Is this guy moving too fast/nuts?

March 3, 2016

So, I met this guy on match.com. He winked at me then I messaged him. We talked on there for a few days, then we texted for a few days. Then we talked on the phone, first convo was an hour, then another convo was a half hour. He asked me out and we went to this diner. Our first date was Monday and lasted 6.5 hours. We ate, then sat and talked. We had a nice time, he was happy someone finally stayed and talked to him that long. Later that night he texted me saying he had a nice time, hopes to get to know me more.

For the past two nights we talked for an hour on the phone. He said he told his coworkers, parents and grandparents about me. He said his grandma wants to meet me, but he told her we're not there yet, but it seemed like he was waiting for me to say no I'll met her. I told him my favorite song on the date. He told me tonight he made a specialized ring tone for me on his phone to my favorite song.

Does he seem to be coming on too strong, moving too fast? Is this normal behavior?

Edited March 3, 2016 by ilovemusic3

March 3, 2016

He may be socially awkward or clingy, but well meaning. Unless he does something violent, I wouldnt peg him as a psycho. Just tell him you'd like to take it slow and savor the journey. But the minute anything violent is expressed (if at all), run.

March 3, 2016

He may be socially awkward or clingy, but well meaning. Unless he does something violent, I wouldnt peg him as a psycho. Just tell him you'd like to take it slow and savor the journey. But the minute anything violent is expressed (if at all), run.

Why do you say he could become violent?

March 3, 2016

Why do you say he could become violent?

Just reminds me of a date gone awry that I had. Guy wanted to like take me on cross country trips and have me move in with him after meeting me for the first time. Creep locked me in the car, did unwanted touching, and I was stuck with that nut repeating "no" for hours until he finally let me go after having a crying fit. I'm lucky he let me go, that could have gone ugly. So be careful.

March 3, 2016

Just reminds me of a date gone awry that I had. Guy wanted to like take me on cross country trips and have me move in with him after meeting me for the first time. Creep locked me in the car, did unwanted touching, and I was stuck with that nut repeating "no" for hours until he finally let me go after having a crying fit. I'm lucky he let me go, that could have gone ugly. So be careful.

That's scary, sorry that happened to you. Did he seem normal in the beginning? Does he remind you of my guy?

March 3, 2016

he was happy someone finally stayed and talked to him that long.

Where did you get that from? Did he actually tell you that?

If he actually said that, then yes, there's something "damaged" about him. Normal people just know you don't say stuff like that. Nobody wants to be the one who finally saves a loser from total social death.

However... were you not there willingly with him all those hours? You messaged on match.com "for a few days." Then you texted "for a few days." Then you have hour-long conversations. Then you have a first date that last six and a half hours. If you were in his shoes, wouldn't you think the girl was into you?

And now you're here, wondering what's wrong with him? Hell, what's wrong with you? If you're not feeling what he's feeling, why have you prolonged this for so long? You should have acted mercifully and nipped it in the bud.

March 3, 2016

Tell him you want to take it slow and see how it goes. I assume you kind of like him, no?

Just don't ghost. Nobody needs that. Trust me.

March 3, 2016

Sounds unsure of himself and therefore is probably overthinking every single little detail which in turn leads to acting in odd ways. I can look back on my own actions at times with new girls and see that I come on too strong but then also back off too far. It's hard for us guys to judge, just like I'm sure it's hard for everyone at first. You're two strangers who are just starting to know each other so there's bound to be differences. Just take the lead a bit and be honest with him. If you feel it's too much too soon, then explain that to him but make it clear you do want to see where it goes. I'd much rather hear "you're coming on a bit strong" rather than "you came on a bit strong", if you get what I'm saying there.

March 3, 2016

I don't think so. If he changed his FB profile picture to you, started talking about finding a bedroom set together and was wondering what baby names you like then I would start to get a little worried. What you described is just a guy who is a little excited.

March 3, 2016

I think it just sounds like he lacks confidence so far based on what you posted. One other possibility I haven't seen anyone mention is that some guys will come on strong to get you to drop your guard and think a relationship is forming as a ploy to get you into bed on an earlier date.

Just take things slow if you want to keep seeing him and time will reveal what you need to know.

March 3, 2016

I think it's somewhat ok. I wouldn't mind the level of contact up to the first date--that sounds normal if a guy is into you. And then you had a good date so the contact afterward sounds normal. Just a word of caution--I don't think you should talk on the phone that much now that you've had the date. It will kinda suck the real life excitement out of it. Go on dates and do things together if you would like to see him a few times a week. I think if his personality is sweet, cute and open it's ok that he said the stuff about telling his family about you. The thing that would bother me is about the ring tone that sounds clingy and yes moving too fast. You don't want someone who is desperate to have a gf and slot you into that spot (as if they are hollow without). You want someone who is wow'd by you but 100% a complete and stable person not using you as the substitute for the emptiness he feels or insecurity. So just pay attention that that is not what is happening. Maybe he is just excited (perhaps overly). If you talk to him every day, you are going to have an instant bf--is that what you want?

