capable of saying 'no thank you'. People that ghost are weak. 2
losangelena Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 I think what you said was fine. Very polite, and more forthright than most people are these days, so good on you. What a douchecanoe, this guy sounds like! 1
Redhead14 Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 So last month, I met this guy. He came on strong after one date and I told him it made me uncomfortable and he got dramatic and and said some rude things to me and needless to say, I haven't spoken to him since. Today I got a text from him. He apologized for being a jerk and said he hopes I'm doing well. I only knew this guy for 10 days, and he showed me his true colors, so I have no desire to re-engage in any relationship at all, but I don't like thinking the worst of people, so when someone I barely know reaches out with an apology, I like to assume that they mean it and acknowledge it. I simply replied: "Hey N. I appreciate the apology. All is well..hope the same for u. Thanks again for the message" He replies: "HRU, busy? Doin' any yoga???" So I replied: "I appreciate that you reached out with the apology. It was a very nice gesture. But to be honest, I would prefer if we just leave it at that and not contact each other anymore. Thanks" Was that rude? Should I have just ignored him? Some of my friends said I should have never responded to his texts at all, but I felt like it was nice of him to reach out and apologize... Thoughts? No, it wasn't rude, it was just honest and upfront. You needed to let him know you weren't interested anymore otherwise he'd keep reaching out. If he continues to reach out after this, then I would ignore. 1
Shining One Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 You handled it perfectly, OP. I wish more people would end things with such honesty and clarity. 1
Author AnnaGem Posted March 3, 2016 Author Posted March 3, 2016 Thanks guys! I'm trying to find a healthy balance when it comes asserting my boundaries.. it's easy to become jaded and think the worst of people, but I also don't want to be too naive.. at any rate, I appreciate the feedback! 1
Toodaloo Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Anna If people are rude or nasty before they have even got to know you they do not deserve a thing from you. Not your time, worry, upset and certainly not an explanation. You have been honest, up front and kind. Now do not waste a single more moment worrying about this. You have shown more than enough manners.
Author AnnaGem Posted March 3, 2016 Author Posted March 3, 2016 Anna If people are rude or nasty before they have even got to know you they do not deserve a thing from you. Not your time, worry, upset and certainly not an explanation. You have been honest, up front and kind. Now do not waste a single more moment worrying about this. You have shown more than enough manners. Wow.. You're absolutely right. Thank you for saying this! I need to remember this.
Toodaloo Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Wow.. You're absolutely right. Thank you for saying this! I need to remember this. Also do not be shocked if he does keep trying it on. Some of them do that. I have one that I said no to in no uncertain terms (Your manner is rude and abrasive and I will not accept that behaviour from a man who has never even met me - do not contact me again. I repeat do not contact me again) and he still texts around every 5-7 days. Sometimes its more abuse, sometimes it apologies, sometimes just "hey" type messages. I ignore them all. I hope this one just goes away (many of them do) but you owe him nothing at all. Chin up chook.
preraph Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Your response was perfect. Maybe he learned something and will become a better person because of it. If you'd taken him right back, he basically at that point knows you will "put up with him" and will try it again down the road. 1
Author AnnaGem Posted March 3, 2016 Author Posted March 3, 2016 Also do not be shocked if he does keep trying it on. Some of them do that. I have one that I said no to in no uncertain terms (Your manner is rude and abrasive and I will not accept that behaviour from a man who has never even met me - do not contact me again. I repeat do not contact me again) and he still texts around every 5-7 days. Sometimes its more abuse, sometimes it apologies, sometimes just "hey" type messages. I ignore them all. I hope this one just goes away (many of them do) but you owe him nothing at all. Chin up chook. Ugh that's intense. I had one guy who kept reaching out to remind me that he hated me and that he didn't want me to contact him.. I never had reached out to him, yet he still felt compelled to "remind" me not to.. It's pretty funny when I think about it now, but at the time it was so frustrating. I hate drama like that.
Toodaloo Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Ugh that's intense. I had one guy who kept reaching out to remind me that he hated me and that he didn't want me to contact him.. I never had reached out to him, yet he still felt compelled to "remind" me not to.. It's pretty funny when I think about it now, but at the time it was so frustrating. I hate drama like that. I know it is a drag isn't it! But I feel sorry for guys like that. Their lives must be so dull and boring. But don't worry. You did good girl! 1
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