ibPolar Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 Hello, sorry if this post is a bit long but i am having a hard time figuring out this current situation I added this woman on facebook about a year ago that I have mutual friends with and she accepted it. At that time she was in a relationship. Fast forward about 7 months and she's single again and starts liking my pics. Another couple of months pass and we finally start talking (initiated by her), we talk on the facebook messenger for hours every day, all day long. We met up twice, once just to go around some shops and for a cup of coffee, the second time for drinks. Both times we chatted, had a laugh, flirted, hugged, talked openly about sex, talked about our children growing up, etc After the two meet ups she would message me straight away saying she had a good time and sending me more regular messages, good night, good morning messages, etc Then a week or so after our last meet up she sent me a message saying she is very busy and I might not hear from her that day. Fine. That day passed and she never messaged me for over a week. So I messaged her asking where she went and she said she's sorry and has a lot going on. We exchanged two or three more messages that day and that's it. Before she was replying none stop and twice in a row if I took a while to reply. She was sending me morning and night messages and we were talking all the time, then she just basically stops? Then I saw her in public in passing and we hugged and chatted briefly before i had to go and I messaged her later that day and she asked me to come out with her again. We went for drinks again..flirting, hugging, touching and rubbing up on each other, i kissed her a few times. After that evening she messaged me a few times the next day then nothing again for 2 weeks. Even during the time we haven't been talking she's still been liking and commenting on my instagram photos, and she keeps posting things on facebook that express sorrow about how 2 people used to talk all the time and now they don't and things like that. But it was HER that stopped talking to me and slowed the communication not the other way around? So I don't get why she is posting hints and memes about being sad that she can't talk the way we used to? Now when she says she has been busy and had a lot of stuff going on, she really has so I know she is not lying. She has been through 3 health scares, losing her home, nearly losing her possessions and her job. She is currently homeless and staying with parents. Her children have been ill. She's been on medication. She's been sick with other illness, etc But the thing is even during all of that she would talk to me none stop all day and then suddenly she just stops the contact? After continuing to like my photos in the meantime while she went silent, She called me up yesterday and we chatted for over an hour. First time we've spoken in weeks. So last night after we finished talking on the phone I send her a basic good night message, she reads it and doesn't reply which implies she's about to go silent again. So what the hell is up with her? Why was she messaging me non stop and chasing me before but now she will go weeks without any contact? Is it that she just wants a shoulder to cry on while she goes through all this stuff she's got going on? I am not prepared to chase this woman, but I want to know what makes someone stop constant regular contact but still want to keep in touch with you?
smudge21 Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 As someone coming out of something similar, all I can suggest is do what you feel is right for you. I had all that attention and we seemed perfectly matched but then it went quiet and slowly faded away. No reason why, no understanding, it just happened. You can decide to hang around, be there for her, see if something changes, but I think you already know what you want to do. Just back away, let her come to you (if she wants to). Play the field in the meantime and find someone who is willing to always meet you halfway rather than expect you to do all the work. It was harder for me to do that as I developed feelings but you're still in the early days so this may be the best and easiest option for you right now.
Author ibPolar Posted March 3, 2016 Author Posted March 3, 2016 As someone coming out of something similar, all I can suggest is do what you feel is right for you. I had all that attention and we seemed perfectly matched but then it went quiet and slowly faded away. No reason why, no understanding, it just happened. You can decide to hang around, be there for her, see if something changes, but I think you already know what you want to do. Just back away, let her come to you (if she wants to). Play the field in the meantime and find someone who is willing to always meet you halfway rather than expect you to do all the work. It was harder for me to do that as I developed feelings but you're still in the early days so this may be the best and easiest option for you right now. Thanks. Part of me wants to give her the benefit of the doubt because she has had so much going on. At first I thought, oh she's just lost interest, and as I am not prepared to chase her, as I am not desperate for a relationship I'll just back away. No big deal. However, I don't get why should would continue to phone me and contact me if there was no interest there any longer. And when we do meet up she lets me kiss her and rub up on her and touch her in public, etc. If I lose interest in a girl I don't try and reach out to them, or impose myself on them.
salparadise Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 My first thought when reading this was, why is he not asking her out for a real date? She was giving you all the signals, agreeing to get coffee and so forth... saying she had a good time, etc. But instead of asking her out on a real date you say you're not going to chase. My guess is that she's thinking what's wrong with this guy... I'm giving signals left and right and all he'll do is text and hang out- no dates. Am I reading this wrong, or are you trying to get her into a relationship without asking her out and taking her on a date?
Author ibPolar Posted March 3, 2016 Author Posted March 3, 2016 My first thought when reading this was, why is he not asking her out for a real date? She was giving you all the signals, agreeing to get coffee and so forth... saying she had a good time, etc. But instead of asking her out on a real date you say you're not going to chase. My guess is that she's thinking what's wrong with this guy... I'm giving signals left and right and all he'll do is text and hang out- no dates. Am I reading this wrong, or are you trying to get her into a relationship without asking her out and taking her on a date? What's the difference in what we've already done and what we would be doing on an 'official date'? Going to watch a film instead of a drink? What we have already done when we went for a drinks is a date in my eyes..i paid for the drinks, she paid for the food, we talked a lot, kissed, hugged, talked about sex explicitly, put arms round each other, etc But in any case she has told me very explicitly that she is not into the whole love and romantic thing. She HATES when guys tell her they love her or have feelings for her. She HATES valentines day and things like that. She HATES when people bring up romantic memories of when they first met and all this stuff. So how do you expect me to deal with it? She hates compliments, she hates flattery, she hates romantic epithets of any kind, she hates when guys call her 'babe' and call her beautiful etc etc. So in my eyes keeping the whole subject of going on overly sentimental dates 'unofficial' is what she wants.
fitnessfan365 Posted March 3, 2016 Posted March 3, 2016 (edited) In my experience, when a woman's truly interested you'll never be unsure. They make it pretty obvious and stay in your orbit. What's the difference in what we've already done and what we would be doing on an 'official date'? Going to watch a film instead of a drink? What we have already done when we went for a drinks is a date in my eyes..i paid for the drinks, she paid for the food, we talked a lot, kissed, hugged, talked about sex explicitly, put arms round each other, etc But in any case she has told me very explicitly that she is not into the whole love and romantic thing. She HATES when guys tell her they love her or have feelings for her. She HATES valentines day and things like that. She HATES when people bring up romantic memories of when they first met and all this stuff. So how do you expect me to deal with it? She hates compliments, she hates flattery, she hates romantic epithets of any kind, she hates when guys call her 'babe' and call her beautiful etc etc. So in my eyes keeping the whole subject of going on overly sentimental dates 'unofficial' is what she wants. Also based on all of this, she sounds REALLY high maintenance and nothing but trouble. Now of course, it all comes down to what you want. But any girl with that many demands and hoops to jump through sounds like a pain in the ass. Edited March 3, 2016 by fitnessfan365
Author ibPolar Posted March 5, 2016 Author Posted March 5, 2016 In my experience, when a woman's truly interested you'll never be unsure. They make it pretty obvious and stay in your orbit. Also based on all of this, she sounds REALLY high maintenance and nothing but trouble. Now of course, it all comes down to what you want. But any girl with that many demands and hoops to jump through sounds like a pain in the ass. Well she hasn't explicitly said those things to me but that's what I've gauged from talking to her and from what she posts on social media. She basically says that she is cold and emotionless and that in turn leads me to believe that if start talking about being all loved up, dating, being in a relationship, etc it will push her away.
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