Self-destructive ex-girlfriend who broke up with me acts she's fine

[nudaveritas]

First of al, excuse me for my English. I am not a native speaker.

 

Me (19yo) and my ex-girlfriend (16yo) were in a relationship for 3 months (i know thats not very long) but it were the most crazy 3 months ever...

The whole story is actually very long but i will make it as short as possible

 

-We dated for like 3 weeks before we were official. In my opinion, this is way to fast. I told her multiple times during the relationship we are going to fast but it didn't help. (she kept asking for attention/came looking for me when i tried to study/work and I felt socially isolated from my friends.

-During the first 2 weeks we were official, she said she needed to tell me something. She said she HAD many problems 2 years ago. She used to do self harm (cut herself). After a month or so her leg was covered with crusts. I Asked what happend and she said that she tried to wash herself in the shower with a stone but that she did it a little bit to hard... She also has a problem with biting in her own cheeks. But not just a little bit, realy A PROBLEM. One time she cried and hugged me. After we stopped hugging I saw she bit in her arm so hard that there was a purple spot. During the relationship she started to get eczema en scratched herself 'till it began to bleed. So it is pretty obvious she still has problems related to self harm.

 

-After sex she often cried. Saying things like:"you let me forget my pain", "I want to have a future with you", "I hope one day I can have your children". I was thinking like: girl.... You only know me for 6 weeks or so...??

 

-Almost 2 years ago she had her first boyfriend. They were together for 6 months. He broke up with her because he couldn't handle the situation with her cutting herself. He thought she did it because of him (I also had the feeling she did this crazy stuff because of her relationship with me). She had 3 rebounds after him. All lasted for like 2-3 months with intervals also of 2-3 months.

 

-One month before we started dating, her first boyfriend started to talk to her again after 1 year of no contact. She logged on to her Facebook on my phone and forgot to log out. I opened "my" Facebook after a week, and saw that i had some messages. Still thinking that I was on my Facebook account I clicked on it and saw her ex messaging her exactly at that moment:"hey when are we going to see that movie together at your place?". I opened the messagebox and saw he said things to her like:"you are cute" she responded:"yes you too, realy realy cute )" I took screenshots of the conversation and logged out.

 

-I wanted to break up then but didn't said it to her. I confronted her with the screenshots. She said that he helped her during her "difficult period" and she is just very thankful. She said she doesn't want him back and that the things she said to him weren't ment that way. Against my better judgement in I said I understand (but was very cautious from then on).

 

-One day she skipped a lesson at school. She was with me during that time. I told her like 3 or 4 times she realy should go to her lesson but she didn't want to. After 30 minutes the teacher called her (it is a private lesson) and I walked with her to her lesson. Her teacher looked very pissed at me and asked:"so you wanted to keep her for yourself?!" I didn't go in discussion with her but only told the teacher that I told her 4 times to go to her lesson but she didn't want to. I walked away and looked at my phone. 6 missed calles from my girlfriends mother.... I called her back. She asked me if I knew where her daughter is. I said that she was al that time with me and ignored my advice to go to her lesson. Her mother began to shout at me, saying that all these strange things started to happen the moment she started dating me... Their parents wanted to talk to us after school. The whole conversation took like 5 hours... I was sitting there saying nothing. Her parrents asked her why she didn't go to class. She answered that she was thinking about the universe and that she is upset about the fact she cannot know if the cosmos and all living beings are controlled by a computer and started to panic. Then the discussion ended in:"how do we know if Australia exists if we have never been there for a holiday?" (background info. She is highly intelligent. Went to special schools. And loves philosophy, psychology and science. Her mother and grandmother both had psychological problems we even discussed it one time because it is possible that she has it to since it is a genetic thing). Eventually, her mother began to cry. Girlfriend began to cry. Even daddy began to cry... And I was sitting there like:"...........". It was a drama... I went home and was sure I realy had to break up with her.

 

-There was no contact for 3 days. And after that. She broke up with me.... She said she thinks our ideas are too different and that she felt forced to make choices she didn't want to make (I encouraged her to study something else because she one time cried saying she wanted to dance again. I told her that if that realy is what her hart says she has to do, then she should do it.) and she said that was angry because I said I didn't like that she hangs out with her ex that often, especially because they clearly flirt with eachother. I reacted very calmly and said: "okay fine". I gave her a kiss on her forehead and wished her the best. The next day she put al my clothes and my toothbrush in my pigeonhole with a note saying she wants her book back. I felt guilty because I thought I gave her the idea that she meant nothing to me. I invited her to the park to talk. I brought a blanket, pillows, thea, food, a card saying that i really care about her and that I don't want to lose her. She was very pissed. She said I acted arrogant, selfish, and belittling. I told her I was sorry and even cried. She also dropped a tear saying that she forgives but will never forget..... (???). The days after she was extremely weird. I saw her smiling to herself for like 2 minutes in a mirror. She also was constantly with her ex. Her ex walked after her like a dog the whole time.