Also if you were swept up in the excitement the same as he was, I don't think you would be asking this question. Trust your gut. If you want to give him a chance but his pace is faster than yours, just tell him you like to take things slower. Good luck

March 3, 2016

If he actually said that, then yes, there's something "damaged" about him. Normal people just know you don't say stuff like that. Nobody wants to be the one who finally saves a loser from total social death.

That's a bit harsh. They met on match.com. One of my friends dated so many women off that site, and the bad experiences kept mounting until he met his wife. Maybe the guy had some real terrible dates and was just trying to express that it was such a nice thing he finally connected with someone.

I'm just trying to give the guy the benefit of the doubt.

March 3, 2016

It sounds a little overwhelming, but too soon to really peg him as anything.

Hopefully the next couple of dates will unveil to you that he was just excited and nervous about finally connecting with someone and he'll respect whatever speed you're comfortable with and you'll both enjoy watching the relationship grow

OR

The next couple of dates will cause him to become more clingy and controlling and he'll randomly want to stop by his parents house after your second date, and you'll have no choice but to meet them and his grandparents. And then by date 4 he's upset because you want to take things slow and then he'll cry about how he's never met anyone like you and blame his past for making him so awkward around someone he's fallen madly in love it (read: psycho).

Take it slow, pay attention and don't ignore your gut is all I can tell you at this point.

March 3, 2016

I think this guy is one that is going to go "poof".

Steady him up a bit.

March 3, 2016

Thank you everyone for all your replies.

I do like him and think he is a good guy. The ringtone and grandma comment just threw me.

At the end of the date he said he was happy someone finally stayed and listened to him.

He has said he has some trust issues because his mom cheated on his dad, brother had been cheated on. He said he hasn't dated much because he was worried a girl would cheat on him. He also said he doesn't really know what pace he should go because he is rusty in dating.

I will keep dating him, just be on the look out. I just wanted to hear what others thought of this. I also have trouble dating, so I always don't know what's normal for a guy to be doing or saying.

March 3, 2016

Thank you everyone for all your replies.

I do like him and think he is a good guy. The ringtone and grandma comment just threw me.
At the end of the date he said he was happy someone finally stayed and listened to him.

He has said he has some trust issues because his mom cheated on his dad, brother had been cheated on. He said he hasn't dated much because he was worried a girl would cheat on him. He also said he doesn't really know what pace he should go because he is rusty in dating.

I will keep dating him, just be on the look out. I just wanted to hear what others thought of this. I also have trouble dating, so I always don't know what's normal for a guy to be doing or saying.

Yeah i got that vibe. He's sweet and a little insecure which may lead him to be a touch clingy. Just watch it and trust your gut. He needs to be careful with the clingy or it may turn you off which is why I recommend not talking so much on the phone or allowing yourself to be dragged into an insta-relationship. Just go on dates together and set a pace you are comfortable with.

March 3, 2016

So, I met this guy on match.com. He winked at me then I messaged him. We talked on there for a few days, then we texted for a few days. Then we talked on the phone, first convo was an hour, then another convo was a half hour. He asked me out and we went to this diner. Our first date was Monday and lasted 6.5 hours. We ate, then sat and talked. We had a nice time, he was happy someone finally stayed and talked to him that long. Later that night he texted me saying he had a nice time, hopes to get to know me more.

For the past two nights we talked for an hour on the phone. He said he told his coworkers, parents and grandparents about me. He said his grandma wants to meet me, but he told her we're not there yet, but it seemed like he was waiting for me to say no I'll met her. I told him my favorite song on the date. He told me tonight he made a specialized ring tone for me on his phone to my favorite song.

Does he seem to be coming on too strong, moving too fast? Is this normal behavior?

I hate to say it, but that bit about already telling his parents and grandparents about you is NUTS. Sounds like someone who's never had a real girlfriend or dated much. I know a guy who used to be like that, and with him at least that was just the tip of the iceberg. He had all sorts of obsessive problems, from OCD to compulsive collecting, and surveillance, etc.

The problem here is he's either so desperate that he'd fall for any woman OR he's fallen for the ideal woman that lives in his head and will assume you are that woman and then come crashing down when you are not. Because no one is that woman. That's the more likely scenario. He is not even waiting to get to know you before he's talking about introducing you to the family. So you see, he either has no standards because of desperation or he assumes you fit his delusion. Neither is healthy.