 

-The next day there was a note in my pigeonhole. Saying that she thinks it is beter to have no contact for a month and that after that we maybe can hang out together again but we now both have time to calm down and that she realy cares a lot about me. The same evening she texted me, trying to have a casual conversation. I replied every time after a couple of hours or since I realy was confused by then. After one week we talked face to face (I walked to her) asking what she wants from me. She said she wanted more time but doesn't mind to have a little bit of contact. I said sorry for disturbing her and walked away. We had again an casual conversation after a week. I told her that I now have a job as a volunteer. She said: "well well, you make progress". I just said: uhm... Thank you?. And than she began to brag about how wonderful her live is now. She told that her eczema is gone and that it probably was stress. (maybe stress from our relationship)

 

-I realised that her behavior is really ridiculous and decided that I had to tell her what I thought of this everything. After 2 days she walked towards me and came with a lame excuse asking me what time it is because her phone was in another room. Again she began to talk about how good and bussy her life is. I told her i wanted to talk to her. I said her that I felt that i was being used to fill an emotional hole (probably i just was another rebound). I said that I became irritated during the relationship because she asked so much attention from me and that I did my best to put all my time in her. She interrupted me saying that it is really over for her. I told her that it is really over for me too and told her that I know she is just insecure about herself and that she constantly seeks for attention and recognition and at the moment someone isn't able to give it to her anymore she throws that person away (probably the reason why she doesn't realy have friends which I realy feel sorry for her). I said that she doesn't know what love is and that she can only love someone else if she first truly loves herself (and not fakes it) (I don't say I know what love since I am only 19 but I have an idea). I said I lost trust in her because she moved so fast and said things like that i made her forget her pain etc. And I said to her I did nothing wrong during the breakup and that she just tries to make me feel guilty in the hope that I will give her attention. She looked at me very angry and with a face like she wanted to kill me and was clearly trying not to cry. She said she didn't want to talk anymore and send me away and said something in our language that is similar to:"good luck with your life, since we won't speak each other anymore". I ordered weeks before the breakup a book for us. One for her and one for me so we can read it together. The day after this conversation I put the book in her pigeonhole with a note:"take time to discover yourself". And with that I thought I ended it well and made my point clear.

 

-After one week (this week) (one month after the breakup) she came to me and told me she was very happy with the book. She said she read it once and she now is reading it for the second time. She said she wanted to thank me earlier but she didn't want to send me a message with thanks but wanted to thank me in person. I just said your welcome and kept texting on my phone with a friend of mine. She kept talking about how her week was but I only gave her half of my attention. On facebook i saw she will go to a party this weekend in some kind of pub or something. The adress is clearly shown on the fb page but then she asked me:"yeah do you know where that pub is?" (I think she just want to let me know she is going to party this weekend I mean why would she ask me??). I just said I heared from the place but don't know where it is. Than I saw friends of mine and just walked away from her to chat with them. Later that day I was reading the book while she walked by and said:"well almost finished the book too" and smiled to her. She laughed like a girl who laughs at a realy bad joke of a guy. I was sitting with a girl and stopped reading the book and began to talk with her. i could see in the corner of my eye that she wanted to walk towards me but then walked away when is started talking to the girl.

 

I've done some research and i think it is possible that she has a personality disorder because: -She used to dress way to sexy for a normal school day (always high heels full dress). -Braged about her sexlife during the dating period. -Clearly lies a lot -Self harm (common for borderline personality disorder. I've experience with people who where diagnosed with personality dissorders) -Talked a couple of times about her exes -loved to tease me by touching other guys in front of me and said things like: watch out maybe I'll go for him. She also told me about her great achievement that one of her rebounds wanted to stay virgin 'till marriage but that he didn't succed that goal because of her... -she acts creepy by looking into the mirror for a long time. -always talks about herself (also during the relationship) -plays a victim -tries to make me look like the weirdo -if you tell her how you feel she sees it as criticism and feels offended because in her eyes it looks s if you say that she is imperfect. (she even told me that herself she does that "sometimes") -She uses people for her ego (also this she told me herself and that she is working on it) -More obvious signs

I didn't even asks her about the last two things. she told me out of her self while we had the conversation about her self harm that she does these kind of things and that she is working on it. So she clearly is aware of her problems.

 

I also think is just was a rebound and I dont think I have to explain that any further...

 

Well my questions are:....

 

What does she want from me?!?

Is she realy over me or just pretending she is?

Is she trying to make me jealous?

Does she want me to come to the party?

Why does she still wants my attention and let me know how fantastic her life is?

What does she want from her ex?

Should I be concerned aboud the fact that there is obviously something wrong with her mental health?

I still care for her. Should I care?

Was I a rebound?

 

If you have come this far... Thanks for reading my story and hope you all can give me answers to my questions and maybe you can give tips about what to do with this situation (I actually don't know if I want to be friends with her or contact or whatever).

 

Thanks a lot

Edited March 3, 2016 by nudaveritas