You need to, at minimum, tell him flat out, Hey, I'm not meeting your family unless we get to know each other and decide there's something there, because we don't even know each other yet. And find out about his history. I bet it's weird. Sorry to say so...find out his last girlfriend, how long, etc.

March 4, 2016

He texted me this morning, then we talked an hour again tonight. I always have to end the convo, seems like he could talk forever. We've talked 12 hours since Monday b/w phone, text and 6.5 hours in person. Is this too much, should I not answer the phone tomorrow?

He read me some quotes tonight he thought were funny or interesting, one was, "why you so quiet?" "because you can't plan a murder out loud"

Is this okay to say or think is interesting?

March 4, 2016

He texted me this morning, then we talked an hour again tonight. I always have to end the convo, seems like he could talk forever. We've talked 12 hours since Monday b/w phone, text and 6.5 hours in person. Is this too much, should I not answer the phone tomorrow?

He read me some quotes tonight he thought were funny or interesting, one was, "why you so quiet?" "because you can't plan a murder out loud"

Is this okay to say or think is interesting?

Quotes like that can be taken both ways. Thats not bothering me.

I have to say I do think this guy is using you as a therapist rather than approaching this as a relationship... He seems to have some really big hang ups.

I am also still thinking that he is future faking and fast forwarding your relationship before he gets to know you (it all seems to be him banging on at the moment so he isn't really getting to know you... just talking to you - a lot).

I think he is one that is going to disappear suddenly. He will probably use the "emotions are all so overwelming" excuse.

Sorry OP but I do not see this as a lasting thing and you seem to be acting a bit like a savior to him...

I think you need to take this whole thing with a pinch of salt and just not get attached. Been there with guys like this and they disappear all the time. Protect yourself because its as confusing as hell when they do.

March 4, 2016

Sounds to me as though he is desperate for a relationship & is determined to lock down the first real prospect to have come along.

I would advise holding on to your heart. Take things very slowly. Let him focus on getting to know you not just your availability.

March 4, 2016

He texted me this morning, then we talked an hour again tonight. I always have to end the convo, seems like he could talk forever. We've talked 12 hours since Monday b/w phone, text and 6.5 hours in person. Is this too much, should I not answer the phone tomorrow?

He read me some quotes tonight he thought were funny or interesting, one was, "why you so quiet?" "because you can't plan a murder out loud"

Is this okay to say or think is interesting?

I warned you not to make these nightly phone calls a habit. Now if you don't answer or want to get off the phone he will see it as you are pulling back. You already sound like you want to escape him--at least from that part. They suck the life out of even a promising relationship. Don't do them. Do things in person. You two are killing the spark

March 4, 2016

It's only weird and creepy if you find it weird and creepy. Personally I wouldn't be scared off yet and probably even flattered. But I'm nicer and more naive than a lot of people...

March 4, 2016

Sounds to me as though he is desperate for a relationship & is determined to lock down the first real prospect to have come along.

I would advise holding on to your heart. Take things very slowly. Let him focus on getting to know you not just your availability.

I have to agree here and looking at OP's previous posts, she also seems to be pretty desperate. It just might work.

March 4, 2016

Are you enjoying these phone conversations or are they bothering you?

I get the sense that it's too much for you, so regardless of how to define this guy, it sounds like you need to respect your boundaries. However, it sounds like this guy is making it difficult for you to do that, so my gut feeling is that this isn't going to work out. It sounds like he's digging the connection and at the rate this is going, he's just going to suffocate it/you.

I'd step back, listen to yourself, make some boundaries and see how he responds to them. If he's supportive, and you feel good about it- keep going slowly.

If he reacts negatively, or even in a positive way, yet you still feel off, then move on from him.

March 4, 2016

Thanks again for all your replies. I do like him and I enjoy talking to him. I think he's a nice guy. He is a talker and I sometimes run out of stuff to say. I just didn't know if this is a normal pace taking so much the first week.

I know he probably has some trust issues. He is big on religion (Christian) He goes on and on about how a girl should be treated and how he wants to get married and have kids in the next few years. He is in the process of buying the house he lives in with a old lady. The old lady is like a mother to him and she is going into a home soon.

He says he hasn't dated much and is inexperienced. He kind of told me on the first date he's a virgin.

He texts me and asks is it ok to call. He never ends the convos. After an hour I usually say I'm tired or going to watch tv.

I'm not desperate, just do want to date.

Most guys I've been out with don't like me after meeting me, so it just threw me a little how much this guy is in to me.

I just get concerned when things might not be normal.

Thanks again for all your help, I really need it.

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Is this guy moving too fast/nuts?

